You are not alone
by rolly21
Summary: Meredith starts her internship married to Mark, being the step daughter of the Chief and having your mother as the head of General surgery. Life kind of sucks as they tackle the bumps in the road. Ellis friendly
1. first days

New fic, hope u like it  
I don't own greys

Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol  
We'll do it all  
Everything  
On our own  
We don't need  
Anything  
Or anyone

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know  
How to say  
How I feel

Those three words  
I said too much  
They're not enough

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time  
Chasing cars  
Around our heads

I need your grace  
to remind me  


to find my own

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am  
All that I ever was  
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where  
Confused about how as well  
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

"Shit! Shit! Shit"

Meredith struggled to pull herself free from his arms without waking him. She needed to go to work.

"Babe" he mumbled in his sleep whilst reaching out for her.

"I'm late" she exclaims, pulling herself away and running into the bathroom.

Meredith quickly showers before running back into the room to get dressed.

"Mer come back to bed" he groaned.

"I can't, I'm late, which isn't what you should be on your first day of work." Meredith tells him, as she finishes getting dressed. She quickly grabs her things before returning to his side. She bends down to give him a quick kiss. He takes this chance to pull her into a passionate kiss.

"Mmmm..." she moans, as he pulls her down onto the bed.

Realising what she was doing, she rushes to push him away.

"Mark" she grumbles, "I've got to go!"

Finally finding her feet, she runs to the door. "Wish me luck" she said, as she ran out of the room.

Meredith made it to the hospital to catch the last half of the chief's speech. She felt like she was in complete awe. This was her new playing field, and she definitely wanted in on the game.

After all the interns made their way to their locker room, they changed into their scrubs. Meredith was feeling nervous about today. She had met some of the people at the mixer last night, and as much as she wanted to be their friend, she had been instilled with a fierce competitive streak, and as her mother taught her, they were her competition.

One of the interns that she had met last night came up to her. He looked cute, a bit young, and he seemed to be trying to talk to her, but her nervousness had her completely blank. Nothing he said registered.

It wasn't until her name was called by the resident that she clicked; she smiled at the guy that had been talking to her, before she made her way to the door.

Meredith along with 3 other interns 'Yang', 'Stevens' and 'O'Malley' made their way to their resident 'Dr Bailey'.

Meredith was taken aback by the tough bossy speech given by her resident. Who was a short African American woman, who Meredith wouldn't want to cross. She figured that her and her fellow interns were going to be kept on their toes.

They had a busy morning and Meredith had been given Katie Bryce, a 

patient suffering from seizures. This beauty queen teen was hers to look after. She was the kind of girl Meredith had hated when she was at high school, and it seemed she still disliked them even now, being a doctor.

Meredith made her way to the cafeteria, she spotted the other interns in a deep conversation. She could tell that they were talking about her being the 'famous' Ellis Grey's daughter, and in that would come the fact that her step father was the Chief Dr Richard Webber.

Meredith nodded her head at them, before sitting down at a table across the other side of the cafeteria. 'Huh' she thought 'wait until they meet my husband', and as if right on cue, there he was.

She felt him put his hand on her shoulder. Meredith looked up at him and smiled. "Hey" she whispered as he bent down and kissed her. He moved around and sat next to her. "How's it going sweetie?" he asked, leaning in to kiss her again. They had always been an overly affectionate couple.

"I have been looking after a beauty queen teen." she laughed, "who is killing me."

He laughed at her.

They continued their lunch with their usual banter. So far the interns would just think that he was her partner who had come to visit to eat lunch with her. Mark was still in his street clothes, as he had not yet 

gone to change into his scrubs.

They were interrupted by her pager going off. "Love you!" she said quickly as she jumped up and ran off.

Mark sat back and chuckled. 'The life of a surgeon', he thought, as he got up and put their rubbish in the bin. He could feel the eyes of all the interns looking at him. He looked over at them and smiled. Mark had to resist the temptation to go over there and introduce himself as Meredith's husband. He knew she would flip out if he did. So he just turned and made his way to his office, before going and changing into his scrubs.

Meredith was lucky to e able to scrub in with Dr Derek Shepherd . He was doing brain surgery on Katie Bryce. She felt like she had offended people by being picked for this surgery.

Standing in the O.R was an exhilarating feeling. A complete buzz over took her as he called her over to the table so she could look at what he was doing.

"Nervous?" he asked her  
"A little" she replied quietly  
"Don't worry" he whispered. "Markies proud, and you're in here with your brother in law, and your parents are looking on." He lifted his head and nodded it towards the gallery.

Meredith looked up. Standing at the back of the Gallery resting back in the arms of her husband was her mother. She was looking on with approval as Richard nodded his head at her.

"Crap" she whispered

All the interns were gathered in the gallery. "They're already talking about me you know. All the other interns that is..." she swallowed hard. "Let alone what they're going to think when they find out Mark is my husband." she told him.

"He had lunch with me today, but they wouldn't have known who he was, as he didn't start his shift until after lunch. Plus he was still in his street clothes."

Derek nodded. "Mer, why don't you just tell them before they find out?"

He looked at her before looking back at what he was doing.

"I don't know why I didn't just register as Dr Sloan rather than Grey. That way it wouldn't be there for them to discover." She told him.

"Speak of the devil" Derek said, as he looked up at the gallery again.

"Oh God" she muttered, as she watched Mark walk in and stand next 

to her mother and father.

Mark waved down at her, and she raised her hand slightly. The other interns noticed this and turned to see Mark with her Parents. When they turned back around she could see the look of shock on their faces.

"It's out now Der." she whispered.

Both returned their focus to the surgery as she helped 'Dr Shepherd' or her 'Der' throughout the rest of the surgery. Her nerves gave way, and the thrill had taken over by the time she was done.

As they scrubbed out her parents and Mark came in to congratulate her on her first time in the O.R

"How does it feel?" Richard asked as he gave her a quick hug. He had a big grin on his face.

"Amazing" she replied.

"Congratulations Meredith" her mum quickly told her before giving her a hug. Her mother, Ellis, was not known for being a physical person, and Meredith was quite shocked by her mother's embrace, that when it finally registered she only briefly got a chance to savour it.

Richards return to her mother's side when he had finally got the 

courage to divorce his wife Adele had really changed her mother for the better.

Both her parents left, but not before inviting her and Mark over for tea.

Mark then let her finish scrubbing out while he talked to Derek.

When Meredith had finished Derek excused himself, kissing her on the cheek as he left. Mark then turned to Meredith and embraced her. "Dr Sloan" he whispered in her ear, before nibbling on it. " Mmmm" she moaned in reply. "I'm proud of you." he told her. He then moved his head and crushed his mouth onto hers. Her lips parted, letting his tongue move into her mouth, caressing her. The kiss deepened as he pressed her up against the sink. Meredith's hands wrapped around his neck as his hands stroked the skin exposed at her waist.

"Mer" he groaned, as she fought to regain composure, and pushed him away.

"Mark" she said as she struggled to get her breathing under control. "I've got to do the post op notes" she whispered as his lips met hers. "Besides we can't do this here." she groaned as she pushed him away again. "Tonight though... I promise." she whispered before giving him one last kiss, and moving towards the door.

"I will hold you to that promise Dr Sloan" he said with a smug look on his face, as they both stood in the door way. "You know I don't back out of a promise Dr Sloan." she replied with a cheeky grin as she turned and walked away.

Meredith had finished her post op notes, then filled the remainder of her shift doing sutures in the pit. She caught glimpses of Mark as she floated around the hospital, and noticed the looks she was getting from the other interns. So much so that she dreaded returning to the locker room at the end of her shift.

Meredith hesitated at the door to the locker room. "They won't bit" Bailey told her before giving her a push through the door.

Meredith was greeted by 3 shocked faces. They watched her as she grabbed her street clothes out of her locker and made her way to the showers.

"What no comment" they asked her as she walked past them.

"What do you want me to say?" she asked them

The doctor 'yang' seemed to be the only one to rise to the challenge. "Is it not enough that your step father is the chief of surgery? You also then have to sleep with an attending?" Yang put forward, glaring at her.

Meredith's eyes tightened in to focus on her. "I got here based on my marks, not based on who my father or mother is. And the attending that you just mentioned is not someone who I am just sleeping with, he is my husband. I am Dr Meredith Grey - Sloan. Thank you she 

responded sharply.

Yang just gawked at her, "Ok then..." O'Malley jumped in, breaking the tension between the two.

Meredith showered and changed, leaving the locker room without saying anything more. She wasn't too pleased with how her first day went. The work was great, but she couldn't say she was going to be best friends with any of her colleagues.

Meredith met Derek and Mark in the elevator. She forced a smile, but relaxed in Marks arms. "First day didn't go so well?" Mark asked as he rubbed her shoulders.

"Let's just say I'm not going to be bringing any new friends home any time soon." she muttered.

Mark sighed, this was exactly what she had worried about. "Don't worry about them." both Derek and Mark said at the same time.

"It easy for you guys to say. But you're not stuck with them on the long shifts." she groaned.

Mark continued to rub her shoulders, and kissed her lightly on her head. He knew there wasn't much that he could say to comfort her.  
"Don't forget about tea at mums" she told him as they exited the elevator.


	2. not tonight

Meredith and Mark made their way to her mother's house. The drive was quiet, as Meredith continued to think about her situation. Mark glanced over at her. He knew he couldn't say anything to cheer her up, so he reached over and put his hand on her thigh.

Meredith turned her head, no longer looking out the window. As she looked at Mark, tears welled in her eyes This was not how her first day should have gone. Trying to fight back the tears, she turned her head back to look out the widow.

Mark squeezed her thigh. Surprised Meredith put her hand over his, squeezing it back. "I'm ok" she said quietly.

Mark turned his hand over, taking hold of hers. He lifted it to his mouth, kissing it gently.

Mark looked at her again. He had been so happy that day 4 yrs ago, when she became his wife. Meredith was the love of his life, and it pained him to see her so upset.

Feeling his gaze on her, she turned to look at him, she tied to smile, but couldn't. Instead a tear escaped. Meredith hated crying, she had 

been taught that it was a sign of weakness.

"Oh Mer" Mark said, as he pulled into her mother's drive way. He turned off the car, and quickly jumped out and moved around to open her door.

She looked at him, not knowing what to say. She had never been good at expressing her feelings She had been taught not to.

Mark wiped away the tear that was just escaping her eyes. Running his finger over her cheek, he let out a sigh. He leaned in tilting hr head ever so slightly and kissed her. The kiss was reassuring, his way of letting her know that things will sort themselves out. He then let her get out of the car and he pulled her into his arms.

Mark held her to him for a while. It was helping to calm her down. He knew that she would pull away when she was ready, but until then, all he could do was hold her and offer comforting words.

Meredith pulled herself together, stepping back from him. She turned and quickly looked at herself in the car mirror, making sure that her eyes were not red and puffy. She then turned to him and reached for his hand. Holding on tight as she closed her door and made their way to the front door of her mother's house.  


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The dinner had gone surprisingly well considering all Meredith wanted to do was drink herself senseless and forget all about her troubles.

Her mother had spotted that she was upset, but had managed to catch the glances shot to her by Richard and Mark, and decided to drop it. Ellis figured that she would ask Mark tomorrow, even though she already had her own suspicions. She had seen the looks on the interns faces when they had watched Meredith wave at mark.

Meredith walked inside her home, dropping her bag at the front door. She headed straight for the bar. Mark followed close behind her, already knowing what was coming next.

Mark walked up behind her as she took her first shot of tequila. He put his arm around her waist and nestled his head into her neck, kissing her lightly. As Meredith went to raise the 2nd shot to her mouth Mark caught it."Only one tonight Mer" e told her, as he took her shot instead. He moved forward putting the shot glass down. Mark then put the lid back on the botte before returning it to the liquor cabinet.

Meredith turned grumbling, all she wanted to do was drink the night 

away, and for some reason Mark was not going to let her.

"Not tonight!" He called out after her, as he heard her grumbles. "I'm not going to watch you do this to yourself tonight." He watched her stop where she was.

Mark knew that he was now going to fight with him. He had prepared himself for this.

"How dare you!" she turned and bellowed.

"I dare because you are my wife." he said to her, trying not to yell back.

"Wow! I have been for 4 years and you haven't had a problem with my drinking before." she yelled. hr knuckles turning white as she clenched her fists in anger.

"Yeah, but tonight you problem is that your drinking away me and our marriage, isn't that the cause of the problem today." this time he yelled from frustration.

Meredith flinched, not only did these words cut her, but he didn't often yell at her. "It's not that and you know it." she muttered.  
"Well then tell me about it, instead of drinking it away." he said firmly.

"It's just... you wouldn't understand." she told him.  
"I was already hated, I have to 'great' Ellis Grey my mother, my step father is the Chief, and now they know my husband is the head of plastics." She was fighting to breathe as it all consumed her. "I have to fight to be seen, show that I earned my position as a surgeon. I'm really trying here, yet I get it thrown back in my face. I get accused of walking freely into the hospital, when they don't realise how hard I fought with my parents to take me because they didn't want people to think that they do. Add that to being accused of sleeping my way into surgeries. They probably think that I am fucking Derek too... Wow! not only m I the chief's baby girl, but I am the hospital whore!" Meredith's breathing now ragged as she gasped for air. "I had to tell them that I am a Sloan for them to back the fuck off. They don't like me, and they never will." She tried to fight back the tears.

"Baby you've got me and Derek, who gives a fuck about the interns." he told her. "Mer, we know you aren't the hospital whore, forget about them, come on Shh!" he pulled her into him.

"I just, I just" she sobbed "I just want to be normal." she finally told 

him.

Baby you've never been normal, you know that. I know you cant turn this off, but you've come this far." he told her. He held her close and kissed her lightly on the top of her head. "I love you Mer, we can get through this."

"I'm sorry" she told him quietly.

"Shhh! it's ok" he whispered to her

Mark lifted her head up so that she was looking into his eyes. "It's ok we will get you through this." he told her before he lowered his mouth to hers.

The kiss started out soft, tender, meant to comfort her. Her lips parted as she sought out his comfort further, inviting his tongue to enter and caress hers. She raised her arms to wrap around his neck. One hand moved up to his head, pulling him down to deepen the kiss.

Marks hands moved from her back, down to her wait. Kiss hands slid up under her shirt, savouring the touch as his hands moved across her 

skin.

His hands moved to her shirt hem line, he slowly lifted it up, only breaking their kiss as the shirt move over her head.

Meredith began to undo his button, rushing as the urgency for his skin to be touching hers. Once she had his shirt off, she ran her fingers over his chest, feeling every groove of his well toned body.

Mark lowered his hands back to her waist, lifting Meredith so she could wrap her legs around his waist. Holding her tight he carried her to the bedroom, where he carefully laid her down on the bed where e continued to undress her. Pulling off her shoes and socks as he kicked off his own. He slowly worked his way up her, caressing her as he went.

Meredith groaned missing the feeling of his hands on her skin and his lips on her mouth. Mark climbed onto the bed, lying down next to her. He ran his hands over her body as he lowered his mouth to hers. Mark let out a moan as he longed for fulfilment.

Meredith flipped Mark onto his back as she rolled over and straddled him. She grinded her centre over his groin. "Oh Mer" he groaned as his erection ache with pleasure, yet restricted through the tightness of his 

jeans. Meredith slipped back giving herself access to undo the button and zip of his jeans. She moved down him seductively as she pulled his jeans and boxers off.

Meredith rana trail of kisses back up his body, pausing to run her tongue up his shaft. Enticing a deep throated moan to come from him Tempted to stay and tease him, she ran her mouth up and down his shaft, slightly humming, causing him to shiver."Mer" he gasped as he reached for her head using both hands to pull her u to him. He captured her mouth and flipped her onto her back. He teased her mouth with his tongue before he trailed down from her mouth to her neck, resting on the spot he knew made her quiver. She gasped as his hands undid her bra and pulled it off of her body, exposing her breasts.

Mark continued his trail of kisses pausing to nibble, suck and tease her breasts. Moments later their arousal had hit its peak. Mark ripped off he jeans and panties quickly, before moving back up her body. Capturing her mouth with his, as his hand moved between the sweet folds between her legs. He massaged her clit, before letting his fingers enter and stroke her.

"Mark" she moaned  
"Mer baby" he moaned back. "Tell me what you want." he whispered, his hands bringing her to a tantalising orgasm.

Meredith gasped his name as she writhed as the orgasm took over.  
"You I need you" she almost screamed in the midst of her orgasm.

Removing his finger, he positioned himself between her legs, kissing her deeply as he thrust into her. They found their groove quickly, grinding and thrusting deep, building up speed with each thrust. Meredith egged him on in turn he continued to groan her name. They reached their peak together. Meredith cried out his name in pleasure as she tumbled off the edge with him.

Lying tangled in the post sex high. Meredith stroked and kissed marks chest. While he laid there grinning, satisfied from their screaming orgasm. "I told you I keep my promises." she told him with a smirk. "I love you Dr Sloan' she whispered.

"I love you too Sloan." he whispered back, as they snuggled close together and drifted off to sleep.


	3. its dad

A week had passed and Meredith's relationship with her fellow interns had not improved. She worked by herself, continually, pushing herself, and driving her body into the ground. She would briefly stop for lunch, either eating by herself, or with Mark.

Meredith had worked hard enough to scrub into several surgeries, with her knowledge and drive impressing residents and attendings alike. Yet the other interns had still been complaining about her. The only intern somewhat interested in talking to her, was a guy called Karev, who was obsessed with plastic surgery, and in love with her husband's skill.

A meeting had been called by the Chief and all surgeons were requested to attend unless told otherwise, and Meredith was one of the few that were requested to stay behind. Meredith wasn't really worried about the meeting as she knew Mark would fill her in on the details later.

Meredith made her way down to the pit where everything seemed to be quiet. Meredith was embracing the fact that she wasn't being ogled by other interns.

Sirens sounded and Meredith ran towards the doors to meet the ambulance. The doors opened and the paramedic jumped out from the vehicle. "We've got another 3 on the way. There was an explosion at the petrol station. There were 4 people there at the scene."

Meredith stepped back grabbing hold of the stretcher and wheeled it in to trauma room 2. "Who have we got?" she asked the paramedic.

"55 yr old male, appears to have severe burns as well as a head injury. He is currently stable. The I.D in his wallet say Thatcher Grey." the paramedic told her.

Meredith froze for a minute, startled to hear her father's name, "Dr Grey, what do you want to do?" the nurse asked.

Meredith shook her head trying to focus. She checked his pupils. "Ok, I need a CT, MRI AND XRAY. the patient seems to be breathing ok. I need Drs Sloan, Shepherd and Grey Webber paged down here please." Meredith swallowed hard. She then called the resident in charge of the pit over.

"I need to take my patient for a CT, MRI AND XRAY, according to the paramedic we have 3 more coming in. There was an explosion at a petrol station. I have paged, Sloan, Shepherd and Grey-Webber. When Grey-Webber gets here can you please tell her that I need to speak with her urgently?"

"No worries Dr Grey, you better get moving, and make sure you get back as soon as you can, were short due to the meeting." the resident told her.

Meredith grabbed her father's gurney and rushed off to get the scans.

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Drs Sloan, Shepherd and Grey-Webber all reached the pit in a matter of minutes. "We were paged!" Dr Grey Webber said as she approached 

the resident in charge.

"We have a patient getting scans with Dr Grey at the moment, but we have 3 more on their way. There was an explosion at a petrol station."

All 3 doctors nodded understanding now why they were paged to the pit. "Dr Grey asked if she could speak with you urgently Dr Grey Webber, to be honest, she seemed to be distracted by something."

At the mention of Meredith being distracted and needing to talk to Ellis urgently, mark shifted uncomfortably. "Do you want me to go?" Mark asked Ellis.

"Can it wait?" Ellis asked the resident.

"She seemed pretty shaken up, I probably shouldn't have let her go." the resident replied honestly.

"Do you know who the patient was?" she asked the doctor

"An older man, she took his chart with her. She seemed to know him."

"I'll go!" Mark told Ellis.  
"No" Ellis snapped, "Meredith asked for me." With that Ellis quickly ran from the room in search of her daughter.

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Mark was distracted in the pit, but still hurried to meet the next 

incoming ambulance. "What do we have?" he asked

The paramedic ran off a list of details before mark moved the patient into trauma 1.

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"Meredith" Ellis called out when she saw her daughter pushing the gurney down the hall towards XRAY.

Meredith slowed to let her mother catch up. "What's wrong?" she asked as she looked down at the man on the gurney. The patients burns were pretty bad.

"Who is it?" Ellis asked looking at the pain and confusion in her daughters eyes.

"It's dad" she whispered. Noticing the confusion on her mother's face. "Thatcher" she mumbled.

Ellis gasped, looking down at the man that was Meredith's biological father.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"The paramedic handed over his I.D. It's him." Meredith replied.

"I have done the MRI and CT. XRAY knows that I am on my way. The scans are being sent upstairs to Dr Shepherd. but I thought you should 

know." Meredith finished.

"Marks going to have to check out the burns. Does he know about Thatcher?" Ellis asked.

"Not really, he just knows that he left us and that I haven't seen or heard from him since I was 5." Meredith told her quietly.

"Ok, that's fine, your fine. Hurry to XRAY, and then get him to a room on the surgical floor, chuck him in the plastics wing. I'm going to find Richard." Ellis informed her, before she turned and ran off.

Meredith rushed Thatcher through XRAY before collecting the scans and taking them up to plastics.

Meredith then paged Ellis to 4954, before paging mark there too.

5 minutes later the room was packed with doctors. Drs Grey, Sloan, Webber, Shepherd and Grey-Weber. Thatcher still hadn't woken up. This was possibly a sign of his body trying to recuperate.

Shepherd looked at the head and spine scans, "He's all good here Chief." Shepherd told him.

Ellis looked over the scans. "No internal bleeds" she said quietly, "The scans are clean."

"I can fix the burns and sew up his head injury, but these burns are bad, and he might have to be here for a couple of weeks." Mark 

followed.

"We need Torres from Ortho to look at the break. Can someone page her?" Richard finished.

Richard then looked at Meredith. "You handled this well Meredith, but I don't want you back in this room." He told her.

Meredith went to protest but her mother shook her head. "You don't need to do this to yourself." Ellis told her.

"Sloan can you call his next of kin please? Meredith I need to see you in my office. You too Ellis." Richard ordered before leading al the staff out of the room.

Mark stopped Meredith out in the hall. "Mer, babe, u ok?" he asked her. She was already appearing distant.

"Don't please don't... I need to think" she told him as a panic attack set in. "I...I...I need to go." she said through her ragged breathing. She turned and ran into the ladies bathroom.

Marks first instinct was to follow her into the bathroom but couldn't in case Meredith wasn't the only female in there. Fortunately her resident, Bailey, had spotted her running in there.

"Sloan Explain" Bailey ordered.

"Panic attack... I can't go in there, she doesn't want me in there... she 

is supposed to be in the chief's office... its personal." he finished. He realised he had picked up Meredith's habit of rambling.

Bailey nodded. "She's my intern, go call the chief and let him know that Meredith is on her way, just let him know that she has been stalled."

"Thanks" Mark sighed, feeling helpless. He turned and headed to his office. Confused by the current chain of events.

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Bailey entered the bathroom, "Get out here and tell me what the hell is going on... and I can't deal with you while you are making all that noise... come on."

Meredith slowly came out of her stall still struggling to settle down.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Bailey asked her.

"It's my... it's... my father." she stumbled out.

"The Chief?" Bailey asked.

"No my bio father... Grey ... Thatcher Grey." she continued.

"What about him?" Bailey asked, slowly deciphering Meredith's stumbled words.

"He's here... haven't seen him since I was 5 ... he was at the petrol station when it exploded."

"Oh," was all Bailey could say.

"I can't do this... I can't deal with this... it's all too much."

"Calm down Grey... you can't deal with what?" Bailey asked

"Him, them, mark... it's too much... I can't do this." she struggled while still trying to calm down.

"You can deal with this, you don't need to see your father, but the Chief and you mother, you need them. Mark, your husband, you need him. You can't push them away." Bailey tried to talk sense into her.

"You can do this Grey, come on, I'll come with you." Bailey told her. "You have been requested by the Chief."

Meredith let Bailey lead her to the Chiefs office. Bailey knocked just as Richard opened the door. "Meredith" he said as he pulled her into his arms. "It's ok." he told her, leading her into the room. "Thanks Miranda." the Chief said as he went to close the door.

"Uh No!" Bailey said, pushing the door open. "Dr Grey is my intern, and I understand that this may be a family matter, but she requested that I be here."

"Miranda please, that isn't necessary." Richard said, as he looked at 

the anger building on Ellis's face. He knew that she didn't like it when outsiders tried to interfere.

"Richard she's having troubles with this. she needs someone detached from this to help her... you can't see it because your too close. I promise, I won't interfere, I won't speak up, and she just needs me here." Bailey looked at her boss, then her intern and then at the Chief.

Richard looked at Ellis. "Ok" he nodded and let her in the room. Once all four of them were seated they all turned to Meredith.

"As your boss, and as Chief, Meredith, I am telling you that it is in your best interest that you stay away from Thatcher Grey. You are not to enter his room, and you are not to treat him as a patient." Richard told her.

Meredith didn't look up; instead she fiddled with her watch. Bailey just watched on. Her mind was reeling as she could see Meredith trying to absorb this.

"I also don't want you going near him Meredith; you haven't seen him since you were 5. You don't need him; you have Richard, mark and myself. Don't go there... I don't want you seeing him." Ellis ordered.

Bailey could understand Ellis wanting to protect her daughter, but Meredith was an Adult now.

"Do you understand what we are trying to tell you Meredith?" Ellis asked her.  


"Meredith?" Richard asked.

Meredith stood, struggling to look at them. "I can't do this, it's too much... I can't do this." Meredith's panic attack was returning. Meredith turned and ran from the room.

Bailey stood and went after her, while Richard saw to Ellis who was quite upset.

gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Meredith ran, she ran as fast as she could. She didn't know where she was going; she took the stairs two at a time. She stumbled when she reached the bottom, fell, and landed hard on her left hand. She wanted to get up, but she was exhausted. Her panic attack took hold and Meredith curled up on the floor in the corner.


	4. markie?

"Meredith, Meredith"  
She felt some one shake her.  
"Mer baby, come on, wake up."  
"Markie" she mumbles.

He feels like he is right there, but he sounds like he is a mile away.

Meredith struggles to open her eyes. She can see a set of intense green eyes. "I love you Dr Sloan." she whispers to him, feeling like she was just waking up in the morning.

"I'm not late for work am I?" she asks.

Meredith hears laughter, and it is only then that she realises that they are not alone.

"What's going on?" she asks, looking around to see her parent, Dr Bailey, Dr Torres and Mark.

"You had a panic attack in the stair well, it also looks like you fell and broke your wrist. Dr Torres is here to put it back in place and set it in a cast" Dr Bailey told her.

"Mark" she whispers looking at him, he could see the fear in her eyes. "It's too much... I can't deal with all of them... it's too much."

Mark can see that she is about to have another panic attack.  


"You need to get out, all of you." Mark orders them, "There's too many of you."

"Mark, she's our daughter." Ellis spoke up.

"Yes, but she is also my wife, and she is about to have another panic attack. You all have to go."

"I will come get you when she has calmed down." He tells them

finally they all leave.

"Baby calm down... shhh... I'm here now." he whispers, as he climbs up on the bed and pulls her into him, so that her head is resting in his chest.

She stayed snuggled up to his chest until her breathing settled.

"I love you Sloan" he whispers, as he kisses her on the forehead.

"I love you too Markie." she whispers lifting her head to look up at him. "Thanks you."

"It's ok Mer, that's what I am here for, but if you want to talk about all this you can. You can't shut me out Mer, I love you."

"I can't it's too soon. I can't" she whispers back, and she nestles her head further into his chest.  


"It's ok, it's ok"

Meredith and Mark lay there for a while, both comforting, and keeping each other safe. Almost an hour passed before either of them spoke again.

"Mer, Callie has to set your wrist ok. Do you want me to go get her?" Mark asks.

"Ok Markie" she whispers

He moved off the bed giving her a quick kiss before finding Torres


	5. susan grey

After Meredith's wrist was set in a cast, Mark signed the relevant papers to make sure she was able to go home. Mark then walked her to her locker room, and also to her locker. "Come up to my office when you've changed Mer." He told her, giving her a quick kiss. He did not care that the other interns were watching them.  
"I will be right up." She told him.  
"Love you Sloan" he told her as he walked out of the locker room.

Meredith quickly grabbed her clothes and went and changed. She didnt bother with a shower. She would do that when she got home.

Once changed Meredith grabbed her bag, slinging it over her should, before she headed up to find Mark.

Meredith hoped that she would be alone on the elevator, but unfortunately as the doors opened; she looked up to find 3 women standing in it. Meredith reluctantly stepped on.

The three women were obviously related, and it appeared that they had been crying

"Are you going to the 4th floor?" the oldest of the 3 asked.

"Yes" Meredith replied quietly.

"Are you visiting family dear?" the lady asked.

Meredith turned to look at her, realising that the older lady must have 

been the mother of the other two women.

"My husband works up there." Meredith replied quietly

"Oh is he a doctor?" The lady asked.

Meredith didn't like it when people asked her too many questions, but it was obvious that the older woman was just trying to settle down before having to go see who ever she was visiting. "Ummm yeah" she replied.

"My husband was admitted this morning; he has some serious burns from an accident at the petrol station." The lady went on. "I think a Dr Sloan is going to be fixing them."

"Oh ok, well I hope your husband is ok." Meredith said swallowing hard.

"You look like someone i should know." The older lady continued.

"I'm sorry, but i don't know you." Meredith replied.

"Oh well, I'm Susan Grey, and these are my daughters Lexie and Molly." The lady introduced, holding her hand out.

"I'm Meredith, Meredith Sloan." She stuttered. As she shook the ladies hand. She could feel a panic attack coming on. "Nice to meet you." She struggles to get it out.  


"Meredith, are you ok?" Susan asks her, looking at Meredith with concern.

"I...I...I'm fine." she said as she kept struggling to breathe.

Just then the door to the 4th floor opens, Meredith runs out leaving the other 3 women in shock.

"Sloan, Mer, slow down." Mark yelled as he turned to see Meredith running past. He turned to chase her, and caught her quickly because it seemed she was out of breathe in the midst of a Panic attack.

"Shhh" he said as he pulled her into his arms, holding her until she calmed down.

Meredith looked up to see 3 ladies walking from the elevator. They stopped when they reached the nurses desk, only to be sent further on towards him.

"Excuse me, are you Dr Sloan?" the oldest of the three asked.

"Yes i am, how may I help you?" he asked, trying hard to be polite.

"My husband is apparently going to be operated on by you." she stated. "I'm Susan, Susan Grey. My husband is Thatcher."

Mark looked down at Meredith as he realised what had triggered the latest panic attack.  


"Is she ok?" Susan gestured towards Meredith, who was curled into her chest, still trying to calm herself.

"Yeah, we've just had a hard day today." He tells Susan. He is feeling really uncomfortable, but he continues rubbing Merediths back making small spirals.

Suddenly a voice broke through the group. "Mark, have you seen Meredith, I'm a bit worried about her." Ellis's voice came, as she walked up towards the group.

"Dr Webber," he turned to her, "Meredith is here." he told her. He could see the confusion on her face as he usually called her Ellis. So he continued hoping that he could convey his message without letting anything slip.

"Dr Webber this is Susan Grey and her two daughters." he told her. He watched the realisation sweep over Ellis's face, and her eyes seemed to move from her daughter to the 3 women standing in front of Mark.

"Oh" Ellis replied quietly.

"Dr Webber is my mother -in-law." He told Susan, as he continued to hide the 'greys' that were his family. "This is my wife Dr Meredith Webber Sloan." He improvised. Susan just nodded.

" Can you please excuse us for a moment?" Mark quickly addressed the women standing in front of him, he slowly led Mer towards her 

mother.

"Meredith can you go with your mum for a minute." he asked her.

"Sure... ok" she said quietly as she pulled away from him, instantly missing his warmth that had been calming her.

"I will be in my office in a couple of minutes", he told both of the women. "Feel free to use the space while I'm gone."

Ellis put her arm around Meredith and lead her to Marks office, while Mark returned to the 'other greys' so he could explain Thatchers operation.


	6. You're a Sloan

"Meredith, can we please talk about everything?" Ellis asked.

Both Meredith and Ellis had sat in silence, toying with their watches.

"Look Meredith..." Ellis started.

"Don't. Please don't." Meredith muttered. "All i want to know is why now. Why does this have to be now?"

Ellis looked over at Meredith who was sitting on the couch. Tears were welling in here eyes as she watched Meredith break down silently.

"It's ok, he will be gone soon. Then things will be back to normal." Ellis told her. Too scared to go sit by her and comfort her.

"It's not alright, and its nt ok. He left us. He walked away. He didn't want me. I get that. No one wanted me." Meredith sobbed.

"Hey don't say that." Ellis told her as she slowly moved to sit next to her daughter, putting her hand out to grab hold of Meredith's.  
"I have always wanted you. I just didn't know how. Plus Mark wants you, he loves you."

Meredith turned to look at her mother. She couldn't find any words.

"Meredith, i know i was absent when you were younger. But i am here now."

Meredith nodded, continuing to hold onto her mothers hand. "It's 

just... its hurts... i thought that i had let it go... but seeing him... it hurts."

"It hurts me too" Ellis said, trying to comfort her.

Meredith and Ellis remained that way until Mark entered the room.  
"Well that was awkward." Mark tried to joke. That was until he took in the scene in front of him.  
"Everything ok?" Mark asked, as he moved behind his desk to collect his things for the evening.

"Thanks for the cover Mark, i will let Richard know about the name change. It will only hold while that family is here." Ellis told him.

"No worries, so your going to by Webber and Mer, are you going to go by Sloan?" he asked.

"Hmmm..." Meredith sighed.

Mark studied the look on his wife's face. There was nothing he could say to take her pain away.

"Ok, well i better go see Richard. Keep an eye on our Girl." Ellis stood and kissed Meredith on the head before she left.

gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Mark and Meredith drove home in silence. Meredith sat toying with her watch. Her nervous habit on occasions, he would have considered cute, 

but today it was killing him.  
"Mer" he spoke to her nervously. He didn't know what to say to his wife who had had such an enormous day.

"I'm fine, besides, tomorrow i will be Dr Sloan." she said trying to breathe easy.

"Yeah, but you've been a Sloan for 4 yrs babe." Mark told her.

"But professionally we are going to acknowledge it." She justified.

"In my eyes, you've always been Dr Meredith Sloan." he tells her, squeezing her thigh.

"Hmmm... i haven't really thought about it much." she was trying to be honest with him. "But i have felt more like a Sloan, then i ever did as a Grey, besides i don't think I've ever truly been a Grey."

Mark watched her carefully. He didn't want to assume anything, or even guess what she was suggesting. "So?" he asked her

"Well i think i might just change it completely to Sloan. I love you. I'm not a Grey. I want to shed any connection i have to the Grey name, besides , mums a Webber now, and I've never really been a Webber, until today."She said with a smile on her face.

"You're a Sloan." he said with a big cheeky grin on his face.

"I belong, you made me a Sloan, and i feel more like a Sloan, then i 

ever did as a Grey." Tears were hinting in her eyes, but she seemed to be happy.

"I love you Mer, you're my very own Dr Sloan." he told her.

gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Climbing in to bed that night, Meredith still didn't look happy. She had taken his breath away when she told him that she wanted to be known as Dr Sloan. Looking at her now, as he put his Medical Journal on his night stand. "I've been thinking." he started, as she settled into their bed.

"Hmm" she replied. She knew Mark didn't begin with this sentence very often.

"And well... tonight i am going to bed with Dr Meredith Grey, and tomorrow i am going to wake up next to Dr Meredith Sloan."

She chuckled, finding his comment highly amusing. "Normally i would let you have your last fling with your Dr Meredith Grey, but i have always been Dr Meredith Sloan to you." She said with a grin. "Besides i am completely exhausted and right now. i just want for you to hold me."

"I think i can handle that Sloan." he said as he pulled her down into his arms. He kissed her softly before reaching over and turning off his lamp.

"Love you sloan." he whispered.

"Love you too Sloan." she whispered back, before they drifted off to sleep


	7. Dr Meredith Sloan

"So Meredith, today you have decided to be Dr Sloan. W hat weren't you getting enough attention as Dr Grey?" Dr Yang asked.

Meredith was well used to the taunting. She had been taught however to keep her personal life, exactly that. 'Personal'. So Meredith just shrugged her shoulders.

"I have to go." Meredith said, as she ran from the locker room. She had to go collect her new badge from the chief.

She reached the Chiefs office in a few minutes. "I can't believe you elected to work today." Richard commented when Meredith entered.

"Bailey said I could work on scut for the next few weeks until I can lose this damn cast." Meredith filled him in.

Richard chuckled, "Your as stubborn as your mother."

Meredith studied him carefully. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I guess it was just a real shock to see the man who had abandoned me all those years ago."

"Meredith, sweetie, it's ok. None of us can know how it feels to be in your position. I wasn't offended by your reaction yesterday. I was just worried about my daughter." he smiled before pulling her into a hug.

"Can I talk to you about something? I haven't had the chance to talk to mum about it yet." She had asked inquiringly.  


"Sure" he said, as they walked over to sit on the couch.

"I'm going to remain as Dr Sloan. I don't want to be a Grey anymore. I want to cut any ties that I have with that man, and mum should too. She should stay a Webber. I don't want to know him; he was merely a sperm donor. Richard, you are my father."

She took a deep breath. it had been a lot for her to say. The was Meredith who had shut herself off from communicating.

"I'm honoured to be you father Mer, and I'm sure if you explain yourself, your mum will understand. Does Mark know about your decision?"

"Yeah I spoke to him about it last night. He was thrilled. I feel more like a Sloan then I ever did as a Grey, and that's not being disrespectful to mum, because she really wasn't a Grey either." Meredith reasoned.

"Ok well I have put the memo out any way that you will be referred to as Dr Sloan from now on, and honestly I love the fact that your mother is a fully fledged Webber. Even if it's only while Thatcher is around." Richard smiled.

Meredith clipped her new badge to her shirt before looking at the clock. "Crap! I've got rounds with Bailey." She quickly leant over and kissed Richard. "Thanks Dad" she said as she ran out the door.

Meredith arrived back at the locker room in time to walk in with Bailey. Bailey looked at Meredith and then at the cast on her wrist.

"Before we have rounds I need to remind you all that Dr Grey is now officially Dr Sloan. I want to make it clear that you will address her as so. If I find out that you have not, you will be stuck in the pit. Do I make myself clear?" Bailey asked.

"Yes Dr Bailey" the other interns chorused.

Rounds began and Meredith kept up the front with Bailey. She could hear the other interns' whinging. "You ok Meredith?" Bailey asked, as they were moving to the next room.

"Yeah, nothing I can't handle. After my first day, I ordered a year's supply of thicker skin." She responded, causing BAILEY TO LAUGH.

"I like you Meredith; you get kicked when your down, but you still bounce back." Bailey admitted.

They reached their last room and Bailey asked Meredith to wait in the hall. The other interns watched as Meredith moved to stand by the door, but out of sight from the patient inside.

"Ok, whose presenting?" Bailey asked.

"Thatcher Grey" Dr Stevens began, pausing when she read the name. 

"Was admitted yesterday after being injured at the petrol station explosion. He had an MRI, CT AND XRAY. No internal bleeding, head trauma or organ damage. Patient has a broken leg, and a head wound. Dr Torres has already set the leg in a cast. Dr Sloan is going to be skin grafting the burns which cover Mr Grey's body over the next few weeks."

Dr Mark Sloan shifted, looking at Dr Stevens and the rest of the interns, who would now understand the importance of Meredith's name change.

"Explain the procedure." Mark invited.

Dr Stevens looked awkwardly around the room; all of the four interns had frozen, and kept looking at each other for the answers.

Meredith stepped into the door way causing Bailey and the others to look at her. She quickly explained the procedure. Mark smiled proudly, but knew she shouldn't be in the room.

"Sloan" Mark said, looking gruffly at her.

"Out" ordered Bailey quickly.

Meredith quickly went over to Mark and whispered "Give the case to Karev, he's into plastics."

Mark nodded before asking her to "please go babe." and squeezing her hand.  


"Sorry for intruding" she apologised to the other doctors as she made her way to leave.

As Meredith reached the door, Susan and her daughters entered the room. and Meredith froze on the spot. "Hello Meredith, Dr Sloan." Susan acknowledged, as Meredith remained frozen.

"I was just leaving." She uttered quietly, but couldn't move from the spot.

"Mer, Meredith." can the voice from the bed.

Every one stopped and looked towards the bed.  
"Is that you?" he asked.

"Sorry sir, I don't know you." she quickly responded before turning and running from the room. She made it to Marks office before she crumbled.


	8. Confrontations

**So this is a long update... enjoy**

BACK IN THATCHERS ROOM...

"Sorry Mrs Grey, we will leave you to your husband in a minute." Dr Bailey intervened.

"Mer" Thatcher mumbles again. Marks skin crawling listening to him say her name.

"I'm sorry" said Susan, "He must be confused by hearing your wife's name. He had a daughter called Meredith to his ex wife" Susan openly stated.

Mark just nodded. "Karev, I have been informed that you have an interest in plastics, I would appreciate if you could do a full patient work up, and pre op. We will begin working on Mr Grey this afternoon. Now excuse me." he said before exiting the room. He did not know where Meredith had ran to, but he hoped she wouldn't have gone too far.

Mark found her quickly; she was standing outside his office. "Mer, you ok?" he asked her quietly as she looked up at him, and he pulled her into him.

"I'm ok, I didn't mean to enter the room, but they didn't know the answer, and I did. Of course I would, I'm married to the head of plastics. But when they came all I could see was the people who took my dad away from me and I froze. Then when he said my name, I 

couldn't breathe I didn't know what to do. Oh no, what did I do, what did I do?" she asked him.

"Nothing that you couldn't have helped." Bailey responded when her and the interns finally reached them.

"I'm so sorry Dr Bailey, dad, I mean, Richard, crap the chief and mum are going to chuck a fit. I shouldn't have gone in there." she rambled, realising the enormity of the situation.

"You would have seen the Greys when they walked into his room anyway." Bailey tried to justify.

"But he knew it was me. I don't know how, but he did." She struggled. Pulling herself away from Mark. "I'm ok, actually, no, but I will be. I just need to breathe."

Mark ran his hand along her cheek as the interns watched the love between the two, realising that they may have misjudged his relationship with her,

"It will all be ok." he said to her as he tried to soothe her.

"Ok... I got to work, Bailey, give me something to do, anything." she said, turning away from Mark for a moment.

"Scut." Bailey replied quickly, "but I am guessing that you are going to be paged in a minute by the chief to discuss the consequences of your 

actions... so have the meeting, and assuming he doesn't send your foolish arse home for the day, you will be doing scut, and charting cos you didn't break your good hand."

Bailey then turned to the others. "O'Malley you've got Burke, Yang Dr Ellis Webber, Karev you have Sloan, and Stevens your with Shepherd."

The interns stood there quietly not moving. "Go now and don't mention anything about what happened in that room." Bailey ordered.

The other interns ran off, and Bailey looked at Meredith shaking her head. before she too walked off.

Mark looked down at Mer, "so Dr Sloan, how has your day been? Your first official day and you are already wrapping your arms around an attending."

Meredith looked up at him and giggled. He was always able to put a smile on her face. She pulled his head down for a quick kiss. "Hmm" she moaned, "I think my day is improving."

"Love you Sloan" he whispered.

"Love you to Sloan" she whispered back.

Suddenly a beeping echoed through the halls as her pager went off. "Shit that's dad! I got to go." She gave him a quick kiss.

"Good luck." he called as she ran off.

Gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Meredith walked into the Chiefs office. Her head was down. She knew she had disappointed her step father, but did not want to deal with his wrath as he was not only her dad, but also her boss. Not even contemplating what her mother might say.

"Dr Sloan, would you care to explain what the Hell happened in Thatcher Greys room this morning?" He started

"Ummmm... "Meredith began, as she nervously toyed with her watch.

"Well?" Ellis asked. "Geez Meredith what were you thinking?"

Meredith looked from her mum to her dad. "I can explain, mom, dad, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to."

"Stop Meredith, I am talking to you as your Boss. Ellis, sit down." Richard's voice boomed, bringing both girls to a complete halt.

"I...I..." she began. Meredith was on the verge of tears. Richard didn't yell at her often and it scared the shit out of her.

"I was waiting outside... but Mark... I mean Dr Sloan... he asked the other interns a question and they didn't know the answer, and I stepped into the room and answered it for him. When I went to leave Mrs Grey walked in... she said hello to me, and then to Dr Sloan... we 

had met her yesterday. Thatcher... I mean... Mr Grey... heard my name... and he said...'mer, Meredith is that you'... I told him I didn't know him, and then I ran," Meredith choked her way through.

"So you entered the room you were told you weren't allowed access to, just so you could answer a question that the attending Dr Sloan asked your fellow interns. Meredith, you then lied to a patient before abruptly leaving?" Richard asked, clarifying her explanation.

"Yes... I guess you could put it that way Chief" Meredith stumbled.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Richard bellowed. "We are trying to protect you and you completely disobey us."

Meredith looked up "Us?" she inquired. "Are you talking to me as my boss now or as my father, collectively including my mother?" Meredith bit. She didn't normally bite, but she was worn out.

"Meredith, you will not talk to me like that." Richard yelled again.

Meredith took a step back, moving her way to the door. "Sit down I am not finished with you yet" Richard boomed.

"You may not be, but until you calm down, I don't want to talk to you." Meredith yelled back.

She put her hand down on the door handle and as she went to turn it, she felt her mother's hand on her am. "Don't go" Ellis said to her softly.  


"I don't know why I went in there mum, it was just instinct to answer Marks question. I didn't mean to break the rules. Then when his new family rocked up, I froze, but I would have seen them if I had stayed in the hall." she justified her actions to her mother, who had winced at the mention of Thatchers new family.

"Mer sweetie, it ok." Ellis comforted her daughter, pulling her into a hug. Richard was behind pacing trying to urge himself to calm down.

Meredith clung to her mother, needing her embrace. There was a comfort there that she had never really felt before. "Mom, I'm sorry." Meredith cried.

Mother and daughter held each other, and it took Richards breath away to see such a unity between them. Years ago you would not have thought they would have ever held each other like this.

"Mer, I'm sorry I blew my top." Richard interrupted. "But you know we made the rules for a reason. We don't want you to get hurt, as our daughter, were trying to protect you. As your boss, I was enforcing a rule because you are technically not to work on family members. You were lucky to escape his questions this morning, but they would obviously know that you're married name is Sloan, so how did Susan know that your name was Meredith?" Richard asked curiously.

"Well I got on the elevator yesterday evening on my way up to Marks office, and they were there. They told me who they were going to see, and I just said that I was going to meet up with my husband. She 

introduced herself and her daughters, and I told her that I was Meredith Sloan. She told me that I looked familiar, the doors opened and I did a bolt. Mark was calming me down when they approached us, and then mum came, and we covered ourselves with our married names." she explained.

"Question" Richard asked, "How did he recognise you today. You haven't been in contact with him have you?"

"Is it the freak outs or the panic attacks that give I away, or the fact that I refer to him as a sperm donor." Meredith replied rather sarcastically.  
"Sorry dad that came out wrong." she quickly apologised.

"It is ok; you are under a lot of stress right now. But you can't do this to yourself. You are not allowed in his room again Plus I am going to inquire how he recognised you. Now Baileys got you on scut, stay on scut, and I don't want to hear about you being anywhere near his room. If you're on the 4th floor in plastics, it better be only to see Mark."

"Yes dad, Chief, whichever one I'm supposed to be talking to at the moment." she said with a smile.

"Your talking to both." He smiled. "But channelling dad now. We both love you Mer, and we don't like to see you hurting like this." he then pulled her into a hug.

"Love you too." she said quietly. Once the hug broke. "Duty calls" 

Meredith said as she turned and left.

"She'll be ok right?" Ellis asked Richard as she walked over and gave him, her husband a hug.

"If she's as strong as her mom, then I'm sure that she will be fine." he told her before leaning down to give his wife a kiss.

Meredith stuck to her scut duties doing the best she could to avoid the plastics wing which meant she didn't get to see Mark for most of the day. So much t the point that she was stuck eating lunch alone, yet again.

"So are you ok?" a voice came from behind he.

Meredith turned her head slightly, wondering who would be talking to her. Almost as the point of seeing who it was her fellow interns sat down with her.

"Hi Mrs Grey, how are you?" they asked the person standing behind her.

"Ah, I'm fine, I was just wondering how Meredith was. I was hoping to maybe grab a coffee. I was wondering if I could talk to her about something."

The interns see the look of sheer panic on her face.

"Ummm... mer, remember we have that meeting with Dr Bailey."

"Ahh yes, sorry Mrs Grey, but we have to get going. "Meredith and the other interns stood and began walking towards the hospital.

"Please Meredith; it's about your father." Meredith halted, and turned to face Susan Grey.

"I'm sorry Susan, I know that you think you know me, but you don't. Plus my father is the Chief of Surgery. If you need to talk to me about him I would be quite surprised because I saw him this morning and everything was fine. I don't really know what your suggesting."

"Meredith, please, just tell me, are you the person in this photo?" Susan thrust a picture in front of her. Meredith recognised it at once. It was the photo of her from the Newspaper.

"No sorry, that's not me."

As if right on cue Richard walked over to her. "Mer, Your mum and I need to speak with you. Can you spare a moment?"

Meredith let out a breath that she didn't realise she was holding. "That it would be great thanks dad." Meredith emphasised Dad. She reached down and took his hand with her good one. "Please excuse us." she said to Susan before walking off with Richard.

"What was that about?" Richard asked, looking at Meredith with great concern.

"She has a picture of me, she asked me whether it was me and I said no." Meredith was clearly shaken up by this.

"She had a photo?" Richard asked concerned. "Did she say anything else?" Richard asked.

"She wanted to talk, and the other interns told her that we have a meeting with Dr Bailey. She didn't take the hint. She called out that she needed to talk to me about my father."

Richard looked at her carefully. "And?" he prompted

"I told her that my father was the chief of surgery and that I had spoken to him this morning and that you seemed fine." she told him with a smile.

"That's my girl." he said as he kissed her on the cheek. "I better tell your mum this though."

"Ok, thanks dad." she said giving him a quick hug.

"Now get back to work." he teased.

Meredith looked up to see that the other interns had left already. She ran to the door of the hospital, quickly checking to make sure Susan wasn't following her. Ducking through the levels Meredith reached 

plastics and ran to Marks office. She was quite relieved to see the door ajar.

Meredith knocked lightly before walking in. Mark was sitting in front of his computer studying the screen closely. He was so focused that he hadn't seen or heard her come into the room. Meredith decided to take advantage of this and moved so that she was standing right behind him, and she began to massage his back, while kissing him lightly on his neck.

Mark closed his laptop, and turned in his chair before pulling her down onto his lap. "So what do I owe the pleasure Dr loan?" Mark asked as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Hmm... well I had a big talk with my parents this morning. Richard blew me to pieces after what I did in Thatchers room. Plus I bonded with my mother, have ran labs for doctors, finished charts and then Susan cornered me in the cafeteria. She had a photo of me from the paper a couple of years back. Asked me whether it was me." she replied.

"Hang on did you just say that she had a photo of you?" he asked.

"Yeo, I told her it wasn't me. Dad came and saved me. Now I'm here" she said with a smile on her face. as she leaned up and kissed him passionately. It was heated, and filled with hunger. Mark thrust his tongue into her mouth, their tongues duelling to savour each other's taste.

"Mmmm... mer" mark moaned into her mouth.

"Mark" she moaned back, as she ran her hands through his hair. Pulling his head down to deepen the kiss.

"Mer I have surgery soon. We can't do this." he told her after he broke the kiss.

"I don't know what you're talking about." she said with a devilish grin.

"See this, that look that you've just given me now. That's the look you give me when your horny." he told her quietly.

"Is that just so?" she asked

"Mer you know it's so. But may I remind you that since your father..."  
"Not my father, sperm donor more like it." she said cutting him off.  
"Ok since your sperm donor arrived Richard has been stalking the halls trying to make sure that you are not near his room. Do you know he has visited this office 5 times already today? How do you think the Chief, your father none the less, would feel walking in or walking past to hear or see his head of plastics in the throws with an intern. An intern who is his daughter." Mark stressed.

"An intern who has been married to the head of plastics for 4 years now. Besides Dad would obviously expect that I would have sex with my husband." she explained.

"Not at work he wouldn't" Mark smiled, even though he was being serious. "Babe what's bought this on anyway?" he asked her quietly.

"Forget about it." she replied climbing off of his lap. But Mark caught her.

"Mer, come one, talk to me." he replied, holding her in front of him.

"Look, don't. Just forget about it. Forget I was even here." she tried to fight his grip. "You don't want me."

"Hey hey!" he raised his voice. Trying his best to get her attention. He pulled her onto his lap again. "I love you and I want you. But there is a time and place for everything. We can't do this here, no matter how much I might want to. My mother and father in law are walking around the halls of this hospital at the moment being very protective of my wife. I get frequent visits from both my in laws, and then add to the mix a sperm donor and his family trying to pump me for information about said wife. So can you see why we can't do this?"

"Yeah sorry babe, it's just all this 'sperm donor' stuff is freaking me out, then add to the mix that I have a step mother playing p.i in the halls and stalking me, I just want you, and need you, and did I tell you that I love you." she said finishing off.

"So you were using me to forget, what, you wanted a screaming orgasm to do the job?" he asked her, looking slightly offended.

"Hey at least I came to you. I could have left, had some Tequila and 

taken home a stranger, but what good would that do?" She laughed. "Seriously baby, nobody can make me scream like you."

"Did you marry me for the sex?" he asked her. The seriousness of his question flooding his facial expression.

"No baby of course not, I was just joking." she tried to calm him down.

"It didn't seem like you were joking. It seemed like you were being quite truthful." he almost spat.

"What the hell? Marcus James Sloan, I don't know what's just triggered this but I can tell you that a marriage, no matter how long or short it is, is not built on sex. I love you, and I yes, I wanted and needed you. But it's not about the sex. It's about being close to you. It's about you holding me in your arms and knowing that I am safe and in the arms of someone who supposedly loves me unconditionally." Tears swelled in her eyes. "If you can't give me that today, that's fine, but I am not going to let you mock my insecurities." Meredith rips his hand away from her. "Come find me when you pull your head out of your arse." Meredith yelled before storming out of the room.

Mark was storming around the hospital, he had spoken to Derek, the interns, and finally he saw Richard.

"Chief, have you seen the other Dr Sloan?" Mark asked trying had to 

hide the anxiety in his voice.

"Not since Susan cornered her in the cafeteria." he replied. "Why what happened?" Richard asked with concern.

"We had a fight, a really stupid fight, but I was stressed. The whole Thatcher thing has been driving me bonkers. I'm nervous as hell about operating on him. Plus his presence has really shaken up Meredith. I overreacted when she was joking. Now she's not answering her mobile, or her pager. Well not for me anyway." Mark sighed.

"You have surgery in two hours. So I suggest that you fix whatever it is now, because if you haven't by the time your surgery comes up, then I will bump it. You need your head in the game." Richard told him, before he turned and walked away.

_"MEN, we'll never be able to escape them, they're just... there."_

After his talk with Richard he looked down every hallway, in every linen closet, and he looked for her behind every door that was not locked or left wide open.

He had worked his way from the roof down to the basement, and he was quite shocked to find her down there lying on an old hospital bed. She at first appeared to be asleep, but when he got closer he could hear her crying.  


"Mer baby I'm so sorry." he said when he reached the bed. "You know that I love you. I shouldn't have said what I did. Come on Mer, babe, look at me."

Meredith remained curled up facing the wall. She didn't make any attempt to look at him.

Mark laid down on the gurney and pulled Meredith into his arms. She didn't fight him, but she surprised him by her leaning into him further.

"Mer I love you." he whispered as he kissed the top of her head. "You know I have almost the whole hospital looking for you, and if I couldn't find you, Richard was going to bump my surgeries."

"You came looking for me because of your surgeries?" she asked him. "Thanks"

"It's not like that. I asked the Chief if he has seen you, and I told him that I was a fool that said things and that we had a fight and that I needed to find you. Because I have been so flustered he said he would bump them for me. You know surgeries mean nothing when I'm fighting with you." he told her as he rain his hand down her side.

"Hmmmm..." she mumbled, as she rolled into him, burying her head in his chest.

"You ok?" he asks. Pulling her closer to him, needing to feel her against him.  


"Honestly, no, no I'm not ok. My real father has shown up, and his wife has a photo of me and has been stalking me around the hospital. Ass that to my parents hovering and freaking out. Then to cap it off my husband mock our marriage and suggests that it is built on sex. I have spent the last couple of hours trying to hate you, you know." She tells him

Meredith pulls away and looks up at him. She had tears in her eyes. "So how did you go? Do you hate me now?" he asked her quietly as he ran his hand along her cheek.

"No, I couldn't" she whispered.

"Hmmm... and why not?" he asked her curiously.

"Unfortunately I love you too much to hate you." she said with a small smile on her face.

"I love you too Sloan." he told her quietly as he leant down and kissed her softly.

"So what was your problem?" she asked him quietly.

"Forget about it." he tells her as he dips his head to kiss her again.

"Now whose trying to distract themselves now?" she asks jokingly. "So what's wrong?"

"Look I'm just frustrated and stressed, besides the fact that I too have been freaking out about this whole situation too." he sighed.

"We make a pretty good pair, don't we?" she asked as she cuddled into him.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." he whispered to her.

"Me too," she replied, "me too."

Mark leant down and kissed her, softly at first, but he needed her more than words could say. Slowly he deepened the kiss, pushing his tongue inside and beginning a slow tango with hers. He needed her and wanted her so much that he couldn't pull back.

Meredith could feel Marks growing erection and it warmed her, as she groaned against his lips... Marks kisses trailed from her lips, slowly moving down her neck to her sweet spot. "Mark" she moaned. "Not here." as she rubbed her body up against him.

"mmm mer" he moaned back as her rubbed against her. He knew that they shouldn't be doing this here. "I don't want to stop" he groaned against her.

"I think that it might be wise to listen to my daughter." Ellis said after she cleared her throat.

"Shit" said mark as he jumped. He quickly pulled away from Meredith, who had groaned an "oh god"  


Meredith forced herself to sit up and tried to fix her hair, but with a broken wrist it was difficult.

Ellis watched her daughter struggle. "Come here" she groaned. Meredith climbed over mark and slowly walked over to her mother, who made her turn around so she could fix her daughters hair.

"Mark, Richard wanted me to find you and make sure the surgery was a go, and if you had fixed things with Meredith." she smiled "Finding you two like I did one can only assume the problem is fixed."

Mark just groaned.

"Oh God mom." she sighed not knowing what to say next.

"Mark I will tell Richard everything is sorted. The O.R has been prepped and your patient is good to go. You might like to cool off for a moment before you move." she said with a smirk.

"Now come on Meredith Bailey is looking for you." Ellis turned to leave.

Meredith was stumped. She was expecting a lecture. "Ummm..." Meredith began.

"Now Meredith." Ellis called, holding the elevator.

"We will finish this tonight" she quickly leaned over and kissed mark. 

"Good luck in surgery." she then turned and ran to the elevator. Nervous to be alone with her mother.


	9. hypocrite

The elevator ride was long, and Meredith nervously toyed with her watch. "Relax Meredith." her mother told her.

"But I'm waiting for you to yell or something, I mean you just caught us, almost, you know." Meredith swallowed hard. "Shit, what is Dad going to say?"

"Your dad won't know, and I'm not going to yell. However awkward it may have been to just see that I am not going to say anything." Ellis re-assured her.

"Thank God" Meredith sighed with relief.

"You have no idea how grateful you should be that it wasn't your father. It was only because I told him that he had a hospital to run"

"Shit, I'm so sorry." Meredith droned.

"It's ok, I expected to find something like that, I'm just glad that I didn't find you further into it." Ellis told her honestly. "Look, I'm not encouraging what you just got caught doing. But Meredith, there are more appropriate places for that then a bed in the basement. Keep that in mind next time you decide to make up."

Meredith looked at her wary. "You can still yell you know and say Damn it Meredith."

"I don't want to yell and say dammit Meredith, unlike the others in the hospital that do that, you are at least married to the man."  


"Ok" she eyed her mum carefully. "Can you please yell. It would make me feel so much better if you did. Besides, Dad would have yelled."

"He would have, but then he would have been a hypocrite." Ellis told her.

"Ewww , mom, I didn't need to know that. Bad images, bad." she whinged.

"Now you know how I feel after seeing what I did." Ellis Smirked.

The elevator dinged, "Now go see Bailey" Ellis told her, and pushed her out of the door.

gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga


	10. ok in time

After escaping the wrath of Bailey, Meredith stayed on the main surgical floor in one of the coffee rooms. Meredith had her head buried in the charts that she needed to finish. Meredith had managed to get most of them done when she felt like someone was watching her. Looking up she spotted the other interns. "Hey" she said, and smiled at them. They then moved in and surrounded the table, each pulling up a chair.

"Hi" they all smiled at her.

"Thanks for saving my arse at lunch, or at least for trying anyway." she replied

"Oh it's ok, we saw her zoning in on you and we worked out that they must have been the reason for you take on the name Sloan, and your mum Weber." Stevens commented.

"Well yeah, except I'm going to remain a Sloan, and hopefully mum does the same thing."

"Oh ok." was all that they said.

"Look I know you guys want the gossip on the whole situation, but I am a very private person. My family is very private. There really isn't anything to tell. Thatcher left when I was 5 never to be seen again. That's it, this is the first time I have seen him since." Meredith told them.  


"So what happened to your wrist?" Karev asked studying her face.

"Oh you noticed that huh?" she asked, before she trailed off. "Hang on, aren't you supposed to be in surgery with Mark?" she was now completely distracted.

"Yeah he got to the scrub room just before the surgery. He looked all flustered. Then he kicked me out of the surgery because I couldn't answer one of his questions. He's an arse." Karev finished.

The other interns shot him glares except for Meredith who laughed. "Yeah he is." she said through her laughter. "He doesn't normally work with interns. He's a bit stubborn, but I'm working on him."

"Oh," yang said, " more surgeries", she tried to hide the sting.

"No it's not like that" Meredith told them, "Look I know you hate me because my mum is a surgeon and my dad is the Chief. I don't need you guys to hate me more because my husband had the ability to be an arrogant arse. Besides, the only one of you guys interested in plastics is Karev. So what do you care?" she asked.

"We... we... don't ... it's just" O'Malley trailed off.

"It's just that you think I've got something over you having family connections. But believe me I don't. I have had to work my arse off to get here. It's hard when people have great expectations of you and disappointment is one thing I don't handle well. So I have to prove 

myself more than the rest of you. I may have been number 1 at med school , but I didn't just waltz right in here, because my mum and dad didn't want this to happen. They knew the shit that I was going to cop, but Mark was all for it, so here I Am." she said openly.

"Oh we didn't realise." Stevens started.

"People never do, they only assume." Meredith replied.

"So how about we start over?" O'Malley offered.

"I'm George O'Malley, This is Izzie Stevens, Christina Yang, and Alex Karev."

Meredith shook all their hands. "Hi, I'm Meredith Grey Sloan, but I prefer to be called Meredith Sloan." she smiled at them, "Oh and by the way. Shepherds my brother in law. Just thought I would throw that in before you hear that along the grape vine too."

All the interns at first looked shocked, but then started to laugh. "How do you manage to be married to McSteamy and sister in law to McDreamy?" Yang asked.

"Mc What?" Meredith asked.

"Umm McSteamy and McDreamy." Stevens went on to explain that they had nicknamed Derek and Mark, Dreamy and Steamy on their first day.

Some one cleared their throat at the door. Looking up, Meredith and the other interns saw Derek.

"Mer, I was wondering if I could catch up with you." Meredith laughed, she wondered how long he had been standing there.

"Sure Der" she said quickly tidying up her charts with her good hand.

"Please excuse us guys." Derek said before throwing them one of his charming smiles.

"A little help Der?" She said with a smile pointing at the charts.

"What I'm not your slave." he said with a mock smile.

"You know if we weren't at work id kick you arse." she said with a smirk.

"Sloan, don't talk to your superiors like that." came marks voice from the doorway.

Meredith looked up with a smirk, "Sloan you would too if you knew he want going to help me carry my charts. Come on, I'm crippled."

"Shep, help her with those damn charts." Mark said laughing.

"Hey you married her, that's your job." Derek laughed back.

"Fine, give me the damn charts. What are you guys up to anyway?" He 

asked eyeing the other interns.

"Ummmm..." Meredith began.

"Do you know you're McSteamy, and I'm McDreamy?" Derek laughed causing he interns to go red in the face.

"McSteamy, nice, that trumps McDreamy, it means I'm hot." Mark said with a big cheeky grin.

"Thanks for telling him Der, now his ego is going to be even harder to straddle." Meredith laughed.

"Straddling... hmmm... I think I heard a whisper about that, how's your mother by the way." Derek joked.

Meredith went up and playfully slapped Mark. "I can't believe you told him." she shot at him

the other interns sat up interested.

"Just be lucky that mum said she wasn't going to tell dad, because you would be dead, and I don't really want to say goodbye to your pretty face just yet." she laughed giving him a quick kiss.

"So what did you want to speak to me about Der?" she turned and eyed Derek.

"Yeah shep, what did you want to talk to Sloan about?" Mark smirked 

at him.

"Ummm..." he said, looking around at the other interns. "Come on" he said grabbing Meredith's good wrist and dragging her out of the room. Mark followed close behind with the charts. They paused while Mark returned Meredith's charts before they continued to an empty exam room.

Derek shut the door behind them as they all took positions around the room.

"Well?" Meredith prompted.

"Addison is coming to town and she wants us all to have tea tonight." Derek told her.

"That's great , so what's the problem?" Meredith asked.  
Mark looked at Derek, and then at Meredith. He had no idea what Derek was going to say.

Derek looked at them both. "She's not just coming to visit, she's coming to stay." Derek continued. "She is taking on the head of neonatal and ob."

Meredith had a huge smile on her face. "That's the best news. I can't believe Addie is going to be here. It's going to be good having us all back together again."

"There's more." Derek said. He looked her over carefully, not sure how 

she was going to take the news. "She's pregnant."

Meredith froze. A baby, they were going to have a baby. Meredith unconsciously ran her hand over her abdomen. She suddenly felt empty. "That's... that's great." she told him, swallowing hard. She went and quickly gave him a hug.

Meredith turned to look at Mark. He shook Derek's hand before walking out of the room.

"I'm sorry Derek, you know where really happy for you both. We will meet you in the lobby at 7 to finalise dinner arrangements." Meredith kissed him on the cheek before going to find Mark.

Meredith had checked Marks office and most of his usual hiding places. She even looked in the Gallery, but to no avail.

Suddenly an idea popped into her head.

As she approached him she could see him struggling to keep his emotions under wrap. She moved up behind him and put her arms around his waist, kissing his shoulder before leaving her head on his back.

"Do you ever think what he would have been like" Mark asked her quietly.

She nodded against his back. "All the time." she whispered.

Mark turned around and pulled her against his chest, then turned them back to face the babies in the nursery.

"I can imagine playing catch and teaching him how to ride a bike. Taking him to the beach, all those great things." he said as he choked back the tears.

"I know what you mean. I can see it too." she told him, as she rubbed her hand over his chest.

"It hurts so much it breaks my heart. "He confided. "It doesn't feel like it was 3 years ago, it feels like it was just yesterday."

Meredith looked up at Mark. Her heart was breaking. "I know it hurts, it broke my heart too."

Mark looked down at her, he could see the tears welling in her eyes, as he fought back his own. Lowering his head he captured her lips in a tender kiss. "I love you, and I can't imagine what my life would be like without you. If I lost you when we lost him, I just don't know what I would have done." he whispered

"Shhh... I'm still here, and I'm not going anywhere." she promised before pulling his head down to kiss him again.

Both pagers sounded suddenly and they broke away,. Looking down at their pagers before looking back up. "Chief" they both said. Mark took hold of her hand as they walked towards the elevator and up to the Chiefs office.  


On arriving at the Chiefs Richard invited them both in to sit down. Richard noticed how close they were standing considering they were in his office. He notices how they both clung to each other's hand. He hadn't seen either of them like this since Meredith's car accident 3 years ago when it almost left her paralysed and robbed them of their child as Meredith was 8 months pregnant. He had heard from Addison that she was pregnant and Derek told him about how they reacted when he told them. Adding that onto their fight and the stress of Thatchers presence.

Meredith sighed as she sat down in her chair. She was absolutely exhausted. Mark slumped into his chair and just looked down into his lap.

"You wanted to see us." Meredith opened as she tried to stifle a yawn.

"I wanted to see you both to make sure that you are both ok. I understand that things haven't been great for both of you lately. I can't imagine how either of you are feeling, but I wanted to reassure you that both Ellis and I are here for you." Richard told them. He looked at Meredith who nodded quietly, but when he looked at Mark it was like he was frozen on the brink of tears.

"Mark," Meredith called his name as she watched him distance himself. "Mark" Meredith let go of his hand and went and positioned her in front of him. Standing between his legs, she reached out her hand and ran it through his hair before letting it run down his cheek. At that moment a 

tear ran down his cheek. It was very rare for anyone to see Mark cry.

Meredith watched Mark trying to fight back the tears. "Just let it go. Let him go." she whispered. Mark finally broke out of his trance and looked at her. "It's ok to let go." she whispered. It was only then that he had finally let go. Breaking down in front of her. He pulled her close to him and cried, his head resting against her stomach.

Meredith ran her fingers through his hair, she looked over at Richard, who simply nodded and left them alone. Meredith looked down at Mark and realised that this was the first time since the accident that he had actually cried. He hadn't had a chance to grieve the after the accident as he had to help her through hours of extensive physiotherapy. Not only that but also the fact that he had to drive her everywhere and push her around classes. Caring for her in every way possible while she also mourned the death of their son. "I love you Marcus James Sloan. More than life itself. I'm sorry I put you through all this. I did this to us." she whispered as she could no longer hold back her tears. "I did this, I broke you and I killed him."

Mark lifted his head, pulling her down onto his lap. "You didn't do this. The bastard who drove drunk did this." he sobbed as he pulled her nearer to him, both crying for the loss of their son. "Meredith Ellis Sloan, I love you with all my heart and I can't let you blame yourself for this. We can and will come back from this."

They held each other until bother their tears had subsided. "I'm ok, are you ok?" she asked, wiping away the traces of her tears.

"Mer, I'm not ok, and neither are you. But we will be ok in time." he told her as he pushed her hair back from her face.

"We will be ok" she reaffirmed as she traced the lines from his tears on his face.

"Yeah" Mark smiled, "we will be ok." and with that he kissed her, a kiss that promised that things were going to be fine.

Breaking the kiss she rested her head upon his shoulder and just sat there listening to him breathe. In silence they sat as the held each other.

The knock on the door broke the comfortable silence that had enveloped the, but still they didn't look up. They had guessed it would be one of her parents. Meredith contemplated moving off of Marks lap but didn't break the contact.

"Meredith, mark, is it ok if I come back in?" Richard asked, not entering but having opened the door to look in on them. Meredith looked up and nodded.

Richard walked in with Ellis close behind. They were holding hands. It appeared that they had had their own moment. Richard and Ellis walked over to where Meredith and Mark were seated. Ellis rested her hand on Meredith's shoulder, while Richard put his own on Marks shoulder. "We just want to remind bout of you that we are here for you, and if you need to talk or need anything at all then just ask." Ellis told them, before placing a kiss on top of Meredith's head.  


"Thanks mum" Meredith replied as she took hold of her mother's hand.

"Your shifts finish in half an hour. Is there anything either of you need to do. Do you have patients you need to check on, because if not then you guys should go spend some time together before your dinner with Derek and Addison." Richard instructed.

"I have a few labs to collect and I'm sure Mark has a few post op patients to check up on then we are meeting Derek in the lobby. Thanks though dad." stated Meredith.

"We will do it together though." Mark replied.

Meredith climbed off MARKS lap, giving her mum and dad a quick hug. Mark stood giving Ellis a small hug before giving Richard a Man Hug.

Taking Meredith's hand in his they left quietly to go finish what was left for them for the evening.


	11. when you're ready

Meredith and Mark met a concerned Derek and Addison in the lobby. Meredith gave Addison a big hug, so glad to have her best friend here with her. "You're glowing, pregnancy looks good on you." Meredith told her.

Both Derek and Addison looked at Mark and Meredith. Meredith caught the look; "its ok, we are happy for you." she told them with a huge smile on her face.

"Yeah man, I didn't get a chance to say it, but I am happy for you guys." ark followed shaking Derek's hand before kissing Addison on the cheek.

"Now dinner," Meredith said, moving the conversation on. "Where do you want to eat?"

Derek looked at Addison and then to Mark. They both shrugged. "Well Mer, you look like you could go a steak and a bottle of wine." Mark said with a smile.

"See that why keep you around." Meredith joked before she pulled his head down to kiss him. It was a simple kiss, but it stirred them enough to want more. "Later tonight." she whispered into his ear.

Meredith nestled against Marks chest. "The steak house is good." Meredith Murmured.

"The steak house it is then." stated Addison. Meredith curled one am around Marks waist and walked to their car. They were going to meet 

Derek and Addison there.

Meredith paused just in front of Marks Mercedes. "I love you Mark." Meredith whispered, standing on her toes to give him a brief kiss before climbing into the passenger side of the car and relaxing into the seat.

It was great to have caught up with Addie. The last time Meredith had seen her was when she had put Meredith on the plane back to Seattle. Derek and Addison had been married for 8 years and it was a shock when Derek followed Mark from New York to Seattle. Meredith watched their marriage strain over the distance. Derek had spent a year in Seattle with the two of them travelling back and forth across the country.

"Tonight was good I guess I have really missed Addie." Meredith told Mark as she climbed into bed that night.

"I'm glad she finally decided to move here. Derek might actually look alive again." Mark commented as he came out of the bathroom in his boxers.

"True" Meredith commented, her gaze lingering on her husband, and a smile spread across her face.

"Was there eggshells surrounding us though?" Mark commented as he 

climbed into bed.

"I could hear them crackle as they moved around us." Meredith replied as she snuggled into his chest.

"Hmmmm..." Mark sighed as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"So I've been thinking..." Meredith started, as she lightly kissed his chest. "After we lost Michael, we stopped talking about us, and kids, our future." Meredith swallowed, as she felt Mark shift to sit up.

"What are you saying Mer?" Mark asked.

"I guess what I'm saying is that if and when you're ready to try again. Ummm... then I am ready to." Meredith stumbled.

"A baby, you're talking about a baby Mer?" Mark questioned a little shocked to be having this discussion tonight.

"If you don't want to then that's ok." Meredith began to retreat.

"No I do. I really do." Mark hurried, pulling her back to him. "I'm not ready just yet, but give me a little time and I will get ready." Mark finished.

"In the mean time we can practice making a baby." She joked.

With that Mark dipped his head and kissed her, before softly rolling her over and passionately making love to his wife.


	12. history repeats

3 months had passed since that night, and things had improved. The same day Meredith had her cast off, Thatcher had been discharged. That was 2 months ago. Meredith had been free to roam the halls. After getting her orders from Bailey, Meredith headed down to the pit.

On the way down Meredith passed Alex, Addie and Mark in an argument. "It's not his job to fetch you coffee, it's his job to learn from you." Addison yelled at mark.

"Seriously Addison, if he wants to scrub in, he has to earn it." Mark yelled back. "It's my turn to high horse his arse. Go find your own intern."

Meredith chuckled as she walked past. Neither of them had seen her, but hearing her laugh, all 3 of them looked up at her. "Do you find something funny Dr Sloan?" Addison asked her, her eyebrow raised.

"Ummmm... sorry Dr Shepherd." Meredith said with a smirk. "I just find it funny that D Sloan has a habit of making himself seem like the arrogant arse plastic surgeon that he can be."

Meredith kept walking, hearing mark splutter before muttering "Fine"

Meredith reached the E.R in time to hear the Ambulances pull up. Meredith ran to the doors to meet the first Ambulance. The doors opened. "Eric Thompson, 26 has a head trauma; he has been unconscious for the past 5 minutes." Meredith helped pull the gurney out of the Ambulance when Bailey arrived with the other interns. "O'Malley, Stevens, take this one. Sloan you get the next. Yang, there 

is another on the way and Karev grab the last one." Bailey barked.

Meredith nodded and backed away. The next Ambulance pulled up as George and Izzie pushed the other patient inside.

The Ambulance opened as the paramedic barked. "Lucy Simpson, 32, appears to be 7 months pregnant, was hit head on by a drunk driver. Has been receiving CPR for the last 15 minutes, she's a d.o.a"

Meredith froze, looking down at her patient. "We just need you to call it. Add to the fact that she has lost it. Dr Sloan?" The paramedic called.

"Oh uh sorry, get her in trauma 2, so I can call it." she ordered

Meredith followed them in with the gurney and she caught Marks eye as he rushed into the pit. Meredith got the patient into the room and she continued C.P.R. Meredith had been pushing for 5 minutes before Addison arrived. "Dr Sloan, what have we got?" She watched Meredith pushing hard. "Meredith" she called.

"Lucy Simpson, she's 7 months pregnant, looks like she lost it. I've been doing C.P.R for 5 minutes; paramedics said she was down for 15 minutes before arriving." Meredith barked. "I've got to save her Addie." Meredith urged, as she kept going.

"She's gone Mer, your too close to this, you shouldn't be here." Addie said trying to pull her away. "She was hit head on, there's too much Damage here. You've got to call it."

Addison pulled Meredith away from the patient. "Call it" Addison urged trying to hold Meredith off from the patient.

Meredith fought her for a moment before Bailey entered. "What's going on in here?" Bailey yelled as she watched Meredith fight off Addison.

"Call it Meredith." Addison said once more. Meredith looked at Bailey before finally relaxing. "Time of death 10:22." Meredith finally spoke, trying to regain steady breathing.

Meredith pushed past them before running through the doors to get outside.

"What was all that about?" Bailey asked Addison.

"Long story, look. I will have her on my cases with me today. I won't let it happen again." Addison told her before leaving the room.  
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In the mean time, Mark wad paged to Trauma room 3.

"What have we got Karev?" Mark barked as he entered the room.

"David Stevens, 25, appears to have a head trauma, as well as sever breakages to his facial structure." Karev rattled off.

"What did you say his name was?" Mark asked again.

"David Stevens." Karev repeated as Derek walked in.  


"Take him for a CT, MRI AND XRAYS." Derek barked, when he saw Mark walk from the room. "Page me with the results.  
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Addison found Meredith sitting on the bench outside slouched over. "There was nothing you could do." Addie told her as she sat down next to her, putting her arm around her.

Meredith didn't comment. She just sat there.

"She was hit front and back. I have to see Molly Thompson, Yang is getting scans for Derek, and I told Bailey that you were with me for the rest of the day. Molly was in the car that ran up the back of Lucy. Come on, let's go." Addie told her as she urged Meredith to stand.

Keeping her arm around Meredith, Addie led her back inside.  
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Derek found mark sitting in the hall. There was nothing he could say to him. Mark was his brother, and he still had no idea what to say to him. So Derek just sat down next to him, resting his hand on Marks arm. "It's our job". he told mark.

Mark didn't lift his head; he was filled with anger towards the man who had killed his son just over 3 years ago. He was breaking with the grief for his loss, for his little boy and was reliving the fear that he had when he was taken to see his Meredith, broken and paralysed from the 

accident.

"History repeats." Mark muttered. "I can't work on him." he forced out.

Derek's pager went off. "Come on man, the scans are back." Derek made himself stand up. "I can't imagine what it's like for you, but we have to do this." Derek held out his hand and pulled Mark up off the ground.  
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Derek and Mark reached the exam room and studied the scans. Alex looked on as Derek discussed the neuro side of the patient, pointing out the subdural haemorrhage that he would have to operate on.

Derek turned to Mark, who was fighting to forget who the patient was. "He's going to need extensive work on his face, both bone and tissue structure." Mark then went on to explain the procedure.

Richard entered the room as Mark finished. "The bastard did it again I hear." Richard growled. "A 32 year old woman, 7 months pregnant, Both died." Richard informed them.

"I can't operate on him, the son of a bitch." Mark turned to Richard.

Richard put his hand on Marks shoulder. "You can and you will." he told Mark. "Derek and I will be right there next to you."

Mark just simply nodded. Alex watched carefully, not understanding what was going on.  


"Go prep the patient." Derek ordered Alex.  
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Meredith entered the room with Addison. "Dr Sloan, this is Molly Thompson. She is 2 months pregnant. Molly has a slight head trauma, and some bleeding on her frontal lobe." Addie told her.

"We will be scrubbing in with Derek while he operates on the bleed. I need you to watch the foetal monitor while I repair the tear to the placenta." Addie finished.

Meredith nodded; she walked in and looked at the monitor, before looking down at the patient. Meredith let out a groan. "Is there a problem?" Addie asked.

"Molly Thompson is Molly Grey, who happens to be Thatcher Greys daughter." Meredith informed her.

"And Thatcher Grey is?" Addie asked.

"Her father." Derek turned to Addison.

"Sperm donor more like it." Meredith finished.

"Are you going to be ok in here, working on your sister?" Addie asked her.

"She's not my sister, and I'm fine." Meredith protested.  


"Ok, ok. They are moving her up to Neuro. I want you to check on her regularly. But first we have to eat. We won't be operating for another 2 hours. Eric, Molly's husband is in the O.R, and Mark is going in soon to work on the drunk driver." Addie smiled.

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Meredith left the room followed by Addie. both were on their way to the cafeteria when they passed the on call room, they stopped, and they could hear some one crying in there. Meredith and Addie looked at each other before Meredith knocked and opened the door.

Curled up n the bottom bunk as Izzie. Meredith went to her. "Izzie, what's wrong?" Meredith asked, placing her hand on Izzie's side.

"I'm fine" Izzie responded through her sobs.

"Izzie your obviously not." Meredith replied. "Come on sit up and talk to us."

Izzie rolled over and eyed them carefully before wiping the tears from her eyes. "It's my brother; he was in the car accident this morning." Izzie sobbed. "Davy was in the crash, now Sloan is going to reconstruct his face. What makes it worse was that he caused it. He only just got his license back, he did it again. he did it again." she sobbed

"What do you mean again?" Addison asked.  


"3 years ago, he ran a red light. He was driving drunk, he almost killed someone then." she sobbed and Meredith gasped.

"What was your brother's name again?" Addie asked.

"Davy Stevens, David." she sobbed.

Meredith sobbed, pulling back from Izzie. Addie gasped. "I've got to go find mark." She broke through her sobs. Meredith stood and ran from the room.

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Meredith had searched for Mark for almost an hour, finally finding him in the scrub room. "Mark" she gasped, when she saw the look on his face. Richard and Derek entered the OR giving them privacy.

"I can't do it Mer, I can't operate on him." Mark strained. She watched him fight back the tears.

"Babe" she pulled him to her. "It's ok, you can do this. For now he is another patient. You can kick his arse later." she whispered in his ear.

"When I hear his name, and look at him, I get so angry. All I see is you broken and you in a wheel chair. Then I am pained because we lost our son." he looked down at Meredith. Both had tears in their eyes.

Meredith ran her hand along Marks cheek. "Not operating on him won't 

bring Michael back." she whispered. The she picked up his hand and placed it over her heart. "Can you feel it? It's still beating. He may have broken me, but my heart still beats for you." she whispered. A tear escaped him. She wiped it away with her thumb. "Did you see me walk into the room?" she asked him. He just nodded quietly. "Notice there is no wheel chair, and that I am standing in front of you. He took my son, our son; he took my legs for a year. He turned our world upside down, yet here we are." She cuddled into him. "Don't let him take away your job, because that is what will happen if you don't operate on him."

"Ok then." Mark said after a few moments.

Meredith raised her head, looking up at him. Mark lowered his head and kissed her, softly yet deeply. "You're my voice of reason" he whispered after breaking the kiss.

"and you are the love of my life." she whispered back. Slowly she pulled away. "Now get in there and save that bastards life."

Mer walked to the door leaving Mark to scrub in. "Thanks Mer," he called as she left. Mark knew it took a lot for her to ask him to save his life.

Mark finished scrubbing in before entering the O.R. "let's do this" he grunted as he settled back into his work.

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Meredith caught up with Addie in the cafeteria. She was shocked to find Izzie, Christina and George sitting with her. Meredith went and grabbed her lunch. She began to walk over to the table with all the others but she couldn't bring herself to. So Meredith found a quiet spot on the patio, pulled up a seat and was content with sitting by herself.

"Do you make it a habit to eat alone?" Susan Grey asked as she pulled up next to her.

"Uh no, my friends are over there, I just needed some time to think" Meredith replied uncomfortably.

"So are you still denying to be Meredith Grey?" she asked in quite a jovial manner.

"There is no denying it Susan; I have never been a grey." Meredith replied.

"No truer words were spoken." came her mother's voice from behind her.

"Oh hello Dr Webber." Susan replied hastily.

"You really don't know when to leave a family alone do you?" Ellis asked as she sat on Meredith's other side.

"I see you too are denying your true identity." Susan smirked.

"Look I just want to eat my lunch in peace. Susan your little fantasy 

about me being Meredith Grey needs to be dropped. Besides I, the intern on your daughters case, and if she really was my sister then I wouldn't be allowed in the room." Meredith snapped.

"Nicely put." Elli stated eyeing Susan. "Now if you excuse us, we really would like to eat our lunch with the small amount of time we have before we are tending to our patients.

Slowly Susan stood. "You can't hide from your family forever." She told Meredith before walking away.

"You are not my family." Meredith said through clenched teeth. A she watched Susan walk away.

Ellis and Meredith ate their lunch quietly. They didn't talk about Susan or Thatcher, or the fact that both their husbands were in the O.R treating the same man who took the life of their unborn child.

Once finished they said a quick goodbye before heading off to check on their patients.

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Meredith reached Molly's room and entered to find Addison doing a quick check up on her. Susan was sitting back asking questions.

"Meredith how nice to see you." Susan smirked.

"You too Mrs Grey." Meredith nodded.  


"How's the baby DR Shepherd?" Meredith asked as she checked the status on the foetal monitor.

"Going strong Dr Sloan." Addie replied before they both left the room. "Can you finish her pre op before her surgery?" she asked once they were out in the hall.

"Sure" Meredith replied quickly

"Hey where were you at lunch?" Addie asked as they reached the nurses' station.

"I had to convince Mark to operate. Plus I don't think I can look at Izzie right now." Meredith replied honestly.

"oh ok. You know you can't blame Izzie for her brother." Addie told her as she rested her hand on Mer's shoulder.

"I know, but it doesn't make this any easier." Meredith sighed before returning to Molly's room.


	13. wheel chair baby

Meredith had just finished up in the surgery and had made it to the scrub room before her legs began to feel weak. It didn't happen often but when it did she would go through excruciating pain before her legs would go numb and she would crumble.

Meredith scrubbed out quickly before forcing her legs to move, she wanted to reach the door and struggle to Marks office for her chair.

Addison and Derek came out in time to see Meredith stumble...  
Her grip tightened on the scrub sink, as she managed to hold herself up. "Shit!" Derek said as he watched her wince in pain. He quickly scrubbed out. "Just breathe mer." he told her. He then turned to Addie. "We will meet you in the waiting room. I'm going to carry her to her chair."

Addison nodded quietly. She was always scared when Meredith's legs crumbled. She hated seeing Meredith in her wheel chair. She watched as Derek swept her up in his arms and carried her from the scrub room.

All eyes were on Derek and Meredith as Derek carried Meredith through the hospital up to Marks office. He reached the elevator, without anyone stopping and questioning his actions. However, when the doors opened he was shocked to see her fellow interns.

Meredith buried her head into his shoulder, not wanting to look at her friends. "Der" she winced as the pain over took her again and she cried out.

Derek held her close not looking at the other interns as he moved to the back of the elevator. "Shhh... it will be over soon." he lulled her. As soon as the doors opened he pushed past the interns and stepped off.

Derek saw Mark at the end of the hall. "Mark" he called out. Mark turned around to see Derek carrying Meredith. He turned and rushed to his office. The other interns were looking on, confused at the fact that Mark had turned and ran away.

Derek reached Marks office as Mark came out with Meredith's medication. Mark lifted Meredith's shirt and gave her an injection before he forced 2 morphine capsules into her mouth before he held a bottle to her mouth. She took a quick mouth full of water, and swallowed the tablets.

Derek then walked into Marks office while Mark disposed of the used syringe. Mark had already got Meredith's purple wheel chair ready. He slowly lowered her into her chair before placing her feet on the rests. Derek kissed her on her face forehead. "You ok now?" he asked.

"Yeah, pains gone now." She mumbled as she wiped away he tears. "Thanks for being there."

"No problems Mer." he told her.

Mark who had finished putting her medication away came over and thanked Derek before pulling him into a hug. "You ok Mer?" he asked going over to her.  


She nodded at him. "It will pass, she stated plainly before reaching for him. He dropped a light kiss on her lips before his beeper sounded.

"I've got to run, it's a 911." he whispered to her.

"It's ok, we have to check on Molly." she commented.

Derek helped wheel Meredith out of Marks office before he let her take over. They made their way together to the waiting room. Addison was standing off to the side waiting for them. "You ok?" Addie asked her,

"Always" Meredith replied, forcing a smile.

Meredith wheeled herself forward leading the way to where Susan Grey and Thatcher were standing. "Shit" Meredith thought when she spots her father. Derek moved forward introducing himself and then introducing Addison and Meredith.

Thatcher studied her carefully. H e looked concerned, but the wheel chair was easy to fool people with.

Derek explained Molly's condition, and how he had managed to get everything, and Addie followed through stating that the baby was ok barring any complications.

As they both excused themselves, Meredith did the same. They had managed to get a couple of feet away before Thatcher reached them. "Meredith are you ok?" he asked.  


Meredith turned her chair to face him. While Addie and Derek stopped and waited for her.

"I appreciate your concern Mr Grey, but I'm neve in the chair for long." she shrugged before turning around and beginning to wheel away.

"Look I know who you are Meredith, I have known from the day you helped me out of the Ambulance." Thatcher called after her. "You may hide behind you married name but you are my daughter." he stuttered.

Meredith turned to face him again. "You gave up the right to call me your daughter when you left and didn't even keep contact. I am not you daughter." she yelled.

Derek grabbed hold of her chair and turned her away again. Moving fast away from Thatcher. Meredith didn't need any extra stress; she was stressed enough by being in the chair. He could hear Thatcher and Susan following closely behind.

Addison stopped, letting Derek get ahead. "Please, can't you just let her go?" Addison asked almost pleading. "She doesn't need this now."

"But that's my daughter." Thatcher stumbled again.

"Now isn't the time or the place." Addison told him. She looked up to see Richard and Ellis coming. Both stopped with Meredith. She could see Richard and Ellis both Thanking Derek. She sighed with relief when 

she saw them continue with Meredith, while Derek waited for her.

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Meredith wheeled her chair out of the elevator and down to the coffee stand. Meredith had half an hour left of her shift and to add to that, all she had left to do was finish off Molly's chart.

After grabbing her coffee, she looked at her chair and reached into her side bag to find her cup holder. Adapted it for her chair and clipped it on before placing the cup into it. Carefully she turned and wheeled her way to the elevator, only again to find it occupied. Mark was standing in the far corner.

"Hey" she said smiling as she wheeled her chair in, before turning it around.

"What floor?" he asked her.

"3rd" she told him quickly, "I have a chart to grab" she finished off.

He stepped forward and pressed the button for her. He bent down to give her a quick kiss before he stole her coffee. "Hey" she protested. "That's mine"

Mark laughed. "Sharing is caring besides it's an interns job to get attending's there coffee."

"Don't be an arse, it's a husbands job to look after his wife." she 

smirked.

Mark returned her coffee into the holder. Mark gave her one more kiss before the doors opened. "You know I love you." he told her as she wheeled out of the elevator. "I'll meet you by the locker room." he called after her, before the doors closed again.

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Meredith settled herself in the open lounge to complete her chart. Meredith was just finished when the other interns walked into the room.

"What's with the chair?" Alex asked her as he moved in.

"It's not a fashion accessory, people use them when they are sick or can't walk." Meredith responded sarcastically.

"So which are you?" Christina asked.

"What are you taking turns?" She asked with a smile, before she lifted her coffee to her mouth.

"Well?" Alex pried.

"Can't walk, at the moment." she said with a shrug.

"You're acting like its normal." Izzie exclaimed.

Meredith didn't even look at her

Everyone went quiet and studied her.

"So... what's your problem?" George asked looking concerned.

Meredith shrugged. "Not so much a problem, as a life time of the chair." she replied.

"But you can walk" Christina stated obviously.

"I'm glad you are observant." Meredith smiled.

"So are you going to tell us what happened?" George pressed her.

"Is it really necessary?" Meredith asked. She could see that the others were not going to budge... "I was visiting my parents 3 years ago when a drunk driver ran a red light and slammed into my car. End of story."

"I'm sure there's more to this story." Alex commented, remembering the conversation the Chief had with Mark in the exam room.

"There is" came marks voice from the door.

Meredith looked up as Mark walked up to her and kissed her on the top of her head. "It's ok to tell them." he told her as he took her hand.

Meredith looked around the room at her new friends. "3 years ago, like 

I said a drunk driver ran a red light. I can't remember much about the accident, but they had to cut me from the car." Meredith's voice was shaky. "Any way, I was brought to Seattle Grace, and treated here. I was paralysed from the waist down, while the guy driving the other car escaped with a broken arm. I went through a year of strenuous physio and still attended Med School. Now I can walk, but once every so often, my back tweaks and pain shoots through my legs and lower back. Which is what happened today. After that I lose all sensation in my legs. It only lasts a couple of hours, sometimes the whole night but it doesn't happen often."

"So what happened to the other guy?" Alex asked.

Meredith looked at Izzie. "He lost his license, but it seems that he got it back, because he caused the accident today."

Izzie closed her eyes. "I'm so sorry Meredith." Izzie gaped as tears ran down her cheek.

"You'd think that after taking one life away in his last expedition that he might have learnt his lesson. But no, today he took the life of a 32 year old ad her un born baby." Meredith said sharply.

"What do you mean took one life away?" George asked.

"I was 8 months pregnant when he slammed into my car." Meredith told them, both mark and her had tears in their eyes.

"Oh My God." Cried Izzie.  


"So please understand that while you are crying over your injured brother, I had to reluctantly talk my husband into operating on him while secretly praying he would flat line on the table." Meredith wheeled her chair back from the table, grabbing the chart. She allowed Mark to wheel her from the room.

Meredith returned the chart before wheeling her way to the locker room and waited for Mark to come out with her stuff.

The other interns met her at the door, minus Izzie.

"What not coming in?" Alex asked.

"No, Sloan's getting my stuff. Plus I really can't get around in there. I may be an expert in this thing, but there isn't enough room to move in there." Meredith said, shrugging off their concerned look.

"Look I was in this chair for almost a year, add the times that my back decides to tweak. You could obviously tell that for 3 years I have been in and out of the chair. I'm used to it; it's a fact of life." Meredith finished. Mark walked out of the room with her bag over his shoulder and her change of clothes and her shoes in his arms. The other interns jumped.

"Ready to go?" he asked as he put her clothes and shoes on her lap and hanging her bag off her chair.

"Yep" she smiled, as she reversed back in her chair and turned around. 

"Will see you guys tomorrow when I'm back on my feet." she called out casually as she headed for the elevator.

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Meredith and Mark reached his office to find Derek and Addie waiting for them. "Hi guys" Meredith smiled, "What can we do for you?"

Derek grinned at Meredith, she seemed brighter now.

"Was wondering if you guys wanted Dinner? We were thinking sea food." Derek asked.

Mark looked down at Meredith and she smiled and gave a nod. "Sure" he said with a grin, relieved he didn't want pizza again. "But can we pick you guys up, say at 8. We need to shower." He trailed off.

"Which takes a little longer when I'm in the chair." Meredith finished for him.

Addie frowned.

"Turn that frown upside down." Meredith said with a smirk.

"Why are you all smiles?" Derek asked curiously.

"She vented on another unsuspecting intern." Mark grinned.

"You didn't, what did you do?" Addison exclaimed.  


"Let's just say that they crowded me, asking me about my chair, and one copped more than she bargained for." Meredith stated simply.

"Who?" Derek asked while Addie had an 'Oh' expression on her face.

"Stevens" Mark stated. Derek looked curious, missing the point.

"Her brother put me in the chair." She finished, answering Derek's unanswered questions.

"Right" Derek nodded.

"So I guess we will get going we will see you at our place at 8." Addie interrupted.

"Alright see you then." Meredith said, as she wheeled her chair into Marks office. Mark said a quick see you, before following her in.

"Right are we showering here, or home?" he asked as he gathered his stuff together."

"Home," she answered quickly. "It's safer for me, and all my stuff is there. Plus knowing Addie it will be a swish seafood place, so jeans won't be good."

Mark laughed, knowing what Meredith said was true.

"Ok Lets go." Mark finished after gathering his things. Both still in their 

scrubs.

Meredith wheeled out, and lead all the way to the car park. They had come to work together in Marks car, so he lifted her into his car before he put her chair in the boot.


	14. little moments

Mark carried Meredith upstairs to the bathroom, and sat her down on the toilet seat. As Meredith reached to take off her scrub top, Mark slowly undid her pants and she put her arms around Marks neck and lifted herself so he could slip the pants from around her waist.

After helping Meredith to undress, Mark shed his scrubs and carried her to the shower. "No chair". She quickly said, and she reached for the bar and held on tight, as Mark lowered her, so her feet bent in and her upper body weight supported her.

Mark turned on the water, double checking the temp before raising the nozzle so the spray would reach Meredith. Mark then stepped in behind her. "You sure you don't want the chair?" he double checked.

"No chair." she groaned.

Mark looked at how well toned her arm muscles has become and reached for the soap. Leaning into her, his hands began to rub soap all over her body. She moaned from the pleasure of his hands on her body. It thrilled her until his hands reached her waist, and his touch was lost to her paralysis. She didn't comment or make a sound, but her body shifting gave her away.

Moving his hands up, he put his hands under her arm pits and slowly turned her so she was facing him. He let the water run across her body rinsing off the soap. He then motioned for her to put her arms around his neck, and then he dragged her body against his. "It will pass" he whispered into her ear.

"But I want to feel you now." she whined, as she put her head against his chest, and he began to soap her back.

"I love you Mer, but you know that we can't do anything about this." he whispered. He then turned her back into the shower.

Meredith raised her head and looked into his eyes. She could see the love in his eyes, and all of it was for her.

"I have to say, I like how you set Stevens about her brother." he told her with a cheeky grin.

"Yeah but it's not her fault that her brother is so destructive." she tried to smile.

"Babe you had every right to vent, she was crying about him being injured and about him getting into trouble with the police again. You're lucky it was you who said something because I was itching to say something." he said as he scooped her up again before placing her on the toilet seat, and wrapping a towel around her. He quickly jumped back in the shower and finished off. He then wrapped a towel around his waist.

She smiled as she looked over his body. He moved over to her and let her link arms around his neck so he could fix the towel around her body before he scooped her up and carried her to their room where the both dressed her, before they left to pick up Addie and Derek. This time they took her SUV which had been modified for catering her for her 'off' days.  


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Derek directed them to the restaurant and Mark removed her chair from the roof before helping Meredith in to it. Meredith wheeled herself through the restaurant door that Mark was holding open. After having the moment in the shower, Meredith was becoming increasingly self conscious, and very aware of her chair.

When the waitress directed them to the available table, she made a point of moving the old chair away so Meredith could direct her chair into the space, Meredith snapped. "Just because I need this chair to get around doesn't mean I want to sit in it to eat."

The waitress turned to Mark and Derek raising an eyebrow. "Leave the chair" Mark spoke.  
"But the wheel chair sir?" She asked Mark.

"Can be folded and stowed away to the side until we need it." Mark ordered.

The waitress cringed at the tone in his voice, and hurriedly put the chair back. Mark helped Meredith into her dining chair, and folded up her wheel chair and sat it behind him against the wall.

Addie looked at Derek, who in turn looked at Mark. Mark just shook his head, hoping that they would get the hint and drop it.

Meredith just sat in her chair fidgeting, until the waitress returned with 

the menus. Meredith looked up at her with an innocent smile on her face. "Thank you" she said sweetly taking the menu off of her.

After her little issue with her chair, Meredith had really settled down. Their conversation had moved from Izzie to Thatcher then to Addison and the Baby. Mark eyed Meredith closely throughout the whole conversation. Suddenly Meredith looked at Mark and then to the chair behind him. He moved his head back and Meredith nodded. Mark stood and grabbed her wheel chair. He unfolded it before helping her into it. Addie and Derek went to stand, but Meredith held up her hand, "We're not going anywhere; I just need to duck off to the bathroom." She told them, as she lead Mark towards the rest room.

The evening continued on after leaving the restaurant. Derek suggested that they go and watch the ferry boats, but Mark could see Meredith was tired, however, she insisted that they go. But instead of watching them she wanted to ride one.

Mark drove their car on and then carried Meredith up the stairs and out into the cold night air. Meredith was thrilled to hear the water lapping against the boat, and seeing the lights of the city across the water. She could feel Marks breath on the back of her neck as they leant against the railing. Her sense were going wild as she rested her head on his shoulder, slightly turning her head, cooing him to kiss her. Mark didn't miss the turn and head tilt and he captured her lips kissing her passionately, deepening the kiss, their tongues going stroke for stroke.

Mark groaned when she broke the kiss. "Thank you for being patient with me tonight." She whispered to him, even though Derek and Addie 

were standing 5 metres away and wouldn't have heard.

"It's ok Mer, your allowed to have your moments. I can't imagine how it feels to go from walking to being confined in a chair for hours on end."

"You don't need to imagine." she told him. "Because you have seen me crumble a thousand times now."

Mark then went in to deep though, so Meredith rested her head back on his shoulder. As the Ferry trip was coming to an end he carried her back to the car so they could go home.


	15. she wont

Meredith had to get to work early the next morning and was quite relieved to feel that her whole body was ready to move. "Thank god" she said to herself as she pulled herself out from underneath marks arm.

Meredith had a quick shower donning on the clothes that she had on the day before. Sitting down on the edge of the bed to put her shoes on. She felt Mark move, but didn't turn to look at him. She expected him to roll over.

Marks hands rand down her spine. "Don't forget you chair." he whispered before he placed a kiss lightly on her neck.

"Hey" she whispered back before turning to kiss him. "I've got rounds at 5, so I have to run.

She jumped off the bed and ran out the door. Meredith grabbed her bag and keys before running out of the house. Her chair was already in place on top of her SUV. Jumping in the car, she quickly raced to work.

Meredith got to work in 10 minutes; it was the beauty of living in a house close to work. She jumped out and grabbed the chair off the rack. Because Marks office would be closed she took her chair to Richards. Meredith knocked quietly on his door and on confirmation she entered to find her parents sitting on the couch. They both looked up and watched her walk in quietly.

"Morning" she greeted them. "Mark doesn't arrive until 10, so I hoped that I could leave my chair here." she smiled, and her parents nodded.

"If it tweaks and Marks not here, I have your meds here too." Richard informed her quickly.

"Ok" she nodded as she moved to sit down between her parents. "It doesn't usually tweak two days in a row, in fact this is the first time it has tweaked in 6 months." she tried to smile

Richard nodded and Ellis squeezed her hand. Looking at her watch she 

knew she had pre-rounds in 10 minutes. "I've got to go," she quickly told them. She gave both her parents a kiss on the cheek before heading for the door. "Love you guys" she called as she left.

Richard looked at Ellis, who just shrugged. "We can't discriminate, but we can't favour her." she stated.

Richard nodded, "I'll order it then." he simply stated before pulling Ellis into a hug.

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Meredith had completed pre rounds on Molly and then found Bailey and the other interns waiting for her at the Nurses desk on 3. "Where's the chair." Bailey asked.

"The chiefs" She responded quickly.

"You knew?" Yang turned and asked Bailey.

"When will you thumb suckers learn that I know everything." Bailey quipped and Meredith laughed. "Just because she needs a chair every now and then, doesn't mean she can't be a doctor."

The interns all looked at Meredith. "But a surgeon?" Izzie asked not looking at her. "Dependent on a chair?"

Meredith shot Izzie a look, "I'm not dependent, Im partially dependent." Meredith stated, "and it's a chair your brother put me in, so it should be best not to comment." Meredith bit.

Bailey looked from Meredith then to Izzie. "David Stevens is your brother?" she asked.

"It's not exactly something I am broad casting." Izzie muttered quietly  


"I agree" Bailey cut in before anybody else could.

"Ok rounds people." Bailey ordered.

gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaaga

As the group moved between all the patients, they all had a chance to present. Meredith felt uncomfortable to present Molly to Bailey in front of Thatcher and Susan. Meredith could see them studying her curiously throughout, but Meredith didn't budge. On finishing her presentation, she concluded that Molly would have to be monitored regularly.

"Sloan are you seeing this case through?" Bailey asked as they exited.

At that moment Addison arrived. "I don't think that's a good idea." She butted in.

"Ok then" Bailey nodded.

"Stevens you can take over the case." Bailey ordered, whilst Meredith handed the chart to Izzie.

They continued down the halls. Finally reaching David's room. "Are you ok to come in?" Bailey asked Meredith, not caring about Izzie. Meredith nodded, and followed the rest of the group into the room.

Alex presented David to the rest of the group, clearly stating the procedures Mark and Derek had completed. Just as he had finished an 

older woman appeared at the door. "Davy" she cried running to his bed.

Everybody looked around uncomfortable, but none more than Meredith.

The lady turned back to the group. "Cricket is he ok?"

Every body was puzzled. "Mamma, he has had two operations, both on his face and brain. He is expected to make a full recovery, but we are still monitoring him."

The lady turned away back to her son. While others eyed Izzie. Meredith just cringed, who could love someone who has been so destructive.

All the interns left the room, following Bailey to the Nurses desk. "Sloan your with Shepherd, Karev to Sloan, Yang to Burke, O'Malley to pit and Stevens you have the she Shepherd. Maybe you can keep the one Baby alive that your brother hasn't killed with his car." Bailey ordered.

"That was harsh." Karev scoffed at the pained look on Izzie face.

"Deal with it." Bailey barked. "Now go save lives." she finished before turning and walking away.

Meredith left to go find Derek, and was shocked to spot Mark in Richard's office. It looked like they were having a heated discussion. 

Mark wasn't even supposed to be here yet.

Meredith needed to distract herself, so she turned back around only to run straight into Derek. "Hey I'm your intern for today." she told him after she apologised for running into him.

"Mer, I've got to go see the chief." he quickly told her. "Go grab something from the cafeteria to eat."

Meredith looked at him confused. He had never dismissed her before. "Ok" she just said quietly and began to walk away.

"I will come find you when I'm finished." he concluded.

gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Meredith was completely confused by what was going on, so she just wandered down the stairs to the cafeteria, grabbed something for breakfast and then found a secluded spot to eat, and enjoy a coffee.

gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

In the meantime Derek and Mark were pacing in the Chiefs office. "Meredith won't agree to this." Mark bellowed as he looked at the new device Richard wanted to get Meredith for surgery.

"I agree with Mark, she already hates the chair, she had a fit at the waitress last night at tea, because she was staring." Derek supported him.  


"Look if Meredith wants to remain a surgeon then she will operate in this device at all times, she can't operate from a chair." Richard argued. "And what would you do, if she crumbles in the middle of surgery and she needs her chair?" Richard went on to ask.

Derek pondered the question.

"What's wrong with her operating from her chair?" Mark asked clearly frustrated.

"It's not what's best for the patient. Especially if her back tweaks in the middle of surgery." Ellis butted in; she had been un-usually quiet from the beginning of the conversation.

"Look I have known Mer for the same amount of time as Mark, and I know she won't want this." Derek sighed and continued, "however, I would like to get new scans of her spine so I can see what's going on in there."

Ellis, Richard and Mark stopped and looked at him. "What good will that do?" Ellis snapped.

"Look, maybe I can fix the nerve. If I can, she won't even need this thing." Derek suggested.

"What happens if something goes wrong in surgery?" Mark reluctantly asked.

"Well than she may spend the rest of her life in a chair, but she could still be a surgeon and get around in this.

Mark cringed at the thought of Meredith not walking again.

"Look let me do the scans and then we can let Meredith decide. We are her family, but we can't go making life altering decisions without her." Derek spoke openly, wringing his hands in frustration.

"Ok, let's do the scans, then we can openly discuss this with Mer. Addie has to sit in though cos Mer and I were talking about having a baby and we need to know the risks." Mark stated.

Richard and Ellis nodded quietly; there was nothing they could say.

"Look, Mer is on my service today, if we have time we will do the scans, if not we can do it on her next day off." Derek told them.

"She has tomorrow morning off." Mark informed.

Derek ad Mark both nodded their goodbyes before leaving the room.

"Thanks for agreeing with me" Mark told him, as he patted, Derek, his brother on the back.

"Thanks for agreeing to let me do the scans." Derek returned as they both parted, heading in different directions.


	16. relapse

Derek looked around the cafeteria trying hard to find Meredith. He moved between the other tables and even asked the other interns if they had seen her. Derek was on the verge of giving up when he heard her distinctive sob.

Derek ran to the patio and found a table hidden in the far corner. He almost broke at the sight. There was Meredith bent over in pain. "Again?" he asked as he ran to her.

"Der" she groaned, her face was pale and strained with pain. "Chair" she said through her gasps.

Meredith began to have a panic attack as the pain continued to rip through her. Derek scooped her into his arms.

He ran through the cafeteria with Meredith in his arms, and he spotted Thatcher and Susan grabbing a coffee, he rushed past them and he called to the other interns who came running.

"Page the chief, then Webber and Sloan for good Measure. I'm taking her to my office." he ordered as he kept moving.

Derek took the stairs 2 at a time. He knew the stairs would be quicker, and he reached his office in surprisingly good time, considering he was carrying an in pain Meredith. Derek laid her down on the couch before running to grab a portable ventilator and putting the mask over her face. He then took off to the storage cabinet grabbing Meredith's usual medication.

He returned to find her crying from the pain. He hadn't seen Meredith in this amount of pain for a good 2 years. He rolled her carefully, before putting the injection into her spine, just as Mark reached the room.

Meredith was still crying in pain and fright. "What the hell happened?" Mark yelled as he ran to Meredith's side.

"I found her in the cafeteria doubled over in pain. I didn't know where you were. She was worse; I think she's having a relapse." Derek told him, as Richard and Ellis reached them.

"I've given her he injection, I haven't administered her morphine yet, the pain was that bad that she had a panic attack." He explained. "I want to take he for her scans now." he continued.

"Give her an injection of Morphine, it will hit faster, you should be able to estimate the right amount. Then take her for scans." Richard ordered after clearing his throat.

Derek ran and got the morphine injection, administering it through a vein on Meredith's arm. Richard had brought her wheel chair, and Mark picked her up, and put her in it carefully. "Clear my surgeries for today, I'm staying with her." Mark told Richard as he bent down and wiped her tear stained face.

"We want to be kept up to date on this." Richard told Derek, before he put his arm around Ellis, "She's going to be ok." he tried to reassure her, then he kissed her lightly on the head. "Let's leave these boys to 

look after our girl."

Richard nodded to Derek and Mark before kissing Meredith lightly on top of her head. Richard and Ellis left, and Mark took Meredith's hand while Derek wheeled her to get her scans.


	17. my case

The pain had subsided by the time she got her last scans. They had to wait for the images from the scans, but Derek had not like what he had seen on the screen.

Mark wheeled Meredith down the hall quietly, he had not said a whole lot after the last scan and Meredith was scared. She needed Mark to tell her what was going on. So she did the only thing that she could do, and pulled on the breaks of her chair. This almost sent her toppling before Mark realised.

"Mer?" Mark asked troubled by the stop.

"Mark" she whispered back. Mark stayed standing behind her; he could hear the fear in her voice.

She reached behind her and took hold of his hand. "Mark what's going on?" She asked and pulled on his hand so he had to move from behind her chair.

But still he didn't say anything. "Dammit Mark Look at Me!" she cried, and finally he did. She could see the fear in his eyes and watched as he struggled to keep looking at her.

"Tell me what's going on." she pleaded with him.

He struggled to talk. Swallowing hard, before opening his mouth and closing it a number of times. "Derek can explain." he finally uttered.

Meredith eyed him nervously. "But I want you to tell me.

Mark lowered himself down equal with her. "I'm not a neurologist, please just let Derek talk you through this. I don't... I can't..." he offered her all that he could give.

Mark then stood and lifted the break so he could continue pushing Meredith down the hall.

gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Meredith couldn't eat anything through fear of the un-spoken, and it seemed Mark couldn't eat either. So they both sat there in the cafeteria waiting for Derek's page.

"I heard you were back in that thing." Bailey commented when she sat down across the table from Mark and Meredith.

"Can anyone tell me why you are both sitting here while Karev is now doing sutures in the pit, and why Shepherd hasn't come out of his office. You're supposed to be Nuero today Sloan so spill. What about his patient is bothering him?" She finally asked.

Meredith glanced at Mark, before finally looking over at Bailey. "Marks surgeries have been bumped for today, and well, I'm the patient that is bothering him. Something happened this morning, my back tweaked, it doesn't normally tweak on back to back days and the pain was tenfold to what it normally is, so Derek had to give me my normal shot, as well as throwing in a shot of Morphine. Were waiting to be paged about the scans. Mark won't tell me what's going on; all he said is that it's not looking good." Meredith finished, hoping that that had answered her resident's questions.

As Bailey nodded, both Mark and Meredith's pagers went off. It was Derek. "You were on my case in the beginning, come see it through." she invited Bailey, who stood as Mark did. "Let me push myself." she told Mark, as she led the way.


	18. my new bike

On reaching the exam room Meredith wheeled herself in to find Derek, Addie and her parents already there.

"Did I miss the party" she joked, as she wheeled further in, so she could see the scans on the board.

Mark and Bailey had followed in close behind. Meredith was relieved when no one questioned Bailey's presence.

"So Der, hit me with it." She encouraged him lightly. He looked at her before flicking the light in behind the scans.

"You tell me Mer." he offered. He could tell Richard wasn't too happy with this approach but at this very moment in time, Derek didn't really care.

"Well the nerve has been ripped further, which would explain the back to back, and from this scan here." Meredith wheeled closer, "It looked like the Disk has slipped out, which would explain the increased pain this morning.

Derek nodded.

"So what are we going to do about it Der?" she asked hopeful. Derek was the best Nuero surgeon on the West coast.

"Well, if I don't operate, the nerve will tear completely and you will remain in the chair." he told her quietly. "But if I do operate, I should be able to reconnect the nerve and do a graft as well. The nerve will 

never be what it originally was but it will cut back the bad days that you have. But you need to be careful not to tear it again, which means no straining to hold yourself up in showers and scrub rooms. From now on, you lower yourself to the floor when it starts rather than holding yourself up. I should also be able to operate to stop the disk and vertebrae moving and crushing your spinal cord."

Meredith nodded at Derek.

"Complications can arise from this surgery Mer." he went on "if things go wrong you might get stuck in the chair for good."

Meredith just smiled, "so if you don't operate, I will be stuck in the chair, and if you do operate I will remain partially independent baring any complications, which will put me back in the chair." Derek nodded.

Meredith looked at Mark and she could see him struggling with this. She reached over and took his hand. "I like the sound of those odds." She told Derek as she squeezed Marks hand. "Dad what does this mean for my career?" she asked.

"Well this morning we were looking at this device." Richard held up a pamphlet and passed it to her. "You will be strapped in a harness, it can support you weight. Its controls can move you around. It's practically an electric chair but you will be standing. I pulled Mark and Derek in discussing your need for one this morning. You have two very good hands. Of after the operation you will only be subjected to tweaks, you will only be in the device when you are operating, but if you do loose you ability to lose your legs, I have discussed this with 

the board, and you would be in the device at work, all day, every day, so you can remain a surgeon." he informed her.

Meredith smiled, tears welling in her eyes. "You pulled some string?" she asked.

"Yes I pulled some strings. Just because you have a disability, doesn't mean you can be a surgeon." he informed her.

"Just think of the device as an expensive new bike." her mother laughed. There were tears present in her eyes too.

"You mean now that I am 28 I get to have my own bike?" she stirred.

"Yes" her mom replied, as Richard pulled her into a hug.

"So Addie, what's your role in all of this?" she joked.

"Well Mark mentioned this morning that you had been talking about having another child." she opened "and so I'm here to discuss the prospect."

Meredith nodded allowing her to continue.

"Without the operation, a pregnancy wouldn't be wise, as it would put too much strain on your back and your spine." She told Meredith. "However, if you have the operation, it wouldn't matter if it was successful, you would be able to carry a child to term, but both would require a C-Section."  


"Ok" Meredith said as she was taking it all in.

"This would be because the ability of re-ripping the nerve, for one, and the other being that your body may refuse to push, let alone Miss the sensation of the contractions. So it would be recommended either way that your last month of pregnancy would require you to be in the hospital."

"Ok" Meredith nodded again.

Meredith could see the nervousness on Marks face. She turned to the group. "Can you give us a moment?" Everyone nodded and left the room.

She looked up at Mark. "So what do you think?" she asked him.

"It's your body" he replied quietly

"But it's our life." She told him, as she pulled him down level with her. "If I have this operation, either way we can have a family." she told him. "If if don't we can't."

Meredith ran her hand down the side of his face, "I want a family Mark. I really do." she told him, as she rubbed her fingers across his lips.

"I do to Me, I do to." he told her as he leant in to her touch.

"Well what's wrong?" she asked. Concern written all over her face.  


"I'm just scared." he finally admitted.

"Markie I don't intend on going anywhere." she smiled as she pulled him in for a kiss.

"I love you Sloan." she whispered in his ear as he went to pull away.

"I love you too Sloan." he replied

Meredith gestured to the door. Mark went and opened it, and everybody came back in.

"Order the new bike Dad." she said with a smile. "Were going to do this."

Richard smiled at Meredith's lightness.

She turned to Derek. "When can we do it?" She asked him eagerly.

"Your choice, tomorrow or tonight?" he told her. She looked over at Mark who just shrugged.

"Tonight" she told him, "So tomorrow we can have the first day of the rest of our lives."

Mark smiled; Addie chuckled, while her parents were left in Awe. "You wouldn't know she was an angry teenager who dressed in black ad had pink hair." her mother quipped.  


Everybody in the room laughed.

"Where's the dark and twisty person that I fell in love with and married?" Mark asked feeling a little more at ease.

"She's retired" Meredith chuckled.

Bailey couldn't help but smirk. "Well we better find you a bed and prep you for surgery." she said, taking charge of her old patient/

"Lead the way Doc." Meredith said smartly, and they all followed Bailey out of the room. Derek pushing her, while Mark held her hand and Addie rested hers over Derek's.

Meredith smiled. This was her family.


	19. sliced open

Meredith was wheeled into the O.R. at 7o'clock. Mark gave her a kiss for luck before they wheeled her across the line. Derek had refused to let Mark, her father or her mother in the O.R. with him. They were going to gather in the waiting room. Addie had made sure the Gallery was closed off, so no one could watch. Meredith had discussed and picked the intern to be included and had shocked everyone when she chose Izzie Stevens to scrub in. She told her it would remind her of the damage that her brother had done to her new friend.

Derek, Bailey and Izzie scrubbed in before proceeding into the O.R. "It's a beautiful night to save lives" Derek opened, when he entered the room. He walked over to see Meredith before she had to be put under.

Derek bobbed down to look into her eyes. "Love you Mer." he whispered to her. She smiled slightly.

"Don't wreak too much havoc on my body Der," she joked, "I want a chance to play with my new toy."

Derek just shook his head. "I'll do my best." he quipped. He brushed his gloved hand across her cheek.

"Night Der." she whispered.

"Night Mer." he replied, and then nodded to the anaesthesiologist to put her under.  


GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

They had worked hard through the surgery. Derek had had some severe issues with the nerve which was also being compressed by the disk that had slipped. Derek's perseverance made Bailey proud as she did all she could to assist him. After closing her up, he ordered them to take Meredith to post op and then he turned to leave to O.R. to scrub out.

Derek watched Izzie, who was standing in the middle of the O.R watching the nurses clean up. Bailey finished scrubbing out. "I'll meet you in the hall." Derek told Bailey. Derek waited for Bailey to leave before he tapped the glass and called Izzie into the scrub room.

She started to scrub out. "She doesn't hate you, you know." Derek told her. Izzie stopped scrubbing out and rested her hands on the edge of the sink. "She just wants his family to acknowledge the damage he has done to her life."

Izzie was still silent. "Look Meredith had a broken childhood, and when she met Mark she came to life." Derek told her, "Everybody who knew her 'pre-mark' was quite shocked. Here was this girl who could drink a case of tequila in a month." she nodded quietly. "Meredith was insecure, but Mark and Meredith were inseparable. When they found out that she was pregnant, she was so excited. Then there was the accident. Her world was shattered. Not only had they lost Michael who died on Impact, but she woke to be told that she may never walk again." Derek swallowed hard.

"Her life had been ripped from her. It killed all of us to watch her struggle through physio and deal with the loss of her son." Derek looked at Izzie.

"Meredith doesn't hate you, but like I said, you guys are crying over your brother injuries, he walked away with a broken arm, when she got wheeled away. He did it again, he didn't learn from his mistakes, which makes Michael's death pointless. Maybe killing a pregnant woman this time will teach him his lesson." with that Derek wiped his hands and reached for the door.

"If he does this again, I doubt he will be walking away." Derek finalised before walking out the door leaving Izzie to ponder his words.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek found Bailey waiting for him. "Let's do this." Bailey told him as they headed to the elevator. Stepping on they present the button to take them down to the waiting room.

Bailey could see the emotions were welling in his eyes, she pulled the emergency stop button and Derek made his way to the back of the elevator. He was finally letting the emotions get to him. All he could think was "I just operated on my sister, I sliced her open, my best friend's wife." He let it out for a moment, he couldn't fight it any longer. He almost collapsed as he fought to regain composure.

They had been halted for 5 minutes before he was able to close off the tears and pull himself together. Derek moved to the front of the 

elevator. "You ok?" Bailey asked him.

"Yeah, thanks." he quietly replied as he cleared his throat.

Bailey got the elevator moving again and in a matter of moments he found himself standing in front of his family.

They were all frozen, seeing Derek's tear stained face.

Bailey nudged him, bringing him back to Earth. "Ummm..." he cleared his throat. "Clipping the nerve and grafting was a lot more difficult than we expected, add that to the fact that the disk was compressing it." Mark flopped down in his chair, while Ellis crumbled against Richard.

"However," Derek continued. "I managed to pull it off after some perseverance. The reactor picked up on the nerve activity. It looks good, we will know more tomorrow when she wakes up."

Relief washed over their faces, Addie ran to Derek's side giving him a massive hug. "Why couldn't you have lead with that." Marks voice broke.

"Sorry," Derek shrugged. "I'm still trying to get over the fact that I sliced open my sister, and my best friend's wife."

Richard rushed forward and shook his hand. "Thank you Derek, thank you so much." Addie moved to the side. She was proud of her 

husband.

Ellis embraced him with a quiet thank you, and Derek was quiet surprised as Ellis wasn't always affectionate.

"She's in post op on 3" Derek told them and they quickly left.

Mark stood and walked over to Derek. Mark shocked both Derek and Addie when he pulled Derek into a fully fledged Hug. "Thank you so Much, you have no idea what this means to me, to us." he choked down.

"I do man." Derek replied patting him on the back. "You're my brother."

Mark nodded. "Thanks again, let's go check on my girl."

Mark, Derek and Addie thanked Bailey and headed up to post op.

Meredith was still out of it , and looked quite peaceful. Mark ran his hand through her hair, he hoped that everything was fine but it didn't stop him from worrying about her.

Mark had pulled a chair up next to her and took hold of her hand. "You should go and get a good night's rest." Richard told his son in law, patting him on the shoulder.

"I'm fine right here." Mark told him.

Everyone nodded and left. Mark rested his head on the edge of the bed, and before he knew it, he was asleep.


	20. senses are alive

Mark woke 2 hours later to hear Meredith groaning, she did not recall where she was. Mark stroked her cheek, and shushed her. "its ok babe, just get some rest." he re-assured her, before giving her a light kiss. Meredith slowly closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Meredith awoke the next day to find herself in a hospital room. Marks head rested on her bed. Meredith pulled her hand out of his and lightly ran her fingers through his hair.

Mark grumbled quietly in his sleep and she tickled the side of his face. Mark stirred and Meredith giggled. This was music to his ears and he opened his eyes slowly, not knowing if he was dreaming, "Hey sleepy head." she giggled.

"Hey" he grumbled sitting up and wiping the sleep from his eyes.

Meredith smiled at him. She saw the awareness click on his face. "Baby... oh good morning" Mark moved up equal with her head and kissed her softly.

"Now that was the good morning I was hoping for." she said with a smile.

Mark ran his hand over her face, and kissed her one more time. This time with more passion. He only pulled away so he could come up for 

air.

"Hey Markie guess what." she asked him. She could have continued but she wanted to make sure she had his full attention.

"What?" he asked with a smirk.

"Look" she told him, pointing down at her feet. Where she moved her feet then wriggled her toes. He looked back at her face. They both had big cheesy grins. Meredith shuffled over, making room for him on the bed.

Mark climbed on to the bed, pulling Meredith into him. "I love you so much loan." he told her before he kissed her softly, deepening the kiss. Thrusting his tongue inside, caressing hers like it may be the last time. There was a hunger, neither of them had known before.

Meredith's hand ran through his hair, as his hand wandered under the blanket and to the hem of her hospital gown. She moaned his name. His hand wandered up her leg and she giggled.

He pulled away and looked down at her. "What" he asked, somewhat concerned, somewhat curious.

"It tickles." she giggled, "more than it has in 3 years." she finished as he dipped down and kissed her again. His hand lingering on her hip before running over her stomach, and he left it there caressing it before slowly lowering his hand to her panties. "Mmmm" she moaned.

They were caught up in their love and his touch on her skin that they hadn't heard the door open.

"Hell no." Bailey exclaimed as she entered the room followed by Meredith's fellow interns. At first she blushed and then she giggled.

Mark refused to move, not wanting his peers to see his obvious arousal over his wife. "Must be the drugs." he commented, and Meredith giggled again.

At that moment Derek walked in. "Mark, get the hell away from my patient." he exclaimed, and in seeing the uncomfortable look on Marks face he followed through. "It appears you are going to need a cold shower." he quipped before tossing Mark the jacket he had left hanging on the back of his chair.

Meredith giggled again, highly amused by the situation. "At least it wasn't mum again."

Mark groaned.

"Or worse, it could have been Dad." She laughed more openly this time, causing everybody else to chuckle.

Mark made to sit up.

"Did someone mention my name?" Richard asked, as he walked into the room.

This caused Derek to raise his eyebrows, his laughter noticeable in his eyes. Mark jumped off the bed, using the jacket to cover his arousal. "Oh good chief, I was just going to duck of and have a shower." Mark quickly excused himself before running out of the room.

Meredith giggled. "Hey daddy," she said playfully, as Richard lent down and kissed her on her forehead. "Look what I can do." Again she wiggled her toes and moved her feet.

"That's excellent Mer" he commented with a big grin on his face.

"Yeah Mark and I were celebrating." she said with a giggle.

"Well that's good then." he told her as he moved a piece of hair out of her face. "Your mum was going to come down earlier, but she got pulled in on a perfed abdomen."

Meredith just smiled. "It's ok"

Bailey cleared her throat. "Who is presenting?" she asked, and Izzie stepped forward and rattled off the details.

Meredith giggled her whole way through it, and Bailey shook her head.

"So when do I get my new bike?" she asked looking all excited

Derek chuckled, knowing that it wasn't actually a bike but was her happy way of referring to her new device for her disability.

The interns looked stunned.

"You're actually going to ride a bike?" Christina asked the over excited Meredith.

"Don't be silly," Meredith laughed. "I've never owned a bike , let alone rode one." She couldn't help but giggle, "I'm talking about my crippled machine that will keep me operating."

Derek spluttered at hearing her words, she was so honest sometimes that it scared him.

"Oh" was the only response she got from the other interns.

"It will be here soon sweetie." Richard told her, he too was shocked by her honesty.

"Thank you Daddy." she said looking thrilled.

Derek looked around the room. "Right then" he pulled the attention back to the medical side of things.

"Mer, you need to rest. Stevens can you check on her regularly." Izzie nodded, and Bailey and the group walked out of the room, followed soon after by Richard.

"You have no idea how much it helps that I'm on drugs right now." she giggled at Derek.

Derek just smirked at Meredith before shaking his head. "No letting Mark mount you just yet." he quipped.

Meredith laughed. "You'er no fun Der. My senses are alive." she giggled. "I can feel completely."

"That's good Mer" he said, kissing her on the forehead. "But you need to get some sleep.

Meredith giggled as he turned and left.

It didn't take long for her to be in a peaceful sleep.


	21. here with you

Meredith woke from her slumber to see Mark leaning against the door frame. He smiled at her before walking in and sitting in the chair beside her.

Meredith smiled, and reached for his hand, taking it in her own.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked, stroking the palm of her hand.

"Not really." she laughed "but these beds never are."

Meredith studied Marks face. He looked to be deep in thought.

"What's up?" she asked.

Mark just smiled and moved in his chair. Meredith's pain killers were wearing off, but she didn't want to let on to Mark that she was in pain, as it was he looked distracted.

"Nothing "he replied before shifting in his chair again.

"Mark, i know you." she told him. "There is something on your mind so tell me."

Mark shifted again and his face fell. "I should be here with you, not running back to back surgeries."

Meredith tried to push herself up, wincing a little from the pain. She tried to cover it. "It's ok, I'm not going anywhere." she told him, as she squeezed his hand.  


Mark still didn't smile. "I won't get to see you all day."

Meredith studied his face; it was obvious that he was still worried about her. "When you can make it, I'll be here." she promised.

"Ok" he resigned; he studied her closely before moving in to kiss her.

"Now tell me the truth, how much pain are you really feeling today?"

"On a scale of one to ten?" she asked and he nodded.

"About an 8 sometimes a 9." he confessed.

Mark nodded again, "i will page Derek."

"Good" she nodded back, "i want to talk to him about my operation."

Mark looked at her funny. "Why?" he finally asked.

"Well I'm going to get him to walk me through It." she said with a smile. "I might as well learn from my whole experience."

Mark was amazed by Meredith, she never swayed from what she wanted and always soldiered on.

"Well i have to go, but I'll page Derek." he quickly said before giving her another kiss, and an 'i love you'.

He hadn't intended to drop in, he was just going to look in on her. Now he was running late for surgery.

Mark dashed down the hall, and saw Derek standing in front of the elevator. "Mer wants to see you." he called to him, as he ran past.

Derek looked at his friend and shrugged, deciding to go find out what was up with her.


	22. tell me

Derek reached Merediths room in a matter of minutes. He walked in with a big smile on his face. Meredith smiled at the sight of him. "I guess either you saw Mark, or he paged you." she commented.

"I saw him running down the hall. He's running late for surgery." Derek shrugged as he pulled up a chair. "So whats up?" he asked moving his seat to look at her carefully.

"2 things actually." she began but was interrupted by Derek.

"Firstly tell me, are you going to admit to feeling any pain?" he asked.

"Hey i was going to talk to you about that" she protested, and he laughed.

"How bad is it?" he asked.

"An 8, almost a 9" she admitted.

"I can fix that." he told her as he got up and left the room, returning to inject morphine into her iv line.

"Thanks" was all that she could say.

"So what else is there?" he asked as he disposed of the syringe and returned to his chair.

"I wanted you to talk me through the surgery, so maybe i could learn something." she openly asked Derek.  


"Do you ever stop being a doctor, let alone a student?" he asked.

"Come on please" she begged.

"Ok ok" he said using his hands to gesture that he was surrendering.

Derek openly explained the procedure, walking her through the entire surgery. Meredith interrupted only to ask questions. Once finished, Derek smiled weakly at Meredith. "I hope we dont have to go through this again." he told her honestly.

Meredith took hold of his hand and squeezed it. "Me too Der, Me too" she smiled at him. She could see him fighting back the tears.

"I dont know how i did it." he paused, trying to keep composure. "Your my sister mer, and it was so hard."

Meredith squeezed his hand again. "But you gave me back my legs." she comforted him, "and you have given me the chance to carry a child and live somewhat a normal life." her eyes began to tear up. "We can never than you enough."

Meredith and Derek sat in a comfortable silence. Both fighting to maintain composure. After giving themselves a few minutes of peace Derek leant in and kissed Meredith on her forehead. "I told you i would do my best." with that he grinned down at her. "You'll be running around by Christmas." he laughed.

"So tell me" she began "two more things." Derek studied her looking slightly confused. "When can i get out of this bed?"

Derek was a bit taken back by this question.

"Ummm..." he stumbled, "You have to give yourself time to heal mer." he told her, "it was a complicated surgery and i dont want you to push yourself too soon."

Meredith considered his words. "What about from bed to chair?" she asked looking eager.

"Let me get Stevens to take you down and get scans first, because i wan to monitor you closely, and if i do give you the go ahead for the chair, i will only let you out of bed if you are with our family." Meredith nodded, while trying to stifle a yawn.

"Your next question?" Derek prompted.

"When does Addie begin Maternity leave?"

Derek laughed, "if she had her way she would work right up until her delivery date, but doctors orders are for her to begin when she hits the 8month mark."

Meredith giggled, "we women are so head strong and stubborn."

"That you are." he replied before he was paged to the pit.  


As he left the room, Meredith nodded off.


	23. a little patience

The next time Meredith awoke it was to find Izzie taking down her stats. "Hi" Meredith grumbled, as she tried to wake up.

"Sorry i had to wake you." Izzie told her quickly.

Meredith could see that Izzie was uncomfortable. "Iz" she sighed. She was about to apologise but was cut off.

"Dr Shepherd wants me to take you down for your scans." Izzie informed her.

"Well just grab me my chair then." she said, shrugging it off.

Izzie shook her head. "I don't know whether he wants you sitting up yet."

Meredith could tell Izzie was scared of Derek but didn't want to push it. "How about you call through and ask him." She encouraged.

Izzie hesitated at first before nodding her head, and leaving to call through to Derek's office.

Izzie came back grudgingly. "Dr Webber is coming down to help take you for your scans." she informed Meredith.

"Don't take it personally; it's not anything against you." Meredith tried to lift her spirits

"Sure, if it was one of the other interns and not the sister of the guy 

who did this to you, it would be a different story." Izzie snapped.

"Actually it wouldn't." Ellis bit as she walked in, "And i would hope that you don't speak to all you patients like that Dr Stevens."

"Sorry Dr Webber." Izzie quickly apologised.

"I think you should be apologising to Meredith actually." Ellis snapped.

Izzie turned to Meredith. "Um... I'm sorry Meredith."

Meredith just nodded. "Derek had decided earlier that if i was to go anywhere in my chair i was to be with a member of my family. You may not understand it, but you could have let me explain it."

Izzie just nodded, Meredith turned to her mother. "Mum if you could just hold the chair steady i should be able to get myself into my chair."

Ellis nodded moving forward with Meredith's wheel chair. Meredith peeled back the covers, and lifted her legs over the edge of the bed. Izzie watched her closely, obviously confused by Meredith's actions.

"When a person with a disability has had their spine operated on, it is not recommended for them to move their legs in any manner that could cause a setback. Plus, i have made it a habit in the past."

Izzie nodded accepting her explanation.

"Now if you could just lower the bed. I should be able to move myself 

into my chair."

Izzie moved and lowered the bed so it was just higher than her wheel chair.

Meredith slumped her body forward and used her upper body strength to turn herself so she could sit in her chair. Meredith then lifted her feet into the rests.

Izzie moved forward and hooked Meredith's I.V bag to the chair.

"Ready to go?" Ellis asked and Meredith simply nodded. She hoped that Mark or Derek could have been there to help her with this but they were off saving people.

Ellis wheeled Meredith down the hall. People stopped them to say hellos and to wish her well. Meredith wanted to scream that she was ok, but she didn't. The last thing she wanted to do was embarrass her parents.

Izzie stayed 2 steps behind the slow procession. Ellis was being extremely careful not to let anyone bump Meredith's chair as if Meredith was somehow going to break at the slightest bump.

Meredith, Ellis and Izzie reached their destination after a long slow journey. Meredith heard Izzie mutter a 'thank god' when they got there, but swallowed the words quickly when Richard approached them.


	24. shucks daddy

"Derek realised Meredith was going to need a little help gettng up on the table." Richard explained to Ellis, who had been shocked to see her husband.

"Marks in surgery and Derek's on his way but he asked for us to get her set up first." he had continued.

Richard and Ellis wheeled Meredith into the room. Richard scooped Meredith up into his arms and laid her on the table before he fixed her legs.

"How's that?" he asked her, as he brushed her fringe out of her eyes.

"Thanks" she quickly said.

Richard set about unclipping the i.v so that she could have her scans done.

Richard and Ellis met Izzie in the computer room.

Derek walks in as the screen started to show the results. "Looks like you did a good job Derek."Richard told him as he patted him on the back.

"I did, if i do say so myself." Derek joked "The clip and pins look like there holding strong, i do believe our girl is looking fantastic." Derek beamed.

"So tell me what we can expect?" he ordered.  


"The tweaks will still happen, but they will be far and few between, and we don't know what they will be like now, so will have to wait till the first one before we can alter her treatment. She will still need the new bike. I would prefer her in her chair for the remainder of the 3 weeks here. Then have her stop home for a few days. She should only use the chair then if they are going out." Derek responded.

Ellis turned and thanked him, as they then ordered copies of the scans before getting Meredith off of the table and back in the chair.

**GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA**

Derek let Ellis and Richard wheel Meredith back to her room. Meredith noticed that her mum was relaxed a lot more, she wasn't sure whether it was just because her dad was there or if it was due to a positive outlook from the scans.

"Can we go past the coffee cart?" Meredith asked. "Please" she added nicely.

"You know I've always found it hard to say no to you." Richard commented, and Meredith smiled up at him.

"Awe shucks daddy" she grinned.

Ellis shook her head. "From the day she was born she has had you wrapped around her little finger."  


Meredith laughed, and Ellis let out a chuckle.

"What can i say, who could say no to those beautiful green eyes." her dad joked.

They made their way to the coffee cart. Meredith was a little self conscious about her gown so she sat still as she did not want to flash any one.

Richard ordered there drinks as Meredith pulled out her cup holder and attached it to her chair. Richard handed her her Mocha Latte and she slipped it into her holder

suddenly someone kissed her on top of her head. "You better be careful cos my husband might see you." she joked.

"Is that so?" Mark asked as he moved to bob down equal with her and kiss her.

"Yep, oh and my daddy is chief of surgery and he could kill you and hide the evidence." This made Mark laugh out loud, causing Richard and Ellis to turn around and look at the couple.

"Oh i know what you're daddy is capable of." Mark told her before winking up at Richard. "Your daddy warned me before we got married."

"Is that right?" she joked back.  


"Yeah i told him i could kill him and make it look like an accident." Richard laughed.

Meredith grinned enjoying the banter of her family.

"I wouldn't be too worried about Daddy, honestly, he's like a really big teddy bear. Mommy on the other hand, now she can be scary."

"I agree" came a voice from behind her.


	25. where the hell were you?

Mark looked up to see Thatcher Grey standing behind them.

Mark grabbed hold of Meredith's chair and turned her to face him before stepping back with her so he could be standing with Ellis and Richard.

"Now will someone please explain why my daughter is wearing a hospital gown and in a wheel chair." Thatcher spoke.

"It is hospital protocol for a patient to be in a wheel chair when moving around the hospital." Mark responded.

"Ok so why the gown?" he asked again.

"Excuse me Thatcher" Meredith bit, "you lost the right to ask questions about my life when you packed up and left never to be heard of again."

Thatcher looked at Meredith in shock. "I see you have your mothers bite." he responded curtly.

"Look why would you care about me and my wheel chair? You havent been there for me. You dont exist." Meredith commented.

"I care because you are my daughter." Thatcher argued.

"You say it like it means something" Meredith replied.

Thatcher stepped towards Meredith. Richard placed a hand on Meredith's shoulder.  


"Do not touch her." Thatcher ordered.

"Mom, Dad can you take me back to my room?" she asked.

Thatcher cringed, "Richard Webber is not your father."

Meredith raised her eyebrows at him. "Oh really?" she asked. "Because i do believe parents are supposed to be there for relevant milestones, such as my first kiss, my birthdays, first dance, graduation, college, med school, weddings, pregnancy, car accidents, wheel chairs and spinal surgeries. Oh lets also add thanksgivings, Christmas, school concerts, science fairs and all the things that go with it. Richard has been there for it all, where the hell were you?" she asked. "I may not know where you were, but i do know that even when Richard left my mother he was still there for me, holding my hand when i cried for my grand-parents deaths, when my mother couldnt be there." she attacked. Meredith reached behind and took Richards hand.

"Your mother had an affair." Thatcher yelled before he glared at Ellis who looked back at him coldly.

"Do you think i dont know that." Meredith stated, "Yet at least they kept it in private, i distinctly remember coming inside from playing to find you with another woman."

Everyone stared at Meredith. Ellis was shocked to hear this. "Why didnt you tell me?" she asked Meredith.

"I was told to keep Daddy's little secret, but hey he seems intent on airing your dirty laundry in front of your colleagues in a hospital that you helped build. Where you and my family are well respected." Meredith looked back determined not to let him break her family.

"You have a family, Susan and your daughters. I dont need you. I am all put back together now. We dont need you." She commented pointing to her family. "You are not my family, you walked away and gave up on me, and you dont deserve answers, or even the chance to ask questions."

She eyed him, while tightening her grip on Richard's hand. "So get out of my life and leave my family alone." She ordered him. The she looked up at Richard and her mom, "can we go back to my room now?" she asked.

Richard nodded, "thanks" she whispered, before her family walked her back to her room. Mark clinging on to her hand.


	26. little tyrant

3 weeks had passed since Merediths confrontation with Thatcher. Both Richard and Ellis were thrilled with the way that she stood up for her family. The daughter of theirs who was usually quite inarticulate had been doing really well to make sure she was being heard.

Derek had finally agreed to discharge Meredith as long as she understood that she needed to use her chair on outings and when her legs got tired. "Spinal surgery takes a lot out of a person." he commented. "Plus i am expecting your back to tweak really soon." This had caught her by surprise.

Derek saw the shocked look on her face. "It's ok Mer, we know that they're going to happen. We just don't know how bad they are going to be." he tried to comfort her.

"its ok" she whispered.

"Right well, take it easy, your back is still tender." he told her. "Mark is coming to grab you after his surgery has finished, and we're all going out for tea tonight."

Meredith nodded. "Thanks Der."

He simply smiled, "That's what i am here for."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith had showered and dressed herself, then sat in her wheel chair waiting for Mark who was busy filling out the discharge papers.  


Meredith watched the door because she really couldn't wait to get out of here.

Suddenly Izzie caught her eye as she walked past. Meredith wheeled herself to the door "Izzie" she called out to her. Izzie kept walking. "Dr Stevens" she tried again.

Izzie stopped and walked back to Meredith. "What is it you wanted?" Izzie asked with a sigh.

Meredith reversed back into her room and Izzie followed. She then gestured for Izzie to have a seat. Meredith fidgeted a bit before finally talking. "Look Izzie i'm really sorry about the way i treated you. It... ummm... god! Its not your fault your brother had did what he did and ... well... i know its not an excuse ... and im not trying to give one, its just seeing the damage your brother inflicted the 2nd time was really hard for myself and my family. But i shouldn't have lashed out at you." Meredith stumbled through "I dont hate you Iz, and i still would like to consider you a friend." she finished.

Izzie studied Meredith for a while. "Dr Shepherd told me you didnt hate me. When you chose me for surgery he told me you were giving him a chance to fix something my brother broke. "Meredith simply nodded. "I didnt realise the damage davy caused in his first accident, what he took from you. I guess Dr Shepherd was right in saying that we were crying over Davy when he didn't learn from his mistakes the first time."

"Derek has the amazing ability of putting people's lives into perspective. He really helped us all out over the years. "She stated wisely as she wheeled her chair over to Izzie. She reached for her friend's hand. Izzie shook it off and bent down and gave Meredith a hug.

"Thanks Mer" Izzie whispered.

"Dont you have lives to save?" Bailey asked Izzie when she walked into Meredith's room. Meredith laughed as she watched Izzie scurry away.

"You know they call you the Nazi right?" Meredith joked.

"I learnt from the best." Bailey quipped. Meredith was about to ask who when Bailey continued. "Your mum"

Meredith laughed out loud "Yes well she has always been a tyrant."

"shes softened up where you are concerned i gather." Bailey surmised.

"She took her time, but she got there in the end." Meredith shrugged.

"Anyways, i hear that you are quite the Tyrant too. I heard that you stood up for your family. First with Izzie and then with Thatcher." Bailey stated proudly.

"He told me i had a bite as bad as my mothers. I think it was meant to offend me, but it didnt." she grinned.

Bailey laughed. "Of course it didnt. That bite comes in handy when you need it."

Meredith nodded.

"See you in a few days Meredith." Bailey told her before she left her in her room.

Mark came in the room a few minutes later. He had a big grin on his face. "What?" Meredith asked,

"I'm just so glad i get to take you home." Mark told her before bending down to give her a kiss. "Lets get out of here." he whispered in her ear.

"Yes lets" she replied almost breathlessly.


	27. we cant

Meredith giggled when mark carried her across the threshold of their home. Mark was so thrilled to have her home.

"I could have walked you know." Meredith laughed.

"Maybe but im just so glad to have you home." he replied.

Meredith felt good to be home. She knew that they had a few hours before they had to get ready to g out, and there was only one thing on her mind.

Mark put her down, and without saying anything she walked to her lift and sat on it. Before pressing the button for it to take her up the stairs. Mark watched her curiously. She winked at him before giggling again.

Mark then proceeded to bound up the stairs, meeting her at the top.

Meredith took his hand when she got off the lift and walked towards the bedroom.

Mark was hesitant about what may be coming next. He loved Meredith but he was worried that her body was too fragile.

Meredith walked into the room and sat down on the bed. Slowly she began to undress. Mark watched her every move. His breath caught in his throat when Meredith exposed her bra, and he couldnt help but moan as she climbed back onto the bed in her underwear.

Marks head was screaming at him about the condition her body was in, but her shook it off. Instead he too stripped down to his boxers and climbed onto the bed. He moved so that he would be lying right beside her. She rolled onto him and rested her head on his chest.

"Tell me what you want mer." he invited

Meredith looked up into his eyes.

"Honestly ... " she told him, "all i want to do is lay here with you holding me, skin on skin."

Mark looked at her slightly confused.

"I just want to feel you mark. we havent been able to do this for weeks."

Mark nodded as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close to him. "I love you sloan" she whispered before kissing his chest.

"I love you too" he replied.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith woke tangled up in Mark. Her head was on his chest, fingers were intertwined. She rested and listened to the beating of his heart. She knew they didnt have to have sex to remind each other of their closeness. His ability to just hold her and drift off into sleep was good enough.  


Meredith felt mark shift, and his breathing alter. "You awake?" he asked in his tired husky voice. She just simply placed a kiss on his chest.

Mark ran his fingers through her hair, he hadnt felt as close to her as this in a while. They hadnt been able to just lie around in each others arms. He was always busy at work and she was running around trying to prove that she was the intern to beat.

Meredith shifted moving herself up so her head was on her pillow. Mark watched her carefully. "We have an hour before we are going out for dinner." she told him with a smile.

He lifted his hand cupping her face. He slowly moved in to kiss her softly, but sensually. He didnt pull back like he had planned, instead he deepened the kiss. He needed this, he longed for this. His hand wandered over her body, savouring the feel of her. The fact that they were together and in bed was driving him crazy.

Meredith was the first to pull away. "We cant" she gasped, trying to breathe. "I want to, but we cant"

With that Mark climbed off the bed and left to go to the bathroom. He slammed the door on his way.

Meredith laid there shocked and hurt by his reaction. She didnt know what to do, so she curled herself up in to a ball and cried.


	28. cherry cola

Meredith and Mark met her parents and Addison and Derek at the Steak house. Meredith and Mark had been really quiet since the incident earlier, and neither spoke a word to each other. Everyone had noticed that there was a rift between the pair, but were yet to say anything.

Everyone ordered their dinner, and when Mark stood to go to the bar and get drinks Derek stood too. "I'LL help " he offered. Mark hadn't asked Meredith what she wanted to drink so Derek assumed it would be because he already knew.

As Derek and Mark approached the bar he looked over at Mark. "Whats going on?" Derek finally asked.

"Nothing" Mark muttered, he ordered the drinks and Derek noticed that he didnt order Meredith anything.

"What did Mer want?" Derek asked.

"Dont know" Mark grumbled, "but she'll get what she wants."

Derek stood there stunned. It wasnt like Mark to be like this. "You do realise she has had surgery recently." he asked.

"Yeah, i spent most of the time sleeping in a damn chair." Mark grumbled back.

Derek grabbed 2 of the drinks, leaving Mark to carry the other 3.

Derek sat his drink down in front of him, and Addison's in front of her. "Mer what did you want to drink?" he asked her.

Meredith looked at him blankly. She just shook her head, pushed her wheel chair back from the table an made her way to the bar passing Mark on her way.

"What was that all about?" Addie asked as Meredith wheeled away.

"I dont know" Derek answered, "But Mark is being a royal arse."

Ellis and Richard nodded in agreement, they knew too well to stay out of the fights between Meredith and Mark.

Mark returned and sat their drinks in front of them, They thanked him, but didnt say much more.

Meredith made it to the bar and was lucky that the barman was able to see her. "Can i get a shot of Tequila and a cherry cola please?" she asked.

The barman nodded, poured the shot and walked around to give it to her. She quickly threw it back, before handing him the small glass back. "Thanks i needed that." she told him with a grin.

The barman then came back with the cherry cola and she put it in her cup holder before paying the man.

Meredith returned to the table pulling up in her spot.  


"Did that barman give you a shot?" Derek asked. He had been watching her at the bar.

"Yep. I feel so much better now." she replied.

Ellis and Richard shook their heads.

"You know your not supposed to be drinking on your meds." Mark spoke up. Glaring at her.

"Dont worry it was only one. Besides i've been told before that i cant drink away my marriage." she shrugged. "Pity as a bottle of Tequila would beat this cherry cola right now." she finished as she put her cup on the table and ignored the frustrated look on Marks face, and the shocked one on her parents.


	29. not likely to feel

_**SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED FOR A WHILE – HAVE BEEN AWAY AND GOT CARRIED AWAY WITH MY GIRL.**_

They sat in silence. Everybody feeling awkward as they watched the couple glare at each other.

Meredith had the desire to stir things up. Or mainly agitate Mark. Mark wanted nothing more but to break Meredith. But when they both started to talk, meredith had the sudden urge to go to the toilet.

"If you'll excuse me for a moment." she opened as she reversed her chair. "I need to go to the ladies." she explained. She had thought about going in her chair, but decided not to. She kicked back the foot rests and walked slowly towards the ladies toilets.

Derek looked at the empty chair. Meedith was supposed to stay in the chair on outings. Yes they were right near the toilets but still.

Addie and Ellis looked at the empty chair and then at Dereks face. "We'll go" they quickly told him. Both gave their partners a kiss on the cheek before leaving.

"Geez, i didnt even get a kiss!" Mark joked.

Richard and Derek shot him evil glares.

"What the hell is wrong with you tonight?" Richard snapped.

Mark looked away from them both.  


"Nothing" he grumbled

"My arse its nothing." Derek but, "Why is Meredith doing tequila shots when she is on medication? Why is she getting her own drinks? Why is she leaving her wheel chair behind despite doctors orders?" Derek ranted.

"She gets what she wants" Mark snapped gruffly

"What the hell does that mean?" Richard asked still unsure of what was going on.

"You dont want to know." Mark put his head in his hands.

Both Derek and Richard were watching him closely.

Addie came out of the bathroom and grabbed Merediths wheel chair

Derek looked up concerned. "Is she ok?" Richard and Derek asked.

Addie shrugged. "Why dont you ask Mark about what happened at home earlier." she snapped, throwing Mark a disgusted look.

Addie returned to the bathroom with the wheel chair.

Derek and Richard looked at Mark. "What did you do/?" They both asked.

Mark looked over at Derek as he suddenly realised. "Oh no you didnt" he almost yelled.

"We didnt" mark exclaimed. "She said she couldnt" he hung his head in shame.

Richaed finally clicked what they were talking about , but didnt want to be there for the conversation so he excused himself and headed to the bar to order refills for their drinks.

"Mark she has just had spinal surgery. Why are you even angry at her?" Derek asked.

"I'm not, im more angry at myself." he groaned.

"Well you could have fooled us." Derek snapped.

"Look we were laying there, and all i wanted was to, but she said she couldnt, so i got up and had a shower. I left Mer in their crying..." Mark trailed off. "What kind of man pushes his wife for sex after a couple of weeks after surgery?" He aked. "I'm disgusted in myself."

Derek studied his friend and brother carefully. "I didnt give her the all clear to. You could, but she would assume that because i put her on restrictions that that would be one of them." Derek sighed. "If you were to, it would have to be slow and gentle. She is supposed to be taking things easy."

Mark nodded. "She probably thinks i am a freak who just likes to have 

sex with his wife."

Derek shook his head. Suddenly a waitress was there with their meals.

Derek noticed the girls weren't back yet. He looked towards the door and saw it crack open.

Addie stuck her head out and called him over.

Derek pushed back his chair, and walked towards her. Richard returned with drinks at the same time.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Addie opened the door and dragged him in. "2 things" she told him. "1. Mark was an arse and got angry because she told him she couldnt have sex. 2. We need help getting her in her chair. Her legs went. We have given her her shot in the back, but she didnt have any pains." Addie moved out of the way and let him enter the main section of the bathroom.

Derek approached Meredith who was sitting on the floor crying. "Tell me what happened?" he asked.

"Pins and needles" she sobbed, "then legs gone"

Derek nodded, "No pain?" he asked.

"A quick stab, at the start but that was it." she replied.  


Derek made sure that the breaks were on her chair before he lifted her placing her in it.

"We will talk about the other thing ." he told her, "but tea has just arrived."

He left the toilets ahead of them. Addie followed holding the doors open so Meredith adn Ellis could manouver the chair out of the bathroom.

All 3 ladies returned to the table.

Meredith was a little embarrassed, and took her serviette and dabbed at her eyes. She hoped it wasnt too obvious that she had been crying.

Mark looked up at her. He was ashamed of his actions. "i'm sorry" he mouthed , but Meredith shook her head at him.

Mark moved and accidentally kicked the table.

"I wouldnt try playing footsies right now Marcus." Ellis spoke up, "She's not likely to feel it."

Both Richard and Marks heads shot up and looked at Meredith who just nodded.


	30. pins and needles

_**SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED FOR A WHILE – HAVE BEEN AWAY AND GOT CARRIED AWAY WITH MY GIRL.**_

All of them began to eat their meals. Meredith Was focused on devouring it and had almost succeeded when she put down her knife and fork and started to squirm in her chair.

She wheeled her chair back and slapped both of her legs. Everybody stopped eating and looked at her. She wriggled her toes in her shoes.

"Are you ok?" Mark asked. There was a look of fear on his face.

"Pins and needles" she replied.

Derek looked at her curious. "Whats slapping your legs going to do?" he asked.

"There waking up. I can wriggle my toes." she smiled. "I'm just encouraging the process."

Everyone grinned.

"They were asleep for a whole 20 minutes." Derek beamed when he looked at his watch.

"So we know now that they begin and end with pins and needles. Now that is progress." Addie looked thrilled. She was quite pleased that they didnt begin with a high degree of pain like they used to.  


Everyone eased into a comfortable silence. Meredith finished her meal and looked up when she felt Marks foot against her leg.

His look was filled with love and adoration. She could see he was trying to apologise.

Meredith sighed, she never could stay angry at him for long. Looking at him she nodded slowly before she placed her hand on the table. Mark nodded back and reached over and took her hand.

They both looked at each others hands and then back to each other. They often communicated without words.

Derek and Addison smiled at each other, as they watched the couple reconciliate. They both knew that the events of today would be forgiven but not forgotten.

Richard cleared his throat breaking the little interlude. "Why dont we all go for a stroll by the water?" he offered. Everyone nodded in agreement.

The best thing about the steak house was that it was near the shore and down the road was the pier.

They boys went and paid for their dinner while the girls went outside to wait.


	31. all clear

_**SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED FOR A WHILE – HAVE BEEN AWAY AND GOT CARRIED AWAY WITH MY GIRL.**_

When the boys returned Meredith looked up at Derek. "Der can i ditch the chair?" she asked, almost pleading.

"Sure Mer, just let mark know if your legs get tired." He replied.

Mark helped her out of her chair, and put it in the car.

They all waited until he was back and had hold of Merediths hand before they set off down the street..

All 3 couple talked quietly amongst each other when they reached the pier. Derek and Addie were caught up in the conversations about the baby, and Richard and Ellis were talking about work, Meredith and possible future thoughts.

Meredith and Mark were caught up in each others presence that not many words were needed. On reaching the end of the pier, Meredith rested her head on Marks shoulder and listened to the water below. Marks arms were wrapped around her, and one hand rested over her stomach.

"Im sorry i was an arse." he whispered, "i was angry at me not you."

Meredith shushed him. "dont worry about it" she replied.

"Mer" he whispered again, "Im ready when you are."  


Mark ran his hand carefully over her stomach as she turned her head up and looked at him.

"Really?" she quietly asked, not wanting to get too excited.

"Yeah, if the doc gives you the all clear. I will be ready to give this daddy thing another shot. But only when your sure your ready to be a mummy." he said with a smile.

Meredith turned in his arms. "There is nothing i would want more than to have a family with you Mark. I've been ready for forever." She told him as she ran her fingers through his hair. Marks lips cam crashing down on hers, kissing her deeply and passionately. All there emotions spilling into their kiss.

"I love you sloan." he told her as he picked her up and swung her around.

Meredith threw her head back and laughed. This was the happiest moment she had had in a long time.

"Lets start our family." she managed to say through her laughter.

Mark put her back down on her feet. He was stll holding on to her strong. He looked over to see Derek and Addie who had stopped their talk and had caught the end of his moment with Meredith. "What do you say doc?" Derek asked "Can we start trying?"

Derek shrugged. "I guess, i mean her scans are clear, the doc is saying yes but take it easy and the brother is screaming go for it."

"Thanks" he said with a huge grin. "Did you hear that babe, we've been given the al clear."

Meredith nuzzled into his chest.

"So we might be adding to the Webber Sloan family next year?" Richard asked. He too wore a big grin.

"We can ony try." Meredith replied as she pulled away from Mark and went to her parents and embraced them.

"How are you going to handle being a nan and pop?" Mark asked happily.

"We will love it" Ellis replied.

"Let's go home Daddy Sloan" Meredith whispered in his ear.

"Lets go Mommy Sloan" Mark turned around after scooping Meredith up in his arms and began to walk down the pier. For those who watched them, they could see the obvious skip in Marks step.


	32. dumb moments

_**SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED FOR A WHILE – HAVE BEEN AWAY AND GOT CARRIED AWAY WITH MY GIRL.**_

Meredith was toying with her salad. It wasnt very appealing to her at the moment. She had been feeling light headed for the past week. Not to mention that her stomach had been doing somersaults at the lead up to lunch.

"That salad wont eat itself" Ellis commented as she pulled up a chair next to Meredith.

"My stomach wont settle long enough for me to eat it." she replied.

Ellis looked at Meredith. It obviously hadnt dawned on Meredith that her stomach might not want to settle anytime soon. "What do you mean it won't settle?" Ellis asked innocently.

Meredith sighed. "For the last week nothing has been sitting right. I think im coming down with a virus."

Ellis nodded, "We can do a blood test to make sure that you are of" Ellis offered.

Meredith shook her head. "Thats a bit much."

Ellis stood up. "Come with me" she told her daughter before she lead her out of the cafeteria.

Meredith sighed as she walked alongside her mother.

"Hows your legs?" Ellis asked.

Meredith simply shrugged. "Ok i guess, the 'bike' is good but i havent really had a need for it. My legs haven't been an issue."

"Thats great to hear" Ellis beamed.

"And how are things with Mark?" she asked.

Meredith sighed. "He wants to be a daddy so much more than he did the first time, but its just not happening."

Ellis tried to hide her smirk. Her daughter was normally quite bright but she occasionally had her dumb moments.

"Im sure it will happen" Ellis comforted her. "It just takes time."


	33. the pregnant cutter

_**SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED FOR A WHILE – HAVE BEEN AWAY AND GOT CARRIED AWAY WITH MY GIRL.**_

Meredith had taken the blood test with her mother eagerly drawing the blood. Now her mother was waiting for the results. She had promised that she would page her when she got the results.

In the mean time Meredith scrubbed in with Addison on her last surgery before Addie started Maternity leave. Meredith was tightly strapped in to her 'new bike' and moved casually into the O.R.

"I love that you can be really lazy in that thing." Addie joked

"Yeah its like a motorise scooter, just with 4 wheels." she stirred.

Meredith made her way to stand next to Addie.

"So O..B one" Meredith chuckled. "I dub you the pregnant cutter."

Addie rolled her eyes. "So mommy dearest dragged you to get a blood test." Addie queried.

"Nothing much to worry about. Just coming down with something, and you know mom, she's a bit of a worrier and wants to catch it early." Meredith explained.

"Sure Mer!" Addie teased.

"If it was anything important she would page me." Meredith guaranteed.

"Ok" addie shrugged focusing back on the surgery

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG

Ellis looked over the results and smiled, she had been right and nothing felt better. Ellis still couldnt decide whether she should run and tell Richard or tell Meredith first.

Ellis held onto the paper tightly. She decided that she would have Addy, Derek, Meredith, Mark and Richard all paged to the one room, and announce it. That way they could all be there for the first scans. Ellis hoped that Meredith would be ok with this. But she couldnt be sure.


	34. we're pregnant

Meredith and Addison's pagers went off together while Addison was just finishing the surgery. One of the nurses looked at both pagers before looking over at Addison and Meredith.

"Well?" Addison asked her.

"It seems that Dr Webber wants you in exam room 3b." the nurse told her.

"Ok, so what did mine say?" Meredith asked.

"Same" the nurse answered.

"Maybe she wants a consult" Addison offered. Meredith just shrugged.

"Ok, where done here, can you close her up?" she asked the resident who was assisting.

Both Meredith and Addison left the O.R and scrubbed out together.

"I will report to the patient's husband, while you ditch the toy." Addison told her.

"Deal" she said with a smile.

Both left and headed in different directions. Still unsure why they received the same page from Ellis.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA  


When Meredith arrived at the exam room she walked in to see Derek, Richard, Mark and Ellis. Meredith looked at the boys and they just shrugged. Meredith looked at her mom curiously who just smiled back at her.

Addie arrived moments later. "Whats going on?" she asked, she too was confused about the gathering in the exam room.

Ellis smiled and stepped forward handing Meredith her test results.

Meredith looked them over quietly before looking up. She passed them over to Mark, who was puzzled and obviously worried.

Mark took the piece of paper and examined it. He looked up at Meredith moments later to see a big grin on her face. He dropped the paper and moved quickly picking up Meredith and swinging her around.

Meredith dipped her head and kissed him hard. The passion flowing through them led her to deepen the kiss. The kissed heatedly, forgetting there they were and whose presence they were in until Addison finally spoke. She only did so when she saw the look of discomfort on Richards face. "Alright you two break it up" she told them.

Mark lowered Meredith back down to the floor, but still didnt let go of her. Meredith could see that all bar Ellis had a confused look on their faces. Meredith looked up at Mark and nodded to him.  


"We're pregnant" he told them.

"I kind of guessed" replied Addie as the couple were suddenly swarmed by family.


	35. a christmas special

Ellis pulled Meredith off to the side. "You didn't mind i hope?" Ellis asked as she gestured to the rest of the group.

"No mom, it actually made things easier to announce it." Meredith replied with a big smile on her face.

"I'm so happy for you sweetie." Ellis told her.

Meredith nodded, "it's really quite a relief" she told her mother

Richard clapped his hands together. Everyone looked over at him. "maybe we should get Addie to do an ultrasound."

Addison looked at Meredith, who in turn moved towards the examining table. "Can we just do a normal one?" she asked, her eyes being hopeful.

Addie nodded. "Let's see how far along u are"

Meredith laid back on the bed and Addie lifted her shirt. Everyone crowded around.

Addie applied the cold gel to Meredith's stomach, before spreading it around with the Doppler. She flicked in the machine and moved the scan around so everyone could see the image.

Meredith watched as Addie raised her eyebrow with concern.

"What" she asked warily.

"Mer, the scan is really good at determining due dates and estimating conception." Addie told her.

Meredith nodded her head, "Yeah i know" she said with a smile. "so how far along am i, 2 weeks? a month?" she asked.

Addie shook her head. "2 months" she choked out.

"That's impossible," Meredith told her, "2 months ago i went under the knife."

Addie nodded, and then realisation kicked in. "Did you have sex with Mark the night before you went in to surgery?" she asked.

Mark shook his head. "No, Mer was crabby that night because she spent the evening in the chair." he remembered.

Meredith was deep in thought. "No, but the night before we did."

Mark and Meredith looked at each other in shock.

"Well it seems these little babies are survivors." Addie spoke, she too was quite in shock.

Everyone looked around the room. "Babies?" Richard asked.

"Yes, it seems you are going to be the grandfather of twins." she spoke hesitantly,

Mark and Meredith stared at each other. They were completely in awe. Mark bent down and kissed her. "I love you sloan" he told her.

"I love you too" she replied.

Meredith closed her eyes, breathing in the happiness. Then she had a thought. "Why did the test say it was negative?" she asked.

"That could be due to some of your meds, or you could be the one percent chance that it brings back the didge read." Addie explained

Mark laughed "You've always done things differently." Mark then brushed a piece of hair from her face.

"Can we wait until we are out of the danger period before we make any announcement?" she asked everyone in the room

"You can announce it at Christmas" Derek told her. "My clan is coming, you know Marks brother is coming, and you can invite your friends. It can be this year's Christmas special."

Meredith laughed. "Did you really just think of that?" she asked.

"Yeah" he answered sleepily.

"The highlight of Christmas is seeing Addie 8.5 months pregnant." 

Mark teased.

"Unless baby shepherd decides to come early." Meredith added.

"We will just have to wait and see" Ellis spoke wisely as both Addie and Derek cuddled, resting their hands on her swollen stomach.

"Our celebratory tea tonight is now a combined one." Richard beamed. "I hope you dont mind sharing the limelight?" Richard asked.

Addie laughed. "I could not find someone better to share it with." With that Addie left to collect the print for Mark and Meredith, while Ellis, Richard and Derek were paged to different patients leaving Mark and Meredith to enjoy and truly embrace the fact that they were going to be parents.


	36. mmmmm later

"Babies" Meredith sighed as Mark climbed in to the bed next to Meredith.

"Mmmm Babies" Mark agreed as he placed his hand over Meredith's stomach.

"You do realise that we were pregnant before we agreed to start trying." she told him

"So i guess that was just practise" he smirked.

Mark bobbed his head down and kissed her.

"Control yourself Sloan." Meredith whispered, before mark kissed her again.

"We need to celebrate" he teased her seductively.

"Mmmm... later" she replied with a smile.

"I say we do it now." he pouted.

"Not in this room." Addie told them as she re entered the room.

"I'm sure the Chief would enjoy hearing about someone walking in because those doors don't lock."

Meredith blushed and Mark groaned.  


Meredith kissed Mark once more. "Later" she said smiling.

"You'll pay for this shepherd." Mark grumbled at Addie.

"Oh please Sloan, you know she would never have sex with you in here. She's too noisy and she knows it." Addie bit back.

Meredith blushed.

"Thanks for that Addie, don't we have patients to see."

Addie laughed, "Cold shower, i'm afraid Mark, enjoy."

Meredith clambered off the bed, and followed Addie out of the room. "Love you" she called as she left him there groaning.


	37. families and new additions

Meredith had remained on Addie's service for the rest of the day. It really wasn't a busy day as Addie had handed her patients over to the relieving neo - natal specialist.

She had found herself quite thrilled to be going home at the end of it though. She really wanted a warm shower and breathing space with Mark before dinner.

Meredith met Mark at his office. He was just walking out. "Sloan" he greeted her with a smile and a nod.

"Sloan" she mimicked in return.

"So tell me how was your day in plastics?" she asked as she took his hand.

"No big cases, just a boob job and a few facial adjustments" he shrugged, "u?"

"Well babies arent really my thing, but it was fun working with Addie on her last day. Plus i got jumped by the head of plastics. I think i left him wanting more." she giggled.

Mark shook his head. "I wonder some times. I was the one who had the rep as the flirt and the tease, but you do a pretty good job." he joked.

Meredith giggled again. "You've rubbed off on me." she smiled brightly 

at her choice of words.

Mark raised his eyebrows.

He had refrained from commenting because there banter could lead to many places, and at the moment they only had a couple of hours to go home and get ready for dinner and bask i the fact that they were going to be parents.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Have you ever wondered what he would have been like?" Mark asked.

Meredith smiled. "Every day" she told him.

"I can only imagine him doing the things i always wanted to do with him. I would have loved talking to him about girls, Playing catch, teaching him how to fish. All the Daddy things." Mark sighed.

"Mark" Meredith said as she pushed herself to walk to him. "We may have missed out on all of those things, but i think he is looking down on us from heaven and he would be happy to think he has little brothers or sisters on the way."

Mark pulled her to him. "Im sorry sweetie. I promise im not being glum. I just miss him."

Meredith snuggled into his chest. "I do to." she whispered.  


They left a few moments pass in which the both were dreaming about Michael.

"So do you want boys or girls?" Meredith asked and Mark chuckled.

"It wont matter to me." he told her. "But if our girls look anything like you they wont be leaving this house." he told her as she stood on her tippy toes and kissed him.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAAGAAGAGAGGAGAGAGAGAGGAGAGAG

Mark and Meredith went to the space needle for tea. It was a first for all of them. They had heard it was a good place, and hoped things would go well.

The group placed there orders and automatically the girls began to talk about babies, and the boys about surgery and fishing.

"Now Mer, i forgot to mention this earlier, but your bed-rest will be extended due to the twins." Addison told her.

They had not long finished talking about the little girl Addison was carrying and the extensive work Derek had done to the Nursery already.

"Are you serious?" Mer asked. "Cant i just live in my chair?" she asked.

Addison thought for a while. "Maybe, but you have to consider all the factors."

Meredith laughed, "I have a few months to consider all this."

Ellis smiled, Meredith felt her gaze lingering on her. "Mom, what's up?" She asked.

"It's just, oh forget it" her mother said before dismissing it.

"No mom, what's on your mind?" she pressed.

"Its just that, after Michael, i never thought that you would ever be pregnant again. Im just so amazed by you both, you've gone through so much." Ellis spoke proudly.

Meredith smiled at her mother and reached for her hand. "Mum, we've survived because we have had a fantastic support network. And we will continue to survive because of it."

Mark took Meredith's hand and squeezed it. "How about a toast." Mark offered.

Everybody nodded. Ellis and Meredith broke their connections to raise their glasses.

"To families and new additions" Mark spoke.

"To families and new additions" they all echoed and clinked their glasses.


	38. christmas is coming

Christmas was fast approaching and all had been frantic in preparing for the extended family christmas.

Meredith and Mark had agreed to play hosts, and found that it had always been less stressful to go to Christmas in New York at the Shepherds house hold then it was to organsie it themselves. Yet somehow they manages it.

Meredith now stood in front of the Christmas tree. The smell of the freshly cut tree had provided a great aroma, and the lights danced to the carols Mark had put on. The presents were wrapped and placed around the tree. The others had dropped them off the day before.

Mark watched her from the doorway. He loved the look of her. He could stand there all night if permitted and just drink in the sight of her.

Mark moved into the room, wrapping his arms around Merediths waist. Meredith sighed and leant back into him. Marks hands rested protectively over her stomach.

"Every one wil be here soon." Mark told her as she turned in his arms.

"This is our last quiet christmas." she told him as she rested her head against his chest.

"Our christmases are never quiet." Mark told her with a frown.

"Its our last one of just us then. Next year we will have babies."

Mark could feel her smile against his chest.

"I love you sloan." he told her as he kissed her on top of her head.

Meredith wrapped her arms around him. "Are you ready for this place to become a mad house?" she asked

Mark chuckled "Its already a mad house, its just going to get a little madder."


	39. breakfast

Christmas day arrived. Meredith rolled over and smiled. "Merry Christmas" she told Mark who had been watching her sleep.

"Merry Christmas" he replied as he leant in and kissed her.

"I dont want to get out of bed." she told him. "I just want to spend christmas in your arms."

Mark smiled down at her sweetly. "I couldnt think of a better way to spend christmas." he kissed her again. " but we have 13 adult family members , 9 neices and 5 nephews and your fellow interns that you have befriended coming for christmas lunch. 27 of the 31 people will be here in an hours time for breakfast, so i suggest a shower and for us to get ready."

Meredith pouted. "Markie" she groaned "you know you want to stay in bed."

Mark chuckled, "as tempting as it may be, Mom, Dad, and Mamma Shepherd might be a little disappointed."

"Oh well" she sighed.

Meredith pushed Mark on to his back and climbed on top of him. "You miss out for today, which kind of sucks cos i was hoping to start christmas with a bang." she said cheekily.

Meredith gave him one last kiss before climbing off of him and walking towards the bathroom.

"You better get out of bed and into this shower, because Mom, Dad and Mamma Shepherd will be disappointed if your not ready for them in time." she called when she pulled open the bathroom door.

Both having showered and dressed went down to the kitchen and began to gt ready for breakfast.

Mark prepared Meredith a cup of tea, as she got out the ingredients for marks cook up.

"So what are you cooking?" she asked. "i know i just got the stuff out for you, but you are some times adventurous."

Meredith pushed herself up onto the bench top.

"I wonder why i even bothereed buying us a kitchen table when you never sit at it." he teased.

Meredith stuck out her tongue.

Mark just shook his head and began to dice up the mushroom and tomato. "Im having an old style cook up Mer. If i could trust you not to burn down the house, id have you maning the grill." he teased.

The door bell rang. Meredith pushed off the bench. "I'll get it." she told him, and she practically skipped to the door.

Meredith opened it to find her parents and Mamma Shepherd. She welcomed them warmly before directing them towards the kitchen.

Meredith followed them back into the kitchen, and couldnt help but chuckle when Mamma Shepherd spoke to Mark. She had greeted him with a big hug and a cheery 'Merry Christmas' before comically stating "i'm suprised you two are out of bed yet, you pair are usually the hardest to get downstairs in christmas morning."

When Meredith chuckled, Mamma Shepherd looked over at her. "I know you two too well, so which one of you was the voice of reason this morning?" she asked Meredith.

Meredith smirked at Mark. "I guess you could say it was Mark, but i was the first one out of bed." she giggled.

"I dont think we really want to know." her father cut in.

Mark tried to maintain a face of innocence, but knew it wouldnt last long.

"Ummm... Dad... can you help me out here? You know i dont trust Mers cooking." he asked richard.

Richard nodded before taking up position in front of the grill.

Both men set about cooking while Meredith, Mamma Shepherd and Ellis took turns in answering the door.

By the time 8:30 came around everybody was there digging in to their breakfast.


	40. he did good

****

Meredith had been stirring Mark with knowing eyes.

She giggled before crinkling her nose.

Mark looked at her inquisitively. She had just finished her breakfast and had yet to get up and clear her plate.

Meredith called Mark over . "Can you carry me upstairs?" she asked

Mark tilted his head and gave her a cheeky grin.

"You have dirty in your eyes." she told him. "Get your mind out of the gutter and carry me upstairs. i need my shot and my chair."

Mark sighed. "Today of alll days."

"Hey babe it wont last." she said pressing a kiss to his lips.

Mark then scooped Meredith up in his arms. He gave the rest of the room a wink befor eexcusing themselves and carrying her upstairs.

Mark placed Meredith down on the bed and then gave her her shot. "Hows that?" he asked.

"All good" she whispered as she ran a nad over his cheek before pulling his head down to kiss her.

"We better get back before they send up the troops." he said jokingly.

Meredith wrapped her arms around Marks neck as he picked her up and carried her back down stairs.

"Dad" Mark called out. He had to do this a couple of times before he gained his attention. Richard walked towards them.

"Dad, can you please open up the chair for us?" Mark asked when he reached them.

Richard did so promptly.

Mark placed Meredith in her chair and she wheeled herself back into the kitchen.

"Aunty Mer, pop a wheelie" Tasman cried. Tasman was Nancies 5 year old boy.

Everybody turned to look at her.

"Sweetie, i thought Der fixed it." Mama Shepherd stated.

Mark sighed. "Der did an excellent job on the surgery Mamma. Mers tweaks are now far and few between. They dont last long and their not as painful."

Meredith reached for Marks hand and gave it a squeeze. He looked down at their hands and then at her and smiled.

Meredith had a glow about her. She had embraced Christmas whole heartedly since she became a Sloan and big family Christmases were a must as an honorary Shepherd.

"You look beautiful Mer." he told her as he bent down and kissed her.

Meredith smiled against his lips. "Todays a good day." she told him.

Mark kissed her one more time.

"Presents" Derek interrupted. Kathleen, Natalie and Nancy had just finished clearing the table.

All the kids got up and rushed to the lounnge room.


	41. you should be too

********

Meredith reversed with great skill and directed her chair for the lounge.

"Hey Tas" she called . Making sure her nephew was watching she popped a wheelie before coming to a hault next to Marks recliner.

"That was cool Aunt Mer, can you do it again?" he asked.

"Maybe later gorgeour. Now come give me a hug." she encouraged.

Mark reached the room as Tas was climbing onto Merediths lap.

Mark grinned as he was completely besotted by her and found himself shifting into a world of dreams as he watcher her with Tas.

_Mark could see Tas as Michael. He could only imagine how he would have fit into the shepherd/sloan/webber christmas functions._

He could see himself waking up to him, jumping on their bed. Cheering because Santa had left presents down stairs under the tree.

Mark felt so much love and loss for a child he never got to hold.  


Mark had to fight to pull himself out of his thoughts.

Meredith looked up and caugth the sad expression on his face. She promptly got Tas off her lap and wheeled her way over to where he was. "Come sit" she pleaded.

Mark looked at her and forced a smile. She lead him back to his recliner. Once he had sat down, Meredith climbed out of her chair and on to his lap.

Mark pulled her close and she rested her head on his shoulder. "You ok?" she asked.

Mark sighed and buried his head in her hair. "Its just sometimes its a bit much." he confessed.

Meredith tilted her head and looked at him, stroking his cheek. "I know babe, i know" she said quietly.

Meredith thought for a moment. "Maybe we should, i dont know, do something to put him to rest." she suggested.

Mark looked at her in consideration. "I guess" he whispered.

Both cuddled closer together. "Alright love birds." Derek chuckled. "Present time."

Meredith gave Mark a quick kiss before turning to face the family.

Mark wraped his arms tighly around Meredith as they took a moment to breathe each other in as they watched all the kids open their presents.

Everyone couldnt help but laugh at the paper seemed to be ripped and sent flying.

As all the kids settled down with their toys the adults started to recieve their presents.

Addi recieved shoe vouchers and gucci had bags from Dereks sisters. "We figured you must be missing all of these things." Nancy told her. Add to that a few cd's and a digital camera. "I expect to have photos emailed every week of that little one." Mamma Shepherd gushed.

Once the Shepherds completed their presents, focus turned to Meredith and Mark. Meredith shifted to look at Mark. "I didnt get you much because i was at a loss of what to get you." she whispered.

Mark shruggged. "You know its the thought that counts." He replied.

Derek carried over a small box and handed it to Mark.

"I thought you said it wasnt much." he joked.

Meredith wriggled back so the others could see what she had gotten him.

Mark peeled back the paper and found firstly an envelope. Inside was season access for the family to all New York Yankees games. Mark was thrilled. "Mer there fantastic" he said as he put them back in the envelope.

"Keep going." she told him.

Mark looked at the box curiously. He opened it and lifted out a New York Yankees playing shirt. A smile spread across his face.

"Turn is around." she whispered.

Looking at the back he read the name Sloan. Mark couldnt contain the smile.

"Theres more" Meredith urged.

Mark emptied the content of the box to find 2 NY YANKEES Baby jumpsuits with Sloan on the back and 3 ball capes, 2 baby ones and a big one for him. "Oh My God MER" he gushed. "I love you so much"

"So you like?" she asked, her nerves obvious.

"Mer i love it. Its the best present ever."

The shepherd family were watching confused.

"Mark is there something were missing?" Kathleen asked as she eyed the jumpsuits.

Meredith nodded and Mark grinned. "Ummmm... guys... Mers pregnant." he said nervously.

Everyone looked around awkwardly.

"Guys were having twins." Meredith said happily. She was doing her best to ignore the silence.

Keira, Dereks little sister broke the silence. "Thats great, were happy for you guys." she speaks hesitantly. Shes trying hard to hide the shock in her voice.

Meredith sighed, wriggled her toes to make sure she could walk before she made herself stand up. Looking around the room, she shook her head at Marks family before walking out. She made a point of grabbing her jacket as she walked through the back door.

Everyone was taken back by her actions. Derek, Addie, Richard and Ellis shook their heads before watching Mark stand and walk to the door. "The least you could do is be happy for us." he said with a grim face. He grabbed his jacket and went off to find Meredith.

"Seriously people theyre so happy about this." Derek said frustrated.

"You have no idea the roller coaster that pair have been faced with this year. This was something we were all thrilled about." Addie explained. "You should be too."

Richard remained quiet. While Ellis stepped up next. "If you saw their faces when they finally decided to give this a go again, let alone their happiness when they found out that they were pregnant you wouldnt have just stood there in shock. You would have smothered them ridiculously and gushed at the prospect of twins. Their moving on, you guys should too."

Ellis turned to Richard. "Should i go to her?" she asked.

Richard shook his head. "Leave her to Mark for now."

"Nanna Elle, you didnt open your presents" Mackenzie, Kathleens daughter told her.

"Where going to finish presents later." she explained. "Why dont we start Christmas dinner." she suggested as she moved out of the lounge into the kitchen.


	42. we'll see

********

Mark found Meredith curled up on the love seat in their entertainment area. He sat down next to her and pulled her onto his lap. She was crying quietly.

Mark held her tight as she burrowed her head into his neck.

Mark relaxed with her in his arms, and fought to stay strong while Meredith continued to break down in his arms. He fought hard but soon he just let go, and gried along with her.

His shoulders shook as they clung to each other.

All cried out Meredith sighed. "Maybe we should have just stayed in bed."

"Im sorry about them." Mark apologised

"Babe its not your fault." she told him as she traced the stains the tears had made on his face.

"Their my family" he justified.

"Mark, their our family. And it doesnt excuse them for their reaction." she replied as she kissed him softly.

"I guess they just didnt expect it." mark sighed. "i didnt know how they couldnt , i mean, it was bound tohappen."

Meredith shivered. "I just wish they didnt stand there in silence gaping at us. Even Mamma."

Mark wrapped his arms around her tighter. "Do you want to go back in?" he asked.

Meredith shook her head. "I just want to stay out here for a while."

Ellis looked out the kitchen window. She could see Mark and Meredith curled up on the love seat. They had been outside for half an hour. She watched Mark gesture to the house and Meredith shake her head.

Ellis put down the knife she had been using to cut up potatoes. If they were going to stay out there, they will need a blanket. she decided.

Ellis approached them with the blanket. Mark looked up and on noticing it was Ellis, he nodded. "I dont want you guys catching a cold." she said as she covered them with a blanket.

Meredith smiled as she pulled it up to her chin. "Thanks mom."

"Dont you stay out here too long." she said quietly. "The girls are in the kitchen getting dinner organised and your intern friends should be here soon."

Meredth and Mark both nodded and watched Ellis retrace her steps.

Meredith snuggled up to Mark again. "Why couldnt they have been as happy as mom and dad?"

"There probably happy Mer, but shocked at the same time." he decided.

"I dont care anymore" she lied. "Were going to have our own little family. We can do our own thing for christmas from now on."

"Mer, we dont have to do that." Mark sighed.

"We will see." she replied.

Meredith rested her head on Marks shoulder. His steady breathing and his warmth lulled her. She slowly drifted off to sleep.

Mark smiled, kissing her softly on the head. He then carefully stood, making sure that the blanket remained wrapped around her. He carried her back inside, not paying attention to the others, and up to bed. He placed her down on the bed, before he laid down next to her. Pulling her close.


	43. we need this

********

sea./details.search...esults/27147253

Mark woke to a light tapping on the door. "Mark, Mer" a voice came from the other side of the door.

Mark looked down to see Meredith waking.

Again there was a tap on the door. "Mark, Mer" the voice called again.

"What?" Mark grunted.

"The interns are here and Christmas lunch is almost ready." the voice replied.

Mark groaned.

"Do you think if we stay up here they'll forget about us?" she joked even though she was still groggy.

Mark dipped his head and kissed her. "As much as i would really like to entertain the thought we know it would never happen."

Meredith sighed "Lets go, i guess". She kissed Mark one more time before she forced herself to get up.

Mark watched as Meredith fixed her sweated and re did her hair. Mark forced himself up, he roughly ran his hand through his hair before fixing his jumper.

Mark then pulled a hesitant Meredith to him. "Forget about them. We are happy and thats all that matters."

Meredith held Mark close. "so we are just going to grin an bare it?"

Mark shook his head. "No, if they dont like it they can leave." he spoke authoratively.

"But its christmas." she whispered.

"It is, and we didnt deserve the reaction we recieved this morning." he explained.

Mark lifted Merediths chin. He gave her another kiss before taking her hand. "Dinner awaits" he said before he lead them down the stairs.

Entering the lounge both Mark and Meredith had a quick look around the room before walking back out. Only the kids were in there.

Walking into the kitchen everyone stopped and looked at them.

Meredith turned into Marks chest.

"We will not be made to feel uncomfortable in our own home." Mark said sternly. "If you cant be happy about Mers pregnancy then you can walk out that door and not come back."

"Markie" Mamma Shepherd began.

"Pregnant!" Izzie squealed and ran to Meredith pulling her away from Mark and giving her a hug. "Congratulations!"

The others stood back and watched.

"Mamma, Izzie has known us for almost 6 months and she is more excited about our news than you lot. Mer and i have been through hell and back. Something great is happening now and all you guys do is stand there. Im sure thats not the reaction you gave Addie, so dont 'markie' me. If you cant be happy for us, you know where the door is." Mark gestured. It was breaking his heart but he had to do this.

"We... we... just dont want you to get hurt again." Natalie spoke up.

Everybodies gaze shifted to her.

"Yeah, we couldnt stand it." Keira chipped in.

Mark groaned. "What happened with Michael sucked. It broke us and for so long we couldnt even contemplate having another child. But we need to move on. You all need to move on."

Again the group nervously shifted.

Meredith looked around the group.

"Why cant you just be happy for us. We wanted this. We needed this." she pleaded.

"Did you guys really think this through. We all know your still dealing with losing Michael." Kathleen spoke hesitantly.

"Do not psychoanalyse us." Mark snapped.

"I'm only going to answer that question because it appears to have been what most of you are thinking." Meredith spoke as she returned to Marks arms.

"There will never be a day that will go by where we wont think of Michael. None of you have ever lost a child. You will never understand. Let alone the terrible way that we did. It has taken us 3 years to even contemplate having another child. We discussed this alot and 3 months later we decided to bite the bullet. We are ready to have these babies. Michael will forever be a part of us, but he wouldnt want to know that we gave up on having our own family completely because we were robbed of him. So smile, be happy and embrace this. It wasnt a decision that was made lightly."

Mark snaked both arms around her tight. "Were going to finish opening our presents. You can join us if you wish, but only if you change your attitudes." he told them, as he led Merdith out of the kitchen and towards the lounge.


	44. kick arse aunt

********

Meredith, Mark, Ellis and Richard finished swapping presents. They seemed pleased with their presents.

Meredith had scored a Yankees Jacket, chich caused all the Shepherds to groan. Meredith couldnt help but chuckle as she then found out that she scored a new ipod and laptop. Her motehr had given her tickets to "The Eurythmatics" reunited concert in time square. "You know i am going to be 7 months pregnant by then." Meredith joked. Her father gave her a new watch and a few cds.

With presents being finished Meredith quickly gave the other interns a gift. "Its just something small from Mark and I."

Everyone laughed when they found they had been given a bottle of Tequila.

"Oh Mer, you shouldnt have." Christina said sarcastically.

"Hey your Jewish, be grateful that your even getting a present." Meredith replied with a smirk.

"That was Mers stash and she needed to get rid of the temptation. Dont think the babies would like it very much." Mark teased.

"Great my daughter is encouraging their drinking problem." Ellis grumbed.

Richard chuckled. "Save those for a rainy day." he joked while the Shepherds looked confused.

Mama Shepherd decided to push past the confusion. "Lunch is ready. I will get the kids seated and ready. The rest of you should start by getting the food out on the tables and served." with that she gestured for the kids to follow.

Mark rolled his eyes and Meredith shrugged her shoulders.

"Dont worry guys. Were all just letting it sink in. You've taken us by suprise." Nancy comforted, which Mark found out of character.

Addie rubbed her hand over her stomach. Derek moved close to her to doubel check she was ok.

"Damn baby is using my bladder as a trampoline." Addie explained to the everyones worried expressions.

"Addie i can take you for an ultrasound if it gets too much." Nancy offered.

Addie shoook her head. "Its ok, shes just a little restless. Nothing to be worried about."

Meredith walked over to Addison. "May i?" she asked.

Addie nodded.

Meredith chrouched down and ran a hand over Addies stomach. "Take it easy on mommy baby girl." Meredith whispered. "Aunty Mer is looking forward to meeting you, but you need to be a good girl for your mommy until then."

The baby kicked Merediths hand, and then it settled . "Wow, your the baby whispered " Addie stirred. "She's no longer jumping. Lets hope she stays that way through lunch."

"What can i say, you baby loves me." Meredith giggled as she stood back up and walked towards the kitchen.

"Im a kick arse aunt, just ask my nieces and nephews." She called out before they began to follow.


	45. successfully killed christmas

********

Conversation had been lacking during lunch and Meredith didnt seem to care. Once all the dishes had been cleared, the family all settled in the loungeroom to listen to Christmas carols.

Christina moved next to Meredith. "Whats the deal with the tension?" she asked as Meredith leaned in to talk to her.

"The baby bomb threw them." Meredith shrugged.

"Your going to be screaming mommy by the end of your pregnancy." Christina said as she rolled her eyes. "You do realise i prefer you bitter and pissed off."

Meredith chuckled. "I thought that was only for special occassions."

Slowly the group began talking about Addie, Derek and the baby. Mark slipped an arm around Meredith. The interns took this as a cue for them to leave. Meredith thanked them for coming and told them she would see them at work.

Mark releaved it was just family now, moved Meredith onto his lap and started to rub Merediths belly.

"I dont bring good luck you know." Meredith teased.

They continued to sit back and listen to the discussion taking place. They didnt contribute, but just enjoyed the peace and quiet of not being the focus.

"Next christmas were going to have grown by 3." Addie said happily.

People went quiet.

"I cant wait for the overload of nappies and screams." Derek teased.

"At least they'll get to grow up together, like us." Mark added.

"The hospital is going to be crazy." Richard chuckled.

"Overload of surgical staff babies." Ellis groaned.

"Mum you'll love it." Meredith chipped in.

"So christmas next year will be a scream." Mark summarised.

"It will be music to our ears." Meredith murmered as she kissed Mark.

Derek kissed Addie and then rubbed her stomach. "So twin boys , do you think?" he asked Mark.

"I dont care as long as there healthy and happy." Mark answered.

The Shepherds smiled. "If there happy and healthy, then everything will be great. How long do you guys have left?" Keira asked.

"We have another 6 months to go." Meredith beamed, knowing that slowly they were warming up to the idea.

"We'll make sure to keep tabs on you." Kathleen told her.

"And if Addie is too worn out from the baby, then i can be your ob." Nancy offered.

"Thanks guys, we'll keep that in mind." Meredith said happily.

Mark cuddled in to Meredith. Everyone looked at Mamma Shepherd.

"Dont bother with the guilty looks" she snapped. "Just call me when the babies are born, then i will be cheerful."

Mark shook his head. Ellis jumped up angry, and Meredith turned her head into Marks shoulder.

"Enough is enough." Addie snapped. "Mamma, i dont know how you can be so negative when Meredith is pregnant and everybody else is happy."

Mamma stood up defensively. "She lost Michael because she was driving when she shouldnt have been. She is partially dependent on a chair, and you expect her to be able to carry healthy twins. Your compromising her health, as well as the babies." She argued.

"I am the best in Neonatal. I have been consulted on Merediths case from day one. All precautions have been put in place. Meredith wont be behind the wheel of a car at 8 months, she will be in the hospital on bed rest.

I also think you should consider the way you speak about Michaels passing too, as the way you just put it, any one would think that you believe Meredith to have been in the wrong. If you cant be happy for her, and deem me to be an unfit doctor, then i dont think Meredith and I will have much to do with you.

Enjoy Christmas alone mrs queen of negativetly, because My family will not be attending it, and neither will Merediths, and if you keep this up, neither will the rest of them." Addison argued.

Derek looked at his mother. "I think you have succesfuly killed any christmas cheer today mom. Thanks, thanks alot."

Derek then moved to calm Addie down, redirecting her out of the room. "We will be in the kitchen." He informed the group.

Mark stood with Meredith in his arms. "We will be there too."

Slowly Richard, Ellis and the shepherd clan moved that way, leaving Mamma Shepherd by herself. If she couldnt be happy about this, then no one really wanted to hear her at the moment.


	46. baby boys

********

Christmas day passed, no one spoke again about Mamma Shepherd, instead they all chose to ignore her.

New Years had been and gone and Meredith was scheduled for her next appointment with Addie who was on the verge of giving birth. Mark had agreed to meet her at the appointment as he would be just coming out of surgery.

Meredith had just met up with Addie and was ushered into the exam room and climbed up onto the bed. She was now four months pregnant and her bump was obvious.

"Wheres Mark?" Addie asked.

"He's coming straight from surgery." Meredith told her with a small smile.

"Addie" Meredith said quietly. "I...I didnt get a chance to thank you for standing up for me."

Addie looked Meredith over and brough a hand to rest on both their stomachs. "Its for us and our babies Mer. We dont need the negativity."

Meredith took Addies hand. "Our babies are going to be close."

"What am i missing?" Mark asked as he looked in at the women who were just sharing a moment.

Addie looked up then wiped her tears away. "Hormones" she mumbled.

"We were just about to start." Meredith told him as he moved into the room and took her hand.

Mark bent down and gave her a kiss.

"You ready?" Addison asked as she finished getting the machine set up.

Meredith looked at Mark, and they both nodded.

Addie busied herself giving them the stats of the ultrasoun. As she neared the end she looked up at the couple and smiled. "Do you want to know their sexes?"

Meredith nodded , as did Mark.

"Right, baby a is a boy, and so is baby b." Addie grinned.

Meredith teared up. "Baby boys" she said happily.

Mark gave Meredith a big kiss. "Boys Mer."

"Oh god, imagine what Derek is going to say?" Addie chuckled, "or should i be more worried about the camping and fishing."

Meredith giggled. "I think i'd be more worried about the smooth moves they are going to be taught."

Mark frowned, "Hey you loved me."

"Still do" she whispered.

Addie watched the happy couple. "Well now that thats done i need to go find my OB."

Meredith looked up from Mark, "why?" she asked.

"Contractions" Addie told her as she handed Meredith her sonogram before waddling out of the room.


	47. no major hand squeezing

********

Mark had ran and found Derek, while Merediht had gone up to Addie to give her support until Derek arrived.

It had been hours of labour before Derek had came out all smiled, a pink bundle in his arms. "I'd like to introduce you to Amelia Jane Shepherd." he said proudly.

Meredith hurried to him, while Mark stood back a little. "She's gorgeous." Meredith gushed.

Amelia whimpered a little and her little blue eyes opened and looked up at Meredith. "She likes me." Meredith bounced happily.

"She's got Addies red hair." Mark said as he moved forward.

"Congrats Der" Meredith told him as she stood on her tippy toes and kissed him on the cheek.

"Thanks" Derek beamed.

Mark hadnt gotten much closer. He just grinned and nodded.

"Can we see her?" Meredith asked, talking about Addison.

Derek nodded.

All four of them turned and headed towards the room.

Mark remained hesitant standing at the back of the group.

Meredith moved quickly into the room and congratulated Addison. "She's absolutley beautiful." Meredith praised.

Addie sighed, "She's gorgeous."

"She has your hair." Mark commented from his post by the door.

"Are you scared of her?" Meredith asked curiously.

"No, its just she's so small." Mark grumbled.

Meredith went to him and dragged him further into the room.

Meredith snuggled up to Marks chest. She could feel him slowly relax. "Did it hurt?" he finally asked.

Derek rolled his eyes. "Your lucky your guaranteed a c section, no major hand squeezing." he grumbled.

Addison frowned at him.

"Oh, but she was so worth it." he hurriedly added.

Mark chuckled. "I'll still get to hold her hand right?"

Meredith nodded, "of course."

There was a knock on the door and Ellis and Richard entered. "Thought we might catch a glimpse of the new addition." Richard smiled.

"We'll leave you to it." Meredith told them as she fought back a yawn.

"Congrats guys" Mark smiled. "I better get my family to bed."

Meredith quickly said her goodbyes before leaving Addison with Ellis and Richard.

"Im exhausted." she sighed.

"Me too" Mark agreed, holding her close to him.

--


	48. poisonous thoughts

********

"Amelia is gorgeous. Dont you think?" Meredith asked. She was serving up dinner and sipping on a cup of tea.

"Ummm... yeah i guess." Mark said quietly.

Merediths eyebrows furrowed. "Whats up baby?"

"Nothing... its just.. she's so tiny and looks so fragile." he replied.

"They dont come out like 2 year olds" Meredith stirred, as she handed Mark his bowl.

"I get that, i do, but what happens if i dropped them?"

"You wont"

"But if i did?"

"I'd kill you"

"Great" he sighed.

"Markie, you have nothing to worry about."

"Its just..."

"No Mark Sloan, dont even think it. Our babies are healthy. They will remain healthy." she scolded him.

"But"

"No" Meredith warned.

"But"

"Dont you continue Mark Sloan or i will kill you." she said aggressively. "Mamma Shepherd has put poisonous thoughts in your head. You have been hovering ever since and you've been anal about letting me drive."

Mark sighed knowing that he had set her off.

"I will prove to Mamma Shepherd that we can have children if its the last thing i do." she huffed. "Now im not even hungry. Im going to bed."

She looked down at the food and shook her head before making her point by storming out.


	49. letters to michael

********

"Mer" Mark said as he entered their bedroom.

Mark looked at the curled up figure in the bed. She was obviously asleep.

He moved towards the bed and hurriedly put on his pajama bottoms and removed his shirt.

It wasnt until he climbed into bed and moved closer to her that he spotted the book.

It was a leather bound black book with "our baby boy" Printed on the top in Gold lettering. He had not seen the book for a long time.

He carefully leaned over her and pried the book from her grasps.

He sat up and quietly opened the book to see a photo of Meredith in Marks arms.

It had been New Years day and New York was covered in snow.

The photo had been taken of them, curled up on the steps of Derek and Addison's brownstone.

Mark had his arm happily around Meredith who had been giggling as they held up a positive pregnancy test for the photo.

Meredith had tolf him at Midnight that she was pregnant and had given him the test to prove it in the morning.

He could remember being completely shocked by the news and then bouncing with excitement.

Meredith looked so happy and he could see the love in her eyes. The happiness dancing there too. She looked so youthful and fresh.

Turning the pages there were various images of ultrasounds and photos of Meredith at varying stages of her pregnancy.

He slowly continued to flick through the book. Each page bringing a memory.

He paused to read the little snippets as he continued through the book.

He eased through the memories . A smile spread across his face. He loved how beautiful she looked pregnant. In each photo she glowed.

It wasnt until the last page that he felt the air get knocked out of him. There on the page was the newspaper clipping about her car accident along with the death notice of Michael. What shocked him most were the letters that were in the slip at the back of the book.

The letters were addressed to Micael and the slip was filled with them.

Mark opened a letter, It was dated one month after the accident. Mark checked the date and noticed it was Michaels due date. It read:

_Dear My Precious Michael_  
_My precious baby boy. Today is the day that you would have been brought into my world. I wish things could have stayed that way._

_You were ripped from our lives like my ability to walk. I had dreams for you and it breaks my heart. I lost my life the day that i lost you._

I hope you stay safe little one. You belong here in my arms and no where else. I'm sure you are safe with Papa Michael.

You will always be in my heart and on my mind.

Forever missing you

Love mommy 

Marks eyes filled with tears. He did not know about the letters and that one broke his heart.

Mark replaced the letter and couldn't bear to read any more.

He closed up the book and sat it on the bedside table.

He went to turn offf the light when he spotted a letter on her bedside table.

Mark wanted Meredith to have her privacy, but he was intrigued at the fact that she may have written another letter tonight

He carefully leaned over her and took hold of the letter. It was just now that he could see that she had cried herself to sleep. He brushed her hair back from her face and dropped a kiss on her temple.

He shifted back to his side of the bed and opened it.

_My precious Michael,_

Today we found out that you are going to have two baby brothers. You also gained a gorgeous baby cousin called Amelia.

I'm so excited that we are going to have two beautiful boys. I wish you were here to enjoy being a big brother and get excited. Just like i wish your daddy was excited. He seemed to be until your Nanna Shepherd scared him.

Nothings going to go wrong right? I mean you are going to protect your baby brothers and make sure they stay healthy just like your pap Michael is watching over Amelia and keeping you company.

Please show your daddy that we can do this.

I dont want to do this alone and i dont think i could live if i lost your brothers.

I love you my precious Michael and it almost killed me losing you. I cant go through this again.

I love you and miss you my son.

I have faith knowing that you are watching over us.

Always in my heart and on my mind.

Forever missing you

Love Mommy 

Mark slipped the letter in amongst the others and reached over and turned off the light.

He then slipped under the covers and pulled Meredith close to him.

"Mer you're not alone." he whispered. "baby, you will never be alone."


	50. what if's

******____**

Mark sat staring into nothing. He couldn't control the mess in his head. Meredith hadnt spoken to him all morning. She had gone to work early and had done her best to avoid him.

Richad watched Mark from a distance as he and Ellis ate their lunch. "What do you think has happened?" He asked Ellis as he gestured towards Mark.

"I dont know, but Meredith has been working with me today and she's been dodging him." Ellis replied.

Richard nodded. He understood Merediths ability to avoid things. She was a master at it.

They watched Meredith grab her meal. She looked at Mark, and then turned away. She walked straight back into the building.

Richard shook his head. "He's done something to upset her." he noted after seeing the heart broken expression on her face.

"Richard" Ellis spoke putting her hand over his. "He needs to sort this out."

Richard sighed. "I just..."

"Hate seeing her like this." She finished.

"Yeah" he groaned.

"I know, i do too." she spoke quietly.

Derek approached Mark and sat down next to him. "I love this being a father feeling." Derek told him. "She's absolutely gorgeous."

Mark didnt comment, he hadnt even acknowledged that Derek had sat next to him.

"Mark" Derek spoke.

"She writes letters. Michael. She writes letters to Michael." Mark spoke. "She doesn't think i want this. She thinks she's alone."

Derek looked at Mark confused. "What? Rewind and tell me from the start."

"Last night i let Mamma Shepherds words get to me and i let Meredith know. She went to bed early She has a scrap book of her pregnancy. It even has a clipping about the crash. Plus she's writing letters to him. Theres a heap of them. She wrote one last night. She's scared that i dont believe we can do this and that she's going to have to do this alone." Mark explained.

"Why would she think she's going to have to do this alone?" Derek asked confused.

"Because she thinks i dont want this."

"Do you?"

"Yes, but..."

"But what Mark?"

"What if something goes wrong?" he finally asked.

"If we lived our lives based on what if's, we'd get nowhere." Derek told him. "You love her Mark. Dont let your fears push away something so great. You should know Moms always been good at instilling doubt."

"Yeah" Mark sighed.

"Talk to her, let her know she's not alone." Derek offered.

Mark nodded, "now i've just got to find her."


	51. missing you forever

******____**

Mark returned to his office and struggled to think of how he could show Meredith she was not alone.

He stared at her photo as he dwelled on his thoughts.

"Dr Meredith Sloan to Plastics. Dr Meredith Sloan to Plastics." came over the announcement.

Meredith looked at her mother. "You should go." Ellis told her.

Meredith groaned.

"Just be at the scrub room in an hour." Ellis smiled.

Meredith sighed and headed off towards Plastics.

Meredith reached Plastics and headed to the Nurses station.

"You wanted me?" She asked the nurses.

"Yes Dr Sloan, a parcel was delivered here for you." The nurse told her.

Meredith looked at her curiously. "Are you sure it's for me and not for the other Dr Sloan?" she asked.

"Yes, we're sure." she answered.

Meredith tookthe pacel and stole the scissors to slice through the tape.

The nurses eyed Meredith carefully.

She opened the lid and found an assortment of things.  
Meredith found a small plush football and a soft baseball. She then looked past that and found her favourite honey Milk body wash.

Meredith looked around her. She couldnt see him.

There was a digital camera in the box and looking further she found 2 black leather bound books.

Meredith opened the first one and found that it had a picture of Meredith and Mark just before Christmas. It also contained 2 prints from their past 2 ultrasounds.

Meredith smiled lightly at the images. Running her handover the pictures.

She placed the book on the counter and reached for the second one.

_She placed the book on the counter and reached for the other one. _

Opening it, her heart stopped as she realised that it was Michaels book. She had been looking at it just the night before. In the crease of the first page Meredith found a letter addressed to Michael. It wasnt her writing so slowly she took it out and opened it.

_**Dear Michael,**_

I stumbled on the letters your mummy has been writing to you. I know you are worried about your mommy and that Daddy has been a big jerk.

Daddy loves you and misses you everyday and is trying to swallow his fears so that he can be a good Daddy to your twin brothers.

Daddy is excited that he gets a chance to be a Daddy again. He doesn't want your mommy to feel alone.

Daddy promises you that Mommy wont be hurting anymore. He loves Mommy and your baby brothers very much, as does he love you.

Daddy hopes that Mommy can see that she will never be alone.

Missing you forever

Love Daddy

Meredith wiped the tears from her eyes. She replaced the letter and closed the book.

She placed all the things back in the box and closed the lid.

Mark had watched Meredith carefullly and on seeing her close the lid of the box he walked up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist.

Meredith leant back into his embrace and turned her head to look up at him.

"I'm sorry babe, you'll never feel alone again." he whispered to her.

Meredith sighed and turned in his arms.

Mark kissed her on her forehead and then began to lead her to his office.

The nurses smiled and put the parcel away.

Meredith burrowed herself into him, thriving on the feeling of his arm around her. 


	52. they're sloans

******______******

Meredith arrived at the scrub room strapped into her new bike.

"You ready to go?" Ellis asked

"Sure" Meredith replied as she scrubbed in.

Meredith entered the O.R. behind her mother. "Let the games begin." he mother announced.

Meredith took up position beside her.

Ellis began the surgery as Meredith controlled the suction.

Ellis talked Meredith through the surgery. Meredith focused on every cut and stitch.

When they finally finished Ellis handed the patient over to the nurses and gestured to follow Meredith out of the room.

"You want out of that? Or are you right to go see the patients family now?" Ellis asked.

"Let's go"

Meredith and Ellis finished scrubbing out and Meredith feeling lazy and tired decided to kisck back and let her machine 'walk' for her.

"Your being slack." Ellis noted.

"It's the fun part of this contraption. I bet Dad didnt count on me using it for this" Meredith joked.

Ellis shook her head.

"You love it."

"I love that you are smiling again." Ellis told her.

"Hmmm..." Meredith sighed happily. She reached down and ran a hand over her belly.

"So everything is sorted now?" Ellis asked.

"I think so... I guess it was just a big misunderstanding." Meredith told her mother.

"Care to tell?" Ellis asked as they boarded the elevator.

"Maybe after we speak to our patients family." Meredith advised.

After finishing her coffee with her mom she went up to visit Addie.

"2 visits in one day." Addison commented

"Yeah" Meredith sighed, "and i'm officially tired."

"Oh poor Mer, those babies jumping all over your inards?"

"I didnt sleep well" she admitted. "Stupid dreams."

Addie nodded.

"So mark is out to prove Mamma Shepherd wrong now that he is recovering from his moment of doubt."

"Ahh... i see, i think Derek mentioned it." Addie replied.

Meredith sighed as she slumped down on the chair and laid her head back.

"Mamma Shepherd just can't see that this is what we want and that we can do this." Meredith spoke.

"Yes, True." Addie sighed. "Derek called her and the girls to let them know about Amelia. Derek's told them not to rush out ere. I'm kind of grateful that there not here. I love them to bits but i dont know if i can handle it right now."

"I fel like calling her to let her know that i'm pregnant with boys." Meredith confessed, "But at the moment she'd be lucky to recieve a phone call saying that they've been born."

"Who'd have thought that coming out here would have this affect on us?"

"I love her, i do. But she needed to understand that Marks decision, my decisions... i guess our decisions are just that. Ours. I mean if we lived in fear we'd be terribly lonely."

"Mer"

"Sorry Addie, we should be talking about happy things. I love Amelia. She is gorgeous." Meredith smiled.

"She is and you best keep your boys away from my little girl when they all get older."

"They'll be her cousins."

"D.N.A wise, no. So they may try to charm her . Dear god."

Meredith shook her head.

"Dont worry about your baby girl. My little boys will be angels."

"Yeah, right, they're sloans."

Meredith laughed as she thought of little Marks. "I guess your right"


	53. need to think

******______******

"So you expected me to stay away?" Mamma Shepherd asked as she approached Mark and Meredith in the cafeteria.

"I didn't expect anything." Meredith replied as she toyed with her salad.

"I was asked not to come." she stated.

Mark shrugged.

Meredith shifted in her wheel chair.

"Yet you are here." Meredith replied.

"You're in your chair." She noted.

"Quite observant, but it's not because i can't walk. This is just a precaution."

Meredith's pager sounded. "That's me. Which means Der's patient is almost out of their C.T . The guys are giving me a head start."

Mark chuckled, "I'll give you a push Mer." he told her before standing. "Go see Amelia." he instructed Mama Shepherd..

Mark began wheeling Meredith away.

"So you know Meredith Sloan?" asked a voice from behind her.

Mamma Shepherd turned and looked at the lady standing behind her. "Yes. She is my daughter in law." Mamma Shepherd replied.

"She's my step daughter." The lady informed her.

Mamma Shepherd looked at her confused.

"I'm married to her real father." Susan continued. "Not that she admits it."

Mamma Shepherd nodded. "She is very stubborn."

"and pregnant" Susan finished.

"Yes, with twin boys." Mamma Shepherd confirmed.

"Would you like to have a coffee with me?" Susan asked.

Mamma Shepherd looked the woman over. "Sure"

"I'm Susan Grey" Susan introduced.

"Elizabeth Shepherd" Mamma Shepherd replied and shook her hand.

"You've got to be kidding me." Ellis spoke as she entered the cafeteria and saw Elizabeth having a coffee with Susan.

Ellis shook her head and stormed over towards them. "Elizabeth what are you thinking?" Ellis scolded.

Susan looked up smuggly.

"I've made a friend. We've a common interest." Elizabeth replied.

"Susan, Meredith has made her thoughts very clear to Thatcher. Your girls, yourself and him are not and never will be a part of her life." Ellis bossed.

"She'll come around." Susan replied.

"No... no she wont. Meredith has made it clear, and right now, she does not need the stress."

"Seriously Ellis." Elizabet started out of exasperation.

"No Elizabeth. Meredith and you have already clashed heads. If you really want to lose her stick with Susan. But if you want to know your grandsons then you will walk away."

Elizabeth looked at Ellis confused. Surely Ellis was joking.

Ellis sighed. "Your loss" she said before walking away.

Mark had returned to the cafeteria to talk to Mamma Shepherd. He was shocked to see that she had company. He was even more so when he got closer and realised that it was Susan.

"Mom, Mrs Grey." He greeted.

Mamma Shepherd looked up and smiled at him. "Mark" she greeted him.

"Dr Sloan" Susan greeted.

Mark bent down and pressed a kiss to Mamma Shepherds forehead.

"So Meredith is using her chair more." Mamma noted.

"Mom, we really need to talk in private." Mark commented.

"From what i understand Susan is family." She replied.

"Mom, don't do this. Don't enter a situation that you don't understand. I assure you you've damaged your relationship with your daughter in law enough with what you pulled at Christmas. Actually make that both your daughter in laws."

Mamma Shepherd frowned. "Ellis said the same thing."

"Ellis was right. Susan can you please leave my family alone? Meredith doesn't know you and she doesn't want to know you." Mark stated.

Susan sighed. "I just want to know her."

"But i dont want to know you." Meredith answered as she apprached the group. "Really Mamma S. you really need to begin to listen to what people are saying and not assume that you know best."

"Why wont you give her a chance?" Mamma Shepherd asked.

"I have my reasons." Meredith sighed. "Sloan, our appointment has been rescheduled. We need to get moving."

"Appointment?" Mamma asked, her voice laced with concern.

"Just a regular check up Mamma." Meredith sighed.

Mamma looked to Mark who nodded in affirmation. "It's just a precaution. Nothing to worry about Mom."

"I'll believe that when i get to finaly hold my grandsons." Mamma replied.

"If that attitude stays you wont even get to do that much." Meredith replied.

"Mer" Mark sighs.

"No, this is another example of what little faith you have. Addie is monitoring me closely. That's why i am having constant check ups. I'm following strict instructions. Hence the chair and my walker. I'm no longer driving and i am working shorter hours."

Mark bent down to Meredith's level. "Calm down Mer, it's ok."

"No it's not ok." Meredith's eyes began to tear up. "Because she puts doubt in your mind and she doesn't trust in Addison's ability. She wants us to lose the boys."

Mark shot Mamma Shepherd a scolding look. "and this is why your on the verge of losing your daughter in laws and in turn your sons."

Mamma Shepherd sat there looking shocked.

"Come on Mer, let's get you to your appointment." he removed the break off her wheel chair and turned her around guiding her towards the hospital.

Mamma Shepherd sighed. If she lost the boys she wouldn't know what to do. Susan reached over and gave her hand a squeeze.

Mamma Shepherd pulled her hand away and quickly stood.

"I need to think." she said hurriedly before leaving


	54. i need her

******______******

Meredith and Mark were pleased to hear that the babies were doing good. They were doing bettern than good, according to Addison.

Mark was stoked and the copy of the ultrasounds were held fimly in his hands.

Meredith pushed her chard as Mark walked alongside her. "I can't believe how big theyre getting." he beamed.

Meredith laughed as she looked down at her bulging stomach. "I can."

Mark slipped the sonogram into his pocket.

"Der said something about getting a c.t. to check out how my spine is taking the pressure of the pregnancy. Hopefully all is good." she told him.

"It's been ok hasn't it? You haven't had many tweaks since the surgery."

Meredtih stopped and reached for Marks hand. "I haven't had a tweak since christmas." she told him.

Mark bobbed down so he was equal with Meredith. "Are you worried about the scans?"

Meredith sighed... "It's just..." she couldn't finish her thought.

"It's just that Mom got to you today." he sighed. "I knew it was only a matter of time."

Meredith squeezed Marks hand. "It's just... what if..."

"Babe" Mark sighed. He reached out his free hand and ran it down her cheek.

Meredith leaned into his touch.

"Mer... babe... Sloan." he sighed. "Addie said that the babies are fine. Derek is going to check on your spine regularly for the remainder of the pregnancy. Besides that, next month you begin your hospitalised bed rest."

Mark wiped the tears from her cheek before leaning in to kiss her. "We are going to be ok Mer, your... our babies are going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine." he reassured her.

Mark kissed her again before standing and moving back behind the wheel chair. His grip was tight on the handles.

He wheeled Meredith into the conference room. "Sit tight babe... i'll be right back with your charts... then i have to prep for surgery."

Mark kissed her again quickly before leaving.

******______******

Mark found Mamma Shepherd sitting on the bench out the front of the hospital. His fists clenched as he marched his way towards her.

"Markie." Mamma Shepherd said when she first saw him.

"Dont" he bossed. "Dont Markie me."

Mamma Shepherd was shocked at the tone of his voice.

"Dont Markie me Mom." he ordered as he began to pace in front of her. "I... I... just left my wife. The person who makes my world complete. She's breaking . She's falling apart... because of you. You and your damn negativity." he ranted.

Mark flexed his hands before scrunching them up again.

"My wife, My Mer, is going to get though this. Our babies, our beautiful baby boys, are going to be fine. And you... if you cant be supportive, then stay the hell away from us. Stay away from both of us." he hollered.

Mark them turned and walked away. He refused to look back at her.

Mark made it back inside the hospital and to his office before he finally broke down.

Mark was a wreck. He collapsed on the couch and he couldn't hold back his anger he turned and put his fist through his glass coffee table.

Mark swore as the pain ripped through him.

Tears were streaming down his cheeks, and it wasn't from the pain he was feeling in his hand.

"Fuck" he yelled at the top of his lungs.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Derek asked as he entered the room.

Derek assessed the room, the smashed table and Marks bleeding hand.

"Richard has just sent me to find you because Mer is crying in the conference room where you left her 15 minutes ago. Plus Ellis just called and said something about Mom." Derek told hiom

"What's going on?" Derek asked.

"I..I... she's... mom... and" Mark gasped through his tears and rage.

"Calm down." Derek said as he moved into the room.

"I...I... need her." Mark gasped. "I need her"

Derek nodded.

"Calm down. We will go see her. It's ok" Derek tried to soothe his best friend. His brother.

"I" Mark started and then stopped.

Mark laid back and closed his eyes trying to take deep breaths.

"I need Mer... I need for her to be ok, and i need my babies to live." he stated semi calmly.

"There going to be fine." Derek re-assured. "Now let me take you to her."

Derek helped him up. "We'll get your hand cleaned up later. I think Mer needs you as much as you need her right now."

Mark nodded, and grabbed his shirt that he had thrown on his desk earlier, and wrapped it around his hand

"Let's go." Derek said with a soft smile.

Mark nodded again and followed Derek


	55. we will be ok

******______************______******

They reached the conference room and Marks heart continued to break at the sight of Meredith broken in her chair. Her hands rested on her belly. Her body shaking as she cried. Richard was hovering trying to calm her, but was unsuccesful.

Derted a hand on Mark's shoulder. "Go to her." he whispered. "You need each other."

Mark nodded as he turned and gave Derek a hug. "Thank you." he whispered.

Mark moved into the room quietly, yet quickly, and in forgetting about his cut hand he picked Meredith up and sat down in her chair.

He held her close.

"I'm here baby, I'm here." Mark whispered.

Meredith clung to him. "I'm scared Markie." she confessed.

"Me too Mer. I'm scared too. But i'm going to be ok and so are you." Mark reassured her.

They remained there in each others arms. There fears passing between each other in tears, and body language.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Ellis entered the room, Elizabeth Shepherd trailing close behind.

Addison and Derek waited outside.

"Mer, Mark, are you ok?" Ellis asked.

Meredith whimpered.

Mark looked up and turned away. "Get her out of here."

"Mark" Elizabeth spoke.

"No, get out of here. I told you to stay the hell away from us." Mark yelled.

Meredith flinched in his arms.

"Shh... baby were going to be ok." Mark whispered.

Meredith sobed. She turned her face away from Mark's shoulder and looked at her mother and Mamma.

"Mom... i need you." Meredith whimpered.

Ellis moved closer to Meredith. Bobbing down to be at equal height to Meredith. "It's ok Mer, things are going to be ok. And my grandsons are going to be perfect." she reassured. "Do you trust me Mer?"

Meredith nodded.

"Good, now no more tears ok. Let's talk about what's going on." Ellis spoke authoratively. "But first, Mark, let me look at your hand."

Meredith frowned, not knowing why Ellis would need to look at Mark's hand.

Mark stood and put Meredith back in her chair. It is only now that Meredith see's the blood stained t-shirt.

"What... what happened?" she stammers.

"I.. I... punched my coffee table." Mark tells her honestly.

"Shit" Richard cursed.

Mark shrugs, as he unwinds the shirt from around his hand, exposing some rather large cuts.

Ellis puts on her glasses and Derek walks in with a suture kit.

Ellis cleans his hand and sets to work stitching him up.


	56. i need u

******______************______******

Marks schedule was cleard for the week. Richard wasnt impressed, but he couldn't do anything about it all.

Ellis had pretty much controlled the discussion concerning Meredith, her pregnancy and Elizabeth.

She had organised for Derek and Addison to explain everything to Elizabeth. On knowing the facts and the current status of Meredith's pregnancy Elizabeth had apologised and promised not to voice her fears again.

Meredith had returned to charting, while Mark returned to his office to sign off on the paper work hehad collected.

Ellis had encouraged Elizabeth to spend the day with Amelia, even going as fas as clearing her schedule so she could join her.

Richard realised that he was 2 surgeons down and grumbled. But after having a chat with Derek, he was able to be consoled as he was shown what good had come from the events of the day.

It had been decided that everyone would atend dinner at te steak house Meredith liked so much.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith was seated on the edge of the bed, a towel wrapped around her waist. She hadn't been able to decide what to wear.

Mark had just finished his shower. He walked into the bedroom to see the half naked Meredith. He smiled at her and was fightig the urge to do more.

He noticed more now than he had this morning how much her breasts had grown. He could vaguely remember the A cup that he had become accustomed to. Instead of the border line D cup that was making its appearance.

Mark moved towards Meredith. He could tell that she had been having a hormonal moment. He moved to sit by the bed. When she turned to him he couldn't help but reachout a hand to touch her.

His hand moved up over her stmach and up to cup one of her breasts. He massaged it gently before he leaned in and kissed her.

Meredith moaned against his mouth. She pulled away and smiled at him. Meredith needed him. She had been sitting pensieve because she needed him. Her only problem was that they had half an hour to get ready to go.

Mark smiled at Meredith, giving her a wink as he continued to massage her breast.

"Mark" she moaned. "I...I... need you." she told him as she pulled his head down to hers.

Mark chuckled heartiy when he pulled away.

"We have time" she told him.

Mark pushed her back so she was laying down on the bed. He ripped his own towel away before moving hers.

He moved between her legs and ran a hand over her soft mound of curls.

She sighed as she felt his fingers caress her.

Meredith moaned as she reached for him. "Now babe now." she pleaded.

Mark nodded as he leaned down supporting himself with his good hand and thrusting deep inside of her.


	57. talking around u

******______************______******

Mark wheeled Meredith into the steak house. The rest of the family had already been seated . They made a point of watching them move towards the table.

"Your late" Mamma Shepherd stated.

Meredith smiled at everyone. "Sorry guys we were just stuck dealing with..."

"Mer's cravings" Mark finished.

Meredith looked up at him. "Yeah my cravings."

Derek and Mark shared a knowin look.

Ellis looked over at Meredith and shook her head. Meredith couldn't help but blush.

"When i was pregnant." Addie started, as she made a point of looking down at little Amelia. "I mainly craved banana on p b and j sandwiches."

Ellic chuckled. "When i was pregnant with Mer I think my cravings were something like olives, mushrooms and tomatoes on toast with melted cheese."

"Don't forget the apple sauce and tobasco sauce you used to mix together and pour on top." Richard chuckled.

Meredith scrunched her nose up at the thought.

"All my babies had different phases. But i remember having muesli smothered in chocolate sauce with neapolition ice cream. I think we also had cucmber and avocado in the mix." Mamma Shpeherd told them.

"That's disgusting mom." Derek groaned.

Meredith sighed.

"So what do you crave?" Addison asked with a smirk.

Mark eyed Meredith nervously.

"Steak dipped in tobasco sauce with bbq sauce on the side. Top that with Mash potatoes and skittles and coco pops on top." Meredith told them.

"So you've already eaten?" Richard asked confused.

"No" Meredith answered.

"No, we just had to top up on some supplies." Mark told him nervously.

"Interesting story." Derek chuckled.

Addie gave him a quick slap on the arm. "Don't tease the caged animals." she joked.

Meredith groaned. "Can we order now?"

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGGAGAGGGAGAGAGAGAGGAGAGAGAGAGGAGGAGGAGGAGAGGAG

Conversation seemed to have been limited after that. They had ordered their meals and as they waited talk seemed to shift between Amelia and the rest of the Shepherd women.

Meredith was feeling uncomfortable as the babies were doing sommersaults in her stomach.

It wasn't until Meredith reversed her wheel chair did the conversation cease and people started to realise that she hadn't been looking too happy.

Meredith moved away from the table and towards the verandah where she thanked the kind elderly man who opened the door for her.

Finding herself in the cool air was refreshing to say the least. She had needed the air. The room had been getting stuffy and the conversation bugging her.

Mark had watched her leave and couldn't hide his concern. When Meredith was pregnant he found it hard to work out what was bothering her, as sometimes it could be a small thing. He figured he knew what it was.

Richard and Ellis looked at each other before looking over at Mark. It seemed that they too knew what would be bothering her.

They all shifted nervously as they looked to see her sitting alone on the verandah. Her hands resting comfortably on her swollen stomach.

"I'll go." he told them, as if it had even be an option that they might have wanted to see what was wrong with her.

He pushed his chair back, and walked straight towards the door. He thanked the elderly man, who had been kind enough to have opened the door for Meredith as he walked past.

Looking out the door at her, he sighed and pulled the door back so he could go to her.

Mark rested a hand on her shoulder, and to his shock, it was met with her own, as she reached behind and took it.

The stood there for a moment. His bad hand playing with her hair, as he nervously waited for her to talk.

"I don't know why i am so angry." She sighed. "I mean, well i do, but i don't. I knew it was going to be like this... that this was going to get to me."

Mark stopped playing with her hair and moved to look at her. "Is it because they don't talk about us, or talk to you, but they always seem to be talking around you?" he asked.

Meredith sighed, and looked up at him nervously. She even did the lip biting thing that he had become so accustomed to.

"You've noticed that?"

Mark sighed. "It's been bugging me too."

"I don't want to be here." she told him as her gaze shifted back out to the water. "I'd give anything to not be here right now. For things to go back to how they were before everything. So we can be normal."

Mark lowered himself to her level. "Remember babe we dont do normal."

He reached out his good hand and stroked her cheek.

"We should be in there talking baby names, and nurseries and all the great things that we did with Michael." she told him. "Not discussing whether Kathleen and Nancy should have bought those new pairs of shoes, or how cute Darcy is now that he is in yr 5."

Mark sighed. "Do you really want to talk about that stuff?"

Meredith nodded.

Mark studied her closely. "Well then, that is what we will do." he told her.

Meredith smiled at him, and caught his hand he fingers intertwining with his.

"I dont want you to be angry anymore." he told her as he leaned in and kissed her.

Meredith kissed him back, valuing the sweetness and the need for the connection with him.

"Now let me get you back inside because it's cold out here and i dont want you to get sick." he told her as he moved to turn her chair around, before he walked to the door to hold it open for her.


	58. baby names

******______************______******

Once back inside Mark gave Meredith one more kiss before he returned to his seat beside her. Everybody had just watched them return and nobody was game enought to say anything as they continued to watch them settle back in.

Meredith looked at her glass of water in front of her and decided to take a drink. She looked over at Mark who was tracing the rim of his glass with his finger.

Meredith looked nervously around the group. She met the eyes of Derek, who seemed to acknowledge the conversation she was going to start and nodded in support.

Meredith smiled lightly before returning her gaze to Mark. "So Sloan" she opened. "I was thinking that maybe you might need Dads help setting up the nursery. Because we all know that i wont be much help." she finished,

Richard wiped his mouth with his Napkin before settling it down next to his plate. He looked over at Meredith before looking to Mark. "What do we need to do?" he asked.

Mark looked up from his glass. "Well Meredith and i have two cribs being dropped off tomorrow, and she had picked a nice soft orange colour - i think it was vintage orange... so i guess that we will need to paint the nursery and then look at moving the furniture in."

Richard nodded in understanding.

Derek smiled. "I can help too. We can make a day of it." he offered. He could remeber the day he and Mark had spent setting up Amelia's room.

Mark smiled at Derek. "That would be great thanks."

"No worries." Derek replied. "I am guessing that we would have to do this soon. Meaning before Meredith gets admitted next month?" Derek asked.

Mark looked to Meredith and then back to Derek. "I wont be home much after that." he replied. He knew that he would be spending every night in the hospital snuggled up to his wife in a hospital bed.

Mark reached out and took Meredith's hand.

"We were wondering... i guess... if any of you had any ideas for baby names for boys? We haven't had much time to think about this yet... and we've had a few, but nothing solid." Mark spoke.

Mamma Shepherd shifted nervously. She suspected that they didnt include her in the option.

"What about Sebastion?" Addison offered. "Thats the one i had liked when we didnt know if Amelia was going to be a boy."

Meredith nodded in consideration.

Derek hoping to keep the conversation going was the next to speak. "I liked Jude or Jebediah, maybe even Noah." he offered. "I know they are biblical, but i have always liked them."

Mark smiled. "I like those." he told Derek.

Ellis smirked. "I used to have a thing for the name Elijah and Macauley. In fact if Meredith was a boy she was going to be Macauley." Ellis advises them.

"I love those mom." Meredith replies. She begins to ponder using those names.

Richard chuckled."I remember that. You were adamant that Meredith was going to be a boy, so when Thatcher wasn't around you were calling her Macauley." He then looked over at Mark. "Personally i am not too worried about what you name my grandsons. I have always liked the names Declan and Saxon. I would have suggested Preston but that would go to Burkes head."

Meredith giggled. "I agree"

Everyone turned to Mamma Shepherd.

"Oh my" she spoke nervously. "I didn't think you would like any of my suggestions." she quickly stated.

Mark looked at her with concern. "Your opinion matters mom." he told her.

"Well" she sighed. "I like the name Thomas."

Meredith smiled. "That's a nice name."

"It's a little old fashioned dear." Mamma Shepherd said.

"Were not exactly traditional mom, but we are considering everything." Mark informed her.

"I think i've got them." Meredith said excitedly. She had been sitting quietly thinking.

Mark squeezed her hand. "Well?" he asked.

"What do you think of Elijah Thomas Sloan?" she asked nervously.

"E.T. Sloan?" Derek asked.

"Well yeah." Meredith said.

Everyone smiled. "I love it." Mark told her. He then leaned in and gave her a kiss.

"What were you thinking for the other one?" Addison asked.

Meredith looked nervously around the group.

"Well?" Mark asked.

"Macauley Richard Sloan" Meredith whispered.

"Pardon?" Mark asked, not having heard her.

Everybody leaned in to hear.

"Macauley Richard Sloan." Meredith said louder.

Ellis smiled and looked at Richard. Tears were welling in his eyes.

"Mer" Richard said quietly.

"Don't you like it dad?" she asked nervously.

Wiping the tears from his eyes he smiled softly. "I'd be honored."

Meredith looked worried and continued on. "I hope you dont mind, but it's just that we had Michael and he was named after Pappa Shepherd and well your my dad and i love you and it's not like i'd name my child after Thatcher because he's not really my dad and all. So really i hope you dont mind cos i do love you."

Mark chuckled and leant in to kiss her and to stop her ramble. Pulling back he wiped away the few tears that she had shed. "Mer, dad loves it. He's thrilled and i think it is fantastic."

Meredith smiled sheepishly. "You didnt get to name one."

"I dont mind mer." he told her "They're great names."

"So we have Macauley Richard and Elijah Thomas?" Derek asked.

"Sounds good." Addison offered "They are great names."

Tea arrived as the conversation hit a lull.

Richard had dried his eyes and settled. Ellis looked thrilled at the name choices, partly because Richard was one of the middle names, and the other because they were what she had suggested.

Mama Shepherd hadn't commented on the name choices, but no one thought much of it as they moved their focus onto the meals.


	59. pappa rich & tinkerbell

******______************______******

Meredith was curled up on the couch. She was enjoying the random weekend that she had off before bedrest. She had gone through some old photos before she moved on to the home movies.

Mark and Richard were upstairs painting. Ellis was working and Addie and Derek would be coming over in the next hour.

Meredith shuffled over and changed the video to a different home video. This one was just titled Tinkerbell. She returned to the couch and pressed play on the remote.

_"Mer baby over here" Richard's voice came over the video as te camera moved slightly and Meredith looked over and waved. She was dressed in a tinkerbell out fit._

"You look gorgeous baby girl." he told her.

Meredith shuffled nervously in her tinkerbell outfit. Her wings spreading wider than her.

Meredith quickly ran off to the other girls in her play.

Richard chuckled.

The screen went black before picking back up at the beginning of the play.

Meredith pranced on the stage and the camera focused on her.

The whole play was captured on tape. It was obvious to Meredith that she was watching her in a Peter Pan play.

_at the end of the play Meredith was in the front row of the class doing a curtsy._

"That's my girl" Richard could be heard cheering.

The video went black again. Picking up with Richard holding the camera on Meredith who was sitting by herself back stage.

"Hey Mer" Richards voice came over.

Meredith looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

"What's the matter tinkerbell?" he asked.

"She didn't come" Meredith whispered.

Richard reached out and wiped the tears away. "She wanted to be here sweet heart."

Meredith sighed. "He didnt come either."

"Oh baby girl. i'm so sorry." he told her.

"Thanks for coming Pappa Rich." she said quietly.

"I'll always be here baby girl." he told her before the camera clicked off.

Meredith wiped the tears from her eyes as Richard moved into the room and went straight to her. Reaching out a hand and wiping her tears away.

Meredith looked up at him. She didnt speak because she was at a complete loss for words.

Richard sat down beside her. "That day changed my life." he told her after a moment. "I don't know if you remember the play, or even what happened leading up to and following it. But i can tell you now."

Meredith nodded. "I'd like that." she whispered as she snuggled up to him.

"Leading up to the play you had found your dads address and had sent him a home made invitation. Which you had actually written on a tinkerbell serviette. You were inviting him to the play. You were so excited and i had a familly friend make you the out fit. Your mom told you that she would try to be there, but i had my suspicions that she wouldn't come." he sighed

"You see, after your mom left Thatcher, i was supposed to leave Adele, but i didnt. So your mom, well she buried herself in her work. I had broken up your family, but didnt think i could be the one to fix it. You were 9 by the time this play was on. You had 4 years of having no dad, and not really having a mom. You only really had me, and the nanny your mom had hired."

Richard ran a hand over her belly as he felt the twins kick.

"When i arrived, i knew Ellis wasn't going to be there and it was breaking my heart because i remembered helping you practice your lines. I had never wanted kids Mer, but i had met you, and you were the only kid i wanted.

I didnt go with your mom after she left thatcher because i feared that i had too much baggage. But i still came to all of your things because i missed you so much.

It wasn't until that day that i realised what a mistake i had made and how much damage i had caused. I never dreamed that you would get hurt. So after i dropped you back home in your Nannies care i went and filed for a divorce. It took me a few months to get Adele to agree and sign the papers, but eventually she did. As soon as she did. I ran to your mom and told her what i had done, and i apologised profusely for having taken so long in knowing that i couldn't live without you guys. She didnt believe me at first. It took her 6 months to believe me that i had really left Adele, and a lot longer after that to get her to trust me enough to date me.

Through it all Mer, there was one thing that truly drove me, and that was you. That you would be my little girl and that i had told you that i would always be there for you, and i have been. It's like you pointed out to Thatcher. I was there when he wasn't."

Meredith sighed, and wiped the few remaining tears away. "I'm glad you were there." she whispered. "I dont know where i'd be without you." she told him.

"and i wouldn't know where i'd be without you. We've almost lost you twice. I can't imagine what it would have been like if we did." Richard told her before he sighed.

"I love you Pappa Rich." she said with a small smile.

"I love you too tinkerbell." he tells her before he leans in and kisses her on her forehead.


	60. there goes my life

Mark found Meredith and Richard on the couch talking. It had been obvious that she had been crying. The screen on the tv was fuzzy. He looked in at her, and sensing that they were having a moment he backed out of the room.

Richard returned to the room they had selected for the nursery. He found Mark moving onto the side wall. "You've gotten further than expected." Richard said.

"Yeah well i grabbed a drink a while ago. But you seemed busy with Mer." Mark explained.

Richard nodded. "We just had a thing."

Mark shrugged. "Figured"

"She's watching home movies. One just made her a little down." Richard told him.

Mark sighed.

"It was an Ellis thing." Richard sighed. "It was when i first realised Ellis was abandoning Meredith."

Mark put down his paint brush. "She ok?" he asked

"Yeal, she'll be alright." Richard sighed. "Addie will be here soon."

Mark looked at Richard. "I could check on her."

"Leave her, she's fine. She's already moving on to another home movie." Richard advised.

Mark looked at Richard and then at the wall he was painting.

"I'll finish this side and then i'll check on her."

Richard nodded. "Ok then, wll let's get into this."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGGAGAGAGA

Meredith had watched several home movies before stumbling on to one that was not labelled. She quickley put it in the player and moved back to the couch. Taking up her position again she made sure she was comfortable before she hit the play button.

_the camera focused in on marks face. "This is the beginning of the journey of the Sloans." he said before chuckling. Mark then turned the camera off of him and on to Meredith who was lying in the bed "Hey babe telll everyone the fantastic news." he encouraged._

Meredith looks up at the cameran and smiles. "I'm pregnant." she said happily.

Mark put the camera down and moved into view. "I think i might just give my wife a celbratory kiss." he spoke as he climbed onto the bed, straddling Meredith before he leaned down to kiss her. It was heated and full of passion.

"Markie" Meredith moaned. "We dont need to re-enact the conception."

Mark chuckled. "Alright Sloan, you escape this time." he tells her as he climbs off of her and returns to flick off the camera.

The camera focuses in on a half naked Meredith. There is a slight bump forming. "We are skipping the delightful morning sickness and broadcasting to you... the bump." Marks voice came over.

Meredith turned to look at Mark. "Not now" she told him as she blushed.

Mark chuckled as he zoomed the camera in. "What you can see now folks is the beautiful bump that is baby Sloan. Doesn't he look amazing." Mark commentated. "My beautiful wife is glowing from her pregnancy."

"and now she's covering up." Meredith sighs as the camera zoomed back out.

"No need to Mer, everyone knows how beautiful you are." Mark sighs as he moved the camera to record them both kissing.

The screen went black again only for it to come into focus again a little later.

"Today we are attending the lovely Dr Kensigtons office so we can find out our babies sex." Mark speaks as he films Meredith walking into New York General.

Mark moved to catch up with her. "My beautiful wife, what do you think our bundle of Joy is going to be?" he asks as he focuses in on her face.

Meredith giggles. "The betting pool on the surgical floor is that i'm having a girl, so i'm backing a boy. You pass that onto Carol. I'm placing 100 on that." she smiles.

Mark chuckles.

"What, that's what bet you placed isnt it babe?" Meredith asks.

"You know about that?" Mark asked in shock.

"When will you work out that i know everything." Meredith replies as she moves in to gve him a kiss.

Mark comes into focus with a big cheeky grin on his face. "So, lets take a look at the Baby Sloan." he spoke as he moved the camera to focus in on the ultrasound monitor.

Dr Kensingtons voice comes over the video and her hand moves onto the screen. "There's your baby. Thats the head and here is it's arms and legs." she points out. "Now Sloan, did you and your wife want to know what the babies sex is?"

Mark moved the camera to focus on Meredith's face. A tear rolling down her heek. Meredith had a huge grin on her face. "That would be fantastic." Mark said.

"Well congratulations you guys your little boy is doing woderful." Dr Kensington spoke.

The camera focuses back on the ultrasound screen before moving back to focus on Merediths face.

"A boy" Marks voice came over the video. "Mer baby, where having a boy."

Meredith giggled."Come here Sloan" she orders.

Mark moved closer with the camera.

The camera shifts as Meredith pulls mark down in a passionate long kiss.

"Right, well i'll leave you guys too it." Dr Kensington tells them.

The camera goes blank only to come into focus on Mark strutting down the surgical ward. at New York General.

He walks up to Derek and Addison who are standing at the nurses station.

Addie waved at Meredith who was obviously holding the camera.

Derek turned to the the camera. "Hey Mer" he said with a groan.

"Shepherd and Shepherd." she giggled.

"So?" Addie asked.

The camera focused on Mark's face. The grin still dancing around his features.

All the nurses at the station leaned in to listen. "Better get mom on the phone for this." Mark chuckled.

"In that case." Meredith's voice came over. "You better call my mom too." she said as her phone then went flying through the air for Derek to catch. Mark used his phone to dial his mom while Derek dialed Meredith's mom.

"Put her on the speaker phone." Mark instructed. "Mom and Mom." he said a moment later. "We called to share the fantastic news."

Meredith giggled.

Addie shook her head and Derek wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Well according to Dr Kensington, our son is looking perfect." Mark said with a chuckle at the end. His chest was puffed up with pride.

Derek clapped Mark on the back before approaching Meredith. Mark recieved a kiss on the cheek from Addie.

Mark stepped forward to take the camera. Bringing the camera to focus on Derek and Addie congratulating Meredith.

The screen goes blank yet again, only to come back into focus on a very pregnant Meredith at the beach.

Meredith wore a halterneck swim top that barely covered her stomach. She was playing in the water. Mark's voice came over the top. "My beautiful angel." he chuckled, "is teasing our son, who we've decided to name Michale James Sloan. Fatastic name by the way. Named after dad, because i am his favourite son." Mark chuckled.

Mark moved closer to Meredith, kicking water up at her as she tried to dodge the splash. "Don't" she squealed as Derek came into focus and picked Meredith up and carried her into the water.

"Dont drop her." Mark told Derek who got out to where the water reached his waist.

"What do you think Sloan. Here goood?" he asked.

Merediths arms were holding Derek tight. "Sounds good." Mark laughed.

Derek let go of her and her legs fell into the water.

Derek then bent over so more of her body hit the water.

"Don't let go Mer, drag him down." Mark encouraged.

Meredith let out a squeal and Derek chuckled. "Her Sloan, your wife's a lightweight."

"Hey Addie take this.' Mark called.

The camera shook at the exchange of hands. Mark then moved into the line of view as he moved into the water.

"Rescue me" Meredith called.

Mark chuckled as he reached them and helped Derek put her completely in the water before he pushed Derek hard, knock him back into the water.

Meredith giggled as she stood.

Mark put a hand on her belly. "How is my boy?" he asked.

Meredith stepped closer and ran a hand across his chest. "Good" she smiled.

Mark leaned into kiss her,

Meredith kissed him softly. On pulling back her hand ran over her stomach. "I think he's a water baby."

"Well we will have to come to the beach more." Mark told her.

The screen went black before coming into focus on Meredith in the airport. "Our babies first flight." Mark chuckled.

"It sucks you cant come." Meredith pouted.

"It's only for a couple of weeks. Embrace Seattle. You don't know when we'll be able to get out there again." Mark toldher and a hand ran down her cheek.

"2 weeks" Meredith sighed.

"2 weeks" he told her.

Meredith leaned intohim and Mark turned the camera to catch their kiss.

"Now stay safe" he told her "and dont drive your folks bonkers. When you get back the nursery will be done and we will be completely ready for Mike to arrive."

"Love you." Meredith sighed.

"Love you too Sloan." Mark told her as he leaned into kiss her before he dropped to his knees and recorded him kissing her belly.

"Flight to Seattle boarding now." the voice came over the intercom.

"Be good." Mark told her as he stood back up.

"You too" she warned.

Mark chuckled.

"I'll call you when i get there." she told him.

Mark kissed her once more.

"You better go." he sighed.

Mark recorded Meredith moving to the gate, before she turned to wave.

"There goes my life." he sighed.

The screen went blank only to come back into the focus in what was Seattle Grace Hospital.

The camera focused on Nurse Debbie. "Can you tell me where i'd find Meredith Sloan?" he asked.

Debbie frowned. "You are?" she asked.

"Dr Mark Sloan." he answered. "She's my wife."

"Oh" Debbie sighed.

"I'll just page someone."

Mark filmed the peole walking around and came into focus on Richard walking down the hall.

"Dad, you said it was an Emergency. Please dont tell me i've missed the birth."

Richard ran a hand over his head, removing his scrub cap. "Turn the camera off Mark." Richard told him.

"Dad?" Mark asked.

"Please Mark, you don't want to remember this." Richard told him.

"Spit it out Dad" Marks voice was shakie now.

"Mark please turn off the camera."

"Dad" Mark said

"There was an accident Mark, She's not good." Richard told him, the emotion pouring into his words.

"Oh God" Mark choked as he lowered the camera.

The screen went blank and then came back into focus on Meredith in a wheel chair. "Uncle Mark, why dont you use this anymore?" Sampson's voice came over.

Meredith looked at the camera and gasped.

Mark walked to the camera and shut it off. 

Meredith sat curled up on the couch. Addie and Derek had just arrived to catch the end of the video.

Meredith's body was shaking as she cried.

"Oh Mer" Addie said as she moved to her.

"You coming up?" Marks voice came from upstairs.

"Sloan, get your arse down here." Derek called.

Mark came quickly and assessed the scene infront of him. "What's going on?" he asked as he moved into the room.

"Michaels tape." Derek told him.

Richard came down the stairs. "What?" he asked.

"Michaels tape. Mark recorded you telling him about the accident." Derek told him.

Mark quickly moved to Merediths side. "I'm so sorry baby, i should have thrown it out. I forgot we had it." he told her.

Meredith buried her head in his shoulder as Mark moved her onto his lap.

"Shhhh... baby we're ok now. we're ok." he told her as he tried to calme her down.

Richard, Derek, Addie and Amelia moved out of the room and into the kitchen leaving Mark to calm Meredith.


	61. broken

It had been days after Meredith had played the video tape, and she was yet to shake the pain that the video had caused. She had reluctantly worked, taking on a lighter load. She studied with very little focus on the words that she was reading, and avoided talking to any of her family.

Mark had watched her drift into herself on the many occassions that he had tried to talk to her. It was killing him to think that she may have slipped into depression.

The whole family had noticed the changes in Meredith but did not speak up in fear that she would get upset and pull away more.

The interns had begun to notice too despite their main concern being their approaching intern exam. Meredith only used her wheel chair these days and had refused to drive anywhere. Christina and George had caughter he on many occassionswith the doppler pressed against her stomach as she used the ultrasound machine to check on her babies.

It really seemed like her fear was consuming her.

Alex began to get frustrated with her. Because as she pulled further away from Mark, he became more irritable and harder to work with, which was seriously crushing his dreams of going into plastics.

Meredith had been escaping people pretty well despite the wheel chair. On many occassions Derek found her pensieve in the hidden corners of the cafeteria or in closets. She refused to talk to him or een acknowledge that he was there.

The family had agreed that they needed to do something to stop Meredith's downward spiral, and nothing could have prepared them for the sight that they now found infront of them almost a week later.

Meredith was at home on the couch, Christina sitting next to her. Neither were speaking as they sat staring off into space.

A bottle of Tequila was seated in front of Christina and a botttle of Strawberry milk in front of Meredith.

It seemed like Izzie was playing bartender pouring Tequila shots for Christina and milk shots for Meredith.

Meredith looked down at her empty shot glass, before looking at the milk in front of her. She sighed, wishing it was Tequila.

"Hit me" she said as she look up at Izzie.

Izzie proceeded to aske her a question related to their upcoming exam. Once Meredith answered Izzie would pour the shot. If she was right, it seemed, she would be able to drink the shot, if she was wrong, she would have to sit the round out.

Meredith answered correctly, and on having her milk shot, she sunk back into the couch.

Christina followed suit.

Derek, Addison, Richard, Ellis and Mark watched on from the doorway. None of them could believe what they were seeing.

As the girls worked their way through the shots, Mark was more than thankful that Meredith hadn't started on the Tequila.

The family had decided it was time to intervene and not let her escape without dealing with her fears.

Richard opted to enter the room first. He was followed closely by the rest of the group.

"Interesting study strategy ladies." He chuckled in efforts to keep the mood light.

Izzie stood quickly not knowing what she should say. "It works i guess." she stammered.

"Why aren't you in on the shots?" Derek asked.

Izzie pointed to Christina. "Someone has to be desi driver, besides Meredith is a walking medical guide. I'm learning from her."

Ellis nods. "She grew up in a hospital, and surrounded by Medical journals. So i guess that helps."

Christina scoffed. "Her whole families freaking doctors."

Mark groaned at the drunken Christina. "Games over guys."

"We were studying" Meredith says quietly, although she is still staring off into space.

"Yeah, well we are interrupting." Ellis countered. She turned to Izzie and then Christina. "It's time for you girls to go. You can study more tomorrow."

Izzie promptly starts cleaning away the study cards that Callie, George's girlfriend had given Christina. And then she began clearing away the tequila, milk and shot glasses.

Christina stumbles as she finds her feet. "Sorry chief" she grumbles as he helps her to steady herself.

"I think i'm glad we came when we did." Derek tells them. He had noticed how low both bottles had gotted.

Addison sighed and thought of Amelia who was upstairs in the nursery sleeping. "Thank god."

Ellis and Mark see Izzie and Christina off before moving back into the lounge.

Mark moved to sit on one side of Meredith whilst Ellis sat on the other. Derek, Richard and Addison pulled up chairs so that they were closing her in.

They watched as Meredith's eyes widened in realisation, and she made an excuse to leave.

"No" Richard said authoratively. "You are not going anywhere. You are going to sit, watch and listen."

Meredith crossed her arms defiantly.

Addison moved to the player and inserted a D.V.D . She returned to her chair quickly and moved it out of the way as to clear Meredith's view of the t.v.

Ellis had Mark turn the tv on with the remote and then hit the play button with the other.

It seemed as the dvd had 2 chapters. Mark moved to the first one and hit the enter button.

Meredith had tried to look past the screen but couldn't when a photograph of her mother holding a new born in her arms came on to the screen.

The image slid away to be replaced by a picture after picture of Meredith as a baby and as a toddler. Their were photo's of Meredith with cake mushed over her face, with a tiny scrub cap on her head. Of her in Richards arms, and in her mothers.

It moved on to images of her at school, and of her when she was going through her pink hair phase

Pictures of Meredith came, with her head in books, and pictures of her sitting alone.

The pictures moved on to Meredith with Mark

Pictures of them at the beach, pictures of them in and around New York. Photo's of their wedding and then Meredith pregnant. Glowing and happy.

During the whole clip Meredith just stared at the screen. She hadn't said a word while the others kept looking between her and the screen.

Once finished and the dvd returned to the main screen, all of them turned to look at her. Meredith refused to meet their eyes as she continued to stare ahead. "What was the point in that?" she asked, even though she didn't really want the answer.

Derek and Addison looked at each other in shock, while Richard and Ellis just stared at her. Mark looked almost as absent as her, but they knew that he was silently fuming.

Ellis made to speak but Mark cut in before she could. "Cut the shit Meredith" he said quite harshly. "You know the point of that so don't act as though you dont, cos i am running out of patience with you"

Everyone looked at Mark in shock.

"You watched the video and ever since you have been pulling away from all of us. When we know your biggest problem is me. So why dont you get whatever messed up shit that you have been building up inside of your head out. Voice it so we can fucking deal with it." Mark told her.

Meredith looked at him as if she was about to cry.

"Mark that was a little harsh." Addie sighed.

Meredith began fidgetting and tears continued to well in her eyes. She refused to let them spill over.

Ellis went to put her hand on Meredith's shoulder, but Meredith put her hand up to stop her.

"I don't deserve your love and comfort." she whispered.

Everyone was quite shocked by this.

"He asked one thing of me when i was leaving to come out here, and that was to stay safe. I broke him when i lost Michael. I am a bad wife and mother. I didn't see the pain i had caused him, and i lost our child. I don't deserve anyones comfort." she said harshly.

Mark looked slightly unnerved. "Is that what you think?" he asked her warily. "You're not a bad wife or mother. Gee's mer, you didn't cause the accident. It's not your fault. " he sighed " and you didn't see my pain because the pain in your heart and shooting through your body left you in pieces."

Meredith started toying with her rings. "You... you... you were so excited... i took... that from you." she sobbed,

Mark moved to pull her into his arms and even though she fought him at first, she finally stopped when she realised that he wasn't going to let her go.

"You were excited too babe. You were so excited and you didn't take it from me, it was ripped from both of us."

Addison and Ellis were in tears and Richard and Derek did their best to calm them down.

"My babies broken" Ellis sobbed to Richard as he pulled her onto his lap. It was uncanny that both Mother and daughter were being soothed in a similar manner.

"Our babies broken." he sighed "but at least now she's letting it out."

_  
The Broken clock is a comfort  
It helps me sleep tonight  
Maybe it can stop tomorrow  
From stealing all my time  
And I am here still waiting  
Though I still have my doubts  
I am damaged at best  
Like you've already figured out_

I'm falling apart  
I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart  
That's still beating  
In the pain  
There is healing  
In your name  
I find meaning  
So I'm holding on (I'm holdin on)(I'm holdin on)  
I'm barely holding on to you

The broken locks were a warning  
You got inside my head  
I tried my best to be guarded  
I'm an open book instead  
And I still see your reflection  
Inside of my eyes  
That are looking for purpose  
They're still looking for life

I'm falling apart  
I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart  
That's still beating  
In the pain (In the pain)  
Is there healing  
In your name  
I find meaning  
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin on)(I'm holdin on)  
(I'm still holdin on) (I'm holdin on)  
I'm barely holding on to you

I'm hanging on another day  
Just to see what, you will throw my way  
And I'm hanging on, to the words you say  
You said that I will, will be okay  
The broken light on the freeway  
Left me here alone  
I may have lost my way now  
But I haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart  
I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart  
That's still beating  
In the pain (In the pain)  
There is healing  
In your name (In your name)  
I find meaning  
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin')(I'm holdin' on)(I'm still holdin') (I'm holdin' on) (I'm still holdin')  
Barely holding on to you (I'm still holdin on)  
Barely holdin on to you 


	62. let me love you

Richard and Ellis didn't really want to leave Meredith and Mark like that. However, they knew that Mark had her and that they just needed to be left to be together.

Addison snuck upstairs and got Amelia, before Derek took her hand and left. They were shaken up byeverything but didn't know what they could say or do for her.

Once they had all gone Mark lifted Meredith as he stood and carried her up the stairs. He sat her carefully down on the toilet seat in the bathroom, he then moved away from her so he could run a abath, making sure that he put some lavender oil in for her.

He returned to her side and she seemed almost out of it. Completely lost to her surroundings. "I'm sorry Markie" she whispered as he began to undress her. She watched him carefully, not moving or even saying anything more.

Mark looked over Meredith, taking the chance to place his hand on her very pregnant stomach.

"They're strong" she whispered. "My legs have felt weak. Eli has been kicking my spine."

Mark smiled softly and nodded. It was something small but he knew it was a start. She was beginning to let him in again.

Mark moved to undress himself and when he got down to his breifs she put her hand up to stop him. He looked at her confused.

She made to stand despite her legs feeling weak. "I... I...I've spent ... i've spent so long hurting and letting you... letting you take care of me... that... that it's been so long since i've done anything... anything for you."

"Mer" he said quietly, he didn't know what she was going to do, but he could see that she was in pain.

She raised a finger to his lips and silenced him. She then lowered her hand to the tip of his briefs and she heard hm draw in a deep shaky breath

She slid her thumb in under the top and her other hand came down and it mimicked the others movements

"Mer" Mark groaned as she slowly lowered them down over his erection and she brushed her hand over it before squeezing his thighs.

She let his briefs drop to the floor and she looked him over, appreciating the view for the first time in a long time.

"Wow" she whispered as she ran her hand up his chest.

Mark raises an eyebrow. "Wow?"

Meredith shrugged. "What's wrong with Wow?" she asked as she nervously bit her bottom lip.

"Nothing" Mark smirked "it's just that's the first time i've got that reaction."

Meredith sighed and stepped back, and her hands dropped away from him.

"HEY, HEY, HEY" he whispered, as he moved closer to her. "It's ok baby girl. Sloan. Honey. Babe." he sighed as he raised his hand to cup her cheek.

She leant into his hand before pulling back.

"Have a bath with me Mer." he almost pleaded. "This is what i want and what we need."

Meredith struggled to think as she looked at him.

She was taking too long to think, so he decided for her. He moved closer again and scooped her up in his arms and carrried her to the bath. He lowered her in and turned off the water before he climbed in behind her.

Meredith was jittery and Mark could feel her nerves and tension. "Relax babe." he whispered. "this is what i need. Let me have this."

His hands ran over her shoulders and he could feel her defenses slowly melt away.

"You can take care of me." he told her as his hands massaged her shoulders, "by letting me take care of you."

His hands work their way off of her shoulders and down her back before coming to rest on her stomach.

He then encouraged her to completely lean back into him. He kissed her softly on the top of her head as his hands caressed her pregnant stomach.

"All week i've needed you." he whispered. "I've needed to touch you." he told her as he brought his hand up to run over her right breast before he then thumbed her nipple.

"I've needed to smell you." he whispered as he leaned in and breathed in her smell.

"I've needed to talk to you and look at you." he said as a small smile graced his lips.

"I've needed to taste you." he added as he encouraged her to turn her head so he could dip his and capture her lips.

"But most of all, and this is the big one. i needed to love you, and show you that love."

Meredith looked up at him with questioning eyes.

"Can you let me love you Mer?" he asked nervously.

"How?" she asked worried.

"Letting me hold you is a good start." he whispered, "but that's followed closely by needing to touch you, taste you, smell you, look and talk to you."

Meredith eyed him nervously.

"Not everything is about sex Mer." he told her as his hands rested back on her stomach.

"But babe you'll always drive me crazy." he promised even though his erection was pressing into her back.

I need you, girl  
I couldn't live a day without you

Well I tried to write a special song  
A love song just for you  
To explain the way you  
make me feel inside  
Though the meaning may be simple  
And the words may not be new  
I couldn't make it  
clearer if I tried

I need you  
And I couldn't live a  
day without you  
I need you  
More than anyone could ever know  
I need you  
And I wanna build my  
world around you  
I need you  
I need you

Well I sang the words and realized  
It'd all been said before  
So I tried a different line  
that meant the same  
But it didn't have the feeling  
And the first one said much more  
So I guess I'll have to  
say it once again

I need you  
And I couldn't live a  
day without you  
I need you  
More than anyone could ever know  
(More than anyone could ever know)  
I couldn't live a day  
Find more Lyrics at /AZ  
without you, girl  
I need you and I wanna build  
my world around you  
Baby  
(I need you)

(Oh I need you)  
Baby  
(Couldn't live a day without you)  
(Ooh)  
More than anyone could ever know  
(More than anyone could ever know)  
I couldn't live a day  
without you, girl  
I need you and I wanna build  
my world around you  
(Ooh)  
(I need you)

I need you  
(I need you)  
And I couldn't live a  
day without you  
(I want you)  
(Couldn't live a day without you)  
I need you  
(yeah, yeah)  
More than anyone could ever know  
(I say it ever and ever)  
I need you  
(I need you)

And I wanna build my  
world around you  
(I want you)

(Couldn't live a day without you)  
I need you  
(yeah, yeah)  
I need you

Well I tried to write a special song  
A love song just for you  
I need you


	63. blame it on the homones

Mark helped redress Meredith after their bath, and then sat next to her on their bed. "I have something more to show you when you are ready." he whispered as she leant into him. "I think you will like it, but you need to remember it's a work in progress."

Meredith tilted her head to look up at him. "What is it?" she asked.

"A home video." he replied as he moved to kiss her on the top of her head.

"Oh ok, well i guess we can do it now if you want." Meredith told him nervously.

Mark nodded and moved to scoop her up in his arms. Her hands linking behind his neck. "Let me carry you downstairs." he whispered as she snuggled into him, resting her head against his chest.

He carefully made his way down stairs.

Once down them he walked into the lounge room where the dvd had returned to the main menu. He sat down with her on his lap, and Meredith turned to look at the television screen.

"We will watch this first." he suggested, "and then if you want, we can talk about it after."

Meredith squeezed his hand and nodded.

Mark took the remote, and selected the next part, he then placed it down beside them, and wrapped his arms around Meredith, pulling her back against him.

The screen faded out and opened up on Ellis's face. "This is the begining of the journey for two beautiful boys Elijah thomas and Macauley Richard Sloan. Some of the footage found has been carefully selected by Nanna El and Pappa Rich. Love you guys." Ellis said before blowing them a kiss.

The screen then spiraled and opened up on Ellis giving Meredith a blood test. "What Meredith doesn't know is that i'm sneaking around with a camera." Mark whispered as he zoomed in on Ellis smiling at Meredith giving her daughter a wise knowing look and Meredith returning it with a bored Look. It was obvious that she was doing this to entertain her mother.

The screen then spiralled out and spiralled back in on Meredith in the O.R. "She looks a bit jumpy waiting for her mothers page." Mark speaks as he looks down at her from the table. "Crickey look at that." Mark said in the best Aussie accent he could muster. "She's a real beauty."

The screen fades out and comes to a title - 'clip taken from S.G.H'

The screen then moves to an image of Ellis, Mark, Derek, Addison and Richard. It's obvious to Meredith as she watches that it is when Ellis showed her her results and that the security cameras were filming it. She watched as Mark scooped her up and swung her around. It also had caught the ultrasound that followed.

The movie continued to skip through scenes from Mark filming her sleeping Christmas morning, to the security cameras capturing the day they had been told that they were having boys.

It had also captured Meredith holding a stethoscope to her stomch as she listened to the babies heart beats, and Meredith giving herself an ultrasound.

Once the movie was finished Meredith turned to Mark not able to hide the tears in her eyes.

Mark smiled as he used his thumb to help wipe the tears away. "See babe i'm still excited and so are you." he promised as he leaned in and kissed her softly. "We're just containing it a little more."

"You've ... you've been video taping me?" she asked him curiously.

He nodded hesitantly.

"I didnt think i'd ever see the day you would pick it up again." she told him.

"I couldn't not film this." he replied.

Meredith nodded and leant into him.

"How about we go to bed soon." Mark suggested. He could see that she was exhausted, and the roller coaster of emotions would not have helped.

"I'm sorry i've been a bitch and pushing you away." she whispered.

"Hey, let's blame it on the hormones." he replied as he dipped his head slightly to kiss her.

Meredith kissed him back softly.

"I love you Mer." he sighed.

"and i you." she replied, as he stood carefully and carried her back up the stairs to bed.


	64. jealousy

The days had been going by much better and a lot smoother. Meredith was spending more and more time in the wheel chair, and Mark had been much nicer towards his interns. He rarely was in a bad mod and he was seen every lunch sitting beside Meredith, eating with her.

"Tomorrow you go into hospital." Mark told her as his hands ran over her stomach - they were at lunch in the cafeteria.

Meredith sighed. "I dont really want to talk about it." she told him.

"You packed?" he asked, ignoring her response.

Meredith looked around the cafeteria. "Are you?" she finally asked.

Mark smiled softly and then groaned. "Yeah i'm packed" he told her. He knew he couldn't deny that he was going to be spending every night in the hospital possibly cramped up next to her in the hospital bed.

Meredith sighed, "You do realise it's going to kill me" she told him. "They want me to spend 3 months in a hospital rooom. Might as well throw me into isolation." she murmured.

Mark felt sorry for her. He too hated that she had to spend the next 3 months in a hospital room. "Maybe Addie will let us take you out in the wheel chair." he suggested. "It will probably be only around the hospital, but it's still out of bed."

Meredith turned her chair to face him. "It's better than nothing." she told him as she leaned in to kiss him.

"so tonight" he started after he broke the kiss.

"Is our last night home for 3 months." she said quietly.

"We're having tea with Addie, Der, Mom and Dad." he told her. "It's kind of like our last hurrah!" he said quietly.

Meredith frowned. "Do we have to?" she asked.

Mark chuckled. "Yes we do. It will mean that you will have one last real outting."

Meredith groaned. "Your idea or Addies?" she asked.

"Moms actually." he answered "It's ok Mer, we wont be out all night, and everything is packed. Plus Dad's given me the morning off." he explained

"And you know Bailey is going on Maternity leave too. Maybe she'll come visit you." he joked, in efforts to change the subject.

"Yeah, difference being that she's 8 months pregnant and i'm only 6." Meredith sighed. "She's waddling and i'm wheeling, oh and she isn't going to be confined to a bed all day."

Mark shook his head. He knew that there wasn't anything he could really say to cheer her up.

gagagaaggagaggaggaagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Meredith had taken forever to get ready for tonight. She partly did so, because she really didnt want to go, and partly because of her inability to do some things her self.

Mark of course, had suspected Meredith of trying to find a way out of the evening and offered his services every chance he had. He had wanted Meredith to feel comfortable tonight, after all, the outing was going to be a surprise.

Meredith had tried to drag on their preparation, but Mark had swiftly moved in for the kill, and they were both ready, and Mark was surprised that they were only going to be a few minutes late, unlike he first suspected.

Mark helped get Meredith into the car, before making sure that Meredith's chair was secure on the roof.

They had travelled in silence, neither really wanting to talk about what tonight was, her last night of freedom. So both remained quiet, engrossed in their thoughts as they drove to their favourite restuarant.

Mark parked in the disabled park, and moved to take the wheel chair off the rack. He then wheeled it around to Meredith, who had already opened the door. "Are you sure we have to do this?" she asked him one last time.

"We are here already." he joked as he then helped her into the wheel chair.

Meredith sighed, she knew that there would be no chance of getting out of it now, although she had hoped to try.

"Come on babe, it's not going to be that bad." he told her, as he wheeled her back and closed the door. he then turned to her and leaned in, dropping a kiss on her forehead. "I promise we wont stay longer than we have to."

Meredith sighed, but reluctantly nodded, at least he would help her escape later.

Mark rested a hand on her shoulder. "Turn that frown upside down." he told her , "we are at the steak house." he told her.

Meredith shrugged. "I just wanted to stay home with you - our last night of privacy - before we are condemned to a room amongst many"

"We will have our private time." he promised her, "both in and out of hospital, lets just give them a couple of hours of our night." he told her as he wheeled her up toward the door.

As they neared the door, another couple were leaving, and ever so kindly, held the door open for them.

"Thank you." Mark said with a smile, and Meredith nodded her thanks to them too.

He wheeled her inside, and paused at the main counter. "We're here with the Webbers." he said happily.

The young bubbly waitress smiled, while giving him a quick once over. It was obvious to Meredith that she was checking him out.

Meredith felt the anger starts to burn inside her. She hated how people over looked her because she was in a chair, and it seemed that this young girl was going to do the exact same thing

"They are just through the back there, how about i take you through." she said with a wink.

Mark just shrugged. He didnt care whether she led the way or not.

"No, i think my husband and i know the way quite well." Meredith snapped, before wheeling away.

Mark sighed and followed closely behind.

"Mer" he said quietly, he was watching her battle to push her chair. He knew that she was tired from work today, plus not wanting to think about tomorrow, that things might get to her more than usual

"No Mark, dont mer me. She was outright flirting with you infront of me. I know i'm in a chair but it doesn't make me invisible." she snapped. "Feel free to flirt with them all you want, just dont do it in front of me."

Mark sighed. He should have remembered that the chair made her more self concious, but there hadn't been much need for it for a while, and when they had ventured out, they didn't take it, he just helped her when she needed.

"Sloan, you know i wouldn't do that, and besides, your more woman than i can handle." he said trying to joke, instead he recieved a glare.

"Enough with the fat jokes mark, you made me this way." she snapped.

Mark rolled his eyes, he knew that anything he said was going to be take out of context.

They reached the private room, and Meredith slowly wheeled her way in. "Surprise." Everyone called, giving Meredith a fright as they jumped out from everywhere.

Meredith looked to Mark before looking around at all the people there.

"Sloan" she said as she eyed him nervously.

"Do you think you could go into hospital without having a baby shower first?" he asked as he leaned in and kissed her.


	65. that was bad

Meredith was overwhelmed by the surprise baby shower. She had no idea how they managed to get the whole family in to Seattle without her knowing, let alone keep them away from her when they had arrived.

They had moved Meredith to the middle of the massively extended table that was catered for all the adults, and the children were seated together at another.

They all ate in peace, Meredith sittin next to Mark. They knew dhr esd truly overwhelmed by the days events, because not only was she not participating in the conversation, but she was also just lookin down at her food.

The nursing staff at the hospital had given her two hampers for little boys just before we left. She had been shocked by the gesture, although everyone knew that Meredith was well respected by the staff. It was no way an act of sympathy because of her handicap, but because she was fantastic with them and respected them for the way they carried out their job.

Meredith squirmed a little and her face scrunched up. It was obvious to Mark she was uncomfortale, but Mark was the first to really notice when her grip on the table turned her knuckles white. He could see that she was in pain.

He acted quickly. "Legs?" he asked and recieved a whimper and a nod in reply.

He quickly pushed back his chair, before he pulled her away from the table. She grabbed hold of his hand, she was still wincing in pain.

Derek moved to help him, moving to stand in front of her quickly, asking her questions about the sensations over taking her body. He then helped Mark by holding Meredith up so he could deliver the injections.

Derek then helped her back into her chair before moving out of the way so Mark could tend to the upset Meredith.

Mark moved in giving her old dose of Morephine. "The babies." Meredith mumbled, but at that moment Mark didnt care about the babies, he just cared about her no longer being in pain.

After she took her tablets he leaned in and gave her a soft kiss before taking her up in his arms, moving to sit in the chair with her on his lap.

"That scare you?" he asked as Meredith buried her face in his shirt.

He felt Meredith nod.

"It's ok sweet heart, you'll be alright." he whispered kissing her head.

He knew that everyone was watching them and when he looked up from her he could see the fear and concern on most of their faces.

"That was bad." Derek told him.

"No shit" Mark mumbled in reply.


	66. SEAL THE DEAL

Meredith finally calmed in Marks embrace, and he gradually moved and put her back in her chair. Once he had done that Addie pushed back her chair, as did nancy. The fact that both 'OB'S' were going to tag team her was daunting, but Mark thought at least they would be able to tell if there was something wrong.

Nancy followed Addie over to Meredith, and stood back when Addie lowered herself down to look at Meredith. "Did they shift?" she asked.

Meredith nodded.

"Can you tell me about the movement?" she then questioned as she moved her hands around Meredith's stomach trying to feel if there was any presure being put on Merediths spine.

"Yeah, they did a sort of twirl i guess." Meredith mumbled.

"And can you still feel them now?" Addie continued.

"Yeah, their both kicking like crazy."

Addie nodded, she could feel the movement and the kicks.

Nancy stepped forward with a big smile on her face and had a feel too.

"Everything seems fine Addie, but maybe we should do some scans tomorrow." Nancy suggested. Addie nodded in agreement.

"When you come in tomorrow, i will take you for some scans to check on the position of the babies. While your their, Der might see what kind of pressure is on your spine and if we can relieve it." Addie informed Meredith.

Meredith sighed, but nodded. She hated all these scans.

Addie kissed Meredith's forehead. "I know you hate this Mer, but it needs to be done."

Meredith nodded, but still didn't say anything.

"How about we finish our dinner, and then we look at presents." Nancy suggested.

"Ok" Meredtih whispered.

Both girls nodded, and Mark helped by wheeling Meredith back to the table. The table that was full of uncertainty.

"That's the first one since christmas." Mark informed them.

"It was a big one." Meredith sighed.

"It was to be expected." Addie chipped in.

"But she's fine." Derek finished.

The rest of the table looked at them.

"Do you always finish each others sentences?" Richard asked with a chuckle.

"Sometimes it's a team event." Addie answerred with a shrug.

"It helps when there is all hands on deck." Derek added.

"Especially when these things happen." Mark continued.

"Yeah, we're best friends and family." Meredith finished before she picked up her water. It was obvious she just didn't really want to talk about any of this.

Ellis looked at her with worryingeyes.

"She'll be ok." Richard whispered to her picking up on her worry. "She's a fighter. Just like her mom."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGGAGAGAGAGAGAGGAGAGAGAGAGA

The night had come to a pleasent end, with Meredith being able to feel her legs as she was assisted into the car.

She had been thrilled to pieces with the things that she had recieved from her friends and family for the babies.  
As great as the night had been - even after the scare - Meredith was relieved to be going home.

Mark had promised her that they would get to spend some time together that evening, considering it was her last night home for 3 months. Of course, she was sure he hadn't expected the evening to be so big, and the car so full of things that even her mom and dad had to take some stuff.

"I'm sorry it took forever." He told her as he carried her upstairs that night.

"It's ok... it's just i wanted some us time." she whispered in reply.

"Well we can have some us time now." he answered as he carried her into their bedroom.

"Yeah" she sighed as she tried to stifle a yawn.

"You tired babe?" he asked as he laid her down on the bed.

"I'm ok, just long night." she replied.

He wasn't sure what kind of us time she had wanted, but didn't think she would now be up for such a big night now that she was yawning. After all the couple of hours that they had planned had ended up going just short of midnight.

He moved to help her undress, she usually liked to sleep in nothing these days, unable to get comfortable in any of her pyjamas.

She helped him as much as she could, but her strength in her back and her legs wasnt that great.

"Let me babe." he comforted her. "It's ok"

she nodded, but couldnt help but feel weak, after all it had been so long since she had needed so much help.

"Let me take care of you tonight. Just tell me what you want."

He finished undressing her, and moved to put her clothes in the wash basket.

"i want..." Meredith whispered. "I want you to love me." she told him.

"You know i love you." he told her as he undressed himself down to his boxer shorts.

"No... i mean... i want you to show me how much you love me." she answered shyly.

Mark made an oh expression before he moved to the bed. He helped her back up against her pillows. "That is something i can do." he said with a smile as he took her lips in his.

"I can love you in a thousand ways." he promised as his mouth trailed down her neck, worshiping her body in a way he knew he wouldn't be able to do in months to come.

"3 months." he heard her sigh.

"5 if you count the after period." he whispered as he nuzzled her neck.

"Oh god." she murmured.

"It's going to be ok Mer, we can still touch... we can still kiss... we just can't..." he trailed off as he moved towards her breasts.

"seal the deal." she finished.

"yeah." he murmured as he placed kisses around her nipple, while his other hand massaged the other breast causing her to moan.

Mark went on to make love to her, and worship her gently, knowing that 5 months was a long time not to be able to, yet knowing that they had gone longer.


	67. savouring

Meredith woke early in the comfort of Mark's arms. To no surprise she found that her legs were sore, and her body tired.

Mark had been gentle with her last night as he made love to her in multiple ways. In some ways they had considered it to be their bodies goodbyes as both knew it would be a while before they could be together like that again.

She shifted carefully so she could look over his body, admiring his defined abdomen and noticing that he was losing his 6 pack. She ran her hand along it. His skin was like satin underneath her fingers.

She savoured being able to touch him, knowing that it would be a rare occurence unless he was able to sway her father and persuade him to let MARK share her bed at night. She knew it wouldn't be comfortable, but it would be better than him spending every night in a chair beside her bed.

She continued to explore his body and his naked-ness. Running her hands over his arms and feeling his muscle. Meredith couldn't resist giving them a squeeze.

She heard him murmur and she leaned in and kissed his chest, resting her head on it as her hands moved down his legs.

Her hands caressed his thigh before moving back up, gently brushing over his erection, before moving down his other thigh.

"You're teasing." Mark grumbled as her hand brushed his erection again on his way back up.

"Not teasing." she murmured as she kissed his chest. "More like exploring and savouring." she told him.

"Hmmm..." he sighed "Feels good."

"I'm sure it does" she whispered. Her hand now stroking his abdomen.

Mark laid there and continued to let Meredith feel him.

"I'm going to miss this." she sighed.

"Miss what?" he asked.

"waking up naked next to you." she replied as she kissed his chest once more.

"just as long as we can keep waking up together." he returned as his hands found their way under her arms and helped slide her body up his.

"Morning" he greeted as he lifted his head to kiss her, having wanted to taste her from the moment he had felt her hands roaming.

"Morning" she murmured against his lips.

He kissed her again. "I love you" he told her knowing that they couldn't do more than touch.

"I love you too." she sighed. Kissing him once more.


	68. this is it

Mark wheeled Meredith into the hospital and hated the feeling that was over taking him.

"How about we just go home?" Meredith asked "We were happy at home."

Mark sighed and leant down and kissed the top of her head. "We'll be ok Mer." he murmured and kept pushing the wheel chair.

Meredith groaned. Their morning had been so good, and now she had to be here.

Mark wheeled them into the elevator. Pulling the chair to the back where he then moved in front of her and lowered himself down to her height. "Babe we will be fine." he promised. "I know it is going to feel like forever, but it will be ok."

Meredith sighed as Mark leaned in to give her a kiss. She knew that this was as hard for him as it was for her. The very fact that they had 3 months of an annoying hospital bed and people poking and prodding her. The occassional scans and the possibility of more tweaks. It wasn't very inviting to say the least.

However, the one and only pro Meredith could see, was that her mother and father, and her friends were all close by. Plus if Mark could persuade Addie he might just be able to take her to the cafeteria once in a while.

Mark was not surprised to find Addie waiting for them at the doors on level 3. Mark wheeled her forward and off of the elevator, before everybody else waiting stepped on.

"How are you today Mer?" Addie asked on seeing them.

Meredith groaned.

All Addie could do was sigh. She knew that this was hell for Meredith. She had been the worst patient when she was cooped up in the hospital not able to move. She could remember well Meredith's behaviour and attitude after her accident before Meredith had the chance to get out in her wheel chair.

"We're doing ok." Mark sighed.

Addie nodded. "Well i better get you guys to her room." she said with a soft smile.

There was nothing she really could say to lift their spirits and she knew that.

Mark pushed the wheel chair, as Addie led the way.

Addie took them to a private suite that was set up for Meredith. It was usually the private room used for high paying patients when they came in to give birth. Meredith was lucky that her father had booked it out for her to make sure that she was comfortable for the entire time she would be staying.

"Now you will be in here the whole time. We want you to be comfortable so make yourself at home." Addie said with a smile.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Seriously Addie, make myself at home? Are we forgetting that i grew up in this hospital?" she asked.

Addie sighed. "Mer, i get that this is your own private hell, but this is the best suite we've got and its all yours for 3 months. Enjoy it. It is better then the crap hospital beds. Plus you are tiny enough that Mark could curl up beside you." she said with a big grin.

Meredith sighed.

"Make yourself as comfortable as possible and i will be back to do our ultrasound." Addie told her.

Meredith looked up at Mark, who could see the sadness in her eyes.

"So this is home for 3 months." she murmured.

"This is it." he sighed, already knowing that this was going to be the longest 3 months of their lives.


	69. killing the mood

Mark had helped Meredith settle into her room. Putting her things around the room to make her feel more at home. He had also made sure to bring her ipod and other things to keep her occupied.

After unpacking everything Mark stayed while Addie carried out an ultrasound. It was a relief to see that things were still good and that the baby had shifted off of her spine.

He had held her hand and reassured her that both were ok, as she was worried about the effects the morephine and other drugs would have on the babies.

"They're gorgeous." Meredith murmured.

"They're ours." he told her as he leaned in and kissed her.

Addie had smiled at this, she was happy that they were still bubbly despite being confined to a hospital.

"So maybe" Meredith began as Addie wiped the gel off of her belly.

"Maybe what?" Addie asked.

"Maybe we could you know, have Amelia come visit." Meredith suggested.

Addie sighed knowing that that was not what Meredith was really going to ask.

"That would be a definite." Addie told her as she packed up the equipment.

"Well, what about outings?" Mark asked, knowing that Meredith had chickened out.

Addie smirked, "outings?" she asked.

"Yes, like taking her outside for fresh air." Mark suggested, "or going to the cafeteria."

Addie studied the looks on their faces. She can see that it's killing them, and that her allowance could mean a slight freedom. She thought about the issues and then nodded. "Fine" she told them as she sat on the edge of the bed. "There will be no solo field trips." Addie warned "preferably with Mark or one of the family." she sighed, "and you must carry your medication at all times."

Meredith and Mark nod in understanding .

"I trust you to do the right thing." Addie told her.

Meredith nodded despite her knowledge that she would wander.

Addie's pager went off and she quickly moved to the door. "Remember what i said." she warns before she leaves.

Mark then turns to Meredith, he didnt have to get to work just yet.

"Lay with Me" Meredith said quietly.

Mark smiled as he climed onto the bed. "You didn't even have to ask." he told her as he curled up next to her.

Meredith snuggled up to him. She relaxed in his arms as he dipped his head to kiss her.

He kisses her softly, prolonging the kiss as his tongue sought entry into her mouth.

Meredith deepens the kiss. Her hand mmoving to the bac of his head, her fingers toying with his hair.

Mark kept himself propped up on one arm whil his other hand ran over her stomach.

When Mark pulled away he rested his head on her shoulder and let out a groan. "This is going to be hell." he muttered.

Meredith bit her lip nervously.

Mark was almost kicking himself when he realised waht he had said. He was worried that he had upset her.

Meredith tilted her head to look at him.

It took a moment for Mark to see the desire that was in her eyes. She leaned forward and ran her hand over his crutch. "It doesnt have to be hell/" she said seductively.

"It doesn't?" he asked as he tried to supress a groan from her lingering hand.

"No" she murmured as she leant in and kissed him. "We have out hands." she purred as he hand moved up and started working on undoing his pants.

Mark pushed her hand out of the way and offered to do it himself.

As he undid his pants Meredith began to kiss him again. "And we have out rouths." she reassured him as she finally pulled away his hand.

"Our mouths?" he murmured, and she nodded almost shyly.

Meredith continued to kiss him as she pushed his hand out of the way again and slipped hers inside of his pants, and briefs. "Do you want freedom?" she asked as she grasped him.

Mark shivered from the feeling of her hand gripping him. He nodded blindly as her hand moved to start pumping him.

Mark leaned in to kiss her as Meredith's free hand pushed his briefs out of the way .

"oh Mer" he murmured as she continued to work him. His free hand moving to caress her breasts.

She sighed agaisnt his mouth. She knew that they should have probably made sure that the door was completely closed and the blinds drawn.

At the thought Meredith opened one eye and caught site of someone standing at the door not looking impressed at all.

Her hand froze and Mark groaned.

Meredith sighed and pulled back from Mark.

"Mer" he grumbled. "You shouldn't tease."

"Dad" she murmured.

"What?" he asked. "are you trying to kill our mood?"

"No" Meredith sighed as she tried to pull back from him, and put his member back into his pants.

"He's at the door." she whispered.

Mark looked confused and then turned to see his father-in-law standing back looking qute angry.

"Shit" Mark cursed knowing that things were not going to be good. "How long has he been standing there for?" Mark asked.

Meredith shrugged

Mark groaned and lent onto the pillow beside her.

"Off the bed." Said Richard as he finally decided to enter the room.

Mark quickly made sure that he had fixed himself up before he quickly climbed off of the bed.

Richard glared at Mark as he quickly sat on the chair and pullled his jacket on to cover his lap. He was anticipating Richards reaction.

Richard ran his hands through his hair. He turned to close the door before looking back at them. Meredith waiting for him to address them.


	70. flashes of high school

"You do realise she is on bed rest of sorts?" richard asked mark as he walked towards them. "And you do realise that the rest is occuring in a hospital? My hospital?"

Mark looked guiltily at richard.

"Mark..." richard groaned.

"Dad" meredith sighed.

"You left the door open and anyone could have seen." Richard growled. "Do you guys not think?"

Meredith looked away. She was embarrassed by the fact that he had caught them. She felt like she was in high school.

Richard stood glaring at them. Mark watched the man who was standing tall like a protective pappa bear.

Mark sighed. "Dad I..."

Richard softened. "Look just..." he sighed understanding the awkward circumstances. "Make sure the door is closed and how about you guys take it into the bathroom or something. I mean at least you can lock the door."

Meredith relaxed and looked awkwardly at mark and richard. "Dad" she said quietly

"Look you're in here for 3 months , I get that, just... just be careful you know what u can and can't do. Be smart."

Mark looked relieved

"Thanks dad" mark sighed.

"Don't thank me. I just don't want to walk in on anything like that again." Richard warned.

Mark nodded and reached for meredith's hand. "Don't worry dad you won't." Meredith sighed.

Richard then looked around the room. "You've brought a lot in." He commented.

"Yeah" meredith sighed

"I was coming by to tell you the gang is coming in before they fly out."

Mark nodded. "Good thing it's a big room."

"Well actually" richard sighed. "Addie said we could take you across to joes for lunch. Sort of a big goodbye."

Meredith looked shocked "all the kids at joes?" she asked.

Richard nodded. "Tasman is excited."

"I bet" chuckled mark who knew that tasman - his nephew- would love being anywhere meredith was.

Richard nodded. "So ellis and I will be back in half an hour." He told them.

Mark nodded.

"Keep it in your pants." Richard said as he looked at mark. "I don't want you to give ellis a heart attack.

Meredith giggled remembering when she had caught them in the basement 8 months ago.

"I'm sure she would" mark chuckled.

Richard groaned . He moved to the door and opened it. "Next time make sure the door is closed."

Meredith nodded as she watched him leave, richard making sure he closed the door.

Mark quickly jumped back on the bed next to meredith. "I thought he was going to kill me." Mark told her as kissed her head.

"I was getting flashes of high school." Meredith confessed.

"Oh really" mark chuckled as his hands slid up her top. He was hoping that they could continue where it had left off


	71. spoil sport

Meredith and mark had made themselves busy with the half hour that had remained. Mark, however, had followed his father-in-laws instructions and had kept it in his pants.

Of course that didn't stop him getting into Meredith's with his wandering tongue and hands.

He had made sure that he had composed himself, and helped Meredith fix herself up so that she looked suitable for lunch with the family.

Meredith was reluctant to go after the worry of last night.

She had nervously let him fix up her top and pants before she then fixed her hair back into a pony tail. It was in that setting that ellis and richard found them.

Ellis smirked when she entered the room, having guessed what situation richard had caught them in. She knew that meredith was richards princess and she loved him so much more for it, but she thought it amusing that he hadn't considered her a sexual being considering she was pregnant with twins.

"Did you knock?" richard asked as he came up behind her.

"Why?" ellis asked innocently. "I thought u liked the idea of an audience." She teased.

Richard blushed and looked away embarassed. "Ewww mom too much information." Meredith exclaimed.

"Its not so much having an audience, but the idea of it." Ellis had continued "and neither of u should talk, after all it is the 2nd time within a year that you have been caught out."

"3rd" mark chipped in.

Meredith groaned.

"Derek - the day after your surgery." Mark reminded her.

"What?" richard asked.

"We were enjoying her being able to feel better than before." Mark explained.

Meredith was going bright red.

"Of course I was told to get off the bed, like I was with u... what a mood killer." Mark said honestly.

Meredith was now bright red and hating mark, while richard looked ready to either run or kill mark.

"You two have spent way too much time together?" ellis said gesturing to both meredith and richard. "Judging by both of your sex lives I wouldn't guess u both to be prudes."

"Enough" meredith cried. "He's my dad... can't we just go to lunch?" meredith asked.

"Spoil sport" mark stirred before taking contol of meredith chair and wheeling her out of the room


	72. fine is my word

Mark wheeled Meredith into the bar, followed closely by ellis and Richard. It seemed as if the whole family had squeashed themselves into the mani area.

Mark nodded to Joe as he wheeled Meredith to the top of the table. He had made sure to bring all of her medication with her. He then pulled up a chair beside her while Ricahrd and Ellis made their way to the other end of the tables.

They weren't there long before Tasman came bounding up to them. "Auntie Meredith" he said as he threw himself at her.

Mark frowned as he watched the little boy hug her. He as well as everybody ese in the room, had heard her wince from the impact.

"Hey Tas take it easy little man, you dont want to hurt her." Mark warned.

Meredith looked up and could see the worry in his eyes. "It's ok." she told him softly.

Mark shook his head. "It's not Mer, and he needs to know it." Mark said firmly.

Meredith glared at him before she defiantly pulled Tasman onto her lap, as much as her belly would allow. "Tas" Meredith said loud enough for everyone to hear. "You can always give me cuddles sweetie, but right now you need to take it easy ok. Aunty Mer is sore, and you can't do some of the things that we usually do." She explains.

"Do you have an owie?" Tasman asked.

Meredith nodded "Yeah, and i am going to be sore for a while ok."

Tasma nodded, "but i can still give you cuddles?" he double checked.

"Always" Meredith replied as she kissed his forehead.

"Good" he answered as he beamed up at her.

Meredith gave him one last hug before he climbed off of her lap and ran back to the others.

Meredith then looked to Mark. "You ok?" he asked.

Meredith sighed. "I may be a pregnant cripple but i am not going to stop hugging my nieces and nephews." she told him with a frown.

Mark groaned. "It's not what i meant and you know it."

Meredith tilted her head to look at him.

Mark grins devlishly, hoping to lighten things as he leans into her. "I know you like the feel of someone pressed up against you, but you know you'd prefer it to be me."

Meredith shook her head and couldn't help but smile at his cheek. "so dirty." she murmured.

Mark raised his eyebrows and leaned in to kiss her. On pulling away he gave her a wink. "We still have to finish off what we started.'

"I thought we did." Meredith stated as she bit her lip and looked around the table. All eyes were on fixed on them.

"Don't you two ever stop?" Nancy asked causing everyone to chuckle.

"Oh they have their moments." Addie replied remembering the situation only weeks before.

"I think everyone prefers it when they're like this." Derek added.

"Except Maybe Richard." Ellis quipped.

Everyone turned to look at Richard who groaned. "She's my daughter. There are just something i dont want to see."

"Like?" Mamma Shepherd asked innocently "because when it comes to Mark and Meredith i think we've..." she said as she gestured to all her children, "have seen it all."

Meredith blushed and looked at Mark who was still leaning in close.

"I'm sure we all have stories." Kathleen stirred.

Mark groaned and buried his head in Meredith's shoulder.

"Are we in hell?" Meredith asked him as she felt him place a kiss on her neck.

"If the kids weren't here..." Mark groaned.

"You'd want to put on a show?" Meredith asked as she ran a hand down his back.

"Yeah" he sighed.

Merredith couldn't help but giggle. "I think Dad has seen enough." she mumured "of your anatomy and mine today."

Mark gave a throaty chuckle. He pulled back a little and gave her a kiss before pulling away.

"There will be no stories." Mark bossed. "Now we're here for lunch before you guys fly out. Can we focus on that?"

Everyone chuckled.

Banter soon picked up and Mark reached for Meredith's hand. They participated in most of the conversations, and Meredith had her fair share of cudles too. and as much as Mark tried to relax he knew that when they got back to the hospital, he would have to return to work and leave her in her room alone.

Meredith knew that he was worrying, and she couldn't help but give his hand a squeeze. "you ok?" she asked.

Mark shifted in closer and looked at her. "I'm okay." he sighed.

"You don't seem okay, so tell me what's on your mind." she encouraged as she turned her chair more so she could face him properly.

"Nothing" he grumbled. "I'm fine"

Meredith yanked her hand out of his grasp.

Mark looked at her confused.

"Stand up" she ordered.

Mark looked at her and sighed. "What?" he asked.

"I asked you to stand up." she repeated.

Mark was unsure by what she wanted, but stood anyway.

She then moved her chair with great difficulty and turned it. "Help me out." she instructed, gesturing for him to take control of the wheel chair.

Sighing Mark grabbed hold of the handles. "Where are we going?" he asked.

"Bathroom" she told him. "Not only do i need to pee, but i want to know the real reason your looking down, and don't give me that 'i'm fine' bullshit. We stopped that years ago. Besides - fine is my word."

Once she was finished she realised that she had been louder than she had thought. Looking around the group she couldn't hide her embarrassment.

"We're just going to the bathroom." Mark mumbled as he made to push her chair in that direction


	73. she has a way

**Mark pushed Meredith into the bathroom and stood there nervously. He didnt know what to do. If she was going to tell him what she wanted or just yell.**

"Are you going to help me or not?" she finally asked. There was an unexpected softness in her voice.

Mark moved quickly and helped her out of her chair and into the cubicle so she could go to the toilet.

"I've got it from here." Meredith than murmured.

Mark moved so he didn't watch her do her business. He knew that that was one of the things she had hated about being in this situation - that she couldn't even go to the toilet by herself.

He waited for her to finish, and listened for her "i'm done" before he moved to help her back out of the cubicle to her chair, which he then moved to be directly in front of the hand basin so she could wash her hands.

"Now" she said as she looked back at him in the mirror, "are you going to tell me whats on your mind?" she asked.

Mark sighed knowing that there was no real escape, and as much as he didnt want to do this, it was either this or have Meredith tear him to shreds.

"You do not get to cut off my gonads and wear them as earings." he warned.

Meredith looked at him confused before turning her chair to face him properly. "Babe?" she asked .

Mark sighed. "I dont want to work." he told her as he moved to sit back against the wall of the cubicle.

"I dont want to leave you alone in that room. You hate hospitals, you hate the rooms, you hate being the patient. And we have to return there and i need to go to work and to leave you alone." he said in a frustrated tone.

"Mark" Meredith sighed, she could see the anger on his face, mixed in with the sadness in the depths of his eyes.

"Dont Mer, You know its true. This is going to be complete hell for you." he said almost yeling at her. "And i have my freedom as if this whole thing doesnt affect me. When we all know it fucking does." he finished.

Meredith looked at Mark with great concern. "Yes i will be alone in that room." she said quietly, aiming to hopefully calm him," but you will never be far away. Yes i hate hospitals, but that is because i work in one. I do hate the rooms, but this one is perfect for us, we couldn't ask for better. I do hate being a patient, but what Doctor wouldn't and i may be alone in that room while you have to work, but i am sure i will have visitors." she finished.

Mark looked at her confused. "This is going to be hell." he said again.

"Yes" Meredith sighed. "It will be." she told him as she gestured for him to stand.

It took a few moments for him to do so and walk towards her. Once he was there she reached for his hand and brought it to rest on her swollen belly.

"These babies SLoan are what is going to make the stay worth while." she told him with a smile. "And i wont be alone, you will be there every step of the way."

"McAuley ad Elijah Sloan." Mark said quietly as he felt one of the babies kick.

"Yep" Meredith said with a smile. "This is going to be hell, but its going to have a great end." she said as she then reached for him, bringing his lips down to meet hers.

Mark moaned against her lips.

"You made promises for tonight." she whispered.

"I did" he sighed.

"Yep." she grinned and wrinkled her nose.

"Love you," Mark said with a sigh.

"And i you." she murmured back. "Now lets get back out there in one piece before they send someone in to check on us." she told him.

Mark groaned, but did what he was told, she had always had a way with words to make him feel better about everything that was happening to them.

"She has a way." he thought as they returned to the group, and slipped back into the comfort of conversation


	74. unwanted food switch

Mark stood in the door way looking at Meredith. She was laying back in hert bed. Her ipod playing music which he could hear at the door. She had her eyes closed and her fingers were tapping on her stomach along with the music.

Mark slowly moved into the room. Dinner for the both of them in a plastic bag at his side. He had been nervous from the time that they had returned from the bar.

He put the bag down by the bed before he sat down next to her. He lifted his hand to run down her side.

He watched as a smile graced Meredith's face, yet she still didn't open her eyes.

He brought his hand to settle on her stomach and he leaned in and kissed her softly.

"I've been waiting for that" she murmured as he pulled back.

He couldn't help but beam at the thought as her eyes fluttered open.

"Hmmm" she sighed as she turned off her ipod. "What did you bring me?" she asked.

Mark shook his head at her.

"What I'm hungry" she mumbled.

He chuckled slightly and leant in to kiss her again.

"For food" she said with a smile as she kissed him again "and for you" she added as she pulled back.

Mark raised his eyebrows at her

"Food first" she said with a big grin, and Mark reached for the plastic bag and then pulled her table over to them.

"Well tonight at the Seattle Grace bistro " mark said with a chuckle " we have one surf and turf for me and one chicken parmie for you." He said as he took out the containers.

"Mmm... surf and turf." Meredith said with a wicked grin as she eyed Marks food.

Mark looked at meredith and grumbled.

"Please" she asked innocently as she gave him the look she knew he couldn't say no to.

"Mer" he groaned.

"You love me" she added as she then reached over and took his meal.

Mark grumbled as he dragged her meal to him.

They ate in silence and Meredith managed to eat half of her meal before deciding that she no longer wanted it and now was eyeing off thr chicken parmi that mark was now eating.

She reached over as he had his fork to his mouth and stole the container away and replaced it with hers.

Mark groaned at the swap. He doubted very much that either meals should mix but he did not say anything as he watched her begin to eat the parmi.

They continued to eat their meals with mark stopping early because he was full, and Meredith ploughed on to finish both meals.

Once finished Mark moved the table out of the way and laid down beside her. He was well and truly full with the strange mix of food. He kicked off his shoes as he felt Meredith snuggle into him.

Mark grumbled a little when Meredith's hand slid up under his shirt. He remained with his eyes closed, completely worn out by not only his full stomach, but also the the events that had led up to this moment now. He knew that he needed sleep, and yet he could feel Meredith's hand move across his stomach and down towards the string of his srcub pants.

Mark knew that merediths pregnancy hormones kept her sex drive up, but right now, despite what his body was telling her, he just wanted to sleep.

"Mer" he grumbled as he reached for her hand.

Meredith sighed when she felt him pull her hand away.

"Later" mark promised before he pulled her up against. He felt her place her head on his chest. He ran his fingers through her hair as one of her hands moved to rest on his hip.

Mark then closed his eyes and hoped to sleep, even for a moment before her sex drive kicked back in.


	75. round 1

MARK WOKE WITH A MOAN AS HE FELT HIS BODY SHIFT. HE COULD FEEL AN UN EXPECTED WEIGHT ON HIM AND IT SEEMED TO HAVE HIM BUILDING UP.

HE GROANED STILL THINKING IT WAS A DREAM... A DREAM ABOUT THE PENT UP SEX DRIVE OF HIS OVERLY HORMONAL WIFE. HE HAD BEEN DREAMING THAT SHE HAD STRADDLED HIM AND NOW WAS ROCKING BACK AND FORTH IN HOPES TO GET THE PLEASURE SHE NEEDED.

HE KNEW IT COULDN'T BE TRUE... MEREDITH WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN BED SNUGGLED INTO HIM, THERE WAS NO WAY THIS WAS HAPPENING, THERE WAS NO WAY THAT SHE HAD STRADDLED HIM IN THE HOSPITAL BED AND WAS NOW ROCKING BACK AND FORTH WITH PLEASURE.

MARK REACHED OUT TO TOUCH THE ROCKING BODY THAT HAD BEEN THE KEY FACTOR OF HIS DREAM ONLY TO FEEL MEREDITHS SWOLLEN ABDOMEN.

HE WAS BUILDING TO HIS PEAK, BUT HE KNEW THAT IN THIS POSITION NEITHER OF THEM WOULD EXPLODE.

MARK... STILL UNSURE IF HE WAS DREAMING ROLLED MEREDITH ONTO HER BACK CAREFULLY BEFORE CLIMBING OFF OF THE BED. GLAD THAT HE WAS STILL WEARING SOCKS AT LEAST.

HE PULLED HER BODY TOWARDS THE EDGE AND MOVED TO POSITION HIMSELF BETWEEN HER LEGS.

"DO U WANT TO SIT UP?" HE ASKED HER.

"THIS... SAFER" SHE MURMURED AND HE NODDED IN AGREEMENT.

HE THEN MOVED TO FRUST INTO HER. HE COULDNOT BELIEVE THAT SHE HAD STRADDLED HIM IN HIS SLEEP... AND TO SOME LEVEL HE STILL WONDERED WHETHER HE WAS DREAMING.

HE DID NOT GO HARD DESPITE MEREDITHS BEGGING HE KNEW THAT THERE WAS A REASON THAT THEY WERENT SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THIS.

HOWEVER HE FELT HER START TO CONTRACT AND HER BODY QUIVER WITH THE BUILDING ORGASM.

HIS LEGS BEGAN TO GROW WEAK WITH THE INTENSITY OF HIS OWN.

SOON IT WAS CRASHING OVER THEM... IT WAS LIKE A TIDAL WAVE... IT WASHED ALL THEIR SENSES AWAY.

"WOW" MEREDITH WHIMPERED AS SHE CLOSED HER EYES.

"YEAH..." MARK SIGHED. "WOW"

"WAKE ME WHEN YOUR READY FOR ROUND TWO." MEREDITH WHISPERED AS SHE SNUGGLED UP TO HER PILLOW.

"I WASN'T EVEN AWAKE FOR THE START OF ROUND 1." HE TOLD HER AS HE CLIMBED BACK ONTO THE BED AND PULLED HER CLOSE TO HIM

"WE CAN ALWAYS RE-ENACT." SHE STIRRED BUT BEFORE HE COULD REPLY SHE HAD DRIFTED OFF TO SLEEP


	76. put your shirt back on

**Mark woke, still slightly unsure whether last nights events were a dream until he woke to find his pants discarded on the chair by the bed. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and rolled over to where Meredith should have been sleeping, but found that indeed the side of her bed was empty. Not sure where she could possibly have one he rolled over and sat up to look around the room for her chair, but it was missing too.**

Groaning at his wifes absence he figured she could be in the bathroom, and a shower highly likely was on the cards for her after their evening romp session.

Pushing back the blankets Mark moved to sit up and climb out of the bed. He needed to go to the bathroom and check on Meredith as well as use the toilet facilities.

Entering the bathroom he let out a content sigh as he relieved himself. He then turned towards the shower and bath tub only to see that yes, it had been used, but the occupant had obviously long gone.

This sent Mark into a bit of a whirl wind when it came to his wifes location. She was not supposed to leave without him, and if she did, he figured that in circumstances such as this, she would have woken him to let him know. It definitly would have made things easier if she had done that, but now he was worried about where he may be, and what may have happened, if something at all had hapened.

Returning to the main room he did a quick scan to see if a note had been left. Of course, it also appeared now that her departure had been very much last miute, giving him the clear indication that she had either been caught up in an emergency, or she had wheeled off without any thought of him. This infuriated him, because he very much hated not knowing her location given their current predicament, let alone the other times when she had been confined to her wheel chair.

Running his hand vigorously through his hair he then grabbed his scrub pants and coat before snatching up his blackberry and leaving the room. He was quickly typing a message to her.

Mark: MER WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?

He continued down the hall in silence. He couldn't hide his anger, or his worry.

He had reached the elevator by the time he recieved a reply.

Mer: IN THE CAFETERIA, TOLD YOU BEFORE I LEFT, BUT YOU MUST NOT REMEMBER

She had replied.

Letting out an angry sigh he shoved the button for the ground floor. He really didnt believe that she had told him that she was going there, but he couldnt get angry just yet. He wanted to at least make sure that she was looking ok, and he just hoped that she wasnt off with her friends instead of family. He didnt mind her friends, really he didnt, its just that he would prefer that she was out with family at the moment.

Stepping off of the elevator, he ignored the looks that he was recieving from the nurses and other female staff members before he made his way through the inside cafeteria, to the outdoor section.

He found Meredith sitting back talking with her mother and father.

Mark was relieved to see that she was with family, understanding that she would have been more inclined to have told him if she was with them, rather than when she was with her friends.

Walking up to them he did not notice the amused look on Ellis's face when he reached them. He simply ran a hand through Meredith's hair before resting it protectively on her shoulder before lowering his head down to kiss her.

"Hmmm" Meredith sighed as she smiled against his mouth.

"You were gone when i woke up." he said quietly as he moved to capture her mouth again.

"Obviously" she moaned as he pulled away.

"So you told me before you left?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yep, but i think you were kind of out of it." Meredith answered with a giggle.

"Hmmm..." he sighed as he moved in to kiss her forehead.

"Still is i think." Ellis commented.

Mark looked between her and Richard rather confused by the expressions on their faces until he felt Meredith's hand slip into his coat and then over his chest. He looked down at her to see her massive smirk on her face.

"Mer" he said confused.

"As much as i love your body babe" Meredith said with a cheeky grin, as her hand moved over his chest once more, "i like that its only me that admires it these days."

Mark looked at her rather confused until Meredith pulled his jacket closed.

"Next time make sure you put your shirt back on." Meredith whispered as she pulled him in to kiss her.

Mark groaned as he kissed her back hard. "It's your fault you know" he told her

"really?" Richard asked, quite amused by the situation.

"Yeah, and yours too." Mark replied.

Richard chuckled.

"If you hadn't disappeared then maybe i would have noticed." Mark told her.

"Oh Really?" she asked.

"Yeah" he sighed as he kissed her one more time. "Now that i know you are ok, i will go finish getting dressed." he told her.

Meredith nodded.

He nodded at his in-laws one more time before turning to leave.

"Oh Sloan" Meredith called out to him, and he turned to look at her quickly. "Dont forget to shower babe, you need it."

Mark nodded and then turned making sure that his jacket was pulled tightly around him. He did not want anyone else making fun of him being in his lab coat and scrub bottoms. He felt stupid knowing that he hadnt realised that his top was missing, yet he also knew that his worry, and anger, had been what had him so unfocused, to the point of forgetting his shirt.


	77. i feel numb

****

**Mark had returned to the room to grab his scrub top before going to shower in his office. He had considered showering in the facilities that Meredith had at her side but needed to get fresh clothes too.**

Meredith on the other hand was quite happy eating with both her parents, and enjoying a much needed juice. Her bag was hooked onto her chair with everything that she could possibly need, and her parents had made sure of it.

Meredith rested her hand on her abdomen as she tilted her head back and closed her eyes. It had been a good morning for her. Her cravings had all been met and Mark had fulfilled her last night, although the itch was starting to burn again. A small smile played on her lips at the thought of Mark walking around without his shirt on. It had been a sight she had always enjoyed, and she really wished that he could have stayed like that all day.

"Your off with the fairies Meredith." Her mother spoke, pulling her back from the little bubble that she was slipping into.

"It's a nice place there." Meredith answered cheekily causing her father to roll his eyes.

"Meredith" Ellis said slightly entertained by her daughters bubble.

"Ok, so i'm still kind of stuck on the sight of my husband without his shirt on. It's called pregnancy hormones and i can't fight them." Meredith said smartly.

"Do you think that i am not the kind of woman who like the sight of her husband without a shirt on?" Ellis asked with a smirk. She knew that it would make Meredith feel uncomfortable.

"Too much information mom." Meredith said as she reached for her drink.

"Well when you are sitting there with your after sex glow, it tends to make your father uncomfortable." Ellis answered smartly. She knew that Richard would not have openly said anything, and therefore had to say something herself.

Meredith looked meekly at her father. "Sorry" she mumbled as she ran her hand over her stomach.

Richard groaned a little and then waved her off.

"No, I'm serious Dad, i just can't help it." Meredith said quickly.

Richard chuckled a little. "Your mother is telling the truth." He told her, "but i would prefer to see you looking happy rather than looking in pain."

Meredith nodded as she closed her eyes again, tilting her head back. "I am happy Dad, i' m content, a little bored, but content."

Ellis chuckled knowing that she would be bored because she was confined to the four walls of the hospital.

"You'll survive honey." Richard told her, and Meredith nodded blindly.

Meredith could feel her back begin to tingle before sharp pain went to shoot through her back. She felt the babies shift as if they knew that it was something that they had triggered. Her eyes shot open and she was on the verge of saying something, but she knew that her father had already seen the change in her face.

Richard moved quickly, as did Ellis. Both moved around to her side as they watched her clench the arms of the chair, holding them tight as she tried to just breathe through the pain.

"We've got you baby." Ellis told her sweetly as she pulled Meredith to her and held her close as Richard moved to give her injection.

"How does that feel?" Richard asked as he rubbed his hand over her back.

Meredith looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "Numb" She whispered. "Daddy i feel numb."

Richard sighed as he leaned in to kiss her forehead. "I know sweetheart, i know" he told her sadly.

He really wished that she didn't have to experience these things. He wanted the best for her, and in so many ways he felt as if he was a failure. He couldn't protect her from what happened to her those few years ago. He hated that he couldn't keep this pain away, and yet, he knew, that there was really nothing he could do.

Ellis and Richard remained holding her and rubbing her back as she swallowed the morephine tablets. Ellis running her hand occasionally through Meredith's hair, holding her daughter close. She couldn't imagine what her life would have been like if she had continued to ignore Meredith, and yet, her biggest fear was losing her completely.

Meredith let out a sigh as she closed her eyes and let a tear escape her. In her parents arms she felt safe and secure, and yet, she knew that it wouldn't be too long that they would have to leave her and return to their jobs, and she would be left alone, not only feeling numb, but without anything to do, or a soul to talk to.  



	78. study purposes

********

Meredith had only been back in her room for about an hour before she was completely bored out of her brains. No one had come to visit her, and yet, she knew she couldn't expect them too as they all had rounds, and were all busy doing what she longed to do.

Meredith had tried listening to her ipod, and had even replied to several emails that she had recieved, but she was still bored.

Looking towards her wheel chair she knew what she wanted to do, but was not sure whether she should be breaking the rules this early into her stay.

Sighing she looked down at her still numb legs and made to slide down the bed.

Her father had made a point of leaving her wheel chair at the end of her bed in case she needed to use the bathroom. He had also told her to page the nurse if that was needed, because they could then make sure that she managed to get there and back ok.

Meredith knew better than to page a nurse to her room, because then they would expect that she actually needed to pee, which was then quite wrong, because they would then hover, before forcing her abck into her bed.

Meredith strategically reached the end of the bed where her wheel chair was located, and turned it so she could then get it into the position she needed to lower herself in to it.

Meredith knew that she needed to be really careful because she was not able to put the breaks on the wheel chair before lowering her self into it. So with much care, and yet, ease, from all of her experience, she had managed to get herself into the chair.

Meredith smiled with pride, knowing that now, the hospital was her oyster, or so to speak anyway, because now she would be able to move around the place, hopefully un noticed, and either find a good surgery to watch, or something that could entertain her.

Meredith turned her wheel chair towards the door, and slowly began to move towards it. She knew that she was going to be moving slightly slower than usual, but hoped that she would be able to still manage to go under the radar.

On inching the chair partially out of her room door she noticed that there was no one to be seen. Smiling, she continued to wheel her chair out of her room, and in the direction of the nearest elevator. What she hoped was that she could then go up to the surgical floor, and see who had what scheduled in the OR. It was killing her that everyone was in surgery - doing exactly what she had wanted to be doing. She knew that her intern exams were only a few weeks away, and that she could be in her room studying, but that didnt really appeal to her. What she wanted was to be watching a surgery, and learning in that way.

As she reached the elevator she pulled out the pair of sunglasses that she kept in her bag and slipped them on. She knew that this wouldn't be the best diisguise, but that was all that she had.

As the doors to the elevator opened, Meredith kept her head down as she made her way on. She could feel the presence of someone in the back of the elevator, but she did not want to look up to see who exactly it was.

Meredith had a feeling that she had been well and truly caught, but did not want to believe that, so when the doors opened on the surgical floor she kept her head down, and slowly wheeled herself out of the elevator.

Meredith moved directly to the OR board, and was pleased to see that her mother, Addison, her father and Derek were all in surgery, as was Bailey and the rest of her fellow interns.

Feeling quite pleased with herself, despite the fact that Mark's name was not on the board, she moved towards Derek's OR. She knew that they might quiz her about not having her surgical badge, but she didnt care.

Meredith had almost reached the door to OR 1 , when the door opened. She heard a gasp of suprise from the person in front of her, and a chuckle from the person standing behind her.

Meredith tried to ignore both people and continue wheeling herself towards the small elevator that could take her to the gallery. However, she foud she did not get very far as someone had grabbed hold of the handles of her wheel chair.

Letting out a small sigh, she refused to look up to see who had stopped her, she already had her suspicions that it was the person in the elevator. She already knew who was standing infront of her, because they had now moved towards her wheel chair and were now standing directly in front of her.

"What do you think you are doing?" Came the stern voice of her mother

Meredith refused to look up, and could only hope that the person who had hold of her chair was not her father, and was indeed the person she thought it was. She tilted her head to look back and was very much relieved to see Mark.

"I had some free time, and Meredith wanted to look in on one of Derek's surgeries. We all know that that is the field that she wants to go into, so i decided to bring her up. I promise i wont let her out of my sight." Mark told her smoothly.

Ellis sighed, she knew that Mark had not brought her anywhere and that this was all Meredith's doing. "Just be careful." Ellis sighed.

"Always" Mark replied and watched as his mother in law leaned in to drop a kiss on his wifes forehead.

"Just..." Ellis sighed and then dropped it.

"For study purposes." Mark told Ellis, and Meredith nodded, still not having spoken.

"Ok" ellis replied, wanting her daughter to still do well on her exams.

Meredith watched as her mother walked off and then lifted her head to look at Mark again. "Thanks" she murmured.

"Next time have me paged ok." he told her as he lowered his head to give her a kiss.

"k" Meredith sighed and then lifted her hands up off of the wheels and let Mark push her up towards the gallery.


	79. no sense no feeling

Mark had watched Meredith as she watched Derek closely. He had always been amazed by her passion for neuro, even before her accident. He knew that she was caught up in the human brain and that she would be a kick arse neurosurgeon one day.

Merediths eyes glittered as she watched Derek remove the tumor that was at the base of the brain stem. His fingers were meticulous and she could only hope that she could be as good as he was one day.

Marks hands wandered over her leg and he had noticed how she had not reacted to his touch. He at first thought that she was so interested in the surgery below that she had not responded, but as he let his hands roam to her sides and slowly up to her waist he felt her jump as his had reached her stomach. It was only now that he knew that she couldn't walk, and so not truly supposed to be out of her room as Addie would have wanted her monitored closely when the situation had risen, except he suspected that she had not been informed, and if she had, Meredith was breaking more rules than she was supposed to.

"What?" Meredith asked as she turned her head to him, resting her hand on his own leg.

"No sense no feeling." Mark replied, causing Mereedith to raise her eyebrows

"excuse me?" she asked.

"You should have told me that you have not been able to feel your legs." Mark told her as he looked around to note how many people were in the room.

"Yeah well" Meredith said as she shrugged her shoulders.

Mark grimaced at her response. He knew that the pain was returning with each of the relapses, and that was what was upsetting her. In addition to that he knew that being confined to an hospital room was her worst nightmare, she had been there before and now hated every moment she ever needed to spend in a hospital room.

"Mer?" Mark sighed.

"I just wish this was like the last time." She said meekly as she wrapped her arms tight around her stomach. "I just wish i had the freedom that went with it."

Mark nodded in understanding. He moved to wrap his arms around her and moved closer to her.

"There worth it... we both know it... but it doesnt mean it's supposed to be like this Mark... it's not supposed to go like this." Meredith whimpered as she curled her head into his arms, her mind now far from being on surgery.

"I know baby, i know." He whispered as he kissed the top of her head.

He looked around to see the last few people in the room leave and then made a quick movement to pull her out of her chair and into his arms.

He held her while she sobbed, and he knew the hormones played a massive part in this, but this truly was how his wife was feeling she just couldn't hide it anymore.


	80. figure it out

**Mark wheeled a reluctant Meredith back to bed. She was tired and half asleep in her wheel chair but still wanted to be awake at least to talk to him. Mark had found it cute and somewhat adorable to how dedicated she was to be awake for him, despite the pain she had to experience, and even if it was numbed slightly it wasnt a big dose, as they didnt need anything to affect the babies.**

They had almost reached her room when he realised that she had fallen asleep. It was cute and adorable, and the only time he could ever remember her going to sleep when he was wheeling her, was generally when she had stayed up late studying or after an extensive physiotherapy class.

"Thank God" he heard Addison exclaim as she came out of Meredith's room. "Where have you been?"

"sHHH" Mark gestured as he pointed down to a sleeping Meredith. "she wanted to study."

Addie nodded and encouraged him to wheel her back into her room quickly.

"What Addie?" Mark finally asked getting frustrated by all of her gesturing and running around.

"You remember when i told you that the other VIP room, the room next door had been booked out by a patient... a patient that i had to get transported from Mercy West." She told him.

Mark groaned as he picked Meredith up and laid her out in her bed. "Get to the point." he told Addie.

"The patient, next door.. it's Meredith's sister." Addie managed to get out.

"She doesn't have a sister." Mark said somewhat confused, after all he wasnt really used to Meredith's father being around.

"Well you know that little family that her father created on the side... well that's where the sister has come from." Addie told her.

Mark sighed as he pulled the blanket up over her.

"So what can we do about it?" he asked.

Addie shrugged.

"We can't put her on restrictions. She wont agree with them, and she wont stick to them." Mark told her. "This is hell for her, we need to at least be able to do something."

Addie nodded. "I know that Mark, so dont get snappy." she warned.

"Look Addie, she already snuck out today, and it was only because i was on my way here that i managed to catch her, and i followed her. If it wasn't me that found her it would have been Ellis because she came out of the OR as Meredith was on her way to the viewing deck. She doesnt move that fast anymore, she's fairly easy to catch." Mark told her. "She is bored, going completely insane and just needs to be able to move around. She's in a hospital for christ sakes addie, we have pateints that get out for coffee all the time, you cant say she cant leave her room, and who will be willing to monitor her. We all have cases to scrub in on."

Addie sighed. She knew that Mark spoke the truth but it didnt make it any easier for her to accept. "I dont know." she finally murmured.

Mark looked down at Meredith who was snoring softly now. He knew that she could possibly wake up and hear the conversation.

"Just..." Addie sighed, "Do we tell her?"

Mark leaned in to kiss Meredith softly before looking at his watch.

"I have surgery in an hour to prep for." Mark told Addie, "let ellis and the chief know, if they cant come up with something, then maybe, maybe i should take her home for a couple of days."

Addie rolled her eyes. "Mark that's not even an option."

"Well what the hell do you want me to do?" he exclaimed and he knew he shouldn't because he had possibly woken Meredith.

"I don't know" Addie sighed.

"Well figure it out." Mark told her as he stormed out.

He liked the option of taking Meredith home, even if the others didnt. It was the one that seemed to fit best for them. He would even take leave to look after her. He wanted to just be with her now. It had been hard with her away at med school the last year of uni and he had been out here. At least he could look after her and do the things that he felt he should be doing.

He stood at the door he just stormed out of. He knew he shouldn't have. Looking in at Addie he could see that she was stressed.

"i'm sorry addie." he said as he leaned in the door way. His words getting her attention.

"I know." she replied.

Mark nodded and then turned to leave. "Take care of my girl Addie." he said as he walked away.

Addie looked down at the sleeping Meredith who was her bestfriend and sister. "I'll do my best." she murmured before she turned to leave too. She needed to go find where Ellis and Richard were. They needed to know about their predicament.


	81. melt down

**Mark had scrubbed into surgery while Addie set out trying to find Ellis. She should have known that she would be in surgery, and therefore pushed the thought of speaking to both Richard and Ellis together. Turning, Addie went towards Richards office, hoping that she would find him there.**

Thatcher Grey stood in the doorway looking in at his daughter. He could not believe that he was going to be a grandfather. He looked at her stomach and could see her hand resting on it protectively.

He could hear Susan talking to his daughter in the next room. Things could never be as complicated as what he had found them now.

A wheel chair sat by his daughters bed, and he couldn't help but wonder why it was there. Yes Molly had one by her bedside, but still, she had a different one. This wheelchair was one that looked like it had been specially set up for his daughter, with the bag hanging off of the side.

Closing his eyes he ran a hand through his hair and let out a sigh. He really wanted to know what had happened to her. He hadn't had a chance to find out, especially after her outburst towards him near the coffee stands months ago, he had not been game to go anywhere near her again.

"Thatcher Honey," he heard Susan, his wife call. As much as he wanted to go to her, he yearned to find out more about his daughter... his eldest daughter.

"Richard" Addie opened as she entered his room.

Richard looked up at her with concern. "Addison." he replied.

"We have a predicament." she told him as she slumped down in the chair across from him.

"Explain" he told her as he removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"The other VIP room, Molly Thompson, she is Thatcher Grey's daughter." she blurted.

"What?" Richard asked looking completely surprised.

"Thatcher Grey is in the hospital. His other daughter Molly is also pregnant. The only positive is that she will be giving birth soon." Addie told him. She was nervous as hell about how he might react.

"I need to think about this." Richard told her almost dismissively.

"Richard, she's very emotional now...i dont know if she is going to be able to handle this now." Addie pleaded for an answer.

"Dr Montgomery." Richard said in a tone he hasnt used on her for a long time. "I am thinking thank you."

Addie sighed, she knew that this was putting pressure on them all, but why should she be the one getting bashed around.

Closing her eyes Addie fought back the tears as she stood, and without looking at Richard, she moved off, not sure where she was going to go now, or what she should do.

Thatcher moved away from the door, and slowly back towards his other daughters room. He was uncertain about what he should do now, what or how he could find out what he really wanted to know. He had never had the courage to stand up to Ells about anything, and when it was over, he considered there nothing to be worth fighting for, especially considering he had already knocked susan up and they were expecting a child in the month.

He had avoided seeing Susan often at that stage of their life, but when Ellis had shown him that he had no choice, he had gone with what he had wanted, what his body ached for. He did not know how he could get back what he considered rightfully his, or find out anyhting about everything to do with this daughter.

Looking up Thatcher saw Susan running a hand through their daughters hair. She looked so beautifully pregnant, but it was now that he decided he didnt want to be here, he wanted to be any where else but here.

"I ... I need to go for a walk." he told Susan and Molly. "Coffee, do you want anything?" he stammered.

Susan nodded, "you know how i like it." she told him before blowing him a kiss.

Thatcher nodded and moved away from the door. He figured that he needed to speak to the one person that Meredith trusted, and at this very moment in time, he was not sure who exactly that was, or where he could find them, but he knew where to start.

Addie walked up towards the daycare, that was the only place she could think about going, the only place where she could move her focus to something different. Something not to do with Meredith, and the stupid situation with her father - or sperm donor.

"Addie" she heard a voice say with surprise.

Addie looked up to see Derek standing holding their little one.

"I thought it was my turn to grab her." Derek said and he watched as his wife looked to crumble.

"Oh babe" Derek said as he wrapped an arm around her waist and led her away from the day care and held both her and their gorgeous little girl close to him.

Addie rested her head on his shoulder, and was relieved when they finally reached her office. She walked in under his assistance and after putting the baby down in her crib Derek turned back to her and pulled her to him and down onto his lap.

"Talk to me babe." Derek said to her quietly as he nuzzled her neck and held her tight. "talk to me"


	82. you're the nail

**Thatcher stood in front of the surgical board. He could see that both Mark and Ellis were in surgery. He had only had small encounters with Mark, and when he had first thought about getting to know Meredith, it was Mark that he had thought about going to, but he knew that that wouldn't work. Why go to the husband of your daughter, when he would be as protective of his daughter as he knew Ellis would be.**

Thatcher remained staring at the board for a while before he felt a presence beside him.

"You will stay away from her." Richard told him.

"Why should i?" Thatcher asked as he nervously looked up at the man that his daughter called her father.

"Because her body is under enough stress at the moment that we dont need you adding to it." Richard stated simply.

"I have questions. It is my right to have questions." Thatcher stated ith as much strength as he could muster.

"And i am sure your daughter would like to hear how your careless affair put the nail in the coffin of your relationship." Richard replied as he crossed his arms.

"No you were the nail." Thatcher said somewhat firmly.

"Quite possibly, but you may have fought to see your daughter if you didnt have another one on the way." Richard said simply. "Those are the details i dont want Meredith knowing. Those are the things that will cut her down."

"She knew i had an affair." Thatcher said nervously as he continued to look at the board.

"But she doesn't know that you picked a new family over her, and that is what both Ellis and I would prefer." Richard stated looking at the man carefully.

"What, do you think she would self destruct?" Thatcher asked nervously.

"That girl has been through hell and back, time and time again, anything you say will not cause her to self destruct, but right now she has to much time to process those thoughts, so i wouldn't dare if i were you." Richard said as he touched Thatchers shoulder. "This family is worried about her enough without you adding anything to the mix."

"You are not her family." Thatcher said shakily.

"Well, where were you when she sent out invites to her play?. She was the casting role and you couldn't even be bothered to show up." Richard said firmly. "I had to hold her, and calm her down, and remind her that both her parents still loved her despite the fact that they weren't their, and that was when she was 10." Richard stated. "I picked up the pieces, Mark's picked up the newer pieces, but she can't shatter again. I wont let you break her."

Thatcher looked at his hands. "I just have some questions. I want to know her."

"You have had years to get to know her." Richard reminded him.

"and i have had years with a family of daughters, constant reminders of the one i left behind." Thatcher said quietly.

"What do you want to know?" Richard asked nervously. He wasnt sure he wanted to do this, or whether he should be doing this, all he could hope was that this would mean that he would leave his family alone.

"I want to know about it all. The chair, her teenage years, about her now." Thatcher said almost greedily.

Richard nodded. "We should probably go do this in my office. The nurses gossip too much for their own good."

Thatcher nodded with relief. "Alright then" he replied as he followed Richard away.

In the Meantime...

Meredith awoke feeling slightly refreshed, and her legs tingling with the warmth of movement within them.

She quickly went to the toilet, after suffering the urgency of needing to pee, before she returned to her bed and stared at her wheel chair. There was so much she could do right now, but she wasnt sure where exactly she should start.

Letting out a sigh, she remembered that Mark had a surgery coming up, and decided the least she could do was go watch it, after all, there was something about him when he was working that captivated her. She may never have wanted to be a plastic surgeon, but there was a beauty revealed everytime he worked.

Slowly moving towards her chair, she took a seat, and planned her next escape. One that she wasn't sure she could get away with, depending on who was roaming the halls.


	83. ellis will have my head

**Meredith had set out with the pretense of going to see her man in action but figured that he would not be impressed to see hat she was wandering around the halls unsupervised. Deciding before she reached the elevator that maybe going out to see her husband do surgery was not the best idea. She then decided to go see her father instead.**

Meredith had considered going back to her room, but had the strange feeling that someone was watching her, and right now her room would definitely not be the best place for her. She felt like something was going to happen, and trusting her instinces more than anything else, she continued down the hall towards the elevator.

Meredith hoped that when she reached her dad that he wouldn't send her back. She had this strange urge to speak with him. She couldn't pinpoint it, she had spoken to him just this orning.

Closing her eyes Meredith waited for the elevator. She rubbed a hand over her rounded stomach. She could feel her boys move with her touch.

"Oh another outing i see." said a voice behind her as they grabbed hold of her wheel chair and pulled it back away from the elevator.

"Why didnt you contact her? You didnt even go to her plays." Richard asked as he sat down on the couch and examined the man he had despised.

He watched as Thatcher mumbled some lame arse excuse.

"You do realise how lucky you are that i am even talking to you right?" Richard asked. "Ellis would have my head"

Thatcher mumbled something about appreciating the fact.

"You said you wanted to know things, so i'm letting you ask 5 questions." Richard told him. "I will aswer them, but in exchange, you are to stay away from my daughter. That's you and your whole family. And not bother her at all. No letters, nothing." he outlined not wanting thatcher to find a loop hole.

"Fine" Thatcher grumbled as he anxiously ran a hand over his face.

"Good" Richard sighed and waited for thatcher to ask a question.

Thatcher looked around the room and his eyes settled on Meredith's wedding photo. "What can you tell me about her husband?" Thatcher asked and he carefully lifted his gaze back up to meet Richard.

Meredith loked up at her captor as they led her to the elevator again.

"Are you sure you want to see your father?" they asked.

Meredith sighed but still gave a nod.

"Good, i've actually been wanting to see him." was the reply she had recieved.

Meredith closed her eyes, almost wishing that she had stayed in her room.

She started feling uncomfortable, even more so as they reached Richards office.

They opened the door to hear. "and the wheel chair. Tell me what happened."

Meredith's eyes flung open. She knew her mother had been about to announce their presence but on hearing that line she had frozen.

Her eyes had landed on the person who had been responsible for asking the question.

"Richard" her mother barely managed before Meredith had quickly stood - or as quickly as she had been able to anyway - and began to waddle down the hall.

"Shit" Richard cursed as he watched Meredith try and escape on foot. "Ellis" he said as he quickly stood and went after her.

"Meredith" he cried out as he watched her scream in pain as her legs gave out.  



	84. because of you

**Derek who had been on his way up to speak to Richard had watced as Meredith crumbled and ran to catch her before the rest of her body hit the ground.**

"Look what you did." he heard Ellis cry as she raised her hand to slap Richard hard on the chest. She ran to Meredith who Derek was now easing carefully to the floor.

He sat down behind her, keeping Meredith's body rested against his.

"Meredith aby." Ellis murmured as she lowered herself down to crouch in front of Meredith.

Derek ran a hand down Meredith's side as he tried to calm her down. He was worried that she had hurt something and he needed her to calm down so he could talk to her.

"Come on Mer, calm down sweetie. Take deep breaths." he whispered to her.

He repeated this time and time again until she finally seemed to be calming down.

He held her as her sos eased and looked to see a woried Ellis, tears streaming down her face in fear.

"Tell me what hurts." Derek finally said as a doctor mode kicked in.

"MY...MY... MY" she murmured but was not able to finish.

"Meredith calm down, you need to tell me what hurts." he told her. "Was it your back?" he asked, and Meredith shook her head.

"Come on Mer." he whispered.

"Ankle." she finally managed to tell him, and Derek sighed in relief.

"We better get you checked out." he said with a quick look down at her ruising ankle.

Derek looked up at Ellis and reached out to give her hand a squeeze. "Elle can you page Callie and Addie?" he asked.

Ellis nodded absenmindedly as she wiped away the tears that had formed in her eyes.

"Richard" Derek called to the man that still stood completely frzen. "Richard, get me her chair." he called again.

Richard nodded and quickly moved into his office to retrieve it.

It was only then that Derek noticed the man standing back nervously watching on. "Can you move along sir?" he asked, already identifying the man as Thatcher Grey.

"But, but Meredith" Thatcher stammered.

"She's going to be ok sir." Derek said as professionally as he could.

He watched as Thatcher nodded and turned to quickly thank Richard before leaving.

Richard moved forward with the wheel chair and applied the breaks. He didnt offer any help, as he was not sure whether it would be accepted.

Derek eased himself out from behind Meredith before moving to stand. Once he head his footing he turned to help Meredith. "Okay Mer, you're going to have to work with me here." he murmured as he bent his knees and lowered himself enough to so he can put both hands under her armpits to help lift her up. "Now Mer, I'm going to help you stand up okay, and once your up, i need you to not put any pressure on your bad ankle okay. Can you do that?" he asked.

Meredith nodded in reply as she braced herself for Derek's attemot.

He struggled the first few times before he finally ot her up, and pretty much eased her body into the chair next to her.

"Take it easy." Derek told her as he slowly lifted up her foot to examine it. "It's swollen and bruised." he told her quietly.

Meredith sighed, "thats all i need."

"Oh Mer." Ellis said quietly "lets get you back to your room. Addie and torres are going to meet us there."

Meredith pulled the break off of her chair and took hold of her wheels.

"Let me" Derek said as he stepped behind her.

Meredith lifted her hands and sat them weakly on her stomach.

Derek began to wheel her while Ellis walked alongside them.

"Aer you coming?" Ellis called to Richard, and Derek paused to wait.

"Oh, ummm, yeah" he sighed. It wasn't often Richard felt hopeless, but he knew that he was responsible for what had happened.

Derek only began pushing the chair again when Richard fell into step next to Ellis.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Ellis snapped as soon as he was beside her.

"Not now elle." Ricahrd sighed as he reached for her hand.

Ellis reluctantly accepted his hand. She chose not to ignore him because she knew Meredith would blame herself.

Richard leaned in and kissed Ellis's temple. "I promise my intentions were good." he whispered and Ellis leaned into him.

Richard waited a few moments before continuing. "We need to close her door from now on too." he told her and Ellis turned to look at him. "Thatchers daughter Molly is in the room next door. I let him ask 5 questiions under the agreement that they qould not go near Meredith." he told her.

Ellis sighed. "How many questions did he have left?" she asked.

"Two" Richard replied and she nodded.

Richard moved to wrap and arm around Ellis.

Meredith looked up at her parents. She felt Derek give her shoulder a squeeze and she closed her eyes wishing that it was Marks.

"Almost there." Derek whispered as they boarded the elevator and turned them aorund so that they were facing the door.

"We wil reach the maternity floor soon." Derek noted and hoped that Addie would be speaking to Richard after her meltdown.

Meredith ketp her eyes closed as she was wheeled out of the eevator. "Come on baby girl." Ellis said quietly.

Derek continued down the hall to where he can see Addie completley. She was standing there pacing back and forth, Amelia crying in her arsm.

"What's wrong?" Derek asked as Richard stepped forward and took the handles of Meredith's wheel chair.

Merediht did not say anything at the exchange and Richards heart ached as he noticed that the usual banter between them was gone.

Meredith watched as Derek walked up to Addie and gave her a quick kiss before taking Amelia from her. She could not hear what Derek said to Addie but she watched as Addie looked over at her with concern.

Meredith closed her eyes. Tears welling. She couldn't keep them back.

"Mer" Richard said quietly as he reached down and rested a hand on her shoulder.

"Dont richard." Meredith said as she shrugged his hand off.

"Meredith" Mom said in shock.

Meredith wiped her tears away before taking the wheels of her chair and pushing herself.

Richard in shock and sadness let go of her wheel chair and allowed Meredith to pul away from him.

"I want Mark." Meredith said like a stubborn child. She then began to wheel herself towards her room. Unfortunately seeing Thatcher in the room next door. She turned away from him and looked at the heart broken Richard. She knew that she had crushed him with her rejection.

Tears streaked her cheeks and she could see that her mother was divided between the love of her life and her daughter.

"I... I... want... i" Meredith choked out but did not know what to say. Her head was whirling in fear, pain and heartache.

"Meredit" Derk said quietly.

"I... want... i" Meredith struggled again.

"Mer" a voice came from behind her. It was her safety. It was her home. He was everything he could possibly be.

"I want to go home" Meredith whispered as she felt his hand run through her hair.

"Oh Sloan" Mark said as he ooked around the hall to see Thatcher Grey standing watching everything play out. He looked up to see Ellis standing there holding Richard in a way that he had never seen before.

He knew something had happened, he could feel it from the moment that he had begun t scrub out.

"What the fuck happened here?" Mark asked not caring who heard.

He looked around the room, and his eyes fell on Thatcher Grey. "What did you do?" he asked. "This has you written all over it." he said as he moved towards him.

"Sloan" Meredith began to sob. "Please dont"

"No Mer, not today." Mark said as he tried to shrug off her pleas.

He moved towards Thatcher who was now joined by Susan. He had no words that could describe to the man, his wifes biological father, how much damage he had done.

"Mark don" he heard Derek say as he reached him.

Mark back at the man who he considered his brother and his neice. "No Derel" he replied as he turned back to Thatcher.  
"I dont know what you did, or even what happened, but i do know that it happened because of you." he spat.

Meredith tried to think of something to say to calm her husband, but she knew that this anger had built up over time.

"Mark, this isnt your fight. Ellis told him as she stepped forward and rested her hand on his shoulder. "Mark step back." she said again.

Mark didnt seem to acknowledge Ellis. He still stood there staring at Thatcher.

"Come on Mark, lets worry about Mer." Ellis told him.

"What?" he asked as he turned to look at her.

"Meredith's ankle." Ellis told him. "she hurt it earlier."

"What?" he asked as he spun around to look at his wife.

"She tripped ealrier." Ellis told him. "We've paged Addie and Callie."

"What?" he asked again, his focs now back off of thatcher and completely on Meredith. "Sloan?" he asked.

Meredith looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "I just want to go home."

"Oh babe" Mark sighed as he moved closer to her,

Meredith reached for his hand and he lowered his head to kiss her. "I'm sorry baby." Mark whispered against her lips. Meredith sighed as she felt his hands runove her stomach.

They shared a brief moment before Mark pulled back from her. "Let's get that ankle looked at." he told her as he kissed her again.

He then gestured to Addie to take Meredith into her room.

"I'll be in there in a few moments." Mark told Meredith before he walked back towards Thatcher.

Ricahard hung back waiting to see what Mark was going to do.

"Go inside Dad," Mark told him feeling his presence. "This doesnt concern you."

"Well actually it does." Richard said as he stepped forward.

Mark shruged and kept his eyes on Thatcher. "My wife doesnt need this." he told him. "You have no choice in this matter. If you come near her again i wil put a restraining order on you. Break that and i'll break you." Mark warned.

"She's my daughter." Thatcher said. "She's... she's my daughter."

Richard did not want to enter the argument but was not too sure of himself considering Merediths commetns earlier.

"No, she's not your daughter." Mark said firmly. "but she is my wife, and she is carrying my sons." he told him without a doubt in his mind what he was going to say next. "We may have had Micheal taken from us but i am not oing to let you put our two boys at risk. So stay away from my wife."

Without looking back at Thatcher again he moved inside the room. Thatcher looked warily at Richard.

"Your answer for your 4th questions was that she was in an extremely bad car accident which had left her paralysed. She has done some nerve damage which requires her to use her wheel chair at times."

Thatcher nodded "and this son Michel?"he asked.

Richard nodded. "Meredith was 8 months pregnant at the time of the crash. Michael died on impact."

Thatcher hung his head in grief.

"Thatcher, that was 5 questions. Now stay away from my family." Richard instructed.

Thatcher nodded sadly and watched as Richard disappeared into Merediht's room.

"There goes my daughter." he said quietly, tears now tracing the lines on hisface.

"They cant do that." Susan told him.

"They cn" Thatcher replied as he moved back into the room.

"How?" Susan asked, completetly flabbergasted.

"Because i chose you." he replied as he sat down and stared at his youngest daughter, and as he didhe realised that he had completely lost his oldest.


	85. trapped by our fears

**Mark sat in the bed beside Meredith. He had been sitting there waiting for the right time to talk about todays events and the resulting sprain.**

Meredith lay on her side facing away from Mark. She had wanted to go home, had begged to go home, and Addie and her parents had refused to accept that as an option. more so now that she had a sprained ankle.

Meredith not only hated the combined decision, but also the fact that Mark had agreed with them. He had stated that "if there was any better place for her to be, it was to be close to help."

Now Meredith did not really want to speak to anyone. She felt trapped. There was nothing she could say to any of them. She hated being confined and watched like a hawk. She wanted to scream at them all, which was better than the option that had been building up... crying.

Mark shifted to lay on the bed and turned on his side. He brought his hand up to rest on Merediths hip, and stroked the skin that was revealed.

Meredith shivered from his touch. It was unwanted, and yet it still felt good. She took a deep breath and willed the tears not to come.

"Mer" Mark sighed, but she didnt answer him.

"You need to understand." he added.

Meredith didnt want to listen to him. He didnt understand what things were like for her. How she was robbed of her freedom and was no longer able to go anywhere without a wheel chair. Even the way she drove a car was different now. She lost more that Michael on the day of her accident, and today had reminded her of that day.

She feared for her children when she fell. She was scared that something would hurt them, and yet, that fear alone was all she could think about until she had felt Dereks arms around her.

She had been sure that her body was going to hit the floor and she was going to lose the babies.

Meredith tried hard to focus her attention on the fact that the babies were ok, and even though they had been startled, they were okay.

"I know this is hard Mer, but you can't shut me out of this." Mark said almost pleading with her. "talk to me baby, tell me that you understand."

Meredith closed her eyes as she was trying to think of something that she could say to him, but she was still unsure how she could put all her thoughts together.

Mark let out a large sigh. He really didnt know what to say to make her talk to him. All he knew was that she was drifting into her dark place, and he needed to find a way to keep her out of it.

"Tell me something." Mark finally invited on seeing that Meredith wouldnt talk to him about anything that he had originally been trying to initiate.

"I'm 28 years old." she said quietly. "and i have already had so much taken from me."

Mark let out a sigh as he ran a hand down her side.

"I'm not the same person you married, and neither are you." she struggled on.

Mark frowned. He didnt know where this was going and he wasnt sure he liked it.

"I dont want to be this person anymore." she whispered.

Mark froze, scared of what she might say if she continued.

"Mer?" he finally managed.

"How.. how can i do this Mark? How can we do this?" she asked.

Mark remained speechless, he didnt know what to say to her.

He felt Meredith shift as she moved to roll over, wincing slightly as she did. Soon she was facing him.

Mark still didnt say anything. He was scared that Meredith was finally snapping and that she was going to end this, going to end them.

"Sloan" Meredith said weakly as she looked at him.

He refused to meet her eyes at first. He didnt want to see the doubt in her mind. But when their eyes met he was quite shocked by what he saw.

"I dont want to be trapped anymore." she told him.

She watched his face drop before she moved quickly to re-iterate her comment.

"I dont want to be trapped by our fears."

"I... I.." Mark stammered.

"I'm trapped by them now, and the babies, they will be trapped too if we dont change." She told him.

Mark looked at her with a combination of fear and confusion, while she reached up and wiped one of her tears away.

"When... when we lost michael, our whole worlds changed. We lost a vital part of us, as well as my ability to walk. Our lives were put on hold for a whole year. And then... then you got the job out here, and Addie took over your fear, your worry. This has consumed all of us. I love you, i need you, and while most of our lives have adapted to the changes that have occured. We have adapted to the chair, have even confronted the fact that the chair will always be close by, but there, there is so much that we have let consume us." Meredith told him as she tried to gain the courage to continue.

Mark was surprised. Meredith had not really shown this much courage before.

"Our fear is consuming us. We are always waiting for the next drunken driver. Waiting for something else to come in and turn our world upside down." Meredith states quietly, "and i'm sick of the waiting. I'm sick of being scared. Our fears will consume us, and smother our boys, and... and i dont want that. I dont want that for them, or for us."

"What are you suggesting?" Mark asked. He was quite curious as to what the point of Merediths talk was.

"Accidents happen, in and out of our hospital. Anything can happen while im at home, doing anything, anywhere really. We cant control everything, and i know that dad, mom and addie are trying so hard to, but we cant always be waiting to come in and save me." she said nervously.

"I know you want to go home Mer." Mark sighed.

"I do" she confessed, "but thats not what this is about." she said simply. "It's... its about me being free to go with my friends, about teaching them to look after me when you cant. About me being free to be with them. About me being able to move freely through the hospital without worrying about being caught."

"Its about freedom?" MARK asked.

Meredith nodded. "I need to be free, i know i will have restrictions, christ we already broke half of them today and last night, but i need to be free to move. I'm not a prisoner." she murmured.

"I know." Mark told her as he kissed her forehead.

"Good" Meredith murmured as she leaned into him.

Mark held her close and waitedfor all her talk to register in his mind.

"I'll talk to Addie and Derek." he said quietly, "and then, then i will talk with Dad."

Meredith nodded as she reached to grab hold of his shirt as she buried her head in his chest.

"Freedom?" she asked quietly.

"Yer" Mark replied as he dropped a kiss on her head. "We're not prisoners." he told her.

'Of our fears...' Mark thought and almost added knowing how true it was.


	86. breaking pains

**The weeks slowly progressed with fewer sneak outs than originally occured. Being restricted by her sprained ankle, Meredith was more inclined to live the quiet life, with her adventured being conducted in the company at her fellow interns. Mark had made sure that he had taught them everything that they needed to know to care for her, his wife. And yet it frustrated him, because she really was reluctant to raise the issue that she had done the moment after her fall.**

Now Mark was looking for Meredith. He suspected that again she would be alone, because her friends were working, and all were scrubbed in on a surgery.

He had ventured to her room to see if she had wanted to go out to the cafeteria, and she wasnt even there.

Now that Meredith was 7 months pregnant he was becoming more worried about her and the babies, especially as they neared the speed bump that had taken Michaels life, the 8 month mark.

Running his hand through his hair. He couldnt help but be frustrated by her absence. He turned, and set off in search of her. He needed to see her and make sure that she was ok.

...

He had been looking for almost an hour when he came upon a sight that made his blood run cold.

She sat in her chair doubled over in pain, as the person standing near her was pale, and un sure of what to do exactly.

He moved quickly to her, and did not even look at the person standing over her looking worried.

Mark quickly gave Meredith her injection before forcing her to take her oral medication.

He then moved to stand in front of her , lowering him to her level and looking at her in the face. He could see the tears in her eyes and he knew that she didnt want to be here right now.

"Mer... calm down for me baby, its ok, come on Sloan." he said to her as he ran his hands up and down her arms, knowing that if he touched her legs it would make her worse.

She would not stop crying, no matter what he did so he made sure her breaks were in place properly before he lifted her out of her chair and sat down in her place, bringing her onto his lap where she proceeded to curl up into him.

Mark held her close, knowing that this was very much like what it had been when she originally experienced these pains.

It seemed that Meredith was drawing a crowd with her cries of pain. He couldn't care les, and yet he hated when people stopped and stared at her.

"Don't you have work to do?" Bailey's voice broke through as she moved down the hall, waddling her way to where Mark and Meredith were.

Mark looked up from Meredith and nodded to her, "Is she ok?" Bailey asked.

Mark just shook his head. "This one gave her quite the fright." he said honestly.

Bailey nodded as he took control of the wheel chair, and then began to push them back towards the Maternity ward.

Bailey had been doing an okay job, but was relieved when she passed Derek and Alex who were just returning from surgery.

"Can you?" she asked Alex and he took control of the wheel chair.

"Whats going on Miranda?" Derek asked as he watched Alex take control of the wheel chair.

"Well it seems Meredith had one of her things, and well, i kind of need your wife." she said honestly.

"Kinda?" Derek asked confused. "Why?"

"Because my contractions are 10 minutes apart." she tells him as they then hear a splash and Derek looks down at his joggers. "And my water just broke all over your shoes."

"Shit" Derek cursed as he looked down at his feet again in disbelief.

"Your wife" Bailey reminded him.

"Right" he said quickly as he pulled out his pager.

"For now we will take you to Mer's room, cos that gives me a chance to check on her too." he said as he quickly called over for a wheel chair and ushered her into it.

Bailey sighed as she sat down, and Derek started to move quickly through the halls.


	87. they'll get through this

****

Addison was worried, moments after she was paged to Merediths room, she arrived to se Meredith curled up in tears, and derek wheeling miranda towards the same room .

"What's going on?" she asked.

It was obvious that derek was flustered and feeling torn between his job as a doctor and his role as a brother.

"Der" she said almost anxiously.

"Mer had an episode... it didn't help that susan grey seemed to have spotted her, and everyone didn't know what to do." He said looking frightened by the fact. "It looked extreme, like the ones she initially had, and miranda, well she's in labour, her water just broke."

Addie looked torn between the two situations and who she should be tending to.

" I will get Stevens to get miranda settled, and that way u can still do the ultrasound on mer before I take her to get updated scans. She was due for them anyway." Derek organises.

Addie nods and moves in the direction of Meredith, who was curled up on the bed, tears streaking her face as mark was curled into her, holding her close trying to keep her calm.

"Meredith" addie opens, "can you roll onto your back for me?" she asks.

Meredith doesn't look at Addie, infact she looks away from Addie and tries to curl up further into a ball, , but having trouble with pulling her legs up as her stomach gets in the way.

"Mark?" addie sighs.

Mark moves to sit up, and encourages meredith to roll over onto her back. She was reluctant, but Marks soothing touch and calming words had her do so.

"Ok mer, lets check on those baby boys" addie said, as she then pushed merediths pyjama top up.

Meredith turned away from the screen and looked to wait for Marks reaction. If she hd hurt these babies by venturing out alone, then she wouldn't know how she would live with herself. Mark would hate her, and as much as they loved each other, if she lost these babies from her foolishness then she had no idea how they would over come that.

Addie sighed, noticing that meredith was not going to look at the screen.

Mark stood with his arms folded, his eyes didn't waver as he watched addie carry out the ultrasound. He hadn't looked at meredith the whole time.

Meredith watched Marks facial expressions, and for the first time in a long time she couldn't rread his face.

................................................

Derek passed Addie as she walked out of Meredith's room, he had miranda set up in the room next door.

"Their fragile." Addie told him as she leaned into him, wanting him to briefly comfort her.

Derek sighed and wrapped his arms around his wife, he knew that it would be a matter of time for something like this to happen.

He dropped a kiss on Addie's head, before he rubbed a hand down her side. "They'll get through this." He told her as he tried to comfort her.

Addie let out a content sigh, from just being in her husbands arms, but knew that she had to pull away.

"I better go check miranda out." She told him.

Derek nodded as he dropped his head to kiss her softly on the lips.

"She's doing well, but tuck is running late." He told her.

Addie nodded before moving off to the room next door.

Derek then faltered on the barrier of Meredith's room.

He wasn't what it was that was stopping him from entering, but he could see Meredith curled up on the bed, looking towards the window, while mark sat with his head in his hands, looking completely lost.

Derek took a deep breath before trudging his way into the room. He moved and placed a hand on his brothers shoulder before making his way over to Meredith. He barely looked at her as he pulled back the covers and carried her to her wheel chair. He placed her in their carefully before taking a tissue and wiping her tears away.

Mark had looked up and watched his brother move around the room.

He then watched as Derek moved to the door with Meredith in her chair.

"I'm taking her for some scans, you can join us if you want, or you can take some time to get yourself together." Derek had told him.

Mark had nodded, before moving to put his head bacik in his hands.

He needed to be numb, missed the feeling. Yet he knew that it wasn't the solution.

Taking in a deep breath he then urged himself to stand and made himself follow derek.

He stayed close, but didn't walk with them, as he didn't know what to say, do or feel. He was completely at a loss.


	88. oh tink

Derek sighed as he looked at the screen. Things were not looking too crash hot and it all spelt another urgery, which he knew would not be recieved well. Meredith knew that it was a posibility, Derek had made sure of it, but telling her now, was not going to be good.

Derek looked at Mark sympathetically, yet Mark just shrugged. Derek watched as he looked in at the screen before moving to look at Meredith. He then shook his head and walked out. Derek couldn't help but sigh again.

"Der, Sloan, can get me out of here now." Merediths voice came through the speaker.

Derek closed his eyes, and took a breath. "Yeah Mer" he stated as he made as he made sure that the image were saved and sent to be printed.

He then moved out of the room and through to where he needed to go to get Meredith. It seemed though, that someone had beaten him to it.

He moved to stand at the door and watched as the man who he considered to be his brother scooped his wife up off i the table and carefully lowered her back into her wheel chair.

Derek didnt want to intrude as he watched Mark sweep Merediths hair out of her eyes. He could see that his brother was being careful, and still somewhat soothing.

Derek decided to remain outside.

Mark was confsed. He knew what he needed to do when it came to Meredith. He knew what he was obliged to do, and what he wanted to do. But none of it took consideration to how he felt and what he needed.

Meredith couldnt meet Marks was something different about his touch, something uncertain, something foreign. It brought tears to her eyes.

She tried not to cry. She didnt want to. Everything hut so much. She tried to find something to say to him To explain why she was out of her room wthout a chaperone, and yet, she didnt know how.

Mark had seen her tears, but didnt bother to wipe them away. It was obviousshe was going to cry, especially when Derek was going to speak about her results.

He moved to stand behind her wheel chair, and he guided her out of the room, to where Derek was waiting for them.

Mak handed the control of the wheel chair over to Derek before he moved to stand in front of it. "I'm going to go for a walk." he told her honestly. "I need some space to gather my thoughts."

Meredith nodded, but didnt look up at him.

Mark sighed and he moved to til Merediths head up so he could lean in and give her a smalll kiss.

"I'll be back." he told her. "I promise."

Meredith sighed "ok" she murmured and watched as he walked away from her.

Derek placed a comforting hand on Merediths shoulder. "He'll be back." he told her.

A few hours later:

Richard had been sitting with Meredith for an hour. He had told Ellis that he would be able to find out what had happened, and if there was a way to bring his daughters spirits up.

He had only just recently gotten her to roll over and look at him, and even then, it wa sonly because he had called her by his pet name for her ' tinkerbell'.

He had been trying to get a repsonse from her, and knew very well that Ellis was waiting outside the room, for permission to come in. Both had cleared their surgeries for the day so that they could tackle this. They were the team that Meredith needed, especially now that Mark was absent.

"Talk to me tinkerbell." Richard urged as he caressed her cheek.

He had been told by Derek what was going on at the moment, and knew that Mark ahd left for a 'walk' and was yet to come back.

"Come on tink." Richard said again, "We are all worried about you."

Meredith sighed reluctantly and looked up at her dad.

"Susan Grey was here." she said in almost a whisper.

"And?" Richard prompted. He could feel an extra person standing by the door, and could only guess who it was.

Meredith continued to look out the window.

"She tried to talk to me about my father." she added, "but i didn't want to hear it.... she saidn that mom kept me from him because he chose her, and their unborn baby over me... that i wasn't enough for him, and that even though he chose her he still collected a folder of things... that his proudest moment was when he walked Molly down the aisle.... and that i have now made him sad because i dont acknowledge him as my father... and that.... he now blames her for losing me completely." She choked out.

Richard stomach churned with the news. He hated that someone felt that they had the power to come in and turn his little girls world upside down.

"I didnt want to hear her, i didnt want to listen to how i have failed them... and i knew... i knew that i wasnt supposed to leave the room without my chaperone, even though im 27 and not 13..." she sighed. "but she wouldnt leave... and well... when i was moving to my chair, she... she pulled it away from me... and my body dropped with the movement... and i somehow managed to make it to my chair... but.... but i felt something pull in my back." she told him, and he moved in to wipe the tears away.

"This.." she struggled "this woman... she... i could have.... i wheeled my self in search of you... in search of mom... mark... someone... and then my back... it tweaked... and i had no one.... again i had no one.... and she was there.... following me... not wanting to let me go.... but not wanting to cause a scene..." she stops as the sos wrack through her body.

"my babies... daddy.... my babbies... and they... they could ... they could have died.... because the stress.... daddy they were in so much stress... and i.... i almost lost my boys....and she just watched.... she didnt get help she just watched... and now.... now i dont know what to do.... cos Marks gone... and he promised he will be back but... he hates me.... i almost lost our babies daddy.... again... i almost lost our babies again."

Richard hated to see his daughter in so much emotional pain. He moved her over slightly in the bed, and cuddled up to her, letting her rest her head on his chest, like she had done when she was smaller and needed to breakdown.

"Oh tink" he sighed as he held her close, not knowing how he could take the pain away.

Moments passed before he realised that someone else was in the room with them. That someone had finally came to offer help to soothe his daughter.

He felt the bed move, and Marks soft hands slid around Meredith, One resting on her abdomed, while the other clasping hers.

Richard moved slightly, knowing that he could leave his daughter in the capable arms around her.

"Im so sorry baby." Richard heard him whisper, and watched as they reunited.

He moved to vacate the room, only to be greeted by Ellis who was now standing in fron tof the door. Tear in her eyes, even though he knew the anger that was whirling within.

"She almost lost the babies." Richard told Ellis, knowing full well that she hadnt known that part of the situation.

Ellis sobbed a little. She hated to know her daughter was in so much pain.

"I'm going to let security know that that woman is never allowed in my hopsital again." Richard told her as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her up against him as if he was her grizzly bear.

Ellis rested her head on Richards chest, just like Meredith had done before, and the tears that had slowly begun to dry of Merediths, were now replaced by Ellis's and the pain that she was tryng to hold back.


	89. angels

I sit and wait  
Does an angel contemplate my fate  
And do they know  
The places where we go  
When we're grey and old  
'cause I have been told  
That salvation lets their wings unfold  
So when I'm lying in my bed  
Thoughts running through my head  
And I feel that love is dead  
I'm loving angels instead

Mark had remained holding Meredith, too scared to let her go, and yet tempted to leave. It had cut him up to hear Meredith tell her father what had happened durig the day. Her reasons for being out of the room, and yet nothing had pained him as much as hearing her so about him being gone.

He wanted to go, and that was something that had wracked his body. He didnt want to be here holding his broken wife. He wanted his life to reverse back to the airport 4 years ago and refuse to let Meredith on the olane. He wanted to beg her to stay, convince her that despite Doctors advice, she should stay, stay where he could keep them safe,, where he could keep them both safe.

And like the guilt that consumed him then, it began to consume him now. Taunting him again because he could not keep them safe. Because not only had she been hurt, but she could have lost the babies. Their babies. He had failed, and he was lucky, lucky that they hadn't lost the babies, lucky that the nerve hadnt completely severed, and in a way, lucky that if he was to walk away now, then she would be too broken to follow him.

And through it all  
she offers me protection  
A lot of love and affection  
Whether I'm right or wrong  
And down the waterfall  
Wherever it may take me  
I know that life won't break me  
When I come to call  
she won't forsake me  
I'm loving angels instead

It had been hard enough to leave her when he had to move to Seattle, leaving his wife in the care of Addie. In the house that he had modified so that she could survive each day in her wheel chair.

He wanted to run, and he knew he would only be running from himself.

His hand moved up her side and then back over her stomach. He could feel his boys back as if they knew exactly what he was thinking.

When I'm feeling weak  
And my pain walks down a one way street  
I look above  
And I know I'll always be blessed with love  
And as the feeling grows  
She breathes flesh to my bones  
And when love is dead  
I'm loving angels instead

Closing his eyes he moved his head closer to hers. Breathing in her scent, wanting to relish it just in case he made up his mind. He closed his eyes for a moment, and then opened them again, only to feel a presence in the room.

Not wanting to move and disturb Meredith, he tilted his head slightly before his eyes settled on a little boy sitting on the bed.

He looked up at him and held a finger to his lips.

Mark nodded, but he knew that the little boy shouldn't be there. "Are you lost?" ark asked nervously. There was something very familiar about him.

And through it all  
she offers me protection  
A lot of love and affection  
Whether I'm right or wrong  
And down the waterfall  
Wherever it may take me  
I know that life won't break me  
When I come to call  
she won't forsake me  
I'm loving angels instead

Mark watched as the boy moved up the bed slightly and tapped his foot as if in reprimand.

Mark felt a tingle in his foot, and the little boy giggled, causing Meredith to stir slightly, but not to wake.

Mark frowned slightly and went to talk again, only to be told to be quiet again, by the little boy wo put a finger to his lips.

Mark watched as the little boy crawled up the bed further and rested his head on Merediths stomach. He then moved to kiss her belly before whispering to it

Mark continued to watch the little boy closely. He couldn't take his eyes off of him.

Mark then had to move onto hisback as the little boy then climbed onto his chest and rested his head over his heart.

Mark knew he should think how strange this was, that a young boy was on his chest. and yet, he was comfortable with him being there, as if it was natural.

The boy then kissed his chest, directly over his hear before looking up and quietly saying "all better"

Mark felt his heart swell before the little boy quickly jumped off of his chest and onto the floor, running to get something from his bag.

He returned with a little book and something else that Mark immediately recognised st the boy climebd back on the bed.

Mark didnt know what to think when the little boy handed him back the little yankees onesie with a name on the back.

He didnt want or need to read it, Mark already knew what it said.

Mark moved to pull the little boy on his chest again, but before Mark could hold him, he leant over and kissed Meredith, before moving to give Mark a kiss. He then seemed to look at the door before he bean to move again.

"Wait" Mark said in an urgent whisper. "Michael"

The little boy grinned as he ran to grab his bag, and then moved to the door.

"Love you Mommy, Love you daddy." he said quietly. "am still your little man." he said before running out of the door, and seemingly down the hallway.

Mark was lost and confused. "it couldnt have been." he thought to himself.

"Still my little man." Meredith mumbled in her sleep, and Mark didnt know what to think.

Mark then moved to open the little black book that he had been given. He was suprised to see that it was some form of a journal, and it was fully of entries. It had overly neat handwriting, with little messy writing on the blank spaces.

He carefully flicked through the pages before reaching the last page where he began to read.

I see my son has lost his way  
for fear has over taken him  
consuming him to a point he's never been  
i fear for my child of another as he struggles to believe  
but i am watching over him,  
his precous son joins me too  
and once can hope our simple words  
can help him do right, and stay true  
so mark, my son, i love you  
and trust i'll keep them safe.  
because one little boy is more than enough  
to keep me running around this place  
have faith in your wife,  
even though times are hard.  
she needs you as much as you need her.  
so stay and have faith  
that is enough  
your family is now in my hands

love dad

......

and in little red crayon mark read the message left by his son. "me and pa love you'se"

And through it all  
she offers me protection  
A lot of love and affection  
Whether I'm right or wrong  
And down the waterfall  
Wherever it may take me  
I know that life won't break me  
When I come to call  
she won't forsake me  
I'm loving angels instead


	90. with you

Everything seemed surreal. There was no other way to describe it. There was only one thing Mark knew, and that was that he would never tell anybody about what he had just experienced. If he did, he figured people would thin he was either dreaming or losing the plot. However, there was no way he could deny that whatever it was had definitely left him feeling lighter, as if his worried were all gone.

He could only feel love as he snuggled up to Meredith. Love and freedom. A freedom from all the guilt he had encoutered with Merediths accident, and yet, a freedom in knowing that he wasnt expected to be superman.

Of course he was still concerned about thngs, such as the mess Merediths back was in. He kjnew that Derek had not spoken aboth the results of the scans with her yet. But he also knew that the way things were looking, they would be better off removing the problem then to try and make it better.

That was what he had ended up doing when he had said he needed to take space. He had gone to his office, locked the door and had a scotch before he had begun to research Merediths condition.

In doing his own research he had come to accept the way things were going to be, and knew that after talking t Meredith that she would agree with him too.

Absentmindedly he stroked her belly. He could feel the babies move under his touch and while he delighted in the knowledge that his 2 little boys were moving inside the woman he loved, he knew that it was quite possible that she would decide not to have anymore after he lets his opinion known.

She would fight him on this, of course she would fight him, but he knew that in the end she would see that he was right.

Closing his eyes he dropped a small kiss on her shoulder before he felt her move.

"He was here wasnt he." she murmured, and he couldnt help but be confused.

"What?" he asked.

"Michael." she said again. "He was here."

Mark looked at her suprised.

"I could feel him." she said as she moved her body so that she was facing him.

"Yeah" Mark sighed as he reached his hand up to stroke her cheek.

Meredith sighed and looked down, just enjoying his closeness. She had been afraid he wasnt going to come back, and felt guilty for that.

"Mer" Mark said quietly. He couldnt his his worry.

"I'm not going to walk again am i?" she asked as she looked up at him.

The question took Mark completely by suprise. He looked at her and considered lying, but knew there was no point. "No babe, I dont think you will." he said "The nerve, its just hanging on, and.... well... its probably easier to sever it completely and rely on just your chair then to endure all this pain."

Meredith had tears in her eyes. She really didnt know what to say. "So what are we going to do?" she finally asked.

Mark smiled, this seemed like the only thing he could possibly answer. "We are going to talk to Der about the short surgery that he can do now, and then we will have our little boys and live life." he said to her.

Meredith bit her bottom lip nervously.

"With you? In my chair?" she asked him.

Mark nodded. "Thats the plan." he told her.

Meredith closed her eyes, and a tear escaped her. She didnt want to cry but the plan seemed so final, and her legs were oing to be immobile forever.

Mark pulled Meredith further into his arms. He knew that he needed to hold her, to help her through this.


	91. the domino's

Derek sat in his office his daughter was laying on her stomach on the floor. Her eyes were wide open and her baby mumble filled the room.

He sat behind his desk watching her. Studying her movements, and yet wondering how it would feel knowing that you couldn't control it.

He had been studying Merediths scans every free moment he had. He had hoped that he could possibly find a way to repair the damage, but in reality he knew that whatever he did would be considered extreme, and could do more damage if anything went wrong.

Pushing back his chair, he moved to stand and worked his way around his table and over to the couch. It was then that he picked up his daughter, moving to lay back on the couch and bringing her to his chest.

"Oh Amelia, what am i going to do?" he asked her and he looked at his precious daughter as she gugled up at him.

.......................................................................................................................

Richard had frowned when he had been given a copy of his daughters most recent scans. It had become a habit of his to request a copy so he too could look them over.

On studying them the first time he knew what damage was present, and the dangers fixing it could arise. And yet he wanted and needed to hang on to hope, or to find an alternative way to keep his daughters dreams alive. He knew that she would accept not being able to walk. That she had gotten used to the wheel chair by now and that the new device could verywell be the one thing that keeps her operating, and that she might possibly need one for her house as well.

He hadn't meant to show ellis the results, but when he had sat back to look at them she had walked in, and, not being able to hide them, she saw the damage that had happened.

He hadnt been able to say another word to her as she quickly walked out of the room without saying another word.

He could only hope that she was going to go vent in the hydroptherapy pool, as that was her habit, and yet he had a feeling that maybe just maybe, she wouldnt do that at all.

Now there he stood, again outside his daughters room, wondering just how they were going to make their way past this new hurdle, and yet knowing that they would find a way

.......................................................................................................................

Ellis approached the door without hesitation. She had her mind set on how she was going to handle this Especially after seeing her daughters scans. The damage was beyond repain, and someone needed to pay for that. The loss was enormous. The pain in her daughters eyes heartbreaking and her legs immobile.

Knocking on the door with force, she was determined to say her piece. She wanted to inflict pain on someone. She knew it wouldn't take away the pain she herself was feeling, but maybe just maybe, their might be some justice gained tonight.

.......................................................................................................................

Addie stood up in the NICU looking down at the babies that were struggling for their life. She had only just finished giving little BAILEY JONES his examination, and was well and truly ready to take him back down to his mother, knowing that she would be eager to see him.

She had great pride in knowing that she had delivered the beautiful baby boy, but couldn't help but worry about the complications that were going to arise in Merediths pregnancy. How exactly were they going to survive this. The stress alone could have caused them irreperable damage, and yet they were still alive and kicking on.

She just needed the months to fly past, and for the babies to be here, and then she figured, her worries would ease.

.......................................................................................................................

A young girl opened the door, not sure who the stranger was that was standing in front of her.

"Are you mother and father here?" the woman asked, and she couldn't help but nod.

Moving back she invited the lady in, and led her to the family room where her mother and father were currently located.

She watched as her mothers eyes widened with fear and her father looked shocked.

"Dad" she said nervously as she moved back towards the crib that was on the other side of the room.

"Molly, sweetie, why dont you take the baby upstairs to the nursery and read her a book." Thatcher said as he knew that this was not something his daughter needed to witness.


	92. you and yours

ellis stood in Thatchers family room, much to his amazement an to her displeasure. For there was nothing great about her presence, so no matter what he hoped, he really had no idea of her intentions.

Ellis looked down at the large envelope that she was holding. She could only hope that he had retained any of the knowledge he had gained when hlping her study, because she inteded on making him see the damage that his family had caused.

"Ellis" Thatcher said nervously, trying to draw on any courge that he may have within him.

She then moved to hand him the envelope. "Tell me what you see." She ordered without taking her eyes off of the man that she had once loved enough to marry.

"Surely you dont think that i can still read these." he said as he looked over at Susan before looking back up at Ellis.

"I know you are not stupid Thatch." She snapped wondering why he was putting on a bumbling act. "You know enough to read these."

Thatcher reluctantly pulled out the films and studed them, holding them up, one at a time, towards the light.

Ellis watched as his facial expressions changed depending on which scan he was looking at. She had made ure to select the ones that showed the right amount of stress and the largest degree of change, whilst keeping it to a shortened period of time.

"Well?" she pressed. She could sense Thatchers young daughter by the door, and knew that her curiosity had gotten the better of her. As much as Ellis hated eavesdroppers she figured that maybe she miht be able to teach the daughter a thing or two about her parents.

"The first one" he said as he quickly looked at the date before indicating it. "The slipped disk is pushing againt the already damaged nerve. Things are a bit of a mess, and a previous surgery is evident. With the insertion of pins and a possibly nerve graft things should be looking up." he replied.

Ellis nodded. "That was Merediths spine 7 months ago." she told him. "She uderwent the exact procedure that you just recommended to repair the problem."

Thatcher nodded, he had made the connection to his visit to see Molly after the car accident she had been in. Meredith had been a patient, but he had been unable to get the answers to his questions he asked because she had been defensive which of course is understandable if she had just undergone such a procedure.

"This one" he said as he indicated the next one in sequece. "You can see the pins are holding, but there is pressure on the spine, which is causing the nerve to tear slightly, but it is nothing that cant be fixed." he told her.

Ellis nodded again knowing that that was what had been expected considering the pressure of the twins and their impending birth. "The pressure from the twin pregnancy had slowly been taking its toll, hence the early admission to the hospital so she can be monitored closely."

Thatcher nodded, unsure of why he was suddenly being fed information about his daughter considering Ellis had been fighting him out of her life again for the past year.

"And the last one?" she asked as she watched him indicate the last of the scans.

Ellis watched as he reluctantly looked at it. She knew that he had made some sort of connection and that he would prefer to remain in the dark in regards to this rather than acknowledge that things weren't good.

"Ellis" he said with a sigh.

"Thatch" shesnapped back as she watched as he closed his eyes "its a mess." he told her, and knew that he was expected to describe wht he could see before she would explain the scan.

"The nerve is screwed, it might as well be clipped." he murmured. "Although, it is possible that if you reconnect the nerve, scraping away the dead cells, that a new connectioncould be formed. The spine needs to be straightened, and the screws tightened. She's going to be lucky to walk again, or well, i doubt she will anyway." he murmured.

"Exactly." Ellis choked out as she fought to regain focus.

"Today, when our daughter was in her room, your wife susan decided to pay her a visit." she said. "that last scan is the result." she added.

Thatchers eyes widened at the thought that his wife had done something like that.

"Thanks t your wife, who tried to pull the wheel chair out from underneath your daughter, my daughter will not be able to run around with her children." she said, no longer able to hide the pain that she was feeling. "She may never walk again, and no amount of physio will make it better."

Thatcher didnt know what to say, or how to react to the news. There was his ex-wife standing infront of him, on the verge of tears, as she described the pain her daughter, their daughter was experiencing.

"Your grandsons will not be able to experience the way a mother should be." she told him. "Your wife has officially crippled your daughter."

Thatcher looked between Susan and Ellis. He didnt know what to think or even how to feel about the information.

"Thats preposterous." susan lied, finally breaking her silence. She hated that look that she was seeing on her husbands face.

Ellis watched and listened as susan tried to claim that she wasnt at the hospital at all today, so how could she have been responsible.

"Thats not what the hospital cameras tell us." Ellis replied, watching as Susans eyes went wide before a look of uilt settled on her face.

"There is nothing you can say that will take back what you did, or even repair thedamage." Ellis said as her anger built. "You have no idea whaat we have been through with her. How bad things have been and how hard she fought to get out of that chair, even if it was only for a few days at a time."

"Ellis" Thatcher said knowing that she was building on her emotions.

Ellis took a deep breath trying to calm herself down. She knew that lashing ou at Susan would not fix anything, no matter how satisfying it would be.

"Now you can see why we assked your family to stay away." Ellis told him as she snatched the scans from him.

She then turned to walk towards the door. Her shoulders tense from the anger storming through her. She paused briefly to look back at the upset Thatcher and a guilty looking Susan. "I dare say i will be seeing you again." she told them as she made to exit.

She could see the shocked look on the daughters face, and knew that she understood everything.

"I have another sister?" she asked nervously.

Ellis nodded before offering a small smile. She then continued to walk past her, showing herself out.

It was oly when the door closed that Thatcher turned back to Susan "what in he hell did you do to her?" he bellowed.


	93. there's a procedure

Mark had anticipated Dereks visit. He knew that whatever he was going to say could be culminated into a "you may never walk again."

Meredith pushed herself up in the bed. She knew it wasnt a good sign that the feeling hadn't come back to her legs, and she had a feeling that it probably wont. She had already been lucky to get her legs back the first time. She doubted she could do it again.

"Things aren't looking good." Derek told them as he handed Amelia to Meredith.

Meredith nodded, anticipating his words

"Your spine has twisted." Derek told her, and your nerve has pretty much severed."

Mark reached for Merediths hand, his breath catching as he watched her with Amelia.

"So likke i said, things dont look good." Derek repeated.

Meredith sighed, in a way she didnt want to hear the rest. She got the point. She wouldn't be walking again.

"There's a procedure." Derek than said. The topic catching them completely off guard.

"It's only new and may not work. There's a trial, and so far there has only been one success." he said.

Meredith looked up at him with concern, and Mark wasnt sure if he wanted him to continue.

"The risk is that yu wont ever walk again." he told them knowing that it was the catch. Despite the possibility was quite large that her legs would never function again.

Meredith sighed. It was a big decision that needed to be discussed.

"I have the literature." he said as he placed the pile of papers on the bedside table. "Please consider it." he pleaded as he looked down at his hands. "because i dont know what else we can do. Inless i scrape away the dead cells, and hope that the nerve will make new connections."

Mark considered what Derek was saying and knew that he was hoping that they would take a risk, and go for that because then they could say that they had done everything that they could.  
"When do we need to decide?" Meredith asked as she ran a hand down Amelias back. Her free hand giving Marks hand a squeeze.

"Ed of the week. If you decide to go ahead with the trial then we wont do the procedure until after you have had the c-section." Derek answered.

Meredith closed her eyes and leaned back against the pillows. What do you thinkg Der?" she asked. "As my brother, what do you think?"

She felt Mark shift nervously before he removed his hand from hers.

"The trial will either work , or wont. Either way, its probably the best chance you've got." he said quietly. "The nerve may never form its own connections." he said honestly.

"Ok" she said as she handed over Amelia before sinking further into the bed.

"Let me know if you feel anythin." he said as he moved to the door.

"Thanksder." she sighed.

"Yer thanks." Mark grunted and ran a hand through his hair.

Meredith watched as Derek slowly made his way out of the room.

"Mark" she said quietly as she looked voer at him.

"Please Mer, just not now." he said as he looke up. His eyes were pleading with her.

"Just lay with me." Meredith said as she reached for his hand. Pulling him onto the bed beside her.

"Tell me soemthing." he said as his fingrs toyed with the hem of her top.

"Hmmm..." Meredith sighed as she tilted her head to look at him.

"as long as i've got you i will survive." she told him.

Mark nodded and leaned in to kiss her.

"Tell me something." she replied in a whisper.

"When i went for my walk today i went to the library to see what i can find." mark replied softly.

"Yeah" she sounded, hoping to encourage him to continue.

"and i read that some paraplegics describe their orgasmic sensations as an exploding balloon, because even thoug they dont necessarily feel the build up, when they hit their peak and pop, they feel as if they explode because it is so intense."

Meredith bit her lip as she focused on his. "Do you want to try it out?" she asked him, only causing Mark to shrug. He didnt want to push her into anything.

"Do you want to?" he finally asked, not sure whether he should.

"Not today" she said with a sigh, "but maybe tomorrow


	94. the only one

Meredith had been contemplating the decision all week. She still had no real idea aout what she was going to do. She had heard so many opinions but she still hadnt recieved the one that had countered. Marks.

Meredith had spent most of the week in bed, only venturing out when ever Mark or her mother were with her. She knew that things weren't going so good with her body , and with the ultrasounds she was having everyday and the scans that Derek was having. She was well and truly ready for it to be over.

Today Meredith knew that she had to make a decision. It was now or never, and all she wanted was for Mark to discuss this with her.

He sat across from her in the cafeteria, having offered to get her out of her room.

They had seem so many people in that short time so many were stopping to say hello, or give their well wished. All seemingly interested in whether she was willing to tackle the trial surgery and allow her body to go through such trauma.

Meredith had just thanked them and told them that she was undecided and Mark had frowned at all of them quite sick of having the topic thrown at them.

Meredith had waited until she was sure that they were alone before she reached for Marks hand.

He had smiled softly at her before going back to his meal.

Meredith sighed. She knew that she would have to be the one to raise the subject, and be more forward in asking him his opinion. Yet she knew how difficult that could be.

Mark looked down at his plate. He could tell that she was going to ask him the question. He knew that he had managed to side step it the whole way through the week, but that he couldnt do that anymore because it was now that it was going to count.

Meredith had managed to get out a " what do you..." before Mark answered her. His " does it matter" completely threw her. She had no idea how they were going to do this, but she knew that thex would. " You're opinion is the only one that counts." she told him as she looked down at her stomach. Her hands rubbing across it soothing the babies.

"It doesnt matter" Mark said with a sigh knowing that the comment was hurting her.

"Damn it Mark." she all but yelled as she slammed her fist against the table. All she wanted from this was an opinion. She knew that he was holding something back.

"What do you want me to say Mer?" he asked as he kept a calm voice. "That either way im going to be the one looking after you while your in recovery. That we will have twin boys who will need their mother, a mother who wont be able to walk whether she has this trial surgery or not."

Meredith looked at him in shock. " Mark" she said softly. Tears were welling in her eyes. "please"

Mark sighed as he released her hadnt and moved to stand. " Mer the odds are pretty much the same you've just got to choose the extent of the surgery."

Meredith watched Mark move around the tale towards her. Once he reached her he bent down and gave her a kiss. " i support you in whatever you choose." he told her as he rested his head against hers.

Meredith reached up and ran her hand along the stuble that lined his face.

"okay?" Mark asked her as he leaned in to kiss her again.

"okay" she sighed.

Mark knew that he didnt give her the answer that she had wanted but it was the best that he could do.


	95. you'll never know

Chilling in her room, Mark having left to go to a scheduled surgery, Meredith picked up her information and began to flick through it.

She had been reading for about 15 minutes before their was a knock at the door.

Meredith had been expecting Derek, and yet when she put down the booklet and looked up she saw a slightly familiar face.

Moving to push herself up, she looked at the person curiously.

"Did you find her Molly?" Came an uncertain voice as another girl joined the one standing in the door.

Meredith bit her lip as she tried to remember where she had seen them before because she definitely knew their faces.

"I did Lex, the nurse said its this room." the girl named Molly replied before they entered slowly under Meredith's gaze.

"Are you Meredith Grey?" asked one as she moved further into the room.

Meredith shook her head.

"Lex thats her maiden name. Her married name is Meredith Sloan." The girl named Molly advised.

"That's you right?" Molly asked.

Meredith nodded.

"Good" Meredith heard the other one breathe.

"who... who are you?" Meredith asked.

"I'm Molly" Molly spoke up, " and this is Lexie."

Meredith frowned still not sure why they were here.

" We are excited to officially meet you." Molly bubbled as Lexie moved forward and sat on the seat.

"i don't know who you are." Meredith mumbled nervously. Faces whirling through her head as she tried to match them with memories.

"Oh we are... well we are your sisters." Molly said nervously.

Meredith's face went pale. "I don't have any sisters." she told them.

"Well according to dad, your our sister." Lexie piped up. " Dad had a visist from your mom. Molly heard them."

Meredith was shocked, not only because these girls were here, but also hearing that her mother had gone to see Thatcher.

" He's not talking to our mother anymore. He's asked her to leave." Molly filled in." He told her that he had made the wrong choice years ago and that he has been paying for it for 25 years."##Meredith had no idea what they were talking about.

" We wanted to meet our sister." Lexie added.

Meredith still remained speechless. She had no idea what to say.

Noticing that Meredith still hadnt said anything in regards to that, she tried to think of something more to say.

" My dad thought it was funny when i studied your mother at medical school. She's amazing you know."

"Why thank you." a voice came modestly from the door.

Meredith looked up to see her mother coming in, of course she was accompanied by Richard.

"Alexandra, Molly, your father said that you were both coming in today." she commented.

"Dr Grey, Dr Webber." Lexie said nervously.

Molly looked worriedly between Meredith and Ellis.

Richard moved into the room and towards Meredith, stopping only to sit on the side of the bed and to take Meredith's hand.

"Daddy" she whimpered softly, causing Richard to sigh.

"Thatcher wants you to know your sisters. That is why they are here, and its up to you to decide what you want." he explained.

Meredith was still uncertain.

"It's up to you Meredith." Ellis reaffirmed.

Meredith closed her eyes, wishing she could simply walk out of the room.

"I cant" she said softly. "its too much"

Ellis looked apologetically at Lexie and Molly.

"I still need to know what to do with the surgeries. Marks not giving an opinion and Ive got to tell Der this afternoon." she explained to her mother who just nodded in understanding.

"Whats the surgery?" Lexie asked looking keen.

"Lexie has applied for entrance into the surgical program at Seattle Grace." Richard informed Meredith.

Meredith nodded, but remained quiet. She didnt know what to say.

"Is that the McIntosh trial?" Lexie asked as she pointed to the information Meredith had on the table. It was obvious that she was looking to find something that she could possibly talk to her sister about.

Meredith bit her lip and then nodded.

"wow are you still studying?" Lexie asked looking quite impressed and Ellis was shocked at how much admiration she was showing towards Meredith.

"Its my surgery" Meredith said quietly.

Lexie's eyes boggled. " What do you mean?"

Meredith pointed to her wheel chair.

"Oh" Lexie sighed , she knew the odds of such a surgery.

"Yes" Ellis said as she moved to stand by Richard. " Meredith needs to decide whether she wants to take part in the trial or if she wants to just see if the minor procedure can do the trick." Ellis added as she moved to rest her head on Richards shoulder."

"You should do it." Lexie blurted catching everyone, even herself off guard. "If it works youre set for life, barring any complications of course. If not, you'll ever know."

Meredith looked away from the girls who were claiming to be her sisters. While she was grateful for another opinion, it wasnt the one she wanted


	96. mom called

Meredith was lost in her thoughts. It felt like forever since she had seen Mark and she really wanted to talk to him about her decision as it was one that would affect the both of theM.

She had tried to con her mom into wheeling her up to atch his surgery, and yet failed miserably, especially when she had argued that it would not be one of her best ideas as it was unpredictable on Marks schedule whether he would get paged or not. That was why now, she stayed watching the clock. She had pleaded with Derek to give her another night.

Now, staring at the clock Meredith knew that Mark would be finishedwork soon and then he would come down and join her. She also knew that he had the day off tomorrow, and usually that would mean things for them, but since the incident, she now wasnt so sure.

Meredith grew ancious as she realised it was ast 7. Normally if he was going to be late he would page someone to tell her, or would just send a text message.

Merediths thoughts slowly began to consume her. She hated that her hormones were making her an emotional wreck. Its not something she was enjoying. She worried that she had nagged him for an opinion earlier, and now he needed time away from her, or had even finally decided that all of this was too hard for him. She hated thinking lke this, but she just couldnt stop.

She didnt notice him, and that was the first thing Mark had noticed as he closed his phone and entered the room.

He could see her small clock in her hands and he knew tha she had been waiting for him. He also knew that she would be insecure, with everything that had been going on, she was bound to be.

Putting his phone into his pocket, he moved further into the room, he put his jacket down on the couch as he went.

When he reached Meredith he took the clock out of her hands and set it down on the bedside table.

Meredith briefly looked up at him before turning on her side, pullingher legs acros to free up a space beside her.

"Mom called" Mark told her, "she wantsto fly out and help when the babies come." he added.

Meredith nodded, but didnt say anything.

Mark moved to lay donw besid Meredith, wrapping his arms aroud her.

"I told her that i would need to talk to you about it first." he told her.

Meredith sighed and shimmied further back into his arms.

"What do you think?" he asked as he hand moved to stroke her belly. He could feel the boys moving under his touch.

Meredith didnt know what to say in regards to that as she already had so much going on in her head.

"I've decided to have to surgery." she told him. "if im going to be stuck in a wheel chair for the rest of my life, then i want to know that we've tried everything."

Mark remained silent. She had not answerred his question, but had in fact blurted out her decision. is head was rattled. What should he say to her.

"Sloan" Meredith said quietly.

"I'll let mom know that we need her then." he said quietly. He snuggled closer to her, not saying anything more.

Meredith sighed as she closed her eyes and just enjoyed his embrace because the void needed to be filled somehow.


	97. my mia

Amelia curled further into her mother as she moved to suckle on her breast.

"I hope you dont mind." Addie said as she rubbed her babies back. "I can do this elsewhere.

Meredith rolled her eyes as she looked around the room. "Its a natural thin, besides it got Mark to leave."

Addie sighed. She could tell that there was something going on with her psuedo sister, but knew that she would tell her in her own time.

Silence filled the room and the suckling noise escaping baby Amelia faded out.

Meredith shifted in her bed, she really needed to pee, and she didnt want the catheter that Derek kept insisting on.

She didnt want to be reduced to that again, it was bad enough the first time. Besides she had learnt to tell when her body was full, and she also knew that getting this far into the pregnancy she was going to need to go more often.

Trying to ignore that Addie was still there, she reached for the button to call a nurse. She knew that the light would go on above her head, but hoped that Addie wouldnt notice.

Sure enough moments pass, and a flustered nurse named Betty came in. "You paged Dr Sloan?" betty said as she approached Merediths bed.

Meredith nodded and didnt look at Addie.

"You paged a nurse?" Addie asked as she moved to stand, keeping Amelia to her breast

"I need my chair, and my mia is feeding." Meredith said simply as she gestured to her.

"Chair please." Meredith said as she turned to Betty.

"Mer" Addie said looking flustered as Amlia pulled away from her breast and gave a little cry.

"Need to pee" Meredith told her as she shifted into her chair. "Burp mia, i will be back."

Addie rolled her eyes as she then straighened her blouse, moving Amelia to her shoulder.

Meredith winked at Betty before wheeling herself to the bathroom.

"You can go now." Meredith heard Addie say.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and then let out a sigh. It seemed there would be no avoiding the talk


	98. and if she rejects it?

Derek spotted Mark sitting on a park bench just outisde the hospital. It was a rarity to see him sitting out there alone, especially with Meredith being in the hospital.

As Dererk moved towards Mark he noticed that there was a pensive look onhis brothers face. He couldn't help but be worried about it.

Knowing that his brother wouldnt normally leave his wifes side, especially during his days off, he had to wonder if Mark and her had either had a fight, or whether there was something bothering him that he couldnt talk to her about.

As he reached him Mark looked up at him briefly before looking back across the carpark.

Derek sat down, not saying anything and just allowing the to pass quietly until Mark was ready to talk.

"When you do the implant, how long will it take until we know whether it has worked?" Mark asked.

Derek closed his eyes, it seemed as though Meredith had finally reached a decision.

"It could be from the moment she wakes up, it depends on how long it takes for her body to adapt to it." Derek said hating that there was no other way to discuss this.

"And if she rejects it?" Mark asked knowing that it was a huge risk.

Derek turned to look at Mark. "If her body rejects it then we remove it and complete the clipping procedure." he tells him.

Mark nods before running a hand through his hair. "Moms coming." he said in a worried voice.

"I've heard." Derek replied. He moved to put a hand on his brothers shoulder. "Mark is there anything you need me to do?" he asked, unable to hide the concern from his voice.

"Just make sure you do this right." Mark replied groughly before standing. "I've got to get back."

Derek sighed as he watched as his brother began to walk away.

"Mark" he suddenly called, resulting with Mark pausing, but not turning to face him. "I'll do everything i can, i'll even fly the consult in that we need."

Mark nodded to say that he had heard him but then continued on. All Derek could do was hope that he truly could pull this off.


	99. i cant imagine

Meredith wheeled herself back out of the bathroom, braking next to her bed so she could scramble back into it.

Addie sat quietly, watching her every move. She hd put Amelia down to nap, and had waited for Meredith knowing that she would probably take her time.

The void seemed larger as Addie studied Meredith, who now had a medical journal open in front of her. It was obvious that she was pretending to read. The biggest give away was the fact that Addie could clearly see that the journal was upside down.

Moving from her seat by Amelias pram, she made way over to Merediths bed before taking a sat on the edge. She then removed the magazine from Merediths hands and looked at her. There were tears building up in her eyes.

"Oh Mer" Addie sighed as she moved forward and carefully pulled her into a hug.

"I... we... i cant do this." she cried as she clung to Addie. "Im so close... and... i dont want to do this anymore."

Addie held onto Meredith tight as she tried hard to soothe her.

Merediths body was wracked with the pain that she had been trying so hard to hide. "Its... its not supposed to be like this." she cried and Addie felt her heart break a little.

Addie continued to hold Meredith until she finally settled.

Meredith pulled away from Addie and wiped the tears from her eyes. "I'm okay." she finally sighed.

Addie smiled at her softly knowing very well that she truly wasnt. "Do you want to talk to someone abot this?"

Meredith shook her head. "I've got someone ." she said quietly.

"Who Mer, i can page them." Addie said, even though she was kind of hoping that it was her. After all, they had lived together for a year.

"She's got me." Mark murmured as he walked into the room. "If she's upset she can talk to me."

Addie nodded having guessed that he had witnessed Merediths break down.

Mark moved to sit down on the bed opposite Addie. He did not know what he should say or do, but figured he should do something.

Reaching for Merediths hand he linked his fingers with hers.

"I've got it from here." Mark told Addie.

Addie noddd knowing that he wanted to talk to her about what he had witnessed. She stood before giving Merediths hand a squeeze. "Page me if you need me." she murmured.

Meredith forced a smile.

"She wont need to." Mark grumbled and Addie left with a sigh.

Mark then climbed onto the bed and laid facing Meredith. He shifted his hand up to wipe the tears from her eyes. He then leaned forward to give her a soft kiss.

Meredith remained quiet, just glad that he was back, and she was in is arms again.

"You're right Mer." he said as he pulled her close to him. "It's not supposed to go like this."

Meredith grabbed hold of his shirt and pulled him closer still, she didnt want to let him go.

"Markie" Meredith murmured as she rested her head against his.

"Hmmmm" he sounded as he didnt know what she was going to say.

"Would you still want me even when i cant walk?"

Mark moved his head back to look at her, and truly took in the look on her face.

"I cant imagine never wanting you." he told her, and hated that she was feeling as insecure about everything like him.


	100. i cant describe it

The weeks slowly rolled by, and the uncertainty about the decisions made still had the pair feeling insecure. Mamma Shepherd had arrived the previous week. She had surprisingly been accompanied by Nancy and Tasman. It seemed that Nancy had decided that she was going to be the extra pair of hands that Addie may need in the O.R.

Meredith had noticed how Marks surgeries had dwindled and that he seemed to have taken more of an administrative role. He would seldom be in his office though as he had decided that he would bring his laptop to Meredith's room and use it as his new base. Nobody asked any questions, certainly not Richard who was relieved that the paper work he had been waiting on for months was finally being completed and that included the budget notes for the months ahead.

What people didn't realise was that Mark was in full preparation to take his paternity leave which was a new thing for men within the working environment, especially for the hospital. Mark also knew that he would be extending his leave past the allocated 3 months, and therefore he needed his department to run smoothly in his absence.

Whilst plodding away on his computer he had worked on a suitable timeline that estimated that he would be absent for at least 6 months. Meredith's surgery was going to me a matter of weeks after her caesarean as they wanted her body to heal. He knew that after the surgery things were going to be blurry. They would first need to wait and see if the procedure had worked before they could determine where they would go from there. Mark knew that if the surgery was successful then Meredith would have to undergo some physical therapy, and would more than likely need a walker – at least to start off with. If the surgery wasn't successful he had no idea what would happen. He could only assume that they would remove the device and clean up her spine, leaving Meredith to a life in a wheel chair, which had been the only option they originally had.

Meredith had spent a few days snuggled up to Tasman talking to him, or reading him stories. She tried to make the most of his presence and even though she knew he had very little understanding of what was going on he always managed to make her smile. She too had been mentally preparing herself for the great unknown as she had not other idea on how to handle the situation.

Lexie and Molly had been back a few times since the first time they had came to her room. Thatcher had come once but it had truly been awkward between the two of them and Meredith had no idea how to change that. She considered Richard her father and had no comprehension on how her biological one was supposed to fit in her life too.

Ellis and Mamma had made a point of having everything ready for Mark who would be home with the boys before Meredith would be able to leave the hospital. They knew that this was going to be hard on their little family and yet they believed that they would rise to the challenge like they had done to previous ones.

Richard, like Mark, seemed o have begun working out of Meredith's room. He was petrified for his baby girl. He knew all of the complications that could arise and yet all he could do was call on his faith that everything would go off without a hitch.

Derek and Addie had both slowly distanced themselves from Mark and Meredith as they struggled to deal with the emotions tied to their future surgeries. Addie had called Nancy to come assist having wanted the touch of support in the OR as she knew she would need it, especially with the extraction of the twins. And Derek, well Derek had been practicing his procedure every spare moment he had for the past month. The closer to the surgery he got, the more frustrated he became. He could believe that he was going to do such a new procedure on his sister in law. The low success rate was killing him and he couldn't help but worry that this would be one of the biggest mistakes, not only of his career, but also of his life.

Bailey had been quite the observer during this time and she had seemingly mastered the art. She had occasionally intervened with such cases as Derek's to help restore his faith, which had since earned her a position on his team for the surgery.

Now, well we pick up a day before the scheduled c-section. Mark is working on his laptop while Richard is signing off on the paperwork he had been receiving. Meredith had been listening to her iPod since Nancy had come and collected Tasman and Mamma to take them to go have lunch. Meredith's hand was rested on her stomach, rubbing it gently. She had been feeling strange all morning and could only hope that it would settle down soon.

Mark looked up and smiled at her before moving to talk to Richard. "So when I come back I want to be more of an admin dude again, you know, cleans up the paper work, only tackling some of the bigger cases. Is that cool dad?" he asked.

Richard looked up from his paper work and gave a nod. "We will try to work it the best we can, especially of Mer is back by then."

Mark gave a small nod before putting his laptop down. He had had enough of working.

Richard returned to working and Mark moved to sit on the edge of Meredith's bed, unplugging her earphones so he could talk to her.

She opened her eyes slowly to look at him.

"How are you feeling?" Mark asked as he leaned in and gave her a small kiss.

"A little funny." She told him honestly.

Mark frowned slightly. "The boys kicking?" he asked.

Meredith shook her head. "I can't describe it" she murmured.

Mark didn't feel so good on hearing that and moved to pull back the blankets so he could run his hand over her bare stomach. On doing so he found that the sheets around Meredith were soaked. "Fuck" he cursed as he hit the emergency button and paged Addie.

"What's going on?" Richard asked with a sense of alarm as he quickly moved from his spot at the table.

Meredith was struggling to see what was going on. "What?" she asked as she looked up at Marks worried face.

"Her water broke, your water broke." Mark said in a panic, as Addie came running into the room.

"We need to get her to an OR now!" she ordered.


	101. we'll go be with them

The OR was crowded. That was one thing that Addie was certain about. Nancy stood back waiting to be callef uon. Mark stood positioned above Merdiths head. His hand running over Merediths hair, as he talked to her softly, telling her to keep her eyes on him.

Ellis stood to her left. She held her hadn. She could only imagine how scary this could be for Meredith. Occassionally she would give Merediths hand a squeeze to reming her that she was there.

Richard stood with his arms wrapped aorund Ellis. He was going to be holding her right hand, but on seeing the full OR he was concerned about space.

"She's got this." Richard said quietly as he felt Ellis rest back against his chest.

"I know" Ellis had murmured before looking briefly up at him.

Addie shifted nervously as she made her first cut. She began talking Meredith through the procedure. She knew that Meredith already knew what she was doing but it was keeping her own nerves down.

"Nance" Addie called and felt the people in the room shift as they let her through.

Addie lifted Baby A out and cut the unbilical cord. She then handed him to Nancy to go clean him up.

Addie then returned to slowly lifting out Baby b. "They're beautiful Mer." she murmured and looked up at her with tears in her eyes.

Ellis looked up at Richad who wanted to drop a kiss to her lips.

Mark was yet to say anything as he watched them continure to work on Meredith.

Nancy and the midwife then brought the two beatuful boys over to Meredith and Mark. Marks breath caught in his throat. He cant believe they're here after everything that they have been through.

Meredith couldnt take her eyes off of her boys Their tiny cried filling her heart.

"Can you take them to the NICU?" Addie asked. "We just need to examine them Mer." Addie reassured . "We'll get you cleaned up and then you can be with your boys."

Meredith looked nervously at her parents.

"Daddy" she said softly.

"Ok" he murmured . "We'll go be wih them." Richard told her as he stepped forward, removing his mask so he can press a kiss to her forehead. He was followed by Ellis.

Mark still couldnt believe that they were here already. He watched as they wheeled them out.

"Shit" Mark heard Addie cry and the next thing he knew the machines were all going off. "She's heamoraging. Get Mark out of here."


	102. do you think she knew?

Mark stood at the window looking into the nursery. He could see his baby boys in their little cribs next to each other. He knew tat so far they were labelled as Baby Sloan A and Baby Sloan B, but he didnt have it in him to fix that. He couldnt do it. Not without her.

Closing his eyes he took a deep breath and his body shook with the trauma that was bottled up within him.

He didnt look up when he felt someone come stand beside him.

"Mark" Ellis's worried voice came from beside him.

"Do you think she knew?" Mark asked.

Ellis looked at him in confussion as first. "That she was going to heamorage?" she clarified.

Mark nodded. "she sent you and dad from the room."

Ellis paused and thought about what he was saying. "she could never have known."she finally answered. "she just didnt want to boys to be alone." she added.

Mark stood there quietly as Ellis raised her hand and rested it on his shoulder. She hated to see him so beaten up, although he seemed to be holding himself together quite well.

"Mark" Ellis said quietly. She was about to continue when Richard came running up.

"She's awake." he said through his heavy breathing. "Merediths awake"

Before anyone could add anything Mark had taken off towards his wife .

"She wants to see the boys." Richard added with a big smile as he pulled Ellis to him and gave her a big kiss. "our baby girl is okay."he told her as he pulled back.

"Our baby girl is awake." she said with a smile as the tears were welling in her eyes. "she's awake."


	103. thank god they're here

Meredith looked around the room. The seemingly empty room, which is exactly how she felt. Empty. Her stomach felt flat,the flubber from the babies still present. It had been expected, but it still didnt take the empty feeling away, especially noticing that there was nothing there.

Everything was still a blur. She could rememebr Addie taking her through the c-section, and the babies cries, but after nothing.

Tears came to her eyes. She couldn't believe how fuzzy things were. She knew something had gone wrong, but she didnt know what.

"Thank God." he had heard a puffed voice exclaim from the door.

Wiping the tears from her eyes she turned to see Mark moving into the room.

"Thank God, thank god, thank god." he murmured as he reached her and climbed onto the bed wrapping his arms around her.

Meredith clung to him, too scared to let go.

"I almost lost you." Mark murmured as he let out a sob of relief.

Mark had tears runnin down her cheeks, but she didnt understand what he had meant by what he said, she could only imagine.

........

Richard ran a hand through his hair; he had trouble explaining to Ellis about Meredith's blank expression. It had been as if she was lost in the dark and it had scared him. He was so relieved that she was awake though and that she had asked to see the babies, so relieved that he chose not to dwell on the fact.

Now as he and Ellis wheeled the capsules down the hall, he could only hope that bringing the babies to her would definitely be what she needed.

Stopping at the door they nervously peered in. Ellis hated seeing her daughter looking so fragile, especially when she had been a force of nature growing up.

Richard knocked on the door, hoping to get their attention, yet hating himself for destroying their moment. Neither of them moved from their position as the emotions coursing through them was still strong.

"We have some people you might like to see." Richard said as he slowly began to move into the room.

"Dont want." Mark said as he tried to hide that he had been crying.

"These are two pretty special boys." Richard said as he looked down at his grandchildren.

"What?" Mark asked as he turned slightly to look at Richard.

"We thought you'd like to see them." Ellis said as she wheeled them further into the room.

"Mer babies." Mark said as he looked down at her

"What?" she asked as she tried to wipe away her tears.

"They're here." Mark said , a small smile gracing his face.

"My babies?" Meredith asked as her face changed to one of wonder and awe.

Mark nodded as he moved to wipe the tears from his own eyes.

Meredith began moving to sit up, and Mark worried that she was going to tear her stitches.

"Take it easy." He murmured as he moved back slightly.

"I just... they're here." She said again as Ellis moved forward with one of the boys in her arms.

Mark carefully accepted the baby and made sure that he could lay between them.

Meredith had tears welling in her eyes again, as she couldn't believe that they were finally here.

Richard stepped up with the other baby boy .

Mark laid him down next to his brother.

Meredith looked down in awe at her boys.

Richard moved to wrap his arms around Ellis who was happy to lean into them.

Mark carefully leaned over them to kiss Meredith who was still looking down at them. "They're here." She said quietly. "They made it."


	104. i be big brother?

Meredith still couldnt believe that her boys were here, even after a week of feedings, and little hugs in her constantly crowded hospiatl room. She knew tha soon she would be made to move out of that room and into another vip room, and that the babies would be going home, along with Mark and Mama Shepherd. But she really didnt want to think about that.

She didnt want to thnk about the lonely nights to come, and the fact that it wouldnt be her waking to the cries of her baby boys. She didnt want that, so all she wanted to do was ignore the fact.

She wanted to think about the surgery to come because at the moment it was scheduled for two weeks and it seemed so far away. And so, with every mention of what was to come, she snapped and withdrew her self furhter and further away from those around her. That was of course for the exception of Tasman who only wanted to talk about his baby cousins.

"and when Auntie Addie took the photo of them mia chucked her hat." Tasman told her. "See it looks like mac lost his hat and that he wears pink." he informed.

Meredith smiled as she looked at the card her family had made to announce the birth of the boys.

"Hey auntie Mer." Tasman said as he moved slightly and looked over at the babies.

"Yes Tas?" she asked as she loosened her grip on him. "Is michael their big brother?" he asked.

Meredith looked at him i shock first. "Yeah" she replied softly.

"But he's not here." Tas said as he looked at the babies in a fixed gaze.

"No tas he's not." she said with a small sigh.

"I be big brother than?" Tas asked as he then turned to look at Meredith. His eyes were wide with hope.

"They're your cousins tas." Meredith told him.

"Yeah, but big brothers are sposed to keep little brothersout of trouble and help them sometimes and Michaels not here." Tas said wisely. "Thats what auntie kath said."

"Oh" Meredth said quietly as she looked down at her nephew who had the really sweet and innocent look on his face. "you want to help michael?" she asked him.

"I be big brother." he said with a smile.

Meredith giggled softly and shook her head. "Not quite." she told him, "but you can do all the things that Michael cant do with them."

"Like what?" he asked as he climbed out of her arms and crawled down to the end of the bed to get a closer look at the baby boys.

Meredith had to think carefully. "Like teach them how to make snowmen and play with them." she winged.

"Cool" Tasman replied as he crawled back up the bed.

Meredith pulled her nephew close and gave him a kiss. She knew that he really wanted his own little brothers but he was nancies last.


	105. we love u

The day for the babies to go home finally came and it truly hot hard. Mark was in a bigger mess then Meredith though because he just didnt know where he should be. He knew that the boys needed him home, and that it was going to take a lot to look after them, but at least his mom was going to be there to help. Then there was the fact that Meredith was going to be having surgery soon and therefore couldnt leave the hospital. He didnt want to leave without her, and yet he knew it wasn't really an option. He didnt want to be spending his nights alone, and he didnt think Meredith should either. It didnt matter how much Ricahrd reassured him, he knew that things and the situation, definitel wasnt okay.

Now as Mark stood looking down at his sons in their carriers, he knew he didnt really have a choice. The boys had been discharged, and there was no extra loop holes that he would be able to find to prolong their stay.

Elijah has been watching hi carefully, while Mac had been sleeping. Mark had felt unnerved by this despite everything, as if his son could see what was going on inside of him.

"Dont forget to bring the breast pump back in." Meredith told him, her voice laced with sadness and concern. "At least i can feed them during the day." she thought.

Mark nodded sadly as he then looked around the room. "Do you want me to bring anything else?" he asked.

"Yourself." Meredith replied, no longer able to hide the tears in her eyes.

Mark couldnt bring his eyes up to meet Merediths. This whole things was killing him. "You know we'll be here as much as we can." he told her.

Meredith nodded as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"You guys ready?" Mamma Shepherd asked as she moved into the room.

Mark let out a big sigh. He wished he could stay in the hospital with her, but he knew that his boys needed him. If only he could split himself in half.

"I love you mer." Mark said softly as he moved to iss her now tear stained cheek.

Meredith pulled away slightly knowing that he was going home wihtout her.

"I'll be back in the morning." he promised and she nodded slightly

Marks head dropped as he again looked down at the baby boys, the same two baby boys that Meredith hadnt really looked at now that they were going home.

"We love you." Mark said in a soft voice as he moved towards the door.

Mamma Shepherd was waiting for him there.

"Mark" Meredith says. "I love you guys too." she murmured and he gave her a small nod before continuing out the door.

"There goes my life." Meredith thought, not knowing how exactly they were going to get through this.


	106. ama forms

"I asked for some forms, not for you to call in the chief of Surgery." Meredith snapped as she threw the closest thing she could get her hands on at George. Which, unfortunately for him, was a jug of water.

"Meredith" George gasped as the water hit him.

"I asked for AMA forms George, not for my dad." she cursed.

George looks petrified by Meredith and quickly leaves the room, knowing that Richard is there.

"Meredith" Richard said softly as he picked up the plastic jug and sat it down on the table. "I know you want to go home, but you cant." he told ehr.

Meredith looked away from him.

"Mer, Merry, Tink." Richard continued with a sigh as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "I know you want to go home, but you cant." he spoke softly moving a hand to run up and down her back.

"You would be no good to the boys at home." he continued. "You cant pick them up, you cant go to them."

Meredith curled away from him, pulling her knees to her chest. "My boys" she choked out.

"They need you getting better." Richard told her.

"Not right" she managed to get out. Her body shaking now with emotion.

"There's nothing right about it." Richard murmured.

Ellis came quickly into the room, her feet slipping on the water, but somehow she managed to stay standing. "Whats wrong, i was paged." she said looking flushed.

Richard barely looked at her befor elooking back at Meredith.

"Took your time" Richard grumbled before moving off of the bed. "Take care of her. I've got workk to do."

Ellis sighed. She could see the pained look on Richards face and could see that he wasnt mad at her.

"I've got this." she told him as she moved to her daughters bedside and took his place.


	107. say it again

That day hadnt been the only down day for Meredith. After every visit from Mark and the boys during the two week leading up to the surgery, Ellis had to sit with her, calm her and remind her that she really needed to be there in the hospital.

No one had told Mark about the issue. They could see the pain on his face everytime he left. The boys would cry too, feeling the heavy emotion in the room.

Now as Mark stood in her room, this time he didnt intend on leaving her there.

Mamma Shep had the boys. She had just taken them from the room. She was going to give Mark and Meredith some time together before they came to wheel her away.

"Say it again." Meredith murmured as a tear ran down her cheek.

"I'll be there with you babe." he told her as he rested his head against hers.

"Not that" she murmured as her hands reached up to grip his face, effectively holding him there.

"The outcome doesnt matter as long as i have you." Mark said as he leaned in and kissed her.

"Not that" she murmured as his hand wiped her tear away.

"I love you Sloan, Forever." he murmured as another tear fell.

"Oh god" Meredith cried as she let out a sob.

Mark pulled back slightly, running a hand down the side of her face. "Its going to be ok." he told her before leaning in to kiss her again. "I'm going to be right there in the gallery the whole time." he promised. "Your dad wont be able to keep me away."

Meredith clung to Mark the best that she could, holding him as if it could be her last.

"We're ready." Bailey commented, hating that she had to seperate the two.

Mark nodded, but still didnt let go of her hand.

"You can walk with her." Bailey offered, not wanting to force them apart just yet.

...................

.........................

The walk had gone too fast for Mark and as Bailey gestured that he had come to the end of the line he didnt want to let go of her hand.

"Mark" Bailey said softly, not wanting to prolong this but knowing that this must be hard.

"I love her." he said as he looked up at her, tears welling in his eyes.

"I know" Bailey said as she watched him battle to keep his emotions under control.

"We'll bring her back." Bailey promised knowing that she shouldnt. "She'll be fine."

Mark leaned down and kissed Meredith softly. "Come back to me" he said quietly before wiping the tears from his eyes. "Promise me Sloan."

Meredith looked up at him trying to keep her composure. "Wait for me" she murmured.

Mark then squeezed er hand before letting Bailey wheel her into the OR.

His heart aching with the distance.


	108. dont ask me

Derek threw his scrub cap down, he then moved to rip his mask off and his hands braced the sink.

His body shook with emotion, a combination of frustration and relief. Relief that the surgery was now over and frustration because the waiting game had now begun. Everything now was only a matter of time, but he hadnt done this procedure before, and even though he had recieved video guidance, there was a lot he didnt know.

Bailey walked in behind him, resting against the wall for a moment before moving to scrub out.

"You've pushed yourself hard." she told him after a moment. "If there's anything you can tell yourself right now its that you were prepared and you fought hard."

Derek tilts his head to look at her. He chews his lip and shakes his head at her. He then proceeds to scrub out before walking away leaving Bailey behind.

Mark had watched as much of the surgery that he could handle but he also knew that he couldnt stay. No matter how much he wanted to be there for her, he knew that the boys would need him soon.

He had left to find them in Richards office along with Ellis, Richard and Mamma. He didnt have to speak for them to know that there had been complications. He had simply walked in and sat down after taking the photo of Meredith off of Richards desk.

No one had said anything. The babies were sleeping while the adults were frozen in waiting.

Addie met Derek in the elevator. She had been up to Richards office and had left Amelia there with the others. She had known that no matter what the outcome was that Derek would be exhausted that he would need her, even if it was to hold him.

He couldnt form a smile as he moved on to the elevator. There were traces of tears on his face.

"You did good." Addie murmured as he fell into her arms, a sob escaping him.

"Never, never again." He told her as he clung to her. "I can't, not, cant"

Addie held him tight knowing that if the procedure didnt work that he just might need to go back in again.

"It's okay." Addie murmured, still trying to calm him. "You did good."

"Dont ask me to do that again." his words reverberated off the walls of the office as everyone stood in silence. The weight of Dereks words hanging in the air. "Dont ever ask me to take a scalpel to my friend, no my sister, ever again. I wont do it." he told them. "I cant, I'm done."


	109. 25 years later

Meredith wakes and stretches out. She looks to her husband who is tangled up in the sheets and she smiles. Last nights romp session had really been explosive.

Leaning over Meredith bites down on his chest before blowing cool soothing air over it.

She heard him groan slightly and went to repeat her actions when his strong arms encircled her.

"You think you are so smart." he murmurs as he captures her and rolls her over.

Meredith giggles slightly and then feels his warm lips come down and capture hers.

She runs her hands through his slowly greying hair as she deepens the kiss.

Finally out of breath, Mark pulls back and looks at his wife. "Today's a big day." he told her as he ran a hand down her cheek.

Meredith smiled softly as she leant into his touch. "First day." she murmured as she pulled him down for another kiss.

Mark them pulled back, and pushes back the covers, exposing himself and all of his morning glory.

Meredith went to reach for it but Mark simply slapped her hand away. "You have to get up." he told her as he moved to get out of bed and walked around to Merediths side, Moving quick to scoop her up.

"What are you doing?" she asked as he carried her to the shower.

Mark just grinned as he held her tight.

She watched as he somehow managed to support her body and turn the water to the right temperature, she was never surprised by his physical strength.

"Morning shower sex?" she asked, hopeful and Mark stepped under the spray with her, before allowing her body to impale itself on his rigid member.

A moan escaped Meredith as Mark pressed her up against the shower wall, pumping her slowly at first, then vigorously in efforts to bring forth their peaks.

Fighting to catch their breaths as their bodies came down from their orgasm Meredith smiled as she rested her head against his chest. "You've still got it old man." she murmurs and he chuckles heartily.

"Always." he said quietly as he pulls out of her and turns to lower her to her shower seat.

Meredith feels the absence immediately, and its very rare for her to crave his contact like this, so she pulls on his his hand and draws him back towards her.

"What?" he asks warily from his spot by the shower door.

"Bathe me." she asks and Mark can see the hope in her eyes, and he nods, moving back towards her.

"What time do you have to give your speech?" he asks.

Meredith closes her eyes when she feels his hands caressing her shoulders. "7" she murmurs and Mark smiled down at her knowing that today was going to be a big day for her, and ultimately for them.


	110. you are not alone

Wheeling into the hospital, Mark stood close by her side. A lot had changed in the past 15 years or so, but definitely in the last 25 years. Both Richard and Ellis had retired, with Bailey having been given the Chief position. That was before she had gotten cancer. At that time the call had then been put out for a new chief, but it had seemed that the board was just not satisfied. As it was, Mark had refused the position having wanted to spend time with his family and Derek, on taking the position buried himself that far into his work that if Addie hadnt packed up and fled to LA, he wouldnt have realised just how little time he had been spending at home with his family.

Now as Meredith moves towards the elevator on her first day as Chief, she knew that it wasnt only a big day for herself, but also for her family.

Mark had been content with the progression, knowing that this was in itself a historical moment. Meredith had proven to people around her that any disability could be overcome, that family was more important than work and that you can achieve anything that you set your mind to.

He had been worried all those years ago when the surgery had worked that she would be unstoppable, especially when she had regained full function of her legs, and magazines printed her success story. She had been in the lime light for a while, but when, not even a year later, the implant stopped working and Richard had to operate and remove it, things changed again. Derek had been crushed and yet Meredith and Mark had both realised that it wasnt the transportation that mattered so much, but that it was how we embraced life that they both continues on with her being quite happy to remain in the wheel chair.

The boys had grown up fast, and neither of them questioned the chair as it was a part of the life that they were used to.

During their time, Meredith and Mark had attended everyone of their sporting events and when their daughter Chelsea had came along, their surprise baby had not bothered them.

Life had gone well for them so far, the bumps in the road, just pauses in traffic.

Meredith looked up and smiled at Mark as he reached for her hand.

"You nervous?" he asked as he winked.

"Nope" she said as she scrunched up her nose. "Chelsea's at school, Elijah and Mac should be on their way or here, and you are right where i need you. I'm not nervous Markie, because i am not alone.' she told him as she pulled on his hand, wanting to kiss him.

"No Mer." he said softly as he leaned down to capture her lips. "You are not alone."

**_Shes searching for no one (but herself)  
Her eyes turn to green and she seems to be happy that she is here  
And this time I think you'll know_**

**_You're not alone  
There is more to this I know  
You can make it out  
You will live to tell_**

**_a/n thanks everyone for reading. this is where this fic ends, and sometime soon i hope to post the sequel "turning point"  
_**


End file.
